Board 8 > Got Dragon Quest 11 S today (Playthrough topic)

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yuri_LowelI posted...

HOw far am I into the game?

About 1/3 or so? Maybe slightly more.

showed pass, entered Gallapolis region.
2 treasures.

first fight i pick in here has 5 enemies, so i see this is going to escalate. fortunately we get over 300 EXP out of it so goddamn, that's quite a lot right now. as i walk around the sand waterfall being held back by invisible walls from jumping into it, i find myself what i was looking for:

treasure #1: mini medal
there's also some more ore to mine here (got iron/copper/gold) and earlier i had cut one of the tree things too. so y'know, walking around getting goodies getting levels. Brownies in particularly are solid EXP and Veronica levels up to 13, getting Fizzle and Bang. i get to the first camp in the wild - yes it's way past the city but i figured let's do it - and find myself a red Ticktock. ahh, this is making more sense. this one lets me go to Moonahan and he disappears. alright. with that in mind i go back as a cactus monster takes me by surprise. Fizzle, not to be confused with Frizz, is not a fire spell but an anti-magic one. Bang though i remember well enough. ...still, it's cactus so i'm trying fire first. i then try Bang, half the damage. yeah alright. i run into another bunch on purpose this time, now understanding the difference of how they look in the wild, and Serena levels up, learning Accelerate. yeah i'm gonna use that and she's not using that spear after all, that was entirely a waste. with that, i get into town.

oh hey we're betting on horses? i actually have a little experience with that in real life, friend of mine taught me the basics of it. meanwhile i find out that Erik is the responsible one and Veronica is a gambling addict. as i walk around town a bit i go in the well, 2 treasures. i find a locked gate, go to the other areas, pick up a shiny, go break a few barrels, 1 treasure. ...okay, weird. i run into a girl wanting to give me some puff puff, hell yeah i'm in.

but she wants us to go in her place, alright.
then wants me alone, uh.
then wants the lights off, this is clearly not a good idea.
but i'm the hero and the hero must push forward against all odds and there we go! puff puff get. and it's by an S&M guy in town who's her dad, oh dear. the party will never know of this side adventure. fortunately the place has barrels and pots to break so i do, get a few items, and leave. before i buy anything i'm gonna explore first of course, though i see this city can make me go broke real easy.

fortunately the inn has a recipe book for lamp posts, wizard's staves, tricky turbans, Fizzle retardant blouses, and enchantress's gloves. goddamn that's a lot in one book. i also raid the inn's closet and get myself a Turban, success!

there's a guy with a quest for a golden globule, found on a rare monster that gets mixed with a group of cactus. so this race boils down to Prince Faris and Faiz? i run into the circus and find a treasure chest! ...empty. booooo. lots of talk about the Great Sylvando, no clue if he'll matter at all yet. i find another quest giver, wants me to use a Wild Side pep power, the one that lets Erik go twice. alright, i can do that and combine it with the cactus one to get both done in one go. in a nearby house a butler tells me about finding a rare book so i check the shelf, read it, and raid the closet for 70 gold - all right in front of him. smooth job there, butler. as i continue exploring i find an Angel Bell material item in the church, seems rare right now, and hidden in an alleyway a treasure chest with a Mini Medal inside. woo. i go from day to night to day again doing this, so off to the Sultan first. but before i go in lemme see...

Lamp Post, Wizard's Staff - both need a Lamplight and i've only got one. latter also gives free Fizz when used as an item. i'll probably make one of these along with one of the other equipments, though it's clearly driven towards the mage twins.

there are so many cats in this place, goddamn.
oh yeah, 9 pieces of treasure. i steadily find out that includes the items in pots and closets. find a treasure chest: Iron Broadsword. the game also tells me "i'm not ready yet" when it comes to reading a book in Prince Faris' room, so i guess i'll be here later. i thought it might've just been the prince but no, sultan's room is also fair game to enter. ...what. i go in his room, talk to the maid, raid the closets as she tells me something something private in a speech bubble. 2 treasures left. i go down, break a few barrels, 0. success at last. as i look through, i've got the accessory item for a bunny girl outfit, that's good. goes to Serena as i go up the stairs and cutscene.

Sultan practicing his speech. the prince comes out saying he's done with his training. can i punch him? the prince mentions the Rainbough, so alright. but first... in this upstairs area, 4 treasures.

right behind the Sultan: 1500 gold treasure chest. LOL
i break all the pots i can find, 0. also find myself an Oasis Water, which was needed for some of the recipes. anyway i go down to meet Faris in his room. ...he wants me to be his body double, doesn't he? he says he'll meet me at the circus tent this evening, somehow believing that our convo will be kept private in such a public place. but alright, sure. 15 treasures, hm. i run around, breaking treasures on the regular, bring it down to 9, and head back out. might as well beat some cactus monsters.

0/3 first time around for the golden ones in a section with 3 of them. i leave, come back, try again. found one in the second batch. these things are quite tanky and i manage to steal from it pretty early, thankfully, to get myself a Golden Ore. ...uh this better not take multiples because that's gonna suuuuck. also i love the way Veronica goes "Frrrrrriiiz!", it's adorable.

oh good, fight ends and i happen to find one, nice. i start heading back with a little bit of grinding and i realize Serena's gonna have the hardest time to pep up, isn't she? that quest is gonna involve some luck right now. for now, Veronica gets to LV14, learns a new spell, and i give her MP regen after combat. also, Bang sucks. fortunately i just manage to get the 3 neccessary peppers going and Wild Side gets used as i steal a Chimera Wing. also is the fight Serena hits LV14, learns Woosh, and that's good enough for me, let's go back to deliver the two quests. that's also an offensive spell so hell yeah.

...oh i didn't do the quest right.
he wants me to slay a Spitzfire with it in the Celestial Sands. ...well that's more annoying to have to do -_-. Trickster item also doesn't look at all impressive but whatever. for now i'm just gonna forge some stuff as the thing was orange again, i leveled up. i make a bunch of new items, go back to greatsword, and pimp out Veronica with her new equipment. not in that way. oh yeah, even though i'm using the Greatsword n

Wanglicious posted...

the party will never know of this side adventure.

I think the party actually does acknowledge this in Party Talk, making it one of the few times an event that has no plot significance (and isn't traveling to a new location) changes their dialogue there.

Wanglicious posted...

right behind the Sultan: 1500 gold treasure chest. LOL

This is pobably the first warning salvo of a game that pretty much gives you tons of gold with minimal extra effort.

Wanglicious posted...

0/3 first time around for the golden ones in a section with 3 of them. i leave, come back, try again. found one in the second batch.

Talk about lucky! I had to defeat something like 100 Cactiballs and a few Metal Slimes just to find a single Golden Globe, leaving my party quite overleveled.

---

oh, metal slimes already exist? good to know. haven't unlocked metal slash yet but soon enough, i'm sure. i lost a chunk of stuff i wrote somehow following that. but i'll try to recreate it a bit...

we go to the circus as the Great Sylvando performs. i already want to punch him in the face. as the prince talks to us in a pretty godawful outfit, he reveals that yeah, it's body double. guy can't ride, figures i can, and even though i think Erik looks more like him than i do, guess it's me. after he's done talking he leaves and the Great Juggler looks at the prince leave. not sure if he heard everything but i'll assume he did so the question is whether he's a decent enough guy or if he's gonna be someone i need to beat up.

we're then invited to sleep at the inn, automatically do so, and out the door i go. before doing anything else i decide to work on my equipment. hitting LV14 meant my tiny forge turned orange, all it meant this time was extra focus. well, okay. i make every item that i possibly i can, expanding my perfection pearls and making everyone better. for myself, i switch to Greatswords again because it's a +16 attack, i'll take that right now. once done i go to the shop and buy the Dancer's Costume, making Serena my highest defense character as she wears a damn good outfit. hell yeah, good decisions all around. done with it all, i'm off to the stable.

so Faiz got sick, eh? i take it the Not So Great Sylvando had a part in this. helping me or trying to cut a deal that'd hurt me? well, moving on.
go in room, talk to prince Faris.
wear armor that covers me completely.
ride horse, try to run over children but alas, they're more powerful than wild monsters. i finally then go to the races and there's the Great Sylvando, taking the place of the last guy. just so happens to, i'm sure, with a super feathery horse. we race and goddamn he's fast, i take 2nd.

...hm.
cutscenes continue, Faris is happy, he can't ride, just as we're doing the switcheroo Sylvando runs into us. his name is so long that i hate typing it but if i type Syl i'm thinking of Sill from Rance or Sylveon, and he's not wearing enough pink to earn those names. Syl-do, Syldude, 'vando? whatever. he puts on obvious theatrics to express his shock of what happened with the prince, is clearly into my riding skills, and cutscene eventually ends.

so reload.
reget all equipment stuff.
save.
get back in the race. imma take first away from your feathery ass horse. aaand... i do! lots of "hit Y" but hey, it worked with plenty of room for error. the difference here is... a... single line of the prince going "wow i can't believe you won!" or whatever? ...that's it? dammit, at least throw money at me or something.

and with that i'm back to the info i lost. memory is still quite good. as i talk to my party, Serena brings up a good point: Sylly has his skills in the circus, skills in riding, it's a bit odd. talking to NPC, they've the same opinion too, and some bets that lost badly. wait, the racetracks are open? before going to the sultan's place, doing that. a guy offers to sell something called Golden Reins for 10k. i don't have that technically but i can make it without much issue, i'm sure. there's an easy and difficult level, so let's do Bronze Cup easy first.

...easy indeed. slime earrings get.
hard next. takes a couple tries but i get 1st.

silver next.
i see there's a shortcut in this but it's a bit hard to do. i try not to use it, get 2nd. fuck it then, let's do it. after a few times i get my lap down to 20s so okay, that's fine. only a bronze and silver cup for now so i go for hard too. 3rd try i make it and am JUST shy of Champion's Challenge time but i'll accept that for now. partially because i don't want to bankrupt myself, partially because i don't have anything to gain from this after getting the Assassin equip. these cards feel less like equips and more like they're for something else. the names are suspicious too, Trickster? Assassin? these class cards perhaps? anyway, to the Sultan's! time to find out if Faris is going to screw me over.

a beast appears?
oh it's probably the one from the book. cool, let m--
my man, are you fucking nuts?

"hey my boy just won a race and plenty of my best knights have been killed by this thing LET ME SEND MY SON TO DO THIS."

yeah yeah, i'm doing this for you too. i go down to his room and his begging is amazing. i honestly don't blame Faris for this one. he's surprisingly self-aware that he got himself into this mess, i didn't know he was a mellinial. i also give mad props to the VA here, the sniveling whining is on point.

i say yes because i didn't save in a while and i'm getting convinced that i'm not getting this Rainbough thing ever. next time it's going to be the guards from Geros' kingdom or something.

BITCH YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SWORD AND HAVE NO ARMOR HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FAKE THIS.
oh cutscene he has a sword.
no armor.
now okay, maybe his outfit is like the dancer's uniform Serena's got right now, which is fantastic defensively and aesthetically. buuuut alright, looks like Sylvando's joining me. this guy also drops the bullshit with me as he asks to join, maybe i'll take a liking to him after all. i see the game's pattern is NPC -> full party member, alright. it's still daylight so i don't have my pep bullshit going but alright, i'll get that next side quest done in this outing.

