Current Events > my bf mightve cheated on me

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rhklce
03/12/19 7:41:24 AM
51
SSJCAT posted...
getting ready to head over there... dont really know what im going to do


You're gonna go there, listen to what he's saying but making sure to pick apart the bullshit. You know you don't deserve the stress and worry. If you have to end it, end it. It may hurt a bit now, but a lot less compared to if he's full of it and leads on you for longer and does some stupid shit again.

If you do decide to stay, keep him on a tight leash. There's a chance he could be telling the truth, but I'd keep my distance.
Drrobotniks
03/12/19 7:48:17 AM
52
oof
Agnostic420
03/12/19 8:05:54 AM
53
TC, leave. This is always the start of something the same or worse. Now there is no trust, therefore now there is no real relationship.
t_paynes_ghost
03/12/19 8:07:53 AM
54
That is a precarious situation TC. I wish you the best of luck. My inbox is always open if you need to chat/vent to a random stranger. I've been through all the high and lows of love.
vocedelmorte
03/12/19 8:12:39 AM
55
I don't think he cheated, but there might be crack in your relationships if he feel uncertain. Try to make it work, if you're happy together, everyone have their moments of weakness
Dyinglegacy
03/12/19 8:23:48 AM
56
From the initial text he seems like a normal guy, just a little less discipline than average. It seems like an early relationship too.
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ssjevot
03/12/19 9:27:55 AM
57
I liked him because he typed well at first, but then he kept using the wrong form of "you're" and I just can't support this relationship anymore.

But seriously you can't trust him anymore after this realistically.
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Master_Bass
03/12/19 9:37:25 AM
58
You deserve better than this, TC. You deserve someone that knows they want to be with you and doesn't make online dating profiles to see what else is out there. Life is too short to waste it on someone that is lukewarm about you.
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Barber102
03/12/19 9:52:37 AM
59
Seems like he wants to break up, but doesnt want to hurt you. But what do I know?
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SSJCAT
03/12/19 10:04:45 AM
60
well were still together for now. i told him if he has a problem with me to fuckin tell me and if he feels like talking to someone else to fuckin dump me.

dont know how long it will last but well see
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im not 13
03/12/19 10:06:29 AM
61
Cleo_II
03/12/19 10:07:58 AM
62
Im sorry TC. I agree with others than he is gaslighting you. Its a huge red flag that in a so called moment of weakness he does this kind of thing. The first year of a relationship is basically the honeymoon phase. What will he do when thats over? Relationships have highs and lows. Its very telling that he would do something like this during a high.

Also, whenever someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them.
Guide
03/12/19 10:09:19 AM
64
Just from that first text sequence, he wants to find something else but isn't sure he can find better. You're insurance.
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cuttin_in_farm
03/12/19 10:10:16 AM
65
Cleo_II posted...
Also, whenever someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them.


Unless they have low self-esteem.
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rhklce
03/12/19 10:17:14 AM
66
SSJCAT posted...
well were still together for now. i told him if he has a problem with me to fuckin tell me and if he feels like talking to someone else to fuckin dump me.

dont know how long it will last but well see


What all did you guys say? Like, what did he say that made you go, "hmm.." and decide to stick around? Was it just the hopes that he truly is a good guy but he just needs to get his shit straight?
_Matchabuu_
03/12/19 10:17:50 AM
67
Ilishe posted...
SSJCAT posted...
Conflict posted...
That became progressively more difficult to read. Gonna have to agree with pinky here, he's pretty much gaslighting you

you mean he was trying to get me to dump him?


No, that means he's trying to make you believe it's all actually your fault, or at the very least that the problem is inside your head.


Precisely.
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pogo_rabid
03/12/19 10:19:49 AM
68
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
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HairyThotter
03/12/19 10:22:17 AM
69
Yeah this sucks TC, sorry. It's almost worse that he didn't see anyone or go through with anything because now there's a lot more doubt, a lot more to -wonder- about.

After reading the text exchange, I'm sorry to judge, but he sounds like a coward looking for a way out. Seems more sorry that he got caught than anything.

-story time-
One time I walked into my ex's apartment and saw an enormous bouquet of her favorite flowers on her desk.

