Current Events > CYOA: Your name is Karen

(+) Yeah! (+)

B) Go ask Mike Pence for advice

Feelimg unsatisfied, you go to the one man who understands unsatisfied women more than anyone else, Mike Pence.
"Mikey-poo!" you yell out enthusiastically as you enter his office.
"Karen" Mike seems less than enthusiastic, he's probably just had a bad day, you two are besties so there's no reason for him to be mad at you.
"Well Mikey, me and Donald are having trouble in the bedroom." Mike nods his head.
"Yes, President Trump has said as such."
"You knew?!" what a surprise, you can't believe Donald would talk about you behind your back. "How, why, what did he say?"
"He just said he couldn't get it up, that it was relative."
"Relative to the what?"
"That was all he said"

You run out of Mike's office in tears. Your marriage is on the rocks.

What do you do?
A) Try to fix things with Donald
B) Push for divorce, Donald didn't sign a prenup
C) Ignore the problem and go get some more wine

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C, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

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C

C

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B
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C
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gunplagirl posted...

C, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

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gunplagirl posted...

C, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

gunplagirl posted...

C, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

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gunplagirl posted...

C, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

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C Drink and pretend to be a relative

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divot1338 posted...

C Drink and pretend to be a relative

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C) Ignore the problem and go get some more wine, sit on Mike Pence's desk while drinking

You mope through the White House for halls and into the kitchen once again. You grab your trusty 1776 bottle of wine and take a trip through the building. You find yourself back in Mike's office.
"So you're back." a clearly thrilled Mike Pence says with a sigh. In a drunken stupor you throw everything off Mike's desk. Pence looks at you in disbelief and anger.
"You know what you're problem is Mikey." you never let loose. "You and me, we've been here together for 3 years and not once have we ever hung out."
"Karen please, I have top secret work to do." he says as he picks the paper work back up off the floor.
"Work? No one has done any work in this house for years." you hiccup. "Work is raising babies, and there ain't no babies around here."
"I'm a married man Karen." Mike protest causing you to laugh.
"Ew what, I'm interested in men not beady eyed raccoons." Mike is taken aback.
"Karen, I think you should leave."
"Me? Leave? Mikey I'll call the manager and we'll see who he sides with."
"Do you mean your husband?" you take a few seconds to figure out what he's talking about because you're too focused on the wine
"Yes." you manage to stutter out. "Mikey-poo, I'm not leaving until you drink with me." Mike looks at you clearly annoyed.
"I said out"

What do you do?
A) Ask to speak to his manager
B) Force the wine into his mouth
C) Maybe it's the wine speaking, but you could totally whoop Mike's ass

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C

I'm a SSBBW Karen who can't even move out of the bed

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C

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B
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C

B

B

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B

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C

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C then B
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C

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C

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C) Maybe it's the wine speaking, but you could totally whoop Mike's ass

You stare Mike down and get in his face.
"Watch your mouth in this house boy." you say hopping off his deck.
"Excuse me?" Mike says as he stands up in an attempt to scare your proud mama bear self.
"Mikey, you should back the fuck down. You don't survive thirteen black Fridays without killing lesser parents."
"Oh trust me, I know all about hiding bodies." Mike responds as he takes off his coat and starts rolling up his sleeves.

You don't give him a chance to finish adjusting his sleeves. You tackle Mike to the floor. The two of you start rolling around for control. You start throwing punches, he stumbles off you.You grab his head and throw him across the desk. He slides off the desk and falls to the floor, you follow up by delivering a diving elbow from his desk.
"Black Friday 2006, that elbow scored me ten Wiis" you stomp him in the nuts. "Sold each for 500 on ebay." Mike cries in pain as he crawls over to his desk and pulls a shotgun from underneath. He points it at you. If it wasn't for the wine you'd be scared, but you're not ready to meet the great big manager in the sky.
"You crazy fucking bitch!" Mike yells as he starts shooting. He misses. You throw your wine bottle at Mike's head, he's busted open, bleeding like a government mule. He drops the gun and grabs his eye in pain.
"It's over Mikey-poo. Mama bear's coming and you put your finger in the wrong porridge." you lift Mike and powerbomb him through his desk. You fall back exhausted.

You make your way to your feet and find a hole in Mike's chest. Being slammed through his desk set off the shotgun. Mike Pence is dead.

What do you do?
A) Hide the body in (You pick the area)
B) You'll never be able to hide the body, set it up to look like a suicide
C) Call up Trump and tell him it was self defense

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B

B
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B

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B

B

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B
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A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

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divot1338 posted...

A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

Reminds me of that chili episode of South Park. So this.

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Switching my vote to:
A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump
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Bump to see if that A option takes off

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B
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divot1338 posted...

A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

Fuck yes, lmao this

divot1338 posted...

A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

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OrangeCrush980 posted...

Switching my vote to:
A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

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Update later, Persona has taken over my life, send help

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divot1338 posted...

A Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

A) Feed Mike Pence to Donald Trump

A cold chill runs down your spine. It's been a while since you've had to do this. You hide Mike's body underneath the rubble of his desk and head over to the kitchen to grab a garbage bag and a knife. Once inside you're grated by the staff. You tell them all they have the day off and to leave immediately. You grab the supplies you need and head back to Mike's office.

You place Mike's body in the bag and start hacking away. It's rough to keep him in the bag, but you can't risk leaving any evidence in the room. You take Mike's body back to the kitchen and get to work on your families famous steak. You go to retrieve the dog only to come back and find Donald eating the steak.
"This is the best your steak has ever tasted." he says looking to the dog. "Why the dog here?"
"Well the stake was for him..."
"You were going to feed Mike to the dog?" Donald reacts to your shock. "Come on, you really think I haven't eaten human before? Chinese is my favorite, shame about the whole Covid thing."

What do you do?
A) A match made in heaven, discuss options for a new VP
B) Donald knows to much, you'll have to put him down too


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A then B

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B

with the president and vp down, the speaker of the house will be next

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B

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B
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B
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B) Donald knows to much, you'll have to put him down too

God help you. You know what has to be done but know not if you'll have the strength to do it. You make your way over to your husband and rest your head on his shoulder. Putting your body against his intensifies the sound of his chewing, you can feel the rattle of each bite cut through your body. He knows too much, you'll have to put the big dog to sleep.
"So how did it go down?" Donald asks as he wipes the crumbs of Mike "Past" Pence off his mouth. You have to justify this, but you're not sure how.
"He said Twitter was right to censor you." Trump shakes his head.
"I can't believe this betrayal." a tear rolls down his face, he refuses to be weak and forces the tear back in. "You're a good wife. much more faithful than Ivanka."
"You mean Melania?"
"Who? I mean yeah, what did I say?" there's an awkward silence. "Damn, it's been a while since we banged."

What do you do?
A) You've wanted this, go have sex
B) Odd how he's suddenly horny after thinking of Ivanka, withhold sex


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A

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A
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