---

Wanglicious posted...

we go to the circus as the Great Sylvando performs. i already want to punch him in the face.

"You are no longer tracking this topic"

---

brief update, will play more tonight most likely.

i ride to camp, turn it to night, and head out. as i roam along i see a giant monster, bit of an odd one to face but let's do-- THAT'S a Spitzfire? i see. it takes a long while and a bunch of dead monsters but i finally get Serena on the pep at the same time as the rest of us, Wild Side, beat. did it just before night was over and i'm already LV15. still, i can see the next camp but don't want to go there just yet. i loop around and two crab monsters randomly appear. i fight the first and heeey Metal Slime! i'm almost at the point where i could rush Metal Slash but fortunately it doesn't run away before i kill it, gaining over 2000 EXP and having all but Serena level up to 16. that should do it.

around this corner i find a treasure chest, as i go further down i find more shiny stuff, and that's the only treasure Erik said there was. so off to camp. Sylvando being serious is far, far better than his standard flippant, and his smartass is just as good as serious. if i get more of those, i'm in. i decide to reset my skill points for the first time so i can have Metal Slash. i was gonna aim for just one or two skills but if i gotta get rid of all of a category, alright. i do it and there we go, my two main killers have been rushed. while i'm at it i check Serena's grid out and get her Devil's Delight, so that's 2 people good for demons, 1 for dragons, 1 for metal. i check Erik out and... technically i can get Boomerangs to do heavy damage to slime and metal monsters without losing too much but i'm not sure i want to do that just yet. for now i think i'm fine and will keep prioritizing dual wield.

satisfied with this i rush on down the corridor, 0 treasures available. credit where it's due, Faris' attempt to run away was smooth. unfortunately for him monsters are less dumb than he thinks and there it is.

that's right Sylvando, you tell that prince to stop being a shit.
i am quite alright with talking shit like this. anyway, battle time. pretty easy and straightforward. Sap -> pummel him, find whether Frizz or Crack is better, continue beating him down, healing as necessary, until fight ends. 1440 EXP get, Serena learns Midheal now that she's 16, cutscene time.

...are we supposed to believe these chains by Sylvando are good enough to hold the monster down?
...can we test that theory out with this prince. kid, are you sure your dad just doesn't want you dead at this pace? fully agreeing with Sylvando here too, playing this farce is a dumb idea that's only going to get worse. i get to the edge of this area for a shiny object, a Yellow Eye, and with that run back to camp to save.


---

i ride the horse back to town, getting the achievement of wrecking 100 monsters with the horse along the way.

cutscene time.
Faris is talking.
the monster is in chains.
there is no way it's being held back in those chains you dumbass.

aaand there we go.
the most blatant "no shit."
yeah, Faris. do it. 1 on 1, go for it.

oh hey, Sylvando saving his ass. oh hey, Faris has balls. smooth moves by Sylvando to save the day and it's followed u with more cutscenes of Faris actually owning up to his dad about all the lies. progress! character development! alright so let's go reward, righ-- the Sultan with a gambling habit sold it. "I see."

so we've gotta go elsewhere to find the Rainbough but Faris is giving me an accessory to... force enemies to come to me? i get the Crackshoot Crossbow. i talk to a couple NPCs in the palace, nothing useful, talk to the NPC directly outside that has been really into crossbows, who tells me a general idea of how to use it. alright. this seems useless right now, maybe it'll hold value later. i finally talk to the Wild Side NPC and he gets me a recipe book that lets me make Fur Hoods and Fur Ponchos. don't have a Fine Fur yet but i've got 2 Magic Beast Hides, i think those were from the Spitzfire at that. i make a Poncho for Erik, which raises his defense dramatically, and go to the front.

cutscene. Sylvando waiting to join me. ya know, we kind of have to add him in anyway since he knows our story. so this is a good upside. oh good he knows the geography, it's a port town we're headed to. we're gonna get on a boat soon and... nope, he just happens to have one. how convenient. and now the game talks to me about 5 people. well, let's take a look... ooh, 5 skill trees. Swords, Knives, Whips, i know those. the other two are Litheness and Showmanship, which is at the cross of Whips and Litheness. so let's see... with this he's got Hot Lick and Sobering Slap, a solid offensive and supportive move there. looking at Showmanship it's split in two: whip side is status effects and damage, Litheness side is more support stuff, including healing. he also has Dual Wield in his Showmanship tree, not the Knives one, so i see that's selective. he's got a ton of Charm options and even his starting weapon - a sword - is a charm boost. i still don't know what Charm is for yet. what else he got... ooh, Reheal, which... is just single target regen. ..."oh." also has cock-a-doodle-doo, oomph, accelerate, acceleratle, and decelerate.

...yeah, he's full on support. this is a clear jack of all trades who can heal, deal damage, status effect, and buff. for now i'll just go down the Lith tree, it's already started, is the fastest way into the Showmanship skills, and it lets me get skills that can confuse enemies and do major heals at this point of the game.

once i leave town he gives me an item that lets me summon a horse. convenient. i get into a fight just to level Erik up - who needed 0 EXP, weird - and am off, accepting a quest at the new checkpoint to give some baker a letter.

5 treasures.
roaming around beating each monster type, i'm really not liking this layout of stuff. and there's a shiny monster! it's a Midnight Horknight, a... bug? well alright. riding it lets me fly over water but it has a god awful "jump" so it's limited in movement. with it i do ultimately find two treasures chests: seed of skill, 5 perfectionist pearls. still have 3 more to go and i'm not sure where any of them are. maybe it has to do with the cow's weather analysis?

well, i know i'm missing stuff and decide to keep riding it, checking out new areas. i was mostly exploring at night, with the extra sun i can see much more. steadily, steadily making my rounds, i find a recipe for <3 Iron Armor. that's 3. although i wonder if the iron stuff is the same as some of the equipment? i did check the monster list to get a better idea, i'm missing one monster in this region but the item drops look quite good right now, i steal myself a cat hat with Itemized Kill at some point. flying around on a bug i go through this annoying chain of platforms again and... aha! with actual light i can see a chest that would've been obvious, a mini medal. i figured this weird list of things connected to each other would get me somewhere but fucking hell this area is annoying, so many monsters. alright how many... 1 left. well... there's still that one other area which this mount still works for. i fly around for a while and notice that there's a certain elevated area with a couple bridges that i can't seem to fly over to. eventually i follow the trail and get to some climbable rocks, that ought to do it. sure enough, in a clear middle of the field section there's a treasure chest with a recipe: A Slender Sword of Solid Silver. silver rapiers? guess Sylvando's using swords.

i'm only a couple hundred EXP from LV18 so i finish that as i look at my monster list. i'm missing one, dammit. this and the first tick tock place are my only two blind spots there, the rest are good. i also cannot express how annoying this entire map has been to me, i've picked up at least 20 shiny objects in this entire endeavor. alright, finally 18, forge time.

i've got another forge ability that has a 2x amount, nice. i have just enough material to make everything thus far and get a couple +3 along the way. also while i see Sylvando's swords are still the way the game is pushing you, i can't pull the trigger on it because frankly the weapon type he's using doesn't seem like it matters as much right now. if there's anything i have to use it'd probably be whips though, if for no other reason because if i want single target damage at the moment, i can do that with his fire breathing skill, which is available regardless of weapon.

alright, into town. Gondolia? so... the last one was French and this one's Italian? alright.

also worth mentioning is that at some point in all of the above i found a yellow Tick Tock for another pastword. i should probably head over there soon. but i'll head to town first. i also have confirmed for myself that if i leave someone off the party in pep, they'll still be in it. you can stay over there, Serena. this alone will make pep quests so much easier.

---

In the PS4 version there were crossbow targets you had to search the world for and then you'd get prizes. They were little targets hiding in trees and things like that. They removed it from the Switch version because 1) it sucked and 2) no way to incorporate it into the 2D mode.

So yeah it's basically useless in the Switch version.

---

Veronica accuses Sylvando of being a millionaire and i half expect to hear Bernie Sanders in the background going I HAVE COME TO ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR. Sylvando is a man pretending to be what he's not. Let me ask you a question, who, in the working class, owns a boat? NOBODY. HE IS A MILLIONAIRE IN A WORLD WITH NO BILLIONAIRES; NOT WORKING CLASS, BUT 1% ASS!"

and then he'd get escorted to the dungeon because we've got king cyborgs from other worlds and sultans in charge of France, which in hindsight, makes for a really dark retelling of history.

there's a kid with Erik's spikey hair around who i guess will be relevant soon. speaking of let's see... 28 treasures. 28. that's a lot of barrels to break.

a guy asks for 10k for a cat suit. i could get that and finish the cat outfit actually. but that ain't worth it, not when i've got 27 treasures now. ...and then another wants to sell it for 12k? drops it to 9800? hmm.
9000.

i see how this is going. well, lemme save first.

at church i check a book, get Filigree For Fun and Profit. single phail. phail of magic water. gold. herb. and that's this rooftop's tightrope adventures.

from there i'll just sum this entire adventure of me running around town, on gondola, steadily finding items. please don't let there be a gondola mini game too. i gradually make it down to 13 and am exhausted of doing this. i also run down by the dock and a cutscene plays which basically says we're trapped until i play through a mini game oh fuck it's gondola isn't it. the girls head off with Sylvando to get some dessert and Erik clearly doesn't understand women.

alright i'm getting this cat suit.

8000
4000
2000
1000
2000

S&M brother wins.
i've got myself a loli catgirl.
it's not better than my current equipment but you can change outfits without changing equipment through some bizarre magic so whatever, i'll take it. i also make all 3 gold equips, each getting to +3 on the first try. i don't understand how a Gold Platter is supposed to be that much better than a Scale Shield but hey, maybe those monster scales just really suck. and here we are, i have found the Doge and, disappointingly, he is not a dog. if the French place was cats, how isn't this place dogs? he's literally called Doge.

Serena tells me Veronica fucked up, apparently she-- ahaha, i cannot take her seriously in this cat outfit. wtf, Erik just walks over and picks it up? how hard was it to do that? you literally ran over to find us to do THAT? also, where's Sylvando? fortunately a mute kid starts talking to us, or trying to anyway, before Italian Goku Jr starts saying that he knows he's a thief-a but it's for good purposes, spaghet. we musta find holy water to save his friends'a voice, capiche?

i'm only half bullshitting this terrible accent by the way, the game is so stereotypical i'm half expecting him to bust out a random ravioli. anyway, of course i agree since the mute kid is cursed and he's Doge's son. know what would make sense? if he was Doge's dog and this was the reverse version of that tricky devil's curse, from dog to mute human child. well, i'll be off, then, leaving those 13 or so treasures alone for now, i'm sure some are in Doge's house anyway. i check the weapon shop, nothing that's a surprise. i check the shop and... hm... only thing of value in here is a poison moth knife but i'm pretty sure that's a drop. but before i leave... i do a little more around town, find a mini medal in the house next to Doge's. i also find Aika finally, that woman took forever to find. and she tells me to give a letter back, alright. that's enough.

i leave, am in the wild, and check items.
yep, rare Crab drop.
Horknights would also be good to steal from too. won't be a problem, then.

---

fwiw the accents and whatnot are entirely a product of the localization, as is standard for Dragon Quest.