"wow... those are nice, who got you those?"
A friend... he came to my recital
"oh wow he came to watch you, and knows your favorite flower? That's interesting"
yeah it was really thoughtful

I think for a moment...

"so does this guy have feelings for you?"
yeah I think so
"and do you have feelings for him?"
...I don't know...

And that was when I left and told her I have some stuff to think about. I had no idea how far she'd gone with this dude or what her intentions were, and that kinda made it worse. A few days later I called and talked about it a bit, and she still hadnt told this guy to back off or made any indication she was with someone else and I finally ended it there.

I can't tell you the best way to move forward with this, but its those lingering doubts you'll have to wrestle with. If you think you can get past that, go for it. But also make sure he actually wants to be with you.
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SSJCAT
03/12/19 10:23:43 AM
70
rhklce posted...
SSJCAT posted...
well were still together for now. i told him if he has a problem with me to fuckin tell me and if he feels like talking to someone else to fuckin dump me.

dont know how long it will last but well see


What all did you guys say? Like, what did he say that made you go, "hmm.." and decide to stick around? Was it just the hopes that he truly is a good guy but he just needs to get his shit straight?

pretty much. i mean, its the first time, if it happens again then its over. i dont have very high hopes tbh but i want to believe. sorry its pretty pathetic
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knowBODYnoestti
03/12/19 10:26:01 AM
71
I think you should say no now but that's just my opinion
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Agnostic420
03/12/19 10:28:58 AM
72
knowBODYnoestti posted...
I think you should say no now but that's just my opinion


This. Run. Youre just wasting days/weeks/months of your life until it inevitably happens again.
t_paynes_ghost
03/12/19 10:29:18 AM
73
SSJCAT posted...
rhklce posted...
SSJCAT posted...
well were still together for now. i told him if he has a problem with me to fuckin tell me and if he feels like talking to someone else to fuckin dump me.

dont know how long it will last but well see


What all did you guys say? Like, what did he say that made you go, "hmm.." and decide to stick around? Was it just the hopes that he truly is a good guy but he just needs to get his shit straight?

pretty much. i mean, its the first time, if it happens again then its over. i dont have very high hopes tbh but i want to believe. sorry its pretty pathetic


Don't be down about it. Most successful relationships have this kind of rough patch. It's very possible to see light on the other side of this problem. You are choosing to believe in love and I think that is a very noble thing of you. People go through weird internal life crisis's and handle them very poorly (not that it makes it right), and I think it's great you're sticking by your partner and giving him a chance to get out of this well. Love can rarely succeed if you run at the first sign of scare.
Holy_Pumpkin
03/12/19 10:31:08 AM
74
I didn't read the whole thread but TC bro it's over I'm sorry. Look out for yourself and drop this fool he is just going to use you until he has found what he wanted. He is unhappy and doesn't give a shit about your relationship. If he did he wouldn't be looking in secret. Unless you want to endure the inevitable long drawn out delayed break up and waste more of your own time, I'd seriously take a week break from this guy and think long and hard about it and decide with one last conversation after the break on whether or not you want to commit to this. But yo, he aint committing. He's displayed that much
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rhklce
03/12/19 10:32:30 AM
75
SSJCAT posted...
rhklce posted...
SSJCAT posted...
well were still together for now. i told him if he has a problem with me to fuckin tell me and if he feels like talking to someone else to fuckin dump me.

dont know how long it will last but well see


What all did you guys say? Like, what did he say that made you go, "hmm.." and decide to stick around? Was it just the hopes that he truly is a good guy but he just needs to get his shit straight?

pretty much. i mean, its the first time, if it happens again then its over. i dont have very high hopes tbh but i want to believe. sorry its pretty pathetic


Why do you think its pathetic? Youre a romantic and you want to believe. Theres nothing wrong with that.

Just gotta realize your worth too, ya know? Im rootin for ya!
SSJCAT
03/12/19 10:34:47 AM
76
thanks you guys.
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FC: SW-2262-4005-7054
Cleo_II
03/13/19 11:54:19 AM
77
cuttin_in_farm posted...
Cleo_II posted...
Also, whenever someone tells you that you are too good for them, believe them.


Unless they have low self-esteem.

