Board 8 > Sign up to be a ruler in my Crusader Kings 2: Holy Fury game (with write-ups)

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Maniac64
12/27/18 10:34:10 AM
#301:


Does DK have any siblings left he hasn't attacked?
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"Hope is allowed to be stupid, unwise, and naive." ~Sir Chris
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Eerieka
12/27/18 3:23:32 PM
#302:


Maniac64 posted...
Does DK have any siblings left he hasn't attacked?


The very youngest one was still alive, but I don't remember which one she was, so it's possible she was attacked and then survived.

~~~

DONKEY KONG came of age and immediately became the leader of the Fellowship of Hel. Im okay with that! Hes a Brilliant Strategist with Siege Leader. NICE.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585146923

Also, disregard the part that calls him a member of Lucifers Own and hes a Child of Satan. PARADOX, THIS GAME IS UNPLAYABLE.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585146952

the dark magic of Hel has now made me Ugly. :(

So I captured a woman from the popes lands while raiding. Then my son DONKEY told me I should cast a spell to have her be possessed by a demon. It worked, and shes now loyal, therefore I freed her from prison. Also since shes now in my court and likes me, I asked her to convert to Germanic. She WOULD have said yes, but then one of my viceroys/lovers asked to marry her, and I said yes. Her opinion changed because I was no longer her liege, and then she said she refused to change. Welp, now I have to murder her.

I became a Ravager! I didnt know there was an upgraded version of Viking!

During a carousing party, I had the chance to eat one of my guests! Erm, lets not. Hes Strong and still has a chance to make babies.

DONKEY had a son, named him Douglas Edwards.

We found another mysterious chest owned by the pope

Id almost fallen out of love with another lover, but we rekindled our love and then he was burned at the stake! I plotted to murder his murderer.

I had to kill a nephew named Zyx because my vassals had 200% OF MY FORCES AND THEY WANTED HIM ON THE THRONE WTF.
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Eerieka
12/28/18 3:54:08 AM
#303:


I realized the issue was that I had too many vassals above my limit so I couldnt raise their own troops which went into the calculation. Once I transferred some fiefs over, everything worked out. But I still killed Zyx to send a message not to fuck with Empress Bicycle and her spymaster son/heir DONKEY KONG.

My brother/lover DK died of Rabies. :( I was so distraught I had to visit his grave. On the way back, I found his memento laying on the floor of my bedchamber. Ill cherish it forever!

My demon son just asked me to select a woman to bear a demon baby, but I dont have any young women in my court in the Fellowship. I spawned a few disciples. The first was male, the second was an old lady, and the third was a Genius Hedonistic 19 year old Lustful woman. PERFECT. The baby was a girl by the name of Helena. Surprisingly appropriate for a randomly generated name.

Oh Jesus, Lady Bicycle is going to have the Cthulhu event. Now, hear me out I think Ill let her die. Shes lived a long, satisfying life, I think. DK is in the prime of his life and I need to take control of him soon before he starts making bad choices and killing his own kids. Im going to let Lady Bicycle die via Cthulhu. RIP, you sexy bitch, you.

Before my demise, I got the event about emulating Pete Persnickity and she wanted to become ZEALOUS. Wtf lady, Zealous for Hel and Loki maybe

Alright, death by Cthulhu achieved.

Lady Bicycle at death:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268616

DONKEY KONG at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268636

DKs wife (named Katarina. Looks like were in for a second Empress Katarina). SHES ABOUT TO POP OUT A BABY:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268650
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Eerieka
12/28/18 11:09:31 AM
#304:


@MariaTaylor
EMPEROR DONKEY KONG THE SWORD OF FREY
b. February 10th, 1217
r. July 30th, 1238 April 1st, 1304

Alright, I am supposed to play DK as a war character who wants to conquer the world. Honestly, I think DK WANTS TO DO THAT ALREADY. He has 40 FUCKING MARTIAL and he has the War focus on already.

A tiny-ass Catholic uprising started, and already the witches from Hel have appeared to help me out. I mean I was kinda hoping theyd wait until the war with Carpathia, but Ill take it!

Circe: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268659

Jezebel: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268681

Morgana: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268705

I took all three as concubines.

The Leper colony in my capital is overcrowded. DK doesnt care. He told a leper to fuck off before he infected someone.

While studying war, DK had the choice between Aggressive Leader, Defender, and Unyielding. I dont often take Aggressive Leader since I prefer the outrun them and be a defender approach, but it seems fitting for his personality.

