Board 8 > Scarlet Ranks User-Nominated Episodes of Television: Season 1

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scarletspeed7
01/22/19 11:29:26 PM
1
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to supply oneself with escapism, we as a society must turn to those technological conduits of storytelling that crank out television shows faster than Jon and Kate can crank out babies. These shows are quickly becoming the source of the greatest narratives in modern fiction. Gone are the days of Hercules, Aeneas and Beowulf. In their place are Jon Snow, Michael Scott and Walter White. So, without much in the way of fanfare or hype, I bring you this ranking topic, where I chronicle my descent into madness whilst watching a host of B8 favorites in the world of the small screen.

You all quickly filled the 100 nominations for this project, and at this point you know how these Scarlet topics work pretty well. This time around, I focused on three factors: storytelling, characterization and the ever-elusive Scarlet Factor.

But, this topic will work a little differently.

For the first time, you will be getting a "live" ranking of a sort. I will supply you with write-ups immediately after I watch any given episode. Furthermore, I will be using Random.org to choose which episode I watch at any given time, so the final rankings will be put together hapharzardly and dangerously. You never know what I will rate and rank next. And neither do I!

There's also a really, really weird new aspect of these write-ups you're probably not going to like, but I wanted to do something experimental this time. So here we go. Don't touch that dial, because Scarlet Ranks User-Nominated Episodes of Television will be right back.
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
scarletspeed7
01/22/19 11:29:54 PM
2
The Nominees:

12 Monkeys - "Splinter"
24 - "Day 1: 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM"
Agents of SHIELD - "Self Control"
American Dad - "Rapture's Delight"
Angel - "Hero"
Archer - "Placebo Effect"
Arrested Development - "Top Banana"
Arrow - "Kapiushon"
Atlanta - "Teddy Perkins"
Avatar: The Last Airbender - "The Southern Raiders"
Babylon 5 - "Confessions and Lamentations"
Baskets - "Renoir"
Batman: The Brave and the Bold - "Chill of the Night"
Better Call Saul - "Five-O"
Black Donnellys - "Pilot"
Black Mirror - "Nosedive"
Black Mirror - "The National Anthem"
Bojack Horseman - "Time's Arrow"
Breaking Bad - "Pilot"
Broad City - "Knockoffs"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "Hush"
Burn Notice - "Friendly Fire"
Castlevania - "For Love"
Chuck - "Chuck vs. the Ring"
Community - "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics"
Courage the Cowardly Dog - "The Tower of Dr. Zalost"
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - "Chaos Theory"
Danny Phantom - "The Ultimate Enemy"
Doctor Who - "Heaven Sent"
Doctor Who - "Turn Left"
DuckTales - "Woo-oo!"
Fargo - "The Castle"
Father Ted - "A Song for Europe"
Firefly - "Out of Gas"
Flash - "Duet"
Frasier - "Ham Radio"
Frasier - "My Coffee with Niles"
Fresh Off the Boat - "The Shunning"
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - "Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse"
Futurama - "Godfellas"
Galavant - "Pilot"
Game of Thrones - "A Golden Crown"
Game of Thrones - "Blackwater"
Game of Thrones - "The Rains of Castamere"
Good Place - "Dance Dance Resolution"
Gravity Falls - "Sock Opera"
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys - "Surprise"
Hey Arnold - "Stoop Kid"
Horace and Pete - "Episode 3"
House - "Last Resort"
Invader Zim - "Mysterious Mysteries"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "Charlie Work"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - "The Gang Turns Black"
Justice League - "Starcrossed"
Justified - "Fire in the Hole"
LOST - "The Constant"
Louie - "In the Woods Part 1/Part 2"
Married With Children - "Married... With Aliens"
Masters of Horror - "Cigarette Burns"
Mr. Robot - "eps3.4_runtime-error.r00"
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - "Maud Pie"
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - "Pinkie Pride"
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - "Pod People"
Newsroom - "What Kind of Day Has It Been?"
Paranoia Agent - "Happy Family Planning"
Penny Dreadful - "Seance"
Person of Interest - "Many Happy Returns"
Preacher - "Schwanzkopf"
Punisher - "Virtue of the Vicious"
Regular Show - "The White Elephant Gift Exhange"
Samurai Jack - "XCIV"
Scrubs - "My Lunch"
Seinfeld - "The Bris"
Seinfeld - "The Contest"
Simpsons - "A Streetcar Named Marge"
Simpsons - "Homer Badman"
South Park - "Krazy Kripples"
South Park - "The Death Camp of Tolerance"
Spongebob Squarepants - "Band Geeks"
Sports Night - "The Six Southern Gentlemen of Tennessee"
Sports Night - "What Kind of Day Has It Been?"
Star Trek - "Spock's Brain"
Star Trek - "The Trouble with Tribbles"
Star Trek: DS9 - "In the Pale Moonlight:
Star Trek: DS9 - "The Visitor"
Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Darmok and Jelal"
Star Trek: The Next Generation - "The Inner Light"
Star vs. the Forces of Evil - "Star Comes to Earth"
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
jcgamer107
01/22/19 11:30:22 PM
3
tag for my 1 nom lol
---
Official Advokaiser advocate
scarletspeed7
01/22/19 11:30:41 PM
4
Stargate: SG-1 - "Window of Opportunity"
Steven Universe - "Alone Together"
Studio 60 in the Sunset Strip - "What Kind of Day Has It Been"
Supernatural - "ScoobyNatural"
Teen Titans - "Troq"
The Americans - "Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?"
Twilight Zone - "It's a Good Life"
Twilight Zone - "The Masks"
Twin Peaks - "Zen, or the Skill to Catch a Killer"
West Wing - "20 Hours in America"
X-Files - "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"
Xena: Warrior Princess - "Been There, Done That"
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Pokewars
01/22/19 11:31:02 PM
5
Hyped to the MAX!
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Anagram
01/22/19 11:33:21 PM
6
Tag
---
Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005
scarletspeed7
01/22/19 11:34:07 PM
7
Random.org has determined the first episode will be...

