Poll of the Day > How do I ask my best friend out? Do I even ask her out at all?

(+) Yeah! (+)

We've been friends for 15 years, I dont know how I just ask her out, I mean is it just as simple as Can I take you out on a date?. Weve been friends for so long I feel like it would be opening up a big ol can of worms that she really would not want to get into at this stage e.g. different cultures so her parents wouldnt approve, also I feel like I would be betraying the friendship by admitting I have feelings for her.

Shes Asian so the culture thing is a big deal, I feel like shed be disappointed if I told her how I feel because of all people I should just know that she has to be with somebody from her own culture. Im certain she finds me at least relatively attractive, but I know Im not actually her type so thats one worry. Maybe she wants to hold out for somebody who ticks all the boxes.

I dont really want to just sit on my feelings either and not ask her out or hope they just fade away because Ive hung out with her 2-3 times a week for the past three weeks and really enjoyed it, I just want it to carry on. I already feel guilty enough that shes been at my house a few times over the last few weeks and weve cuddled up on my couch, maybe she wouldnt have allowed herself to get that close if she knew how I felt.

Im kind of losing my mind here. Do I even pursue this at all?

If you've been friends for fifteen years, it's possible she has some feelings for you too. Fifteen years is a long time to know another person and it would be completely natural and even expected for two people that've been friends for that long to be romantically-interested in each other.

The best thing you can do is just tell her. Be honest. Don't be vague. Just tell her how you feel. Worst case, she doesn't feel the same way you do, but still wants to be friends. At least you'll know you took the shot.

First I whip it out, then I thrust it, with great force. Every angle, it penetrates. Until, with great strength, I ram it in. In the end, we're all satisfied.

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I could give you some advice. However, if I tell you something, do the exact opposite.

WastelandCowboy posted...

The best thing you can do is just tell her. Be honest. Don't be vague. Just tell her how you feel.

Yeah this is probably better than just sitting on my feelings and waiting for them to fade.

I feel like shes gonna wonder if Ive only been inviting her over to my place the last few weeks because I have feelings for her, or am I just overthinking this now?

RusselEastbrook posted...

I feel like shes gonna wonder if Ive only been inviting her over to my place the last few weeks because I have feelings for her, or am I just overthinking this now?

Nah. She'll think you just wanted to fuck.


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both single? go ahead and ask

a no is better than wondering later what the answer would have been. just make sure to leave it at that after the no, don't get weird or pushy or anything <_<

What's more important to you; getting your willy wet, or having her as a friend?

If you ask her out and she says yes, great. Awesome. Best possible scenario. Hopefully you can make the relationship work and, if not, maybe you can be one of those incredibly rare couples that can remain friends. If she says no, your relationship will never be the same.

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DocDelicious posted...

What's more important to you; getting your willy wet, or having her as a friend?

The possible sex obviously. This is probably why I have no friends. Feels bad man.

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Ask her if she wants to grab a coffee (depending on whats open in your area), sit and start talking

.. maybe even dinner with a drink or 2

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JixHedgehog posted...

Ask her if she wants to grab a coffee (depending on whats open in your area), sit and start talking

.. maybe even dinner with a drink or 2

Yes, best friend, why is there a problem? "Hey, do you want to go (to lunch, hang gliding, to the beach, for a beer, to the drive-in, parachute jumping, to a Kung Fu class, to Mexico, cliff climbing, play golf, you name it....)

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You should probably explicitly use the word "date." Otherwise, she may get the wrong idea and think you two were just hanging per usual.

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RusselEastbrook posted...

Shes Asian so the culture thing is a big deal, I feel like shed be disappointed if I told her how I feel because of all people I should just know that she has to be with somebody from her own culture.

Are you sure its a big deal. I have an Asian friend, and shes mostly dated white guys. Her family hasnt seemed to care much about it...

DocDelicious posted...

maybe you can be one of those incredibly rare couples that can remain friends.

Is it really that rare? I know many ex-couples that remain friends...
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Honestly the moment you developed the feelings the relationship wasn't going to be the same again. At this point you might as well tell her instead of sitting on it for a long time and letting it eat at you.

