Poll of the Day > ITT: we tell some jokes

(+) Yeah! (+)

I prefer dead baby jokes.
They never get old.
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Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?

Thats the joke.
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An older woman is teaching her younger boyfriend what 69ing is. She squats down over his face and accidentally farts. She stands up and apologizes. Once more she assumes the position and farts again. And again she straightens up and apologizes. She's about to try a third time but he's already putting on his clothes and saying I don't think I want to do that 67 more times.
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why was Arby's brand fast food the favorite of hall of fame baseball player Hank Aaron?

He's always had the RBI.

Husband tell his wife that he's going out with some friends. She tells him if he gets drunk, she's leaving him.
Within a few hours he's shitfaced and puked on his shirt. He cries to his friends what is he gonna do now? They tell him to put a twenty in his pocket and to tell his wife that a drunk puked on him and gave him money for the cleaning.
This seems like a keen idea so he goes home. When he gets there the wife asks what happens and he explains. She says ok then why are there two twentys in your pocket? He says that was from the guy that shit my pants.
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Firewood18 posted...

An older woman is teaching her younger boyfriend what 69ing is. She squats down over his face and accidentally farts. She stands up and apologizes. Once more she assumes the position and farts again. And again she straightens up and apologizes. She's about to try a third time but he's already putting on his clothes and saying I don't think I want to do that 67 more times.

Okay this made me laugh. Nice!
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What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Donald Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.
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On a planet far far away, there lived a race of aliens called the Trids. On this planet there was a mountain, and atop the mountain was a tree which hosted the most delicious fruit known the the Trid race. But there was a problem: there was a cave near the top that was home to a monster, and every time the Trids tried to climb to the top of the mountain, the monster would run out and kick them all back down.

The Trids became tired of this, and so they contacted Earth to ask for help. Earth didn't find this to be that big of a problem as they were at war and dealing with many different things, so they sent over a rabbi. The Trids were happy to have any help they could get, and so they gladly accepted.

The rabbi arrived and wanted to get straight to business, calling all of the Trids to the base of the mountain. A lot of them were too frightened, so only some showed up. The rabbi led the Trids most of the way up the mountain, only to have the monster come out and kick all of the Trids down but not the rabbi. Frustrated, the rabbi went to the Trid village and told them that in order to get to the top, they would all have to show up and work together.

The next day more Trids showed up, but not all of them were there. The rabbi sighed, leading them up to have the monster once again kick down all of the Trids, but leave him standing. The rabbi went back to the Trid village and told them that if every single last Trid wasn't in attendance the following day, he would return to Earth without helping them.

The next day, every single Trid was there. The rabbi smiled and started leading the Trids up the mountain, this time quite confident that they would make it all the way up. But as usual, the monster ran out of his cave and managed to kick every single Trid back down the mountain, once again leaving the rabbi standing. The rabbi went to the monster's cave and asked "Monster, why do you only ever kick down the Trids, but always leave me standing?" To which the monster replied "Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids."
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Firewood18 posted...

I prefer dead baby jokes.
They never get old.

Just like Anti-Vaxxer kids.

What's a kingdom without a king? Just dom.
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What kind of zoo has nothing but lion dogs?

A Shih Tzu.
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Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She threw out all the Ws.
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