DK was invited to go have fun with his Fellowship buddy Orvar. He brought his favorite garrote along the way. They went to a tavern and spiked the barrels with the blood of Jahi And hour later, the mood was getting festive. Two hours later, the crowd descended into utter madness. Then we offered up the staff to Fenrir.

I had a Great Blot to get rid of some of my prisoners. I had three left I executed one adult, and sacrificed two kids to Hel.
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Eerieka
12/28/18 8:43:24 PM
#305:


During the feast that followed, 56-year-old Viceroy Ivar (one of my moms lovers) was found fucking a serving girl. because DK is lustful, all he says is haha, you old dog! Nicely done! I also decided to check out Ivars inventory, and he has an Italian Crusader Spear which was give to Duchess Seca of Upper Brittany by Pope Alexander II for her participation in the Crusade for Sicily. LOL, someone went raiding!

A mini black-plague started in Somerset, but Im not worried about it. I doubt it will even escape the British Isles.

The woman who gave birth to the demon girl is now inviting me to go parading around pretending to be a preacher. We found out, kicking him in the head, took his clothes, pissed on it, and toured the countryside spread the false Word of God in Vashka.

DK just asked his Seer, the witch Morgana, how he can be a more pious man. Yeeeeeah.

The soup kitchen burned down AGAIN, so I paid for the repairs. It was cheap. Also, I built a new pharmacology laboratory.

My wife became Incapable and Bedridden just from a fucking Flu. Come on woman, youre pregnant!

DK: My cynical comments have made people look at things my way. I have created my cycnics. No way they will keep up with me.

My wife had a left-handed Strong son. Great! Hell be Douglas Edwards now, and Ill change the original DE to something else.

Now Circe is pregnant. She had a left-handed daughter, and I want to keep track of the witchs girls, so I named her after her mother.

Some jarl in ex-Byzantine lands has been conquering a LOT of land in my name. I suspect the pope is gonna want it back someday
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293772

Welp, looks like Im headed over there since Catholic zealots rose up in Lesbos and Cyprus.

Rikissa, mother of the demon child Helena, wanted to perform a ritual to summon a Jotunn Lord. A few weeks back, our brethren managed to procure an ancient clay tablet with the missing incantation. We stand ready to attain powers undreamed of b y mortal men. UNLIMITED POWER! We summoned Belial who blessed me with +3 Diplomacy.
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
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Eerieka
12/29/18 6:35:53 AM
#306:


A 1 year old baby named Dan was then found dead the next day. Who is Dan? Why, its Helenas brother! Speaking of Helena, I should betroth her to my son Douglas Edwards.

Oh my God this fucking Catholic revolt keeps spawning dudes in the most random-ass locations. From Cyprus, to Russia to Germany. When I catch this traitor, I WILL torture him.

Map of Europe right now:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293803
Carpathia WILL be neutered by the time Im done.

Alright, got him. Then I sent him to the rack. the next day, another fucking rebel rose up. Keep the rack ready for the next one!

My vassals want to put some other schmuck on the throne and no one wants to join me in murder, so I cast a spell on him to make him sick. He got Measeles! May Jotnar dance on his grave!

Speaking of diseases, Ive been keeping a watch on the Consumption thats come awfully close to my capital, but I think my work at building hospitals is keeping it away. Yay!

Morgana just killed my steward in a duel. I mean congrats and all, but please dont kill the useful people in my court.

DK is gonna go raiding for a bit while waiting for his threat level to go down.

As the enemy draws near during the battle, an uncontrollable rage begins to stir within DK. He furiously bit down on the edges of his shield in an attempt to devour it. Trembling with anger, he raised his great ace and charged howling into the enemy ranks. Many of the cowards attempted to flee at the mere sight of im, but his axe has no mercy to spare for them. MUST KILL MORE. He became a Berserker.

While raiding, DK briefly had food poisoning, but my physician Jarl Snorri, suggested I drink jugs of human breast milk which seemed to do the trick. Im glad I hired Snorri.
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Eerieka
12/29/18 3:56:54 PM
#307:


The game keeps telling me about sieges being lost by some random asshole. I dont care!

Snorris next trick to cure my food poisoning is to grab a toad, gut with, and place the still-twitching carcass on my chest. It worked!

A woman who I possessed with an evil spirit is now attracted to me. I went to her room and gave her a good tumble.