AFAIK Hotto's Haiku-speak is directly from the original though.

i totally buy that, haiku village sounds like a Japan thing, through and through. and yeah, the accents thing i think have been around since 8 but goddamn, sometimes it's just a little much.

back to playthrough:
I make my way over to the dungeon and check, barely fighting anything.

5 treasures.
Blue Eye.
Pixle Pole.
Mini Medal.
Seed of Magic.
Green Eye.

well that was easy. the monster to face at the end seems pretty obvious so i just ignored it and went to get the last two chests in this area. also at this point i've gotta ask how many eyes there are; i've found like 6 colors. anyway, time for the boss, a pair of Coralossuses.

they each can cover for the other and seem to alternate. but... yep.
...each is vulnerable to sleep.

well this fight just got stupidly easy. sleep one, attack the other, then have Erik deal massive damage. switch. also Woosh does a crapton of damage to them so uh... yeah, this fight ends without issue. slightly worrisome is that there's a sign right before the monster saying no unauthorized access, meaning this was a guardian. but alright, i get the water, cutscene, Serena somehow makes a fancy bottle out of nothing, and we're off.

avoid enemy, avoid enemy, avoid enemy, oh hey Erik got pep power. keep avoiding enemy, get back to town. forgot to do that quest, whoops. i'll get to it later. once i'm in town the group says it's time to split up. alright, sounds go-- motherfucker is just going with the ladies? Sylva-NO is getting in the way of waifus and keeping me with Erik. asshole. and they can't even find the kid! whatever, i continue the plot point and get to the center and... there we go, first of the two knights, Jasper. also known as "the smart one" so shouldn't be that strong. Erik and i get into a fight and uh... i just use his pep power to start of turn damage these guys. it's apparently a 2HKO and hits every enemy so lol, whoops. alas, it's no good and we're surrounded by enemies after, but fortunately we've got new allies now! Veronica and Sylvando pose and i still cannot take her seriously but she's spamming fireballs with the worst accuracy in the world and her "YEAH! ...Honey!" is perfect.

as this happens, Serena pulls me away.
you uh, do realize he's the smart one, right? like, you don't think escaping will be THAT easy do you?

oh, they think it is. he then shoots a ball of black magic, Erik tanks it in the chest for me, and tells me to abandon him. ...man, that guy's a true bro, through and through. he gets me out of jail, he goes on a wild adventure, i'm sure i'll eventually meet this "sage" he talked about too considering it was an obvious plot point we're forgetting about for now - maybe she'll join even - and here we are. the four of us get away, guess this will be a 4 man journey again, i'll miss the thief.

...or apparently not, we're gonna go save him too. wait, how's that work? ...Jasper's plan is just... flood the place with numbers? he already saw we can school soldiers without a problem, why does he think THAT tactic will work? and we already gave him the slip once before too so we clearly established a knowledge of terrain that he does not have. how is this man the smart one? but apparently we're gonna cut through buildings and ohhh this is the tightrope stuff, isn't it? i get into a few fights, get my way around, don't get bothered at all by these enemies, and reach the point the game wants me to. cutscene, he's tied up Erik. ...you uh, do realize this man escaped prison, right? you've got an awful lot of confidence that he can't escape at all. but no, he's still looking. and so the next plot point is get on a gondola to reach that point, alright. apparently Jasper never decided to protect a fucking port before because i do so with ease, get behind him, and cutscene where i'm behind him and he sends all of his troops away.

are we sure he's the smart one?

---

and so the fight begins!
he has parry skills, that's cool. i don't particularly care too much since Sylvando's breath attack doesn't seem to trigger it, though ST magic is, along with skills. didn't see it work on Woosh, so i mean... it just was a simple enough fight of attack, heal, attack, heal, repeat. took a while but eventually i win, get 2k EXP and gold, and a cutscene plays out. worth mentioning, i quite liked the random bubble before the fight of angry Veronica.

we beat Jasper and his soldiers wonder how i beat him. uh, by beating him. like, i've kicked a couple of your buddies' asses when it was just me and the guy you tied up, you don't think the loli who scared all of you with fireballs was weaker, do you? okay maybe Jasper IS the smart one because these guys are dumb.

and yet we're cowering away, even though i'm pretty sure we could massacre them all now that Jasper's weakened. fortunately Sylvando has a new plan where he jumps off the ledge. we following? no, we're not. alright, then i take it that's his boat along the way. blah blah blah, and yep, there we go, man posing on a boat. i'll give him style points for that one, pretty cool. we move forward with the idea of jumping on and uhh, dude did you forget that Vero-- oh, nope, apparently Serena and i help her get on it like a child. good. i'm also gonna take this captain's nickname for him as what he'll be called forward: Sylv. much better. as we make our escape, Ultros appears!

i uh, kinda forgot i read about him in a book. yeah, this was a given. so, ship fights a thing? Jasper also says some odd phrasing here... "MY dear tentacular..."? So that's your monster, then? I'm half expecting to just ram the thing's eye in but nah, a bunch of other ships come by and scare him off. the Italian mute has a voice now! somehow he got found after all, that's good. but i'm confused, how did this work?

i was in town, they went to find the boy.
they somehow found him as i got to the center. so... they cured him right before i was fighting, then? also all 3 split up, Erik and i were together the whole time, so does that mean Serena specifically found him or did the others do, they somehow met up, and managed to do that before i was done fighting? also, this kid managed to tell his dad, convince him that i'm good, the empire is evil who literally curses children, and the guy managed to get a bunch of townsfolk who swear i'm the Darkspawn to get on their boats to shoot Ultros? he convinced them all to defy the big evil empire and all this happened in the timespan it took for me to do a stealth section? and Jasper wasn't in any way suspicious over the fact that like, 6 boats just fucked off, including the dad of the kid he cursed?

this all seems extremely unlikely, just sayin'.
but hey, video games.
"And an hero must escape to fight another day, si?"
Actually... no, it's quite literally the opposite when you an hero. I mean you're escapin' alright but it sure ain't fightin'. >_>;

but before the scene ends, we have Dave be our plot point for finding the Rainsbough in an oh my god this accent is ridiculous way. screenshoted it so i could type it out. Ahem.

"I 'ave as it 'appens, Sylv! Word on the grapevine is the fella wot bought it 'eaded over Zwaardsrust way!"

Fucking 'ell, mate.
Speaking of accents, Erik has completely lost his. Like we're not even pretending there's an ounce of British in his voice, that shit's gone full American in these cutscenes. i'm okay with that, somebody's gotta be the voice of reason in this game.

and with that, cutscene ends and i'm on a motherfucking boat. Sylv has gone up massively in my stock, the guy's turning out pretty great. he makes a showy entrance to save my ass, he makes a clear stealth mission idea to save my bud, he jumps off ledges to pose spectacularly on boats, he's even funny on deciding to go on the quest, seemingly for the hell of it. pretty good chap so far, hope he doesn't betray me.

also hope we don't have coronavirus in this game, ships are a pretty bad place for that one and it'd lead to a really fucked up ending. hope he stocked up on toilet paper because i don't want the only solution to be using Woosh on my anus.

one thing i didn't mention in this section would be the NPC reactions when i was a wanted Darkspawn, they were great. especially the item shop because the lying thing triggered and he ended up saying he's the demon of darkness too, which utterly confused me for a second. like really, THAT is when it triggers? when everyone thinks i'm explictly that guy's servant? brilliant.

---

Yeah Erik's accent seems to be all over the place but the general consensus is that he has a slight New York accent

---

That sounds about right.
Will update topic tomorrow.

Tl;dr is poker is pretty easy.

---

alright, i'm on the sea!

hmm.
Nose for Treasure?
nope, doesn't work on the sea. bummer. as i vroom in the ocean random encounters wtf. i've a clear location to go to but so many coastal areas that i might want to do those first. some pastword places too!

nearby coastal area comes first, little island second. i find that midboss i fought earlier in the dungeon, the Corolossus, as a random enemy. no problems here and he can drop items now too. think i'll do that.

Sylv gives me a bit of shit for landing here instead of the next town but don't care, we doin' this. first treasure is the first item of the Corolossus, which i stole anyway in an Itemized Kill. i beat a few new enemies, Half Inch is steadily getting better as it's just jacking loot on the first try. i also try and yes, i can summon my horse to run through the wild quicker. second chest is a Coral Hairpin, the other drop, going straight to Serena. hell yeah.

but hm. can this horse run through big monsters too...?
...no, it can't. guess i gotta fight another one of these. so i do, win, and mosey along, beating new enemies along the way. ...a shiny enemy? a shiny Slime Knight. i can ride a slime, sold.

this thing is a crappier horse with an arc slash that's very wide. it is, however, a slime being ridden as a bouncy ball with a chibi knight clinging onto it for dear life so i'm holding onto this. i find a well and go down it, getting a couple pearls along the way, and alas, my mount is gone. back to horsey. more monsters, more items, more areas i can't get to by order of the other knight who wants my neck. got it, this will be done later. also that area seems familiar... ah yes, that's where i fought the tricky devil, with a bridge that's busted. that too will likely be fixed later, as a nice shortcut.

alright, let's go to town, Puerto Valor. so Spanish, not Puerto Rico, got it. talk to NPCs, oh hey one gives me a bunch of new recipes to change the way things look, nice. there's 22 items and it has a casino. ...hm. gambling side quest for Veronica when? i get around town during the day talking to people, breaking items, getting treasure chests, then night comes and two quests show up. hell yeah i'm taking them.

the game talks a lot about the Don's kid being missing now. so is that Sylv or Erik?

game also talks about the kingdom that i'm from and how it happened to be destroyed one day to the next. ...so lemme get this straight, King Geros didn't burn down my hometown once, he burned it down twice? there's also NPC talk about the strong knight who i don't want to face yet, how great he is, and how this is his hometown, i think. was that or having a tragic past, i kind of got my wires crossed with all the extra people getting talked about. either way, running with the idea that he's being duped by the king and the guy i fought earlier who curses children isn't but just as big a villain.

---

mini medal person! finally! got 11 so far, so that's two rewards.

let's see the casino rewards... lots of equipment, a recipe book, an equipment for someone not yet in the party, and... ooh, that's a nice greatsword. expensive though. so what are we looking at, slots and poker?

poker, obv.
there's apparently a fortune teller in here to tell me what i'm gonna win big at. it apparently changes every time i talk to her, excellent. she says poker, i'm off.

within like 6 turns i get 5 of a kind. "oh."
i double or nothing it for 10k. "i see."
i mean i've only been in the casino for like... 20m so lemme see what else there is. this time she says slime quest, alright.

...da fuck.
not gonna lie.
Slime Quest has so much random shit happening that i genuinely don't know a damn thing happening. i'm... winning? i think? i spend so much time on this nonsense that i do make some money off it but it's so not worth it. talk again. slots.

there we go, completely mindless, letting me type this up material. unfortunately the first time i tried this was on the cheap machine, which is a shame since i got 5 BAR on that. could've been a stupidly nice payout on the bigger machine that would've gotten me out of the casino. yes, i want to buy everything. is anybody surprised by this? i'm absolutely getting that greatsword, it's a crazy good bonus. this thing drags for a while but i keep playing as i write this and just as i'm about to stop, i get Metal Slime Mode activated somehow. that one VERY quickly racks up a profit, especially as i get a free spin appear on all 5, meaning 30 free spins. these free spins apparently FREEZE the metal slime counter, so instead of my 20 or so metal slime spins, i get 50. i hit the treasure drove at this point but it's just 4441~ coins, that's nothing. hilariously in my freebies i get MORE free spins so uh... yeah.

i honestly write almost everything i want to at this point, editing the slots section when slots is different. i initially WAS going to go back to poker but getting metal slime + free slots + more free slots + MORE metal slimes basically changed that up real quick. man, if only real life slots was this good. i regret buying 200 coins or so, that was clearly unncessary. poker got me to 18k, somehow slime quest got me to 22k, and slots shoots me up to almost 65k.

