Current Events > My friend wants a long term relationship, but I'm not interested. Advice?

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LumaRosalina
01/19/20 6:50:42 AM
#1:


I'm a girl. I'm online friends with this guy, and he very obviously has a crush on me. He jokes about marrying me, says he loves me, and actually wants to meet up with me in the future. I've always shrugged it off but I'm realizing that he genuinely expects this stuff to happen in the future. I'm not interested in him, but he's a great friend and I want to continue to talk to him without worrying about him taking it the wrong way and thinking we're gonna have a relationship.

How can I politely and gently let him know that I just wanna be friends?
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solosnake
01/19/20 6:54:47 AM
#2:


sounds like that dude is never gonna just look at you as a friend. You should just cut off contact with him if this is just some internet creep imo.

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Keith_Valentine
01/19/20 6:58:01 AM
#3:


Good luck dude. He sounds like a desperate dumbass, theres not gonna be any easy way to disengage. He will always want more.
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Jeff AKA Snoopy
01/19/20 6:58:06 AM
#4:


Just say exactly that?

"You've made it pretty obvious you are interested in a romantic relationship with me. I'm not looking to get involved with you in that way"

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teepan95
01/19/20 7:04:07 AM
#5:


He ain't entitled to a relationship, but you ain't entitled to a friendship

Sounds like y'all ain't compatible and need to move on from one another
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TwoDoorPC
01/19/20 7:14:39 AM
#6:


staying friends with him will be bad for him and eventually the 'friendship' will fall apart. you're both better off if you just go your separate ways.

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marthsheretoo
01/19/20 7:15:27 AM
#7:


Get a fake boyfriend.

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LumaRosalina
01/19/20 7:21:08 AM
#8:


We've been friends for a long time, it would feel terrible to stop talking to him
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TwoDoorPC
01/19/20 7:23:43 AM
#9:


LumaRosalina posted...
We've been friends for a long time, it would feel terrible to stop talking to him

it'd be worse to drag out a friendship with someone that wants more

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viewmaster_pi
01/19/20 7:44:13 AM
#10:


Combine the advice in here. You posted exactly what you should say, just rearrange it so you're telling him. You want to stay friends, you value your friendship, but you know he wants more, but you're just not interested and you want to stay genuine friends. That's the best you can do, and if it doesn't work out, you both are just better off going your separate ways (worlds apart) by journey

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KainWind
01/19/20 9:07:40 AM
#11:


Please please don't give him hope that a relationship could happen.

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solosnake
01/19/20 9:27:54 AM
#12:


KainWind posted...
Please please don't give him hope that a relationship could happen.
This.

You are afraid of ruining him by rejecting him, but giving him false hope is far worse

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NonDairyMiltank
01/19/20 9:29:35 AM
#13:


LumaRosalina posted...
I'm not interested in him, but he's a great friend and I want to continue to talk to him without worrying about him taking it the wrong way and thinking we're gonna have a relationship.
nope

can't have both with someone whos made it clear they want more than that
abort

he got feels and will be bitter af about being "friendzoned" later no matter what you do, he'll say you strung him along by not shutting him down
hes not gonna get what he really wants out of the friendship, so youre setting each other up for drama later if you let it roll

that ain't how it should be, but thats how it is

drop that friends-only card on him if you want to and see where it goes
but dont let things get outta hand just to spare each other's feelings, he'll be upset with you bein fake like that anyway

i tell the same thing to guys who have a clingy girl friend who keeps seeing wedding rings and wont dial it down
youre not a villain for sayin no thanks and walkin when they keep begging for a date that you don't want
youre a villain if you stick around just to let them believe they got a chance of dating you in the future, thats bein fake...

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Questionmarktarius
01/19/20 9:31:51 AM
#14:


LumaRosalina posted...
How can I politely and gently let him know that I just wanna be friends?
Don't. Be direct and blunt about it.
"Ain't gonna happen. Look elsewhere."

If you want to be "nice" about it, set him up with a friend who's roughly as desperate and clingy.
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puppy
01/19/20 9:32:44 AM
#15:


We men arent built for staying friends with someone we are attracted to. Best to lay the hammer down, good for both of you in the long term.

Of course the days are strange, so maybe some men enjoy the friend zone and my post is offensive.

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gamestunner
01/19/20 9:39:49 AM
#16:


Should've trapped him in the friendzone, before you used him.

Now, you gotta be stern and tell him it's not gonna happen.
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teepan95
01/19/20 10:41:57 AM
#17:


TwoDoorPC posted...
LumaRosalina posted...
We've been friends for a long time, it would feel terrible to stop talking to him

it'd be worse to drag out a friendship with someone that wants more

KainWind posted...
Please please don't give him hope that a relationship could happen.

---
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AsucaHayashi
01/19/20 10:44:20 AM
#18:


teepan95 posted...
He ain't entitled to a relationship, but you ain't entitled to a friendship

Sounds like y'all ain't compatible and need to move on from one another

i like this wording.

girls who just want to stay "good friends" despite knowing the other party's interest in them are like the equivalent of wanting their cake and eating it too.

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Seitar
01/19/20 7:39:00 PM
#19:


Questionmarktarius posted...
Don't. Be direct and blunt about it.
"Ain't gonna happen. Look elsewhere."

If you want to be "nice" about it, set him up with a friend who's roughly as desperate and clingy.
Yeah, with a guy like that you need to be totally clear, direct and blunt. If you let him down easy he will twist and mangle those words into something that fits his agenda.

Sure if you let him down easy he might back of for a month or two but then he will be back to his old ways again and eventually it will turn into toxic bitterness which will hurt both of you more than the alternative.

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SauI_Goodman
01/19/20 7:43:38 PM
#20:


Change your online name and hope he doesn't find you.
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Ultima Dragon
01/19/20 7:45:34 PM
#21:


The main issue is that you didn't shut it down from day one (at least not forcefully enough). If you just sort of laughed it off or gave him hope I think it's going to be much more damaging and potentially friendship ruining when you finally decide to come down hard on it.

You gotta do it though, right? No matter what happens.

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Eevee-Trainer
01/19/20 8:21:30 PM
#22:


LumaRosalina posted...
He jokes about marrying me, says he loves me, and actually wants to meet up with me in the future
Ngl, that's pretty cringey and a MASSIVE red flag seeing as you've never met.

Run far, run hard

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Sad_Face
01/19/20 8:28:49 PM
#23:


Jeff AKA Snoopy posted...
Just say exactly that?

"You've made it pretty obvious you are interested in a romantic relationship with me. I'm not looking to get involved with you in that way"

Nah, that's too difficult to do. Let's just keep it under wraps.
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Orlando_Jordan
01/19/20 8:28:59 PM
#24:


My advice is to tell him you want to meet and hookup, and then go back to being just friends after that. It's a good compromise.

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TheMikh
01/19/20 8:29:52 PM
#25:


just make it clear you're not interested in a relationship

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IfGodCouldDie
01/19/20 8:47:01 PM
#26:


Why can't you pursue a relationship with him? The most successful relationships I know are when both partners consider each other at least really good friends.

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Evening_Dragon
01/19/20 8:48:03 PM
#27:


Jeff AKA Snoopy posted...
Just say exactly that?

"You've made it pretty obvious you are interested in a romantic relationship with me. I'm not looking to get involved with you in that way"

Pretty much just this. Be direct and blunt.

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LumaRosalina
01/20/20 2:46:10 AM
#28:


IfGodCouldDie posted...
Why can't you pursue a relationship with him? The most successful relationships I know are when both partners consider each other at least really good friends.

We just don't click, he's too serious for me
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