Poll of the Day > Am I being insensitive man? My friends dad passed away

(+) Yeah! (+)

He passed away in early January. Were a group of three close friends, but he didnt tell me or my other friend in January at the time, we found out through mutual friends a week or so later.

Theres a fourth guy that hes close to who weve all known for a while but we only started hanging out with him towards the end of last year as a group of 4.

So guy #4 found out at the same time too but didnt tell me or my friend either. We found out from bereaved friends other friend who we casually used to meet at parties and shit.

Now when I found out I was conscious that he didnt tell me or my friend directly so I actually didnt say anything straight away, cause Im just thinking okay he didnt tell me himself so maybe he doesnt want me to be all in his space. So I just dropped him a message at the time like hey hope youre doing okay Im here if you wanna talk.

Anyways I havent heard anything since then and hes not picked up my calls or my friends calls and he reads our messages and doesnt respond. He talks to guy #4 and the other guy who me and my friend know casually.

I know people grieve in different ways, but am I shitty for the way I approached the situation? Part of me thinks damn maybe its cos I wasnt there for him, but I couldnt have been there for him cause we didnt even know until a week later and that was only finding out second hand.

I thought I was giving him space he apparently needed but maybe was I abandoning him instead? The fact is he didnt tell me or my friend, but seemed to have told his other two buddies. And now wont respond to me or my friend but responds to the other two guys. Really not trying to make this about me but shit I dont know what do u think?

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I don't think so. I'd talk with the fourth guy about first guy's irresponsiveness and if you did something wrong, because it's really hard to tell.

I don't know why people expect other people to be mindreaders.

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You can't tell what's going on in his head and can't do much other than extend a hand right now. So don't agonize over it. Offer an invitation to a Netflix party, virtual "happy hour" on zoom, or online party game (e.g. Jackbox). If he continually declines or ignores, that's up to him.

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just call him, ffs. there's is almost always something lost when texting about sensitive topics like this, so maybe instead of sneaking around the issue, just give him a call and get the story first hand. you can even say, "hey, if you need your space, i'm happy to cut this short, just wanted to check on you", ok?

i'll bet he appreciates that much more than just a single text, and complete silence, ok?

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Aculo posted...

just call him, ffs. there's is almost always something lost when texting about sensitive topics like this, so maybe instead of sneaking around the issue, just give him a call and get the story first hand. you can even say, "hey, if you need your space, i'm happy to cut this short, just wanted to check on you", ok?

i'll bet he appreciates that much more than just a single text, and complete silence, ok?

I called him on Saturday and again this afternoon, he hasnt picked up my calls

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