...yeah.
that uh, that's a thing alright. putting it this way, the game hit a point where i just kept hitting A on slot machines as i went back to reading a light novel about being reborn as a vending machine. i'm now almost done with Vol 3, which is the most recent one.

i do decide to cash in some rewards, to get an idea of what i need now. recipe, shield, bandana, claw, staff, vests for EXP and Gold, all no problem. this leaves me with a problem.

the super good dress? 25k.
platinum sword? 50k.
lightning lance? 75k. it unironically makes Serena a more powerful attacker than everyone but me when i wear...
platinum powersword, 100k.

250k total.
that's a lot. especially when i'm down to a bit over 20k after initial equipment. and i'm not done with all of it yet; the shield is good but if i go greatsword, is unnecessary; bandana is cheap and gives free agility, which i'm still not sure what that does. but based off using it in combat, i think it's turns? at least the few times i've used it have resulted in the party going before the enemy and when it wears off, boss sometimes can hit me first.

...

1 hour later, i'm over 100k. easy to do with youtube playing in the background. if i have to decide what's really good in that? lance and greatsword long term, sword and greatsword short. lance is just stupidly good but will come at the expense of healing, at least until somebody else is better with it. but in that case, why get it now? i can just teleport over if/when another Lance persn comes around and spend a bit of time then, maybe the 100 coin table will have opened up by then. alternatively, if i go greatsword + sword i can 1) be done with this monotonous task, and 2) simply give Sylv the sword + shield and move on. hell, maybe i'll switch Erik to Boomerang full time at that point, gotta kill metal slimes with something and i'm going to severely out DPS this guy.

the dress is amazing defensively but "eh" for the other parts - magic stats - and frankly best defense has been a good offense in this game so uh... yeah, i don't see a problem skipping it for now. so yeah, i stop after another 20m because i can afford it. yay poker. alright, bought, now busting out the forge.

...
nobody can wear the bunny suit. okay, so my next character is a female who can attack with claws and is a bunny girl, got it. wow, these platinum weapons cost *10* perfectionist pearls? now i'm curious. save, try it, and... holy hell, i cannot do the greatsword right now. too many parts, too much focus. not at all possible.

but the sword?
that's doable. and at LV20 there's this new gimmick of double strike and half strike, which stacks with whatever power you use. based on this setup, a +2 is pretty easy, it's the +3 that'll be difficult. i try it twice, yep, that's the issue. third time i get one orange and that still isn't a +3, fuck it, not gonna bother with it yet. i'm sure i'm walking out of this stupidly overpowered anyway.

---

Wanglicious posted...

i'm sure i'm walking out of this stupidly overpowered anyway.

Yep! I farmed Platinum Powersword early too and it stuck around for probably the next 15-20 hours.

---

Ha, that's good to hear. Updates later today/tomorrow.

---

...hm.
I should be careful in here too, our purge rate is gonna skyrocket soon isn't it

---

finally got to playing today.
proper update tomorrow.

---

so i had time while doing something else, meaning i went back to poker for a while. 30 minutes later i went from 4000 coins to 40,000 and rechecked the exchange store.

Mercury Bandana offers a little more defense than what i've got right now but has a nice agility boost. which i'm still not sure what it does beyond turn speed, i think. i also figure... why not, i'll get a Spangled Dress. it works on the girls as a REALLY good defensive item and maybe i'll just want to slap that on. checking the characters it can easily go on Serena without an issue, it's almost a total upgrade from the Dancer's Costume (-4% eva) though going on Veronica is tempting. sure i'll lose 9 magic but in exchange i'll gain 22 defense. it's similar for Serena too there, she'd actually have more defense than anybody in the party by a long shot and, since she's a healer, that's a nice idea.

or my glass cannon can stay very glassy, very cannony. ...but i shouldn't need that considering i did just get overpowered weapons soooo Veronica, your defenses no longer are total shit. let's see the forge now!

recipes, right. forgot i had a bunch of them to go through. did see the bunny suit earlier but as i look at the rest... i see this is easy crafting for better armor on the girls, nice. it's 1 and a half stars, hm.

...no problems. i craft 3 things, two are +2, one is +3, that's my current limit. in fact... yeah, quest time, gonna go zoom zoom zoom everywhere.

A Lovely Letter - easy, just delivered the letter. that then unlocked...
A Lovelier Letter - i mean i'm already been to not-Puerto Rico so delivering something there is easy. the back and forth is annoying, as is finding Valentino, but i eventually get him.
Shiver Me Timbers - just a miniboss fight first on that island. in addition to the pepper for the quest, boss dropped a Tough Guy Tattoo which... gives me 8 strength. ...a temp tattoo can do that? really?
Anything For Love - another easy one, just fight a monster i've already been crushing.

worth noting, that mini island has 2 treasures. one i found, one was behind those red doors. already forgot what the item was. there's also another quest here about a Warrior's Rest Inn that i'm not familiar with yet but it's in white so i should be able to get to that soon enough.

alright! that gets me a lot of new stuff.
i make more equipment for everyone, getting both bandit equipment as +3 equips, no less. let's see... it gives a ton of deftness. so at least i know why that stat has so many sections next to Half Inch. as i float along this body of water i see a shiny pillar in the sea and the game basically says "do this shit later." well okay. i reach the short for the next place i'm supposed to be at.

10 treasures.
walk around, break a few pots, eventually i get to the church and the quest is here, i need to use a pep between me and Selena to kill some things. that's... not that hard! i've got her sitting out in pep mode. there's also another Tockle with a Pastword here, so i'll take that. once i finish this quest and get into town i think i'll go Zoom over.

...actually wait, this location counts too? awesome. i'll do this one quest then pop over. i go over on horseback to the ruins, steadily punting monsters as i go. the great chimera can't be? that sucks. so i avoid those but punt everything else. i also find out my horse can walk on clearly poison ground, no problem. hell yeah, not-Epona doing wonders everywhere. as i get to the end of this path i find a single treasure chest with 1500 gold and a pathway clearly meant for later blocked by a boulder. i do a bit more exploration and ultimately end with 2 treasures in the area, with an underground ruin containing a locked red door. it appears these might be opened soon, finally.

anyway, since the quest involves me waiting at things for nightfall i just get myself pepped up and wait by the church as i've done everything else so far. i also checked another area and found a book with steel recipes, will do that later. once it's dark i explore a bit and end up finding another treasure chest that i missed the first time around containing a Purple Eye. i also see another staircase down with a magic seal on it. hmm.

magic seal.
ancient ruins.
i'm going to time travel to get into this area, aren't i?

i also find the last two monsters in the area here: stone golems and Deadnaut. i use Care Prayer, win the fight, that works. on we go. oh yeah, something i've seen: 1-20 was 3 skill points, 21-? is 4 skill points. this is important since Serena unlocked Dual Wield, i had no idea she'd get that too. Erik has it, he's using two swords now. boy ain't weak in any way.

Fun Sized Forge time!
Steel Equipment: only i can wear it. i'm making it anyway and end up getting some really easy +3s out of it. guess that's my backup stuff though really... i'm just gonna kill everything dead. especially as the next stuff i'm unlocking is gonna be +ATK with greatsword and that's gonna just make my already high attack stupidly high.

but for now, to the 2D village of adorable squishy things!

---

Hopefully more tomorrow.

---

Tockle Village, got 3 of them to do, let's do it. Those three are...
Curing the Curse of the Curs
An Endangered Engagement
Go Fygger

doing the last one first. i'm up in heaven, woo! and... i... can't do this? the guy keeps telling me "Ruby Path of Doom'" but that's not useful to me with the 3 NPCs here. Uh... guess I'll leave, then. Cur then. It's a village of dogs, I'm okay with this village. And the reason that's the case is because this princess used to be a dog, the most transparent case of a woman calling herself a Grade A Bitch if i've ever seen one. she needs some Magic Water, i've got that, so i talk to her again and it works... in exchange of turning herself into a dog. i assume this story will continue as it's pretty tragic if left by itself, feels bad. especially since everyone is seeing fur everywhere and will assume it's her, though she's been nothing but a good girl. ;_;

This village also has 2 treasures, for what it's worth. But I"m not sure how to get them. quest complete though, i get a Devil's Tail which is worthless.

next one... Endangered Engagement. this one's about the same hero mentioned in another book. is this a side quest for another hero entirely?

needs Defuddle drops, which are gotten from a Celestial. ...ohhh. so basically they link up to each other, same as the magic water did to my world. gotcha. i go back to angel land, talk to one, he gives me drops. i go back to the main place and fight a boss fight against an apostle minion! fortunately it doesn't matter much and he dies in 3 turns. i then get over 1000 EXP and... only 3 skill points again? now i'm confused. either way, since it took 3 turns and it gave 1k EXP, that's about where i should be so i'm done with this side quest and move on. i leave the town and go back to the Warrior Rest Inn.

horsey over to next region, The Road to Zwaardsrust.
12 treasures.
first area has a fork to a new city. there's a ton of rocks you can climb to the top of but they're empty. hmm. time bubble where chests are up here? well, i enter town.

---

Octagonia is... Greecce? they're all Hendrik fans. and there's a tournament too? tournaments on a rooftop arena...? wait, is this secretly a Fatal Fury plot? i mean TECHNICALLY King Geros killed my father and i'm getting my destined revenge. this game would become a lot more awesome if i could buster wolf for the rest of the game. fuck the sword, i got fists, bitch.

know what, this isn't Greek enough to be Greece. everyone's talking about MMA being Masked Martial Arts, meaning this is a place full of luchadors announced by Joe Rogan. imma call this Rogan City or Lucha City. depends how many masks i see.

5 treasures.
i make my way through, down to 1 without getting to the arena. next area, Uptown area, 4 treasures. i find 3. anyway, guess i'll go towards the main desk. ...but first, i see a staircase i haven't been to... and there's a treasure in a pot, cool. ...more stairs, more pots? i check again, 9. gotcha, spatial differences. alright, going back up, doing the main scenes i need to. first prize is my plot device, got it. second prize is a thing to sell, got it. i get my mask and whatever, cool. moving back down, then.

in the shops i find nothing useful, though i do like that Tough Guy Tattoo. 2500 for it though? nah. i've already got broken weapons. people are talking about Vince being the strongest guy around, praising, him, confusing me further. the words "Vince," "Octagon," and "MMA" should not be said in any positive way together. but i digress, apparently he runs an orphanag-- ahahaha. oh that's rich. yeah sure, Vince, in a town known for THE OCTAGON, is a champion of little kids and totally isn't exploiting them. i mean he's clearly trying to get 2nd place but a part of me is thinking he's gonna pull a Vince and make the ultimate heel turn by literally abandoning children and making them cry.

it's what Vince would do.

speaking of making children cry, time to go raid an orphanage! that's right, this game is promoting me to go save by a shota priest then enter every child's room, break pots as they go "WHOA! IT BROKE!" and i steal their shit. i'm to read books which apparently include recipes on making knives - clearly the right sort of material for children to read - and i'm down to 2 treasures. hm. so far the most interesting item has been a Garter, it provides excellent defense. unfortunately no sprite exists of it. c'mon game. you give me waifu bait but don't give me this? i also check the other staircase from the church but that ain't the extra item. so whatever, i'm gonna go fight now.

the guy guarding the elevator tells me i'm stark naked!
...just a joke bro.
anyway, i'm number eleven, which is the name i know the lead goes by in other media. up elevator, on one side smash a barrel, get an item, then go up. cutscene.

this announcer ain't Rogan, i'm already disappointed.
i am... a shittier looking Hakuoro from Utawarerumono. anyway my partner is 8.

