Current Events > Gay man calls out his HS bully after he came out as bisexual sparking debate.

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Lebronwon
11/09/19 12:19:00 PM
#1:


https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/11/08/gay-man-calls-out-high-school-bully-bisexual-internet-divided/

Sadly, queer people all over the world are bullied at school because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. But what is the right thing to do if your teenage bully later comes out as bisexual? That was exactly the situation that one Reddit user found himself in recently. The 27-year-old gay man asked Reddit users if he was the a**hole in the situation when his old school bully came out as bisexual and he used it as an opportunity to call him out for his homophobic bullying. In the Reddit post, the man explains that the bully who he only refers to as B bullied him at school because he was effeminate. B and his friends tormented me verbally so much I developed extreme anxiety whenever I was in their proximity, he wrote. They called me every name in the book: ****, ***** male, Ugly Betty (because I was overweight and pimply back in high school). He continued: Long story short, B and his friend were one of the main reasons I absolutely, positively detested high school. A decade on, he was shocked when he logged onto Facebook to see that his old school bully had shared a lengthy post where he came out as bisexual. I wrote something along the lines of, Thats such a cute and manipulative post B, shame you didnt consider any of this stuff when you bullied me in high school for the exact same things youre now embracing. Not saying people cant change, but since B explicitly said in his post that he knew he was into boys since kindergarten, IMO that makes the fact that he tormented me in high school just for appearing gay even worse.

B was getting plenty of comments from people praising him for coming out which aggravated the Reddit user. He called his old bully out for his manipulative post but the internet is divided on his actions. Im so tired of everyone defending a bad person just because they come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community, they wrote. He was projecting his own insecurities into bullying you and now people are defending him because he came out. However, another user pointed out that nobody knows what the bully has been through since school. While [the original poster] is entitled to be upset with his bully, and doesnt have to forgive him or anything like that, it was shitty to attack him in a public setting while he was coming out.


tl:dr- Guy gets bullied for being gay in HS. Bully comes out as bi 10 years later on FB. Bully gets praised for coming out. Guy reminded people on FB how the dude bullied him and gets attacked for not being nice to him as he was coming out.

Reddit post
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dsjn76/aita_for_ruining_an_old_classmates_comingout_post/
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Gamerguymass
11/09/19 12:27:12 PM
#2:


I would take the gay guys side on this one. Though it would be best if he just forgot about the whole thing and moved on. I have to wonder why he has this guy on Facebook in the first place however. I don't pay attention to anything people I used to go to high school with are doing today except the one guy I'm still friends with, let alone the people who pissed me off.

Also the topic title makes it sound like the gay guy came out as bisexual.
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ChopinList
11/09/19 12:27:34 PM
#3:


It is an extension of "don't speak ill of the dead". When someone comes out as LGBT you can't bring up the bullying they did. Like that person in the article said. No one knows what the bully was going through.
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CruelBuffalo
11/09/19 12:33:03 PM
#4:


Did he ever consider being an adult and messaging him directly about the bullying or did he just go straight to public tantrum?

And it is true he has no idea what B went through as a high schooler. It doesnt excuse Bs behavior, but it can possibly explain it.

I cant imagine being above the age of 21 and writing passive aggressive facebook posts.
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SailorGoon
11/09/19 12:33:29 PM
#5:


The bully should offer up his ass for a penance. Just let his victim go at it raw, no lube.
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Lebronwon
11/09/19 12:35:46 PM
#6:


CruelBuffalo posted...
Did he ever consider being an adult and messaging him directly about the bullying or did he just go straight to public tantrum?

And it is true he has no idea what B went through as a high schooler.

I cant imagine being above the age of 21 and writing passive aggressive facebook posts


He probably wasn't Facebook friends with guy so public post was only way he could get it out.
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ROBANN_88
11/09/19 12:35:46 PM
#7:


Gamerguymass posted...
I have to wonder why he has this guy on Facebook in the first place however.


it's possible he has someone else on his friendslist who then commented on the bullys post, and he saw it through that
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nemu
11/09/19 12:37:36 PM
#8:


Seems fair. Regardless if the bully was just an asshole or using the bullying as a coping mechanism for his own physical or mental abuse, tormenting another person is not in any way justifiable. Maybe in some universe it would have been possible to open up a dialogue of understanding, but the victim owes nothing to the bully.
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CruelBuffalo
11/09/19 12:38:21 PM
#9:


Lebronwon posted...
CruelBuffalo posted...
Did he ever consider being an adult and messaging him directly about the bullying or did he just go straight to public tantrum?