Stargate: SG-1 - "Window of Opportunity"
Nominated by: Anagram

---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Eddv
01/22/19 11:34:14 PM
8
Here we go.
---
Board 8's Voice of Reason
https://imgur.com/chXIw06
Anagram
01/22/19 11:34:20 PM
9
yessss
---
Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005
Pirateking2000
01/22/19 11:35:01 PM
10
tag
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XBL GT: Demon Ninja X2
"There comes a time in every man's or woman's life where they have to make **** up to cover their ass." - Hazama
Johnbobb
01/22/19 11:35:32 PM
11
damn that's a lot of Star Trek
---
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PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs
Xeybozn
01/22/19 11:35:47 PM
12
Tag
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Congrats to 2019 Guru champ Advokaiser!
CybrMonkey
01/22/19 11:37:35 PM
13
Tag
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Lurker extraordinaire
Lopen
01/22/19 11:44:31 PM
14
Ranking as you go sounds like a better way to approach something like this. That up front cost of 100 episodes before ranking anything would be pretty crazy.
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No problem!
This is a cute and pop genocide of love!
Snake5555555555
01/23/19 12:10:13 AM
15
Tag! can't wait to see the new write-up style.
---
If the suspense doesn't kill you, something else will!
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scarletspeed7
01/23/19 12:36:34 AM
16
Here are my notes for Stargate: SG-1 - "Window of Opportunity"
Nominated by: Anagram

R6n4nHf

I have some familiarity with Stargate SG-1. My experience comes from about 8 episodes of the first season that I watched several years ago. I wasn't particularly enthused with the show and lost interest fairly quickly, so consider this a second chance attempt as brought to me by Anagram.

What struck me most about this episode is that the length was such a huge constraint on the ideas that drove the characters. It wasn't until 30 minutes in that the characters, unshackled from the need to explain so much of this concept, started to explore the paradigm of an omnipotent being. Playing god, we only received a few brief sequences of the behavior the episode's two main characters exemplified as beings untethered from the yoke of consequence. This freedom is something that Groundhog Day thrived on, and yet here, it seems that the writers are trapped in an episode length that doesn't adhere to both their system of procedural storytelling and also their desire to explore a much lengthier proposition.

Too much of the episode is spent allowing a very stonefaced female scientist to blather on and on with Avengers-quality pseudoscience, and this science actually serves to create episode-breaking questions. In a show about space, the science needed to make time serve this function becomes to convenient. "I'll run some simulations," the doctor says. Oh, really? Will you? What simulations do you have on hand to run? You've just been introduced to a new field of science and unknown technology that facilitates exploration of said field. You have some good old simulations on hand? Really?

I don't believe you.

This can be the problem with an adherence to the one-and-done philosophy of science fiction television of the 90s. Serialized storytelling was spread out to a massive degree, with episodes building on one another rarely. When the end of the episode roles around, there is a fantastic, emotional scene where the exploration of the true consequences of the actions of a time traveler are torn apart. Because, in the end, you'll only be able to watch the people you love over and over and in different ways. Nothing changes. For a father who lost his son, he finds folly. At the same time, this is the same man who, when freed from consequence, chose to embrace every whim at his disposal.