HELLO.
YES.
THAT ONE.
GIMME THAT GIRL. THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OLD MAN. I'LL TAKE THE BOX OF BALLS OVER YOUR WRINKLY ONES.

---

bah. i'm to be paired with #7. apparently it's Vince, i don't care. gimme hot girl in butterfly mask plz. i'm told to go do other stuff as the fighters are chosen. yeah yeah, fiiine. i also notice i only got the dudes with me...

i meet Serena, cutscene. she says i should fight on my own. ya know, i agree. she can't find Veronica, audio happens.

SNOOTY LITTLE MIDGET.
tell her S&M dude.
nonono, keep telling her off, stay out of it Vince. she can win just fine and i wanna see this adorable cat outfit get in fights. i figure in my sorrow i'll make some equips, +2 butterfly knife, +3 malleable mask. i go talk to Vince, doesn't matter as he tells me to smash, which i wish could be a thing, and then as i leave... wonder, hm. this area has a ledge. i jump on it, then jump back up on the area i was, behind the building now. i do all i can and go to bed.

i'm then woken up by a Californian trying to be Texan telling me to hit the arena. i get to the fight, it's S&M Digger teamed up with his partner, a humanoid Slime/Frog.

spam Cutting Edge.
easy fight.
i'm also wearing an equip that regens me 5HP, so i'm really just laughing at how stupidly OP this sword is. Vince is... wearing claws? hmmm. so i guess it'd make sense if he's my next partner. cutscene as we leave, seems Erik's fighting the girl. her name's Jade, old man is Rad. don't care. it's a pretty nice fight at least, she's got nice legs. for guarding i mean, you sick bastards.

Veronica trying to berate Erik but really just comes off as jealous when talking about her legs. look, blame whatever god you want for putting you into a loli but i've got Serena over there still in a dancer's outfit. if you were twins, you ain't one to talk.

anyway, Serena mentions there's fighters that are missing and i'm warned by Jade to go check on Vince. i'm not allowed to nap so i guess i've no choice but to check on him. is he the villain? is he the hero? let's find out. i mean if he's the strongest AND if this has happened before... could i get my wish?

no seriously this is like Californian dude trying to do a deep voice and occasionally act Texan. he also talks too goddamn much in the game lore. all of a sudden someone's trying to break into his room! cutscene, i can't leave, and i get to his room only to find it's been emptied out.

y-yeah. who would steal from an orphanage?! a.ha.haaa...
cutscene continues, next fight!
Sinderella and Whambulina are picking a fight with us and they're trying to be hot. sorry, Jade's in this contest, y'all got dropped faster than a space colony in Gundam.

kill the mage first.
melee peps.
i kill her off anyway. she took less outta me. no rest though, straight into the next fight.

Sylvando is competing, of course. guess i'm kicking his ass too? fantastic! what a great arc. he's also really, really into this character and i'm enjoying this, especially the part where i can kick their asses too. Vince drinks a potion of some kind - he's clearly juicing and that's fine - and fight starts.

...oh, i'm fully healed. well uh, fine.
one guy uses boomerangs. the other is Sylvando. obviously i'm killing Syl first. cutscene, next fight. well alright.

Vince juices again, only this time the game focuses more on that fact and even the opponents point it out. c'mon, let Vince be the bad guy. it'd make too much sense: the guy leaving his place wasn't breaking in, he was breaking out. Vince did this last year too. c'moooon.

i almost lose this fight too. i targeted her first, that was a mistake. she hits hard but that wasn't the problem: Vince got hit with Snooze and they ganged up on me. eventually i just kinda wrecked 'em through the power of a big fucking sword and that was that. she went down, he was nothing, he went down, the end.

cutscene fight, i'm clearly doing better than Erik even with a giant sword, apparently my gauntlets deflect attacks well too. i do a cross guard, she stops because of my mark. then the old Scottsman does the same, which gets him dropkicked and we then win as they're frozen.

okay, so they're clearly joining.
we win, Vince is talking about selling the reward and then... heart attack.
CALIFORNIAN GOKU NO.
QUICK WE NEED A TIME MACHINE.

alright, alright. so the good guy version goes Vince ain't the bad guy and somebody poisoned the potion, which is why they broke into his place. he uses claws, so he's one of my next partners. maybe i'll get all 3 in one go? anyway, my party tests me to rest so i do. cutscene.

Rab! i actually like this guy's accent a lot. solid Scot.
Jade's missing? how?
...i saved right before this too so i can actually say no. i forgot to save before Vince told me to sleep over but here...

No.
No.
okay, so he loops. gotcha.

i gotta go to the orphanage now? alright.
the plot twist here would be that potion was REALLY a potion to unlock power but at the cost of humanity; he's finally crossed that line so a demon is taking over his body. Jade went to go fight it, lost, got kidnapped, and now i gotta go kick his ass. Vince: the ultimate villain of the Octogan.
...oh, i'm actually not far off based off NPC near save point, he says that Vince has been chugging that before fights for years and whatever it is ain't juice.

---

Wanglicious posted...

old man is Rad

good typo

Actually didn't even realize the typo.
Update tomorrow.

---

as i get to exploring, even the NPCs are making Vince more and more suspicious. one said he's collapsed before and that he's been different since winning the championship. possession? just plain evil? gimme something here. we go to the orphanage and the kids tell me to go down. i do and he is apparently RPG koolaid man, busting through walls and revealing an underground staircase.

disappearing people? check.
mysterious liquid? check.
Vince in the ocotogon using children? check.

music change is go. new background theme should be this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Uc3V8NxKWw

also, 7 treasures.
...and metal slimes. 3 of them.
6100 EXP get.

roaming roaming roaming. trolls are big and easy to kill with this OP sword and Erik dual wielding. gradually picking up all the treasures and hey, a troll guarding tw-- fucking hell, mimics. of course.

...are they counted in the count? i swear this thing went from 4 to 2.
anyway, i find the last two. also this dungeon boss is very obviously a spider monster. hope that means weak to fire!

YES!
EVIL LIQUID!
NO POSSESSION ALL WILLING!

Rab and Jade were the "thieves," alright. he didn't lock anyone in his room but he did lock people away in a hidden underground bunker and was responsible so close enough. Vince did it for strength. he sold everything, everyone, for strength.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kujo7V9m0gk

...oh please, you're literally killing people for the orphanage? like i'm willing to believe this is some sort of redemption arc. Vince used children to make himself bigger, stronger, and step on everyone in the path. aaaaand there's the heart attack again. but it's not a heart attack, is it? is this thing an egg or something? oh, no. just fucking dead for plot purposes but will probably get up after the fight. okay then!

fight doesn't take too long; between Erik dual wielding, me with Cutting Edge, Veronica with Fizzle, Rab and Sylv on support, it's easy. he can heal now too btw, 70 HP base for full party. first full party heal available.

cutscne. Vince is alive and confesses his sins.
kids are family.
was raised in orphanage.
started in FF8 as an NPC but has grown up.
bro you literally kidnapped and killed a ton of people in your town for over a year, we really gonna let this fly? apparently so. we leave, i go to bed.

oh joy, i'm waking up to Sylv's face.
can i get back to Jade? i'll settle for Serena too.
save.
talk.
cutscene to get rewards.
Vince wants a 1 on 1 fight, no juice. he's pushing a hard "drugs are bad, mm'k?" message.

...he gets one shot. technically doesn't this mean drugs are fantastic since they made a complete scrub into a formidable fighter? like yeah it's costing him his life but what if you were actually already a good fighter, wouldn't the multiplier here prove incredible? yeah it may shave off years of your life down the road but if you can beat the demon lord it's all worth it.

aand the Rainbough is gone.
Rab and Jade took it.
well, guess we're off to Dundrasil next.

yo, since they stole the first place prize, you mind giving me the second place prize too? though i figure that's being used to sell funds for the orphanage so eh, that's fine. Sylv says "it's back to where it all began," that's the ruins later on the bottom of this map, right? my original hometown? can do. anyway, this seems like plot thievery more so than bad thieves; they clearly know who i am and aren't trying to arrest me so this will be fine. i see a purple dot at the end, whoo new quests. this one wants me to get something at a waterfall and as i check the menu... an orphan's got a quest for me too? can do. i also check the fun sized forge and unlock Sizzly Puff. neat. with this and the 5 extra focus, i should be able to work on those 2 star equips now. current level: 24. orphan quest is... for an autograph of an NPC. "fun." fortunately there's no so many that would remotely match this description and once i make it up high i realize it's probably the weirdo in the corner.

yep, was him. well, that was easy. mini medal get. and i'm off!
first thing first, i kind of ignored the water in the map below but it's obvious there's a flying bug to get. and... yep, got. and there's a chest with a necklace. that's one.

---

...this is a huge fucking map.
as i explore it becomes really clear i can't get all the chests - i even look down at one from a higher point and have no clear way of getting it right now. oh well. we move along, move along, treasure chests get, sparkly things get, finally after a good half hour of exploration i think i've gotten everything i can, including a new rod for the Veronica before i go to the place i need to be and a Pastword. cutscene.

Sylvando sure knows a lot about my past. a princess who was just visiting? hmm. fishy. him being royalty would make sense considering his skills and finances. i also beat the crap out of a couple dragons, successfully steal once, and am on my merry way, listening to a Slime's advice to go down a well. you'd have thought there's a lot of treasure but nope. out tunnel, see old man, cutscene. talk. he knows who i am, obvious already. follow, alright.

he brings us to a grave and talks about how he was an old man who was retired. ...grandpa? making it sound like he was high up, knows me from this place, there can't be a whole lot of people wh-- yep. so we've got ourselves a fighting grandfather, niiice. now Jade... would be the princess of another kingdom visiting for a day, perhaps? i mean this IS Japan, it's entirely possible we're going with "she's your cousin, laddie!" but i'm going with other princess for now. he wants us to go help him send the souls off, sure thing, and i'm sure my hand will act up then too. so first... explore!

nearby there's a place to go underneath and i find a recipe book. game tells me to go follow Rab so i guess i can't go too far. and finally, there's a breakable pot nearby. i'm just a little curious how and why he left a treasure chest with recipes nearby or why he decided to throw a Devil's Tail inside of a pot inside of a ruined city but i mean... plot, i guess? he's senile? well, as he climbs up i decide imma make this old man teleport by running ahead.