If they do and they say something like that, they are most likely to sabotage the relationship because they dont deserve you. So my advice would still be to believe them.
PtlessAgmnts
03/15/19 12:34:36 AM
78
Nice
SSJCAT
03/15/19 7:27:31 AM
79
PtlessAgmnts posted...
Nice

what
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rhklce
03/15/19 7:31:55 AM
80
Hows it goin, bro?
SSJCAT
03/15/19 7:44:06 AM
81
@rhklce posted...
Hows it goin, bro?

i dont know. kind of just trying to not think about it.

pretty sure he did cheat on me. when i looked him in the eye and asked if he cheated, instead of looking back at mine and saying no he closed his eyes and said some canned line about grindr just being full of old people and fakes...

we hung out yesterday and it seemed to go well. but i dont know. this might be a lil bit TMI for some of you, but we went to lay down together at one point and i was like super horny and he was just like im tired and fell asleep so then i just left.. and it just kind of fucks with me because i dont feel like he wants me
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TheDogfather
03/15/19 7:46:27 AM
82
I don't fully trust this guy... I advise TC to just cut him loose. I know it'll hurt badly for a long while, but...

I'm siding with pinky on this one. I DO offer my PM Inbox to the TC if talking would help.
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Parappa09
03/15/19 7:46:37 AM
83
SSJCAT posted...
this might be a lil bit TMI for some of you, but we went to lay down together at one point and i was like super horny and he was just like im tired and fell asleep so then i just left.. and it just kind of fucks with me because i dont feel like he wants me

that's not a good sign

these are the type of moments when you have some p good sex and reconcile. or at least feel good for a few hours after getting it out of your system
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pinky0926
03/15/19 7:51:12 AM
84
I'll also echo what Cleo said - this is way too short of a timeframe to be having these kinds of issues. If you had been together for 10 years and on an extended low period then maybe this would be a symptom of that and you could do some relationship therapy.

This ain't that though.
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rhklce
03/15/19 7:55:31 AM
85
SSJCAT posted...
@rhklce posted...
Hows it goin, bro?

i dont know. kind of just trying to not think about it.

pretty sure he did cheat on me. when i looked him in the eye and asked if he cheated, instead of looking back at mine and saying no he closed his eyes and said some canned line about grindr just being full of old people and fakes...

we hung out yesterday and it seemed to go well. but i dont know. this might be a lil bit TMI for some of you, but we went to lay down together at one point and i was like super horny and he was just like im tired and fell asleep so then i just left.. and it just kind of fucks with me because i dont feel like he wants me


Dang. I'm sorry to hear this, bro. I was hoping dude hadn't actually done anything and was ultimately just being a little creeper by seeing what was out there, but it doesn't sound like it.

I know you're not trying to think about it, but you know you've gotta think about what to do next. Any thoughts?
im not 13
03/15/19 7:59:26 AM
86
Get rid of him TC

You are playing yourself
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SSJCAT
03/15/19 8:05:13 AM
87
rhklce posted...
SSJCAT posted...
@rhklce posted...
Hows it goin, bro?

i dont know. kind of just trying to not think about it.

pretty sure he did cheat on me. when i looked him in the eye and asked if he cheated, instead of looking back at mine and saying no he closed his eyes and said some canned line about grindr just being full of old people and fakes...

we hung out yesterday and it seemed to go well. but i dont know. this might be a lil bit TMI for some of you, but we went to lay down together at one point and i was like super horny and he was just like im tired and fell asleep so then i just left.. and it just kind of fucks with me because i dont feel like he wants me


Dang. I'm sorry to hear this, bro. I was hoping dude hadn't actually done anything and was ultimately just being a little creeper by seeing what was out there, but it doesn't sound like it.

I know you're not trying to think about it, but you know you've gotta think about what to do next. Any thoughts?

i dont know
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TheDogfather
03/15/19 8:05:40 AM
88
@SSJCAT

You won't like this post, but it must be said.

The guy is using you and is stringing you along for his own benefit. You deserve someone whom loves you and will be your support until you both pass. Said partner will be faithful, honest, and uplifting. This guy is the opposite of that.
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rhklce
03/15/19 8:08:35 AM
89
You seem like a good dude, brudda. Just remember that every storm runs outta rain, yeah?