Sadly, the exploration of these fantastic notions seems to be fleeting and forgotten. The potential is there. The execution is, sadly, run-of-the-mill.

Next Gen did it better.

Storytelling: 4/10
Characterization: 6/10
Scarlet Factor: 5/10
Total: 15/30


Overall rankings so far:

#1 - "Window of Opportunity"
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Anagram
01/23/19 12:39:49 AM
17
I was still #1 at one point, so my work here is done.
---
Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 12:41:36 AM
18
Random.org has determined the second episode will be...

Courage the Cowardly Dog - "The Tower of Dr. Zalost"
Nominated by: hombad46

---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Raka_Putra
01/23/19 12:41:37 AM
19
Tag.
This is new and exciting.
---
Fuhlt nicht durch dich Sarastro Todesschmerzen,
So bist du meine Tochter nimmermehr-- eeeeeeeeeeeeeeehr.
Murphiroth
01/23/19 12:45:15 AM
20
Working night shift screws me out of noms again!

Still tagging this though.
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I main ledges.
MetalmindStats
01/23/19 1:02:35 AM
21
I don't watch much TV, but I'm most certainly here for Scarlet's quality write-ups.
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Hail the reigning Guru champ, Advokaiser!
You proved yourself more statistically metal-minded than I ever have been - well done!
Lopen
01/23/19 1:05:20 AM
22
I kinda love the chaotic note page no lie.

"Not particularly enthused" and "decent characterization and meh storytelling" seems pretty on par with my experiences with SG-1 in general. It's a show I randomly watch reruns of when I'm really bored and it happens to be on but nothing I'd ever feel compelled to marathon or anything. It has enough likable characters that I'm sure I'd have watched it weekly if I actually got into it when it was current though.
---
No problem!
This is a cute and pop genocide of love!
Shonen_Bat
01/23/19 1:15:18 AM
23
Tag.
---
Hello again.
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 1:19:22 AM
24
Here are my notes for Courage the Cowardly Dog - "The Tower of Dr. Zalost"
Nominated by: hombad46


9mAMgOB

I have an almost allergic aversion to the content of Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Cartoon block of Cartoon Network. Too often, I feel like some of these shows push gross-out stupidity and loud noises as some form of addictive substance for fifth graders. And not the smart ones. The eternally mediocre ones. So, I probably didn't have the most open mind when I started watching this episode.

What I found, extremely quickly, was that this was a very, very basic show. It did adhere to the stricture of introducing nothing of importance that wouldn't be of use later. The big issue here, however, is that there were essentially only two things that felt like the could have been momentous here, and both of them were telegraphed to me like play calls are telegraphed to Tony Romo in a press box. The entire premise of the episode - Zalost (a woefully uninteresting scientist who is clearly designed to be quirky but comes across as generic because of how banal his quirkiness actually is) seeing his unhappiness cannon being foiled by a small dog - plays out with giant light-up neon lights pointing to each gun belonging to Chekov here. I think the old couple in this story (who are clearly the Barones from Everybody Loves Raymond) deliver shockingly simple lines that take away the suspense. The old man is already so clearly unhappy that when he encounters the tower, you know exactly what will happen.

And then there's the plums. How many times did the writers feel the need to plug "HAPPY PLUMS" into the script? Once was already enough, since the name is so hamfisted that it screams "KRYPTONITE FROM KRYPTON IS SUPERMAN'S ONLY WEAKNESS!" What makes it immeasurably worse is the number of times it's repeated. In its expository entrance, in flashbacks, in dream sequences, in spiritual aborigine providing guidance through an echoing voice, in the only asides provided by the second male lead. When the story finally comes barreling towards the encounter between cannonballs and plums, you know exactly what will happen.

There are some positives here, however. The show had excellent music, well beyond what I would have expected. Furthermore, there was a certain Lovecraftian flavor to the final act's main dungeon. The juxtaposition of the simplicity of the Dog's normal life and the scope of the hidden dangers lurking underneath the old couples' nose is very Toy Story-meets-Hellboy, but the writing is just so ballpeen hammer hard-hitting that it really hurts the world of the show. These characters and places should get a moment to breathe. Instead, we have to shoehorn in a very standard "secretly, the hero saves the day without acknowledgement" plot that hurts the few marginally interesting aspects of the show.