And it is true he has no idea what B went through as a high schooler.

I cant imagine being above the age of 21 and writing passive aggressive facebook posts


He probably wasn't Facebook friends with guy so public post was only way he could get it out.


You can still message someone. He could have left a comment saying Hey, can we chat about hs or anything along those lines. But no, he threw a fit on someone elses post about them coming out. Like not the not place nor the time
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CruelBuffalo
11/09/19 12:40:16 PM
#10:


nemu posted...
Seems fair. Regardless if the bully was just an asshole or using the bullying as a coping mechanism for his own physical or mental abuse, tormenting another person is not in any way justifiable. Maybe in some universe it would have been possible to open up a dialogue of understanding, but the victim owes nothing to the bully.


Correct, the victim never has to forgive the bully. However the question is was he being an asshole with that post, and yes he was. He could have moved on, ignored it, blocked him, etc.

Did he think everyone was gonna gang up on him with a passive aggressive post and be like yeah go kill yourself asshole!!!
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King_Hutton
11/09/19 12:40:18 PM
#11:


While it would have been more mature to do through messaging, I dont blame him at all for doing it publicly.
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KillerKhan420
11/09/19 12:41:58 PM
#12:


So a bully who enjoys pounding other guys comes out as gay later in life, still wanting to pound other guys. He's BRAVE, and getting your ass kicked is apart of life.
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Vicious_Dios
11/09/19 12:44:51 PM
#13:


Must be a reeeeeeaaaalllly slow newsday for them in order for this shit to make headlines. Ugh, give me a break.

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CruelBuffalo
11/09/19 12:45:35 PM
#14:


Vicious_Dios posted...
Must be a reeeeeeaaaalllly slow newsday for them in order for this shit to make headlines. Ugh, give me a break.

Its a gay news blog...
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UnfairRepresent
11/09/19 12:46:11 PM
#15:


Gay guy sounds like a douche
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DeadBankerDream
11/09/19 12:48:16 PM
#16:


I dont even understand the criticism. How is coming out manipulative? Some gay/LGBT people do turn to bullying others in that category as a way to deal with what they hate about themselves and that sucks for everyone, bullied and bully and I do think there should be apologizes and amendsmaking from the bully when they grow up and out of that phase.

How that means that coming out is manipulative I have no fucking clue.

Also yes, he was clearly being an asshole.
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ROBANN_88
11/09/19 12:50:03 PM
#17:


bullies absolutely need to be called out on their behaviour every chance possible.
gay dude is in the right 100%
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DeadBankerDream
11/09/19 12:50:05 PM
#18:


Vicious_Dios posted...
Must be a reeeeeeaaaalllly slow newsday for them in order for this shit to make headlines. Ugh, give me a break.

How upset are you that a gay news sites discussing morality related to gay lifestyle on the basis of a reddit post?

Or since that makes no logical sense, how upset are you that gay news sites exist?
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Vicious_Dios
11/09/19 12:50:34 PM
#19:


CruelBuffalo posted...
Its a gay news blog...


Wait, what's a thing?

...

Alrighty then. Carry on.

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CruelBuffalo
11/09/19 12:54:51 PM
#20:


ROBANN_88 posted...
bullies absolutely need to be called out on their behaviour every chance possible.
gay dude is in the right 100%

You right. Thats why we calling out this queen bullying someone for something that happened in hs
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Hanky_Bannister
11/09/19 1:03:37 PM
#21:


Lebronwon posted...
Im so tired of everyone defending a bad person just because they come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community, they wrote. He was projecting his own insecurities into bullying you and now people are defending him because he came out.

agreed

people can change but that doesnt excuse past actions
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ROBANN_88
11/09/19 1:03:54 PM
#22:


CruelBuffalo posted...
ROBANN_88 posted...
bullies absolutely need to be called out on their behaviour every chance possible.
gay dude is in the right 100%

You right. Thats why we calling out this queen bullying someone for something that happened in hs


how is he a "bully"?

if he did it repeatedly, maybe i could see that, but as it is a one time thing, you're way off base
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Ryangrad
11/09/19 1:04:28 PM
#23:


CruelBuffalo posted...
You right. Thats why we calling out this queen bullying someone for something that happened in hs

Posting about how someone bullied you it's not bullying.
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DDirtyDastard
11/09/19 1:08:35 PM
#24:


Am I reading this right? The gay guy came out as bi? So now people have to come out if they prefer the traditional sex as well?
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Ryangrad
11/09/19 1:10:04 PM
#25:


DDirtyDastard posted...
Am I reading this right? The gay guy came out as bi? So now people have to come out if they prefer the traditional sex as well?