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LinkPizza posted...

Is it really that rare? I know many ex-couples that remain friends...

I don't know any that have truly remained friends. They'll keep in touch, sure. Check in on eachother, and all that, but they're not friends.

The few couples that I've known that even tried to maintain a friendship after a break-up, ended up falling out of touch once they got into another relationship.
They've all told me in hindsight they were just hanging on to their ex as a "Plan B", and I think that's incredibly common. More than that I think people tend to use their ex as an emotional parachute, if you will, without even realizing it. Like ripping off a band-aid, except they do it so slowly there is no pain.

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Ask her if she has romantic feelings for you.

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DocDelicious posted...

I don't know any that have truly remained friends. They'll keep in touch, sure. Check in on eachother, and all that, but they're not friends.

The few couples that I've known that even tried to maintain a friendship after a break-up, ended up falling out of touch once they got into another relationship.
They've all told me in hindsight they were just hanging on to their ex as a "Plan B", and I think that's incredibly common. More than that I think people tend to use their ex as an emotional parachute, if you will, without even realizing it. Like ripping off a band-aid, except they do it so slowly there is no pain.

Maybe some. I know quite a few among my friends. And we'll hang out in groups and stuff and it's not awkward. Even my mom is close to her ex-husband. He comes to family functions and plays cards with my grandma and cousins. Haha.
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Just ask her. She'll either say yes or nor but if you ask at least you'll know.

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if you've been friends for 15 years, you should both be mature enough not to think about that teen nonsense

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What is the real difference man? I get that you find her attractive, but seriously, she's already cuddling with you and stuff, I wouldn't push it, just let things happen casually, be open with your feelings but you don't have to put a label on it. You can just let her know you enjoy her company and hanging out with her, do so when possible, have fun together etc.

If you make a discussion out of it, you could end up in a relationship right now, or everything could just blow up. It sounds like you really enjoy her company, she isn't dating anyone else, and you guys are already semi-dating if your cuddling together, you just have not labeled it.

As time goes on she'll get more comfortable with you, and you can maybe ask if she wants to go on a trip or something where you will spend even more time together, no reason to just jump in and say lets date. It's not a horrible thing to do mind you, but if it feels wrong, don't do it. If you are not sure of the signals your getting from her, then just spend more time with her and if she's interested the signals will become more clear.

Go swimming with her for instance, that is often a way to tell if a woman is interested in you as more than a friend, if there is lots of touching/tickling etc or you splash each other whatever, just there are different ways people interact when they are attracted to each other as apposed to just friends.

And is it really so bad if you guys are just friends anyway? Sex is great and all that but a good friend, or a good relationship with another person is priceless. You can meet lots of girls who are attractive to casually date, or have sex with, but someone you have known for 15 years and who is comfortable with you, and you both enjoy each others company is priceless.

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Has the TC made their move yet?

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Tell her you want to take things to the next level or however its natural for you to pose the question.

otherwise soon she wont be single. You wont get to ask and you wont ever know; so youll wonder if now as youre sitting here watching her with someone else if maybe it coulda or shoulda been you.

now if she says no, sure youll have to watch her with someone else, but at least youll know it couldnt have been you.

or she says yes and it is you! Either way, thatll be a hell of a lot better.

LinkPizza posted...

Maybe some. I know quite a few among my friends. And we'll hang out in groups and stuff and it's not awkward. Even my mom is close to her ex-husband. He comes to family functions and plays cards with my grandma and cousins. Haha.

I personally can't do it. I've tried twice. My feelings don't go away so either I can make it weird or just suffer and neither of those are worth it.

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DocDelicious posted...

What's more important to you; getting your willy wet, or having her as a friend?

If you ask her out and she says yes, great. Awesome. Best possible scenario. Hopefully you can make the relationship work and, if not, maybe you can be one of those incredibly rare couples that can remain friends. If she says no, your relationship will never be the same.

bingo, expecting a friendship to survive this is foolishness, ok?

there could be a diamond ring in your garbage disposal, but would you stick your dick in it when its on to find out would you?

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You don't want to be wondering "what could've been" ten years from now. If you really want to date her, take the chance.