But what do you expect from the Wal-Mart of TV networks?

Storytelling: 2/10
Characterization: 4/10
Scarlet Factor: 2/10
Total: 8/30


Overall rankings so far:

#1 - "Window of Opportunity" (15)
#2 - "The Tower of Dr. Zalost" (8)
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 1:21:15 AM
25
Lopen posted...
I kinda love the chaotic note page no lie.

"Not particularly enthused" and "decent characterization and meh storytelling" seems pretty on par with my experiences with SG-1 in general. It's a show I randomly watch reruns of when I'm really bored and it happens to be on but nothing I'd ever feel compelled to marathon or anything. It has enough likable characters that I'm sure I'd have watched it weekly if I actually got into it when it was current though.

Yeah, I definitely could have seen me watching this show when it was on, as well. But it feels dated and the characters just don't pull me in enough to make up for the very 20th century formula and presentation.
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Snake5555555555
01/23/19 2:05:35 AM
26
These write-ups and the pages are great so far!
---
If the suspense doesn't kill you, something else will!
http://tinyurl.com/zqwzc9a - https://i.imgtc.com/3qwvxhc.jpg
Steiner
01/23/19 3:53:11 AM
27
wait is this a thing i nominated for
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Advokaiser makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.
hombad46
01/23/19 8:07:11 AM
28
Welp. Time to be at the bottom for a while. Oh well.
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"That's Engarde hairflip metal detector tier btw"
-XIII_rocks
Eddv
01/23/19 8:21:18 AM
29
There are enough cartoon episodes on here that Window of Opportunity could theoretically be no.1 for a while.
---
Board 8's Voice of Reason
https://imgur.com/chXIw06
TotallyNotMI
01/23/19 8:27:16 AM
30
I'm upset I missed the nominations. Can I add one now? It'll be my favorite LOST episode.
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I'm not sure who this MI guy is but he sounds sexy.
handsomeboy2012
01/23/19 8:28:59 AM
31
I missed noms too
Season 2 when
Cybat
01/23/19 10:15:54 AM
32
Awesome idea to watch them in random order. In retrospect I guess I could have nominated more non-superhero stuff, but, eh
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Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
PrinceKaro
01/23/19 11:28:06 AM
33
Tag
---
https://i.imgtc.com/a6iBg1Y.jpg
Congrats to Advokaiser on being really good at predicting stuff
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 11:59:03 AM
34
Snake5555555555 posted...
These write-ups and the pages are great so far!

Thanks Snake!

Steiner posted...
wait is this a thing i nominated for

Maybe next season!

TotallyNotMI posted...
I'm upset I missed the nominations. Can I add one now? It'll be my favorite LOST episode.

100 is such a nice, round number. Just keep watching this topic because I feel like I might do a Season 2 right after this one.

handsomeboy2012 posted...
I missed noms too
Season 2 when

If the ratings stay strong, this will get a renewal!
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Not_an_Owl
01/23/19 11:59:15 AM
35
I appreciate the hastily-scribbled notes on yellow legal pads.
---
Besides, marijuana is far more harmful than steroids. - BlitzBomb
I headbang to Bruckner.
Lopen
01/23/19 12:59:10 PM
36
I hate Nick toons pretty much unanimously save Avatar, but don't really hate Cartoon Network stuff across the board. A lot of CN isn't overly "dumb" which is the turnoff for Nick stuff for me. I mean don't get me wrong I like my share of dumb stuff but there's dumb for hammy acting and there's a dumb for like fart jokes or whatever that those cartoons usually have that grates on me.

That being said I had to look up whether courage was Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon which says all you need to know on my feelings for it. I do think it'd be one of the better Nick toons though. You know, if it was actually from there. I won't quite say I hate it but it's not good.
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No problem!
This is a cute and pop genocide of love!
TheArkOfTurus
01/23/19 1:14:44 PM
37
Tag
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Our eyes were removed
Because Advokaiser killed us in the Guru Contest
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 1:41:41 PM
38
It's lunchtime here at the comic shop for me, and I'm going to do a write-up because, hell, why not?

Random.org has determined the third episode will be...

Community - "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics"
Nominated by: Poke

---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 2:35:55 PM
39
These are my notes for Community - "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics"
Nominated by: Poke

TaY7HN9

I was a little disappointed that I rolled this one so early; Poke clearly was going for the #1 spot here with this nomination (or something close to it), and I guess it's pretty well-known that this is one of my favorite episodes of Community, a show notorious for having phenomenal standalone episodes.