No you're not reading it right. I can't believe you read the article at all if that's the conclusion you're making.
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KillerKhan420
11/09/19 1:15:02 PM
#26:


https://youtu.be/uPofrox-WaI
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FvP
11/09/19 1:17:27 PM
#27:


Gay dude should have not had the bully in his social media. Should have just avoided the whole thing.
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Damn_Underscore
11/09/19 1:18:53 PM
#28:


He went wrong when he went public with this.
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stone
11/09/19 1:21:12 PM
#29:


FvP posted...
Gay dude should have not had the bully in his social media. Should have just avoided the whole thing.

This seriously. And if they were somehow friends, he needs to choose his friends better.
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DDirtyDastard
11/09/19 1:21:54 PM
#30:


Ryangrad posted...
DDirtyDastard posted...
Am I reading this right? The gay guy came out as bi? So now people have to come out if they prefer the traditional sex as well?

No you're not refund it right. I can't believe you read the article at all if that's the conclusion you're making.

Well how am I supposed to process the refund?
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ROBANN_88
11/09/19 1:23:10 PM
#31:


stone posted...
FvP posted...
Gay dude should have not had the bully in his social media. Should have just avoided the whole thing.

This seriously. And if they were somehow friends, he needs to choose his friends better.


from the reddit post:
"His post popped up on my feed due to a few mutual friends commenting and liking it."
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Ryangrad
11/09/19 1:23:20 PM
#32:


DDirtyDastard posted...
Well how am I supposed to process the refund?

Autocorrect. The post has been edited.
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stone
11/09/19 1:25:54 PM
#33:


ROBANN_88 posted...
stone posted...
FvP posted...
Gay dude should have not had the bully in his social media. Should have just avoided the whole thing.

This seriously. And if they were somehow friends, he needs to choose his friends better.


from the reddit post:
"His post popped up on my feed due to a few mutual friends commenting and liking it."

Aah, makes sense.
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MisterPorn
11/09/19 3:32:05 PM
#34:


So it true all homophobes are probably closet cases.
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UnfairRepresent
11/09/19 4:01:16 PM
#35:


Ryangrad posted...
CruelBuffalo posted...
You right. Thats why we calling out this queen bullying someone for something that happened in hs

Posting about how someone bullied you it's not bullying.

This is intentionally ignoring context.

Pointing out someone had an abortion isn't bullying but screaming it loudly during their wedding in an intentional attempt to ruin their lives at a pivotal emotional turning point of their life when they need support is being a massive egotystical piece of shit.

As well as being childish. This guy doesn't give two shits about the "bully" or about "the plight of gay people" he just wanted to feel big and get revenge by being a dick and desperately hoping he can ruin the guys life.
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Esrac
11/09/19 4:04:55 PM
#36:


Gay dude sounds petty as fuck. Still stewing over highschool bullshit.
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closetjpopfan
11/09/19 4:44:29 PM
#37:


Yes, fuck the bully.

Your sexual orientation or identity is absolutely in no way whatsoever a pass for anything. It is completely irrelevant as to the kind of person that you are. You can be a great person, or you can be a complete asshole, and if you are you should be called out on it.

Paradoxically, the line between bravery and selfishness can get thin sometimes. And that is called hypocrisy.
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Medzzz
11/09/19 4:47:08 PM
#38:


To say only straight are strong enough to handle bullies is homophobic
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marc55
11/09/19 4:58:27 PM
#39:


so the bully grew up and matured

and the gay guy was angry about this and wanted people to treat him like crap because of somthing he did 10 years ago

glad to see it backfired
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closetjpopfan
11/09/19 5:05:47 PM
#40:


How the fuck did the bully mature?? Because he came out?? Please.

Again, the issue is not the bullying, but the hypocrisy.

He's not "being petty because of something that happened in HS". Don't be disingenuous.

Even if, standing up to not just a bully but a hypocrite bully is at least as courageous as coming out.

If and only if the bully had been forthcoming about his bullying when coming out would he have an excuse. Everyone does deserve a chance. But he probably didn't even remember. Well, guess what.
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Kensaimage
11/09/19 5:07:21 PM
#41:


All this gay dude did was go out of his way to get revenge.

Maybe the bully in high school was struggling with coming to terms. As a teenager, he could have resented that part of himself, and so lashed out. Does it excuse his actions? No. But what are we gonna do? Hang him in the court of social justice?