2 treasures in this area, by the way.
"Princess."
and there we go.
alright Sylv, are you her brother? cousin? just know her from somewhere else?

cutscene continues and... that is a lot of butterflies. a LOT of butterflies.
goddamn, this old guy's good. the voice acting on him is superb. he says he needs a moment, alright. each NPC one by one available to talk to me, i assume until i get to Jade. who... honestly, if i had to describe her it would be "young Bayonetta."

alright, so young Bayo, now confirmed for the princess, wants to go on a walk with me. my mom was the closest thing she had to a mom, she was happy to have a 'baby brother' uh... yeah, this is pretty Japan there. are we sure that we aren't cousins?

and all of a sudden, soldiers! not really surprising considering there shouldn't be anybody else who can make a billion butterflies fly towards a tree. we run, cutscene, somehow the rest of the party got away just fine, that's nice. we run more, cutscene, Hendrick on a horse blocks my path. 10 or so soldiers vs Jadeonetta, not worried, meanwhile i'm swinging a big ass sword at Hendrick as he mocks me. Jade then strikes a pose and goes all "HENDRICK DON'T YOU DARE" and he gets a flashback.

okay yeah, he's the good knight.
we've been told that monsters destroyed the village, Jasper already established he can summon monsters, that's clear. Hendrick meanwhile seems loyal to Jade. also i'm on a cliff. i'm gonna fall aren't i?

and the rock starts moving because why not. i started this game falling off a cliff, might as well keep doing that. Jade meanwhile jumps in after me and he yells "PRINCEEEESS" and i'm now wondering how smart of an idea it was to call yourselves by your real names. like, eventually you know you're gonna run into royalty too, right? you call yourself Jade, grandpa calls himself Rab, surely using your real names will get you in trouble? i mean one NPC said he knew those names but didn't know from where, you mean to tell me you've somehow gotten away with using your real names for 15 fucking years and NOBODY has given you guys any shit? nobody? she couldn't at least be Emerald or Ivory or something else? he couldn't pick Rob or Bob or Ranc? seriously people, how are any of you alive?

anyway, i wake up in a cabin.
i go to the door, she's there with firewood and sneezes adorably.
yeah, this is the waifu. that sneeze sealed the deal.

her dad is King Geros, got it. and somehow... the story goes i destroyed my kingdom?
...how the fuck am i, a baby, supposed to be able to kill an ENTIRE FUCKING KINGDOM overnight and not one person is batting an eye to this idea?

also, i'm an adult now, kind of. in lore i am, anyway.
how is it that in my entire time growing up, literally no plague of destruction occurred? where's the mass graves and extinction events? ...did they have to manufacturer them and blame me for it all? or is this game going to just assume i somehow did absolutely nothing, no burning down of kingdoms, and somehow... nothing? like if i could singlehandedly do that as a baby, how did i get arrested so easily? you guys were gonna kill me at the start and somehow NOBODY was gonna think twice about this?

is everyone in this world really, really stupid?
i go around the cabin and find a chest with a mini medal. i run along, get to a bridge, and there's Hendrick on his horse. Jade... then pulls off a Bayonetta impression once more and is fighting a guy in full armor riding an armored horse who she herself admit can kill us without a problem. she's gonna do this... with no weapons.

yeah i'm not sure how much harder this game can convince you to fall in love with this girl right now. like c'mon, just how perfect are you trying to make this girl? what's her flaw here? ya made her stacked, good design, gorgeous, high combat ability, would literally jump off a cliff for you, sits by a fireplace with you telling stories, and is literally fighting an armored man on an armored horse. obviously, she loses the fight. Hendrick is also dumber than everyone else i've ever met in this game.

"Princess you're alive!"
"Ya."
"Now get away from him, he's THE DARKSPAWN!"
"Uhh I'm alive. The story goes he killed everyone. But I'm alive."
"Correct."
"With him."
"It appears so."
"Meaning he didn't do it."
"DARKSPAWN!"
"I'm literally fighting you and telling you to let us go."
"DARKSPAWN!"
"I'm alive when I should be dead, am telling you the opposite of my dad's orders, and telling you that i'm with the guy who, according to dad, somehow killed me when he was something like 2 days old, forcing me to live in

we seem to be going along this game at roughly the same pace. I'm only a little passed where you're at. This has been entertaining to read so far, thanks. I grinded out the slots by just leaving auto play on slime slots and playing League, lol. Got like 200k tokens in however long. Autoplay OP

---

You'll probably get way ahead of me, I tend to do about an hour or two a day on average. Which means I'll be done in 3 months or something. >_>

---

brief update:

after escaping from Hendrick we meet up with the cast as there's an extreme closeup to this guy's mustache. he's telling me about the great evil... Mordegon.

oh hey i have him in FFBE actually. lots of Ice and Dark magic. not a bad mage unit. also, Veronica is still in her cat outfit and i refuse to put her in anything else. Rab gives me the Rainbough which is... a tree branch glow stick.

since it doesn't work, Rab and Jade join. hooray. you know what that means: time to allocate skills and check out equipment!

Jade:
Claws - maybe. Can Opener works on mechanical enemies, which are not to be confused with metal enemies i bet. Hawkeye Claw is anti-dodging, Propeller Blade is two hits and something Vince did. i'm not as impressed. the real thing here is crit and HP absorption, which is nice. also if there's a dual wield, it's on this skil tree.

Spears - okay a few things. 1) i love spears. awesome weapon type, always. 2) the casino had a really good spear and it's just MEANT for this gal. 3) the moves seem alright. crit ability + high speed girl = even if she misses, a crit can be stupidly good.

Fisticuffs - has 2 learned. the rest all appear to be stats.

Allure - can butt bump and make everyone stare at her boobs. stat boosts on Charm, Resilience, can blow a kiss to stop people, ooh, increasing pep bonus... that's probably on everyone, actually. but alright. not directly interested.

also a quick check of stats... she's clearly speedy melee. a tree check, both are clearly meant to be used - there's 2/4 of the ? panels done on each side. i do one, it's Pep Chance 5%! i do the other, it's... Pep Chance 5%? ...alright, you really want her nice and peppy. spear skills prioritized though.

Rab:
Heavy Wands - ...uh. he's supposed to be worse than Veronica but his grid is almost twice hers. i mean i figure she'll expand later but like... wtf dude. he's even got a random revive skill in this. i get the first skill of this for now.

Claws - useless i think.? though i DO love the idea of a fighting dwarf grandpa with claws, the image is pretty amazing and i'm sure i'll try it one day. also... there's a lot of evasion gained in this tree actually. ...maybe not as useless. maybe he can go full red mage.

Enlightenment - already has MP transfer, curse lifting, decent HP regen for the party. it's stat boosts and a single question mark that's 3/4 done. obviously going for that first, it unlocks a new skill that boosts effectiveness of my spells. ...yeah, cool. thanks. also i'm going for unlocking MP over Agility. we'll see if i regret that later.

stat check: he's clearly a hybrid mage. not as good at offense, not as good at healing, but can do a bit of everything - except melee that is.

whew. all that done. will forge after saving later.
cutscene.
the branch glows!
...we need to collect the chaos emeralds?

wait where the fuck were you hiding that orb, Erik? you swiped that early on yeah but since then you've been kidnapped; hell, i think that's pre-jumping off a fucking cliff, like... where was this. how did you whip it out so quickly. WHERE WAS THIS.

ooh, Rab's got the yellow orb too, nice. forgot that was the reward. so uh... how's that orphanage getting funded again? well, no matter, that's for Rogan Town to figure out. long story short, this game is replacing the glowy sword from Shadow of the Collosus with a glowy stick, a much better horse, and an all around much better game too. which ain't hard since that game sucked.

we're told to go to not Puerto Rico, well that'll be easy. Sylv has a closeup cutscene, okay so that confirms he's the Don's son. alright, that's one backstory down. Erik, you're next. you and that sage.

i FINALLY get to save.
now... next step is wondering what i can get done, crafting-wise. the bunny suit is actually incredibly demanding. wonder how possible that is.

---

Nice, just picked it up for PS4 myself a couple days ago. Loving it so far

I made my rab a claw only user, because fuck it.
Coincidentally, he's also not in my main party. Running Hero-Erik-Jade-Serena

Once again I'm a bit past you, I have all orbs but one. But it didn't take as long as I thought it would to be honest, so interested to see where the story goes post Orbs...

---

After 90 hours and a platinum trophy I never once put claws on Rab

---

updating tomorrow.
had a lot of D&D stuff to do before getting back to this.


---

note to self.
save more often in notepad or use a different notepad that autosaves. -_-


---

:( rip. I've stopped playing while immersing myself in ff7 but I still liked reading your writeups

---

gonna marathon this game all week.
started today, caught up my old text, gotta edit it around for it to make sense and finally back to updating tomorrow.

---

did i say marathon i meant be fatigued for like 4 days straight before finally getting better and not knowing wtf that was about.

and i got veronica mad at me, a lot, for not getting the orbs but instead going everywhere else.

---

man. it's been a month.
tonight it is then.


---

where did i leave off...

right, we're on the way to getting the 4 orbs remaining. first stop, not puerto rico, clearly Sylvando's hometown. thing is i've been there already so hey, i can 'port and gotta get Jade her new shiny spear. i teleport over, Sylv leaves saying he needs to do something, and we walk around without him. yeah okay, so basically he ran away from home to adventure or something.

i go to the casino, spend half an hour there and get enough in poker to get Jade's new spear. still can't unlock the high rollers table so i make sure i've a few thousand extra for the eventual unlocking of this part of the game, with i assume is gonna have significantly better prizes. there's also a quest with a man asking for a bunny suit and pointing out Jade, i know what you mean man. you're goddamn right i'm gonna make her a bunny girl, the best bunny girl. a bunny girl you wouldn't believe. but i'm gonna do that in a few levels because i lack the focus for 2* items. anyway we go to the big house which is the Don's place and meet with a butler who Rab is familiar with. they talk for a bit and he unlocks the gate, whoo. i can finally travel out into the open seas!

i head to the boat and cutscene. we're all waving the guy, including Sylv, who then realizes who we're waving to and proceeds to hide and cower as the guy goes "hey wait isn't that..." in an obvious twist. uh... so did Sylv get this boat after leaving? so he just happened to be THIS rich, all on his own, without his dad's influence?

well, we're on the open seas now! i start traveling and soon run into a cutscene where there's a ton of fog and the game makes it clear we're in the not-Bermuda Triangle as our boat gets stuck on an island with a small pond. inside there's a girl in water and we meet a mermaid! Veronica meanwhile, kinda bitchy at first but upon the reveal that she's a mermaid goes all soft like someone slapped her into becoming a knight or something. anyway, mermaid's been waiting for some dude for a while in this pool, i'm gonna go on a limb and assume he's either a) 80 years old, or b) dead. probably dead. Veronica's over here hyping her up like she's the hottest thing ever but uhhh, listen you child in a catsuit, have you *looked* at Jade? anyway, mermaid has the powers to make people breath underwater and oh god no this is going to lead to an underwater level, isn't it? not just a level, a city. i'm dreading this already.

so we make a deal: we find the guy for her and in exchange can talk to the queen about the rainbow balls we're looking for. fair, right? sure. they probably have one anyway because honestly if i was going to hide out a magical ball of power why wouldn't it go to the underwater people. at the end of all this our boat is magically freed and we're given a destination! so i do what any reasonable person does in an RPG: explicitly not go there.