The story of the Ass Crack Bandit is so perfect because the attention to detail in the episode is clear. The sincerity the actors and the writers both put on display helps get the concept over. It's a parody on the surface, but at its heart it really is a tale of crime and suspicion. Watching the cast play in a different environment also highlights how great the one-liners in this show are. I made a long list of lines I audibly laughed at on my note page, but I want to highlight the amazing tidbits of relationship development in this episode. I always thought that Professor Duncan was an unsung hero of Community; this episode gives a couple one-off lines about Duncan being obsessed with Britta, which is such a great angle to take with the character. "Get Britta," he cries out after being cracked. His clear desire to bed his former student and assistant in psychological research makes him exactly the sort of professor that Greendale would employ. It also explains why he's Jeff's only friend from before Greendale.

There are other brilliant aspects to the episode. Troy as the victim of a heinous crime was endearing and excellent. The music is utterly hilarious, and hearing Fat Neil return as the DJ once again is a great callback that fits well in this episode as an analogue to the publicity of these crimes in movies like Scream. Shirley as a profiteer is great counterplay to her familial Christian outlook, and the Dean is actually the superstar of the episode. The highlight scene for me is his consistent snapping at his secretary while trying to vainly trace a call.

Now the real question is, "Who is the Ass Crack Bandit?" If you go with the series finale, there's a clear answer, but I actually think that the episode pushes Shirley as the bad guy. Who benefits more than Shirley? She hawks so much merch in response to the return of the bandit, and she's in the hallways that Annie says "leads to a dead end." Let's also point out that Shirley knew already that Pierce died - so it's possible she was holding onto that nugget to use as deflection (which was successful). It might also explain her motivation; Shirley is dealing with grief in her own way. She lashes out, cracking other students, including Troy (who she actually never has real interactions with, so if she was going to crack someone in the group, he's the one).

Anyways, this episode is definitely about death in its roundabout way, and confronting it. With the sudden demise of Pierce, the fun and games are put to an end, and reality is forced to set in. I love when so much can be left unsaid in a show, and this is a great example of hidden depths that you can let the viewer find on their own underneath a blanket of humor, hilarity and even a little suspense.

Storytelling: 10/10
Characterization: 10/10
Scarlet Factor: 10/10
Total: 30/30


Overall rankings so far:

#1 - "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics" (30)
#2 - "Window of Opportunity" (15)
#3 - "The Tower of Dr. Zalost" (8)
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
TotallyNotMI
01/23/19 2:46:15 PM
40
Huh.

I love Community but I don't think that episode would even crack (get it?) my top 20.
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I'm not sure who this MI guy is but he sounds sexy.
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 2:51:49 PM
41
It's one of the most brilliant subversions of a genre Community ever did in my book.
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
TheCodeisBosco
01/23/19 2:58:18 PM
42
It bums me out that people dog on Community Seasons 5 and 6 so much. They were on some next-level shit with episodes like "Repilot," "Ladders," "Cooperative Polygraphy," the series finale... and yes, this one, "Basic Intergluteal Numismatics."

I know the cast departures were a bummer, but I firmly believe those seasons beat the odds and gave us prime Greendale regardless.
---
Now crack that combination:
27 99 23.
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 3:00:46 PM
43
I honestly preferred Hickey, Elroy and Frankie to Pierce and, honestly, Troy. He is pretty one-note after a while.
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Johnbobb
01/23/19 3:00:57 PM
44
oh I didn't realize you were such a Community fan

definitely among my all-time favorite shows
---
Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar
PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs
Eddv
01/23/19 3:02:30 PM
45
Ive still not seen a single episode of that show due to not liking Joel McHale or Chevy Chase.
---
Board 8's Voice of Reason
https://imgur.com/chXIw06
CoolCly
01/23/19 3:19:10 PM
46
wooooo i love these shows
---
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Lopen
01/23/19 3:57:01 PM
47
I may actually watch that episode just to see what's up since you say they stand alone well enough. Never seen any Community
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No problem!
This is a cute and pop genocide of love!
scarletspeed7
01/23/19 4:00:00 PM
48
The ending might not stand alone well. The rest of the episode should.
---
"It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful
Pokewars
01/23/19 4:01:25 PM
49
Haha random.org'd!

Great stuff.
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Mega Mana
01/23/19 4:49:53 PM
50
Looking forward to more!
---
"In my headcanon, some staffer saw Trump pull out his phone and start typing so they just Terry Tate Office Linebacker'd him out of his shoes." - FFD
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