People need to grow up. As others have said, the gay dude could have just messaged him if he wanted some kind of closure for the past. The only reason to go public with a call out is to be a self righteous prick. Seriously.

People change. This need to retroactively punish each other for our past mistakes needs to die.
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Medzzz
11/09/19 5:08:52 PM
#42:


closetjpopfan posted...
How the fuck did the bully mature?? Because he came out?? Please.

Again, the issue is not the bullying, but the hypocrisy.

He's not "being petty because of something that happened in HS". Don't be disingenuous.

Even if, standing up to not just a bully but a hypocrite bully is at least as courageous as coming out.

If and only if the bully had been forthcoming about his bullying when coming out would he have an excuse. Everyone does deserve a chance. But he probably didn't even remember. Well, guess what.

Seems like the gay guy never matured because he has yet to grow out of his high school years
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The Catgirl Fondler
11/09/19 5:16:31 PM
#43:


The gay guy did nothing wrong, and the bully deserves every bit of flak thrown his way.
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closetjpopfan
11/11/19 10:49:03 AM
#44:


Kensaimage posted...
Maybe the bully in high school was struggling with coming to terms. As a teenager, he could have resented that part of himself, and so lashed out. Does it excuse his actions? No. But what are we gonna do? Hang him in the court of social justice?

People change. This need to retroactively punish each other for our past mistakes needs to die.

"People change" is not a guarantee. We don't know if the bully changed or if it's just more comfortable for him to come out now. Maybe he did change. But he should at least own up to his actions and apologize, then. Calling him out is appropriate, more than appropriate. It's not about "punishing" him. It's about positive change. Hey, maybe he just forgot. Well, here's your chance to be a better person. I wonder if he took it.

Medzzz posted...
Seems like the gay guy never matured because he has yet to grow out of his high school years

The gay guy is practically irrelevant here, this isn't about him. Someone else could have called out the bully, some third witness. It's the bully's fault that witnesses remember him as an asshole, not any witnesses' (including the victim, or heck, even some fellow perpetrator who might have repented).
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Kensaimage
11/11/19 2:46:09 PM
#45:


^
That doesnt mean it had to become a public spectacle. A simple message asking for an apology could have yielded a meaningful conversation and potential closure
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closetjpopfan
11/12/19 7:44:18 PM
#46:


Sorry but I don't see why the bully should get that benefit. Don't want to be called out being a hypocrite bully in public? Well, maybe try not being a hypocrite bully next time.

And again, an apology to the gay guy in particular, meaningful conversation and closure is not the point. This could have been a third witness. The apology is actually for the benefit of the bully. Or what, he got an automatic pass because he's bisexual? No, that's ridiculous, but it seems to be what people don't understand. Yes, it's very very much to SOCIETY that he needs to apologize. Not to the gay guy! Gay guy doesn't need a fucking apology from some asshole bully from HS. Why do people keep thinking that's why he called him out? Talk about grow up.
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Kensaimage
11/12/19 8:17:11 PM
#47:


closetjpopfan posted...
Sorry but I don't see why the bully should get that benefit. Don't want to be called out being a hypocrite bully in public? Well, maybe try not being a hypocrite bully next time.

And again, an apology to the gay guy in particular, meaningful conversation and closure is not the point. This could have been a third witness. The apology is actually for the benefit of the bully. Or what, he got an automatic pass because he's bisexual? No, that's ridiculous, but it seems to be what people don't understand. Yes, it's very very much to SOCIETY that he needs to apologize. Not to the gay guy! Gay guy doesn't need a fucking apology from some asshole bully from HS. Why do people keep thinking that's why he called him out? Talk about grow up.


So what is the point? We should just prostrate ourselves for the sins of our past and skip some kind of meaningful reconciliation?

Yeah, thats helpful to society as a whole. Were really changing the world, here.
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marc55
11/12/19 11:32:25 PM
#48:


closetjpopfan posted...
Sorry but I don't see why the bully should get that benefit. Don't want to be called out being a hypocrite bully in public? Well, maybe try not being a hypocrite bully next time.


being

you mean present time?

nothing ive read so far says he is still a bully

can you link where you read this ?
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dave_is_slick
11/12/19 11:39:10 PM
#49:


King_Hutton posted...
While it would have been more mature to do through messaging, I dont blame him at all for doing it publicly.

I do. What's the benefit?
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AlisLandale
11/12/19 11:44:15 PM
#50:


Why is he holding onto a decade old grudge?

Unless the bully was still being a dickwad then calling him out is maximum petty.


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