there's a random little island? going to that, exploring, beating monsters, and finding 2 chests i can't get through. Veronica meanwhile is bitching at me. that's fine.

i continue going up, through the ice, through these snowy fields and holy shit do these monsters hit like a fucking truck. something tells me i'm not supposed to be here just yet considering i almost wipe once, do have a character die on me (Rab, but Serena revives out of combat), and can't do more than 2 fights without needing to heal. yeah uh... i can level up fighting like 6 times right now, pretty sure that's all casino weaponry doing the job. these cyclops are familiar too, didn't i run into them earlier in the forest when i looked down at them? and now i'm at the level to fight them? cool, that was quick. they take a ton of punishment, it's pretty ridiculous, and their drops are better than what i'm wearing. so yeah, this is ahead. well, moving on, there's a town around here so let's goooo.

cutscene.
it's Serena and Veronica's hometown? boy that's an awkward one.
"Hi mom, I got turned into a loli but don't mind me, I'm doing just fine."

as the cutscene continues it seems i'm quite welcome in this town. which is nice, i guess it's okay if i raid everyone's home and break all their pots to find mini medals, equipment, and random shit that i can use in the next 10 hours. i also decide to go and hit up the shops and goddamn these are good. sure they've got ice element attached but... i mean that really just matters for Erik on his knives and boomerangs. the armors are nice, the weapons are nice, and while it ain't beating casino equips, is pretty solid. so yeah uh, i'm going with a few upgrades for Erik, some armor boosts, and moving on. finally had to sell some items to buy all this stuff.

anyway, we're basically told that we can't actually do anything here right now and need to find the other 4 orbs first, then we can magically go to the floating tree or whatever. okay so this isn't a full sequence break then, this is just being able to warp to the final spot. alright, sounds good. also there were other towns nearby that i could check if i wanted to but... Veronica is quite mad at me. see, i've been talking to all the characters steadily on this side journey for a while and one thing has become painfully clear: Veronica is pissed at me for leaving the mermaid waiting. but i don't really understand it; that fish has been waiting there for who knows how long already, a couple detours ain't doing shit.

in short, get off my ass ya damn loli.
also if your hometown is in fuckoff mountain, surrounded by all these powerful ass monsters, how the hell did you grow up so weak? see my excuse is easy: look at my fucking village. you know what was a major monster over there? a slime. a tree stump. a weak ass shade at night. you know what's a major monster at your place? fucking robots and a goddamn Cyclops. these two girls are raised to be the guardians of the Luminairy, i.e., the huge number 1 hero who is meant to save the world from a global calamity. how the hell did you two grow up to be SO weak in this place? these mountains are in nowhereville! the boss we fought was probably weaker than a typical cyclops here and even if you want to count his shades as mattering - they didn't - it ain't like he fights alone either. you, in your before-town state, could get 2HKO'd by the guy. instead you come in with gear weaker than what your hometown's got, weaker than probably the fucking children who look as old as you do right now, and you got kidnapped by a bunch of dudes weaker than the fucking robot we used to get to your village. the one we NEEDED TO USE to get here. also since i got here by boat i assume you left by boat too. well guess what: the monsters on the water are stronger than the random guys who kidnapped you too! the fuck kind of guardians are these, how'd they fuck that one up?

me: village literally my whole life. zero expectations beyond plot.
Erik: slums, other secret past. minimal expectations, despite being SSB Gogeta.
Sylv: came in pretty decently skilled, not OMG amazing but good enough to explain his position. now that we know where he's from, really no expectations beyond what he's shown us.
Rab: old man kung fu and magic. he's old, okay? but he's with Jade so clearly competent.
Jade: awesome, trained, skilled in combat, powerful in cutscenes, a complete bombshell badass. traveled for years, a clear fighter. high expectations.
Sailor Moon and Chibi Moon: so we're from magic Greenland or something and despite the fact that we should logically be incredibly powerful considering we're magic vikings raised to be your guardians, we actually kind of suck, get kidnapped easy, show up with crappy gear, and are about as worthwhile as the circus boy even though we ought to be worth something closer to the hot chick who kicks.

i want new guardians, these are broken.

---

updating tonight.

---

left Sailor and Chibi Moon's hometown in the only way i seem to be able to and went back on the path. with the new equipment i decided to give a few fights a chance, muuuch better. it's just a couple stats but it goes a long way to wrecking shit. i steadily mosey along, considering to just teleport outta here but i must insist on exploration. some of this is useful too: i find a giant block of ice that i can't get through, remember i can just get a monster that charges forward, it breaks the ice, i get a new mining point.

some of it's not as useful. like... the Royal Library.
i get through it without a problem, monsters here aren't as difficult as those cyclops. i LOVE the design on this scholar dinosaur, Professaurus. just fantastic.

also super easy after your first fight with him and he just casts Boom to wreck your face. lock his magic, fight's over real quick. also relatively low HP so... yeah, pretty easy dungeon actually. way easier enemies than the ones near the blondes' hometown, furthering my confusion in how the hell they're so weak. inside the library there's some books i can't read because there's a spell cast on it, alternatively one book tells me "i'm not ready yet" because i'm apparently too much of a child or something, but there's a couple recipe books! like... asbestos earrings?

...uh.
okay yes that's gonna raise my fire res but uhhhhhh...
please don't wear asbestos as fucking earrings. da fuck is this.

well, i get to the top, am unable to do anything, so i leave. wasn't really a puzzle as much as a thing to just run through and get treasures steadily. i also see one book talk about the ice dragon imprisoned i saw along the way, so a previous hero did that. gotcha. i believe i also found a Tick Tock inside so that was nice, new pastword get.

as i continue moving back to the boat on foot i see another area i haven't gone to and head over there: the Hekswood. not to be confused with the Hellswood, which is a lot more dangerous. here... these monsters also ain't much. i get all the treasures, get to the last area, like the free healing save point, and decide it's about time i craft stuff. after all, i'm now level 29.

oh hey, i unlocked a new skill that lets me smack things on a 2x2 area. nice. a lot more focus too so... let's try it.

Bunny Girl +3 get.
then +3 on the other bunny girl equipment.
literally all of it is out of date even with these bonuses already, whoops. but that's fine, i'm now gonna keep this outfit on until i find something better (good luck on that, game). gonna need more than that if i want to do my broadsword though so i'll just steadily move along, knowing that i'm not too far away from that.

oh yeah, skills.
i get more bonuses to my greatsword handling, i'm just gonna run through the tree on this. Sylv got dual wield. Jade is steadily working through sticks, Rab magic stuff, Veronica might as well finish heavy wands, Serena wands, and Erik got Deftness +30 because i wanna steal shit. pretty straightforward upgrade trees right now really. without any new areas to go to i teleport over to Sniffle Norway (Sniflheim) and hop on my boat.

is this world map... well, a world map? the answer: no. when you hit one side of the screen you can't just go to the other side ala Civ, you just swim along an artificial wall. unfortunate, that. well i drive the boat around the top to a small island where i find a gigantic monster. alright let's do th-- oh it died. Kriller Killer ain't much i see.

this island is shit. as i explore i see a fisherman! he tells me he's fishing for a tribute fit for a queen.

...wait.
oh goddammit.
so THIS is the guy? and i gotta go do like 4 other quests to find him even though i literally just did by accident? ah well, back to sea. i'm currently assuming these glowing pillars in the water are basically teleporters now because Zoom ain't getting me to those islands again unfortunately. i steadily make my way to another one and this one is... trash.

...wait.
slime? slime? slime? slime? it's a slime island!
WHERE THE METAL BE AT.

as if to confirm my claim i pick up a Slime Crown.
fuck there's a liquid metal slime here too. and they run away like little bitches.

i beat a couple more King Slimes along the way because i figure it's probably with him for good reason but after the second flees i figure okay, i'm not doing this right now. i'm assuming he's got a higher agility and just gets to fuck off before i can because of that.

as a result, i leave slime island, having gained the award for killing 1000 monsters and hitting level 30. i might be slightly overpowered. i'm assuming normal metal slimes are with the little generic slimes but whatever. if i need agility, Erik's gotta unlock some of his stuff there too. right now i'm not sure exactly what i want to build to next with him considering sleeping things has been working out surprisingly well but eh.

before i forget.
Zoom to not Puerto Rico, finish that quest.
this man calls Jade the most beautiful bunny girl that has ever lived. i currently respect pervert NPC more than the vast majority of NPCs in the game and believe he should be king for having good judgment. i mean shit, it's better than at least 2 kingdoms so far.

also he's totally wrong - that honor goes to Mai from Bunny Girl Senpai, but that's unfair as 1) he has no idea what that is, and 2) there's very few women better than Mai. top 5 waifu, hands down. but i digress.

Zoom to Normally-Death Stranded
boat on over to the island in the south that I think I ignored? yes, i ignored this one, found a chest with a recipe and i would've remembered the Cyclops. so uh... only one place to go.

Holy Water for the water enemies as i'm really tired of random enemy battles in the ocean. fuck off guys, i ain't interested. i see some boats along the way telling me to keep going and so i do... finally arriving to my destination of Lonalulu. so not Hawaii, gotcha.

only took a good month. this update had more Zoom usage than i do in a week.


---

i land in not-hawaii and proceed to check: 18 treasures.
gotcha. i already see a red door so i know i ain't getting everything so i'll just do a quick loop while talking to NPCs. as i go around, breaking pots, finding a treasure chest under a bridge, doing my inn run to find... 400 gold? wow, we're going a step up from clothing now aren't we? the shops, unsurprisingly, sell stuff worse than what i'm wearing considering i'm basically geared up for 2-3 towns from now. also the weapon shop really confuses me because somehow the weapon she's selling has its recipe in a treasure chest right behind her. ...kind of feel bad for this girl but seriously, ya couldn't have left that in a better spot?

the NPCs are talking about a Tentacular, which i assume is the thing obviously evil second in command had. they also aren't at all bothered by the fact that i'm looking for a guy so uh... okay. there's also talk of a lady shooting cannons in the morning, i like her. good character trait there. the layout of the place makes me think one part will eventually be locked off because there's gates in a couple key spots, so uh... alright. as i reach the church, cutscene hits of a tale of a man who was an awesome fisherman, then almost died, met a mermaid, and was told she'd give him his life for his soul. he eventually got back, said no way to village girl, and so the elder burned his ship and laughed at his misery.

so mermaids are sirens in the myth, got it. they have teeth as big as their face or something is what one kid later says. wonder if that's gonna be an enemy when i hit the underwater level? an evil mermaid type.

the lady who told the story then tells me that Kai must be her kid and he's off to go fight the Tentacular. everyone considers him a weirdo so i mean i guess it makes sense. fortunately not everyone is against mermaids, or at least one kid isn't... he asks what would a human/mermaid baby. somebody's interested over here and i hope for the sake of his future, we're adopting the George Katamari/Monster Musume idea of mermaids where the fishy part is a little lower than some interpretations.

lemme guess, the guy in the myth was named Kai and the son is named after him? well whatever. as i wander i also find the cannon lady and am disappointed to see it's a grandma. fortunately she gives me a cannon for my worries as long as i promise to bring it back, yeah sure, this shit's mine and we both know it. free cannon, whooo. i also find another Tick Tock, i'm probably gonna head over after i'm done with this part of the story so i can do 2 of 'em.

and so i go back to the ship. a lot less exploring than some other towns thankfully, with me down to 8 treasures left. i get in the water, check the map, see that it's to the boats i saw along the way that were rushing me, and head to them.

dammit Sylv.
there's a bunch of men clearly overboard, clearly in the sea after losing a fight, and you're over here trying to figuratively pick them up? they're all warning him of something, it's "above you," and there's a flying boat that comes crashing down with a squid apparently attached. fortunately i've got a cannon and a ball smacks it in the face. ...wouldn't it have made more sense to hit it up the nose? or the eye? i mean it's THIS close, how do you hit the forehead or something? he discusses eating it, i'm inclined to agree, and the fight begins.

and the fight ends. that uh, wasn't hard. also Jade's skill of hitting aerial enemies really needs a better description because that shit hits hard on anything slightly in the air but not on grounded birds. just saying. either way, fight ends, monster disappears so we can't eat it, and they're off to throw us a party.