Look out for you. You deserve that comfort of happiness and being with someone you can trust. If youre not feelin like itll go anywhere, dont be afraid to walk away. Dont let this guy wear you down even more and put you through anymore unnecessary stress when you guys should be laughing and doing fun stuff. Youre #1.
vocedelmorte
03/15/19 8:10:48 AM
90
SSJCAT posted...
@rhklce posted...
Hows it goin, bro?

i dont know. kind of just trying to not think about it.

pretty sure he did cheat on me. when i looked him in the eye and asked if he cheated, instead of looking back at mine and saying no he closed his eyes and said some canned line about grindr just being full of old people and fakes...

we hung out yesterday and it seemed to go well. but i dont know. this might be a lil bit TMI for some of you, but we went to lay down together at one point and i was like super horny and he was just like im tired and fell asleep so then i just left.. and it just kind of fucks with me because i dont feel like he wants me

Oh man, at this point just not worth it. You been together for only half a year and he already doesn't want you? I think it's going nowhere
JlM
03/15/19 8:10:58 AM
91
:( Sorry, man.

The cheating doesnt even sound like the shittiest part of this ordeal. Reading "sometimes I just cant see a future for us" made my heart hurt.

I'd run, but I don't live in your mind.
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Number090684
03/15/19 8:23:23 AM
92
You got him. He was looking to cheat and get some action on the side if he just didn't want to completely move on from you. This doesn't make him loyal and you probably shouldn't trust him. If you still want to stay with him and try and improve things, you're going to have to cut him off and make him prove himself. Not through him giving fancy gifts or doing special favors, but through his actions that prove his commitment to you. I don't know how long you guys have been together, but you need to put your foot down before it's too late if you want to try and save your relationship TC.
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SSJCAT
03/15/19 8:23:24 AM
93
if i was feeling the same way as him, this would be easier. like, i thought we were good. but were not apparently. i still want what i thought we had. but i want someone that wants me.
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rhklce
03/15/19 8:24:07 AM
94
So stop waitin around for this to go nowhere and go get 'im :)
TheDogfather
03/15/19 8:27:19 AM
95
SSJCAT posted...
i want someone that wants me.

As do we all. But we must find stability from within.
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Number090684
03/15/19 8:32:40 AM
96
SSJCAT posted...
if i was feeling the same way as him, this would be easier. like, i thought we were good. but were not apparently. i still want what i thought we had. but i want someone that wants me.


I completely understand how you feel and deep down I know it hurts a lot. I went through a somewhat similar situation in the past and it really takes it's toll on your self esteem. This situation may not be your fault though and is just probably a result of his weakness. Some people are selfish and self centered enough to go on using and hurting others just out of boredom and greed. All you can do is do your best and hope your partner values you and the relationship enough to stay committed to it.
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SSJCAT
03/15/19 8:33:03 AM
97
TheDogfather posted...
SSJCAT posted...
i want someone that wants me.

As do we all. But we must find stability from within.

I am pretty stable. I dont need to be with someone to support me. I hadnt been in a serious relationship for a long time before this one (meanwhile he had just come out of one, where he was cheated on btw >_>...)

But i just dont know what to do right now. Like, if he doesnt want to be with me then why not just say that...
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JustMyOpinion
03/15/19 8:33:29 AM
98
Well hey, you can stay with him, make yourself less for him while it impedes your self esteem, or you can go out and get what you think you deserve.
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SSJCAT
03/15/19 9:08:38 AM
99
i know i can be too horny sometimes, but i dont know it still really messes with me when i am like totally ready to go and hes just like nah. its not the first time it happened.

but then hes willing to look for other people to have sex with...
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knowBODYnoestti
03/15/19 9:12:08 AM
100
woah get out of there then
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philsov
03/15/19 9:27:14 AM
101
dump his ass

he can't commit and can't communicate.

Also probably didn't actually cheat on you, but the fact that he's expressing this conflict and turmoil by hopping on grindr instead of talking to you is a massive flag. You're plenty good enough; that boy is trash.

The "you're too good for me" line is a massive giveaway. At least, it was for me with my cheating ex.
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