...even the nun is drunk?
well, Kai apparently hates parties.
young Bayonetta decides to come with me and then we're met with a loli catgirl who isn't allowed to party because she's a loli and is mad at it again. honestly you're complaining now but in 20 years when Serena's old you're gonna look at her and laugh as she looks for a way to do the same shit again. that demon had a pot of eternal youth, figure out that shit and your grandkids will be set for life. anyway NPC tells me he's fixing his boat so alright. as i wander i see a line with Serena and crack up. she's got a line of dudes.

"Serena's so kind and gentle. Why can't my wife be more like her?"

goddamn.
and as i continue i run into his wife talking shit about him. perfect couple, 10/10.

we meet Kai.
he tells us it's his grandpa.
his mom made the myth.
Veronica insists that he go keep his promise without realizing anything. you're the smart one aren't you? how do you not realize the story is legit? and then he tells them and her and Jade are shocked.

so story continues, Kai was in exile, the village girl banged another dude, had a kid, another storm hit and she lost her husband. then she went missing along with the kid. so they assumed Kai somehow did it through a magic revenge plot with mermaids and they found Kai with a dripping wet baby.

Veronica says she's a half mermaid and he's a quarter, neo Kai gets mad, emoting as much anger as he can which is to say, not at all, and he tells us in his hard midwestern accent to meet him.

i mean i'm glad this is running to my basic initial idea before i explored halfway around the world and found a random ass fisherman on an island. i also have no idea where Rab is in all this but i'm off to the church. ...oh. he's in the church with the grandma. makes sense. we go out the back, which is apparently a graveyard of sorts, and i break a pot. one more treasures down! mutliple graves, a hut, is this where the guy was exiled to? that ain't very far.

also this guy's cold as fuck.
"TELL HER HE'S DEAD." uh... thanks.
there also happens to be a treasure chest with a mini medal outside this hut. since nobody ever comes here, has this thing been around since like... 50 years? Jade calls this place lonely but i don't see how. dude's got a beachfront, pretty awesome. also lmao at the villagers for this.

"we're gonna exile you! now go make a cabin near the beach. FUCK YOU!"
"uh... so you're putting me nearer to the water?"
"I SAID FUCK YOU"

they ain't bringing their smart ones, folks.
how the fuck did the nun sober up and get over here so fast. this bitch was wasted, now she's perfectly fine? damn girl. i don't see the line for Serena so i assume that's it for this village as i head to the boat.


---

get on the boat? what am i saying.
Zoom to to the Strand.
i'm given an option: tell the truth or lie. truth, duh. she says she won't believe me and wants to meet the grandson. well alright, i'll zoom us into wa-- no? no zoom? i gotta boat my way over? bah.

...or not, because the plot understands my feelings and just does a magic teleport for us. good job devs! honestly the pacing on this quest is pretty steady, can't complain at all on that. any length of time i've stretched out is totally on me. so anyway, i gotta go fetch Kai, i do, bring him over, and he meets Michelle, our rhyming mermaid.

she's convinced it's not him and... then sings to make feet? walks along sand, kisses a grave, is clearly saying goodbye to everything uhhh what. she then compliments the grandson and oh my god don't you dare fall for the same girl.

and then she goes into water and turns to foam like the in-game legends have it. if a mermaid gets on land then she can no longer get in water or else she'll turn to foam. i honestly wonder if that legend applies to things like a shower or a bath. or rain, even. any of those would be a pretty fucked up way to lose your wife. "where'd betty go?" "she was taking a bath. now she IS the bath. may i interest you in some mermaid girl bath water, only $30!"

honestly i know this is a sad scene and do feel a bit on it but i can't help but also laugh because she's the one who purposefully made this a tragedy. i'm being reminded of mermaids from Monster Musume and how the mermaid kingdom is MASSIVELY obsessed with tragedy. Mero and her mom as the prime examples here:





see?
Monster Musume was fucking RIGHT. tragedy obsessed freaks is what mermaids are. but i digress. after she turns to algae food, Kai decides to run to the cabin because he remembered something. we follow, cutscene hits, and that's a really nice painting of her he shows. man, grandpa Kai could draw, this is nicely done. there's also a letter on the back explaining what happened and if you wanted more tragedy here we go:

the kid wasn't a mermaid's obviously, but rather the child of the woman who he was going to marry before having a forbidden love with a mermaid. Que Tragedia! knowing that she had lost her husband she was tired of it all and went to go jump off a cliff with the baby. why include the baby? because tragedy. grandpa Kai saw this and tried to stop them but alas! she jumped! we presume that he went after 'em but he could only save the child, not the mother.

so uh. two things.
one: grandpa Kai, you dodged a serious bullet there.
two: does nobody like... notice that the kid growing up would look an awful lot like the fisherman or village girl? i mean i've been calling her the village girl but she's the elder's daughter. you'd think SOMEONE would realize hey... that kid's really familiar looking. while we're on this, would nobody have noticed the baby looks like the same baby? like i know babies can be hard to tell apart but if you JUST lost one and happen to find one that looks EXACTLY the same, maybe make the connection that... they're the same baby?

third thing! was Kai just incapable of talking or something? like you guys are fishermen, if there's a body i'm sure you guys can get a good crew going to try to find her. also, you're literally holding the baby as proof. alas, grandpa Kai is overcome with fatherly love and decides to dedicate his life to this baby girl. wouldn't it have made more sense to talk things with people in the village? absolutely! but he must dedicated his life for her, he must! oh what a tragic love, split not by a woman scorned but because of her her orphaned newborn daughter!~

god would Mero and her mom love this twist. 10/10, would tragedy again. the fact that the story manages to continue from this position 50 years later to give the mermaid a tragic ending too and complete the cycle is just icing on the cake. the story ends with it clear that he really did love this mermaid and she loved him and now, 50 years later, they're both dead to create a super tragedy. well done writers, you've seriously outdone yourself here.

oh hey there's a pot in this room i can break. got me a new pearl, whoo!
...don't look at me that way if the game didn't want me to break this thing it wouldn't have put it in the room.

so uh.
that's the mermaid quest.
she told us that she left our gift back on the strand so i guess that's where we're going. Zoom! it's now become Death Stranded. where she used to sit is a treasure chest with a key item: Lorelei's Harp. there's also a depressing note attached to it saying that if i'm reading this she's gone but that this thing can let me get underwater in the glowy things. sounds good, thanks foam.

ending updates there for the day.

---

unrelated.
but it's been a couple months now and i've only seen one other person make a topic.
did they just not start or did they just not choose to make one.

---

Everyone hates me but you, Wang.

---

that's really unfortunate.

anyway, i've got a new harp with me now so let's see how to do this. by getting it, my map now has the glowy water places on it, nice.

i get on the boat then decide fuck this, Zoom my entire boat over to the closest port city near my plot destination, get to it, and play the harp as my boat goes into a bubble underwater. we can breath! and walk! this isn't a water level, this is a level that happens to be underwater! as i move forward, my glowstick reacts to a nearby orb. second time i've seen that, the other was not Norway. maybe it's not Denmark? whatever. cutscene.

Rab wants to bang every mermaid.
Jade says we should figure out stuff on rumors. well my glowstick told me but i guess i don't tell anyone that it reacted? do i really want to be on this quest at all?

4 treasures.
i try to buy some weapons from a shark but sadly i can't because i don't speak shark. oh sure, now you go for realism. as i talk to NPCs they tell me i'm the queen's guest. uh... is she expecting other people? does the harp signal to the queen "hey i need air, help plz" in a way that makes her do it? also why is there a mermaid with glasses underwater? she's an NPC using the science girl trope and all but seriously, she's wearing glasses underwater. not goggle style. just. normal. glasses. there's also books, apparently handwritten ones, so uh... about that shark... i say as i see a guy fishing. yep. moving on.

so my guess is that the queen/NPCs here think i must be Kai or somehow connected to it, making me a guest. walked around the palace, found a mini medal. alright, in we go. cutscene.

...well then. that's not what i expected. queen instantly recognized me, went into a very long poem, gave me the orb, and said we're destined to meet again. apparently she's got eyes and ears everywhere and knows everything that happened, saying it's the will of the world tree. now i don't know if that's true but hey, i'll take it. she also points out how tragedy is always happening between mermaids and humans, saying she's tried to stop that but it always ends in failure or worse. foreshadowing much?

lmao and apparently i can just walk off behind the throne or anywhere on top really. sorry elevator mermaid, your services are not needed. as i leave i spot a quest giver! Gondolia singer boy, got it. and by boy i mean old man because she said it was 50 years ago. 'port out. to not Italy.

wander. wander. wander. old guy? not old enough. this one? no. ...takes a while but i find him. i also see my quest list got a bunch of new entries lit up too. areas i haven't been to yet but are clearly in the next couple underwater destinations. but one in Honolulu too so i warp over, he wants me to go to one of the islands. sounds good... later. lemme get the others unlocked first. i go to the spot that clearly looks like it's a teleporter to another water bubble area and... boom, exactly what it was. nice to know.

4 treasures.
2 cities to reach.
tons of new enemies so i start wandering and meet a rarified monster that actually takes quite a bit of effort to beat. fortunately i do twice AND fortunately he drops one of each item too. Serena now is equipped with a Glumbrella. i find a statue and... hm.

level 31.
alright, forge time. 4 more focus, multi attack, okay. i make some +3 earrings to try it out and am getting the idea that if i puff twice while forging my next attack doubles, which is perfect for some of these techniques. i decide i should just get to town for quest unlocking and for Zoom purposes. once i can teleport to town i can roam freely again. first one i reach is Phnom Nonh.

i'm not sure what this place is supposed to be so i can't do any quips on it yet. but cutscene hits, apparently it's to go into ruins and stuff, sure i'll do that... later. first thing first: quest giver spotted. quest to beat the monster i already was. apparently they only come out when it's raining? lucky me then, got a super lucky break on getting the items AND this. i go back out, hunt one, done, quest complete.

this town also has 21 treasures.

but first thing first: new sea exploration.
i Zoom over to not Norway/Finland and get to the sea because that's the closest spot to this extra water teleporter. yeah, you didn't think i was forgetting about this thing did ya?


---

playing some more tonight.


---