The pillaging and looting undertaken in DKs name has earned him a reputation as a fearsome Viking raider. All along the coasts, mothers tucking their children in for the night warn that unless they behave, the terrible DONKEY KONG, scourge of the seas, will come ashore with his undead warriors and eat them.

Rome was filled with horses and cattle. The raiders have rouded up a large flock in the main square so I can decide which ones to pick for myself and what to do with them. Ill share the cattle with my best warriors.

I got the orgy event about a midget ordering me and my friend into having gay sex. DK became brawny! And this time the friend wasn't a relative!

Snorri has become a Renowned Physician for his work in my court!

The time has come. TIME TO FIGHT CARPATHIA!!! They actually have very few troops at the moment, so Im tempted to do my usual hat trick of declaring 4 wars at once. LETS DO IT.

Or not, because my threat level is still too high and it fighting anyone other than Carpathia will get all of Europe on my ass at once.
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
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Eerieka
12/30/18 4:18:45 AM
#308:


I got a warning about vassal levies raised too long. wtf, my vassals love their levies being raised. Im not supposed to get that alert with Warmongering. Turns out, I have a dirty Catholic in the realm! I plotted to kill him and his kids, which was easy because all the Germanics in my realm hated him too. But its a barony and has a weird inheritance law, so I basically just killed every baron as they came in.

God damn it, Consumption made it into the capital and is now infesting my daughter Circe! And Douglas Edwards!

The Fylkir Snorri (not to be confused with my Physician) has declared a Great Holy War for Germany! This isnt the greatest time dude, but sure, lets do it. I became Valhalla Bound pretty quickly because I was already in the general vicinity of German lands

Carpathia surrendered and it was kinda anticlimactic. We never had a big battle. :( I guess they were too busy with other wars.

Morgana is pregnant! Also, Jezebel has disappeared and I dont even know how to find her.

My wife/steward has been stealing coins! She will pay back what she stole. She dislikes me, and yet she became pregnant a day later anyway. Hate sex?

The voices in DKs head are telling him to do horrible things! He lost Stressed and became Lunatic instead.

I just realized I had gathered 20,000 troops on a piece of land that I wasnt at war with. :\ IT WAS THE SAME COLOR AS GERMANY

Baited with 10,000 troops to stand against his 17,000. Brought in reinforcements just waiting in nearby provinces. Works every time. :)
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293818

Damn, I went to torture a prisoner, but because Im a Lunatic, all I can do is torture him with a feather. :\

OOOH, the baby I made with Katarina after our hate sex session was a Strong Genius!!! THIS IS MY HEIR! Welcome to the world, Kycillia.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
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MariaTaylor
12/30/18 9:55:32 AM
#309:


Eerieka posted...
All along the coasts, mothers tucking their children in for the night warn that unless they behave, the terrible DONKEY KONG, scourge of the seas, will come ashore with his undead warriors and eat them.


lol this

also snorri sounds amazing

best doctor
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I can see a better time, when all our dreams come true
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Eerieka
12/30/18 4:00:39 PM
#310:


Rikissa, mother of Helena, is a jovial host. She has become famous throughout the realm for her welcoming nature as well as the exquisite food that she graces her guests with during her parties.

Jarl Snorri my Physician asked me to be his patron as he writes a book about medicine. Lets see how well he does!

WE WON! I am now known as the Sword of Frey, just like my ol ancestor Pete Persnickity. And now I have all sorts of random-ass land that the popes gonna declare his own crusade for later. BUT with this much land, the Catholics might have more trouble mounting a resistance. DK has tipped the scales in favor of the Germanics now!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293859

I gave the lands to random people in my court, including Rikissa, the jovial host who bored Lokis daughter Helena. In fact, I made her Jarl of Alemannia and Viceroy of Germany.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293890

Rikissa wants to have an orgy. DK wore his horned helmet. Afterward I became a Cannibal.

Dem stats doe
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293918

DK likes turnips, I guess.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293947

Some of my vassals are close to revolting and I kinda want them to do it so I can revoke their titles. Come at me, you motherfuckers!

Snorris book received mixed reception. It wasnt great, but at least it wasnt bad. But moreover it helped him develop his skills as a physician.

I saw Douglas Edwards emerge from the dungeons, covered in grime and with a bloody knife in his hand. Ill teach him some useful skills. He has become Cruel

OH SHIT I forgot I was at war with some random nobody on the eastern border. Hes almost won his war! Can I get my troops over there in time?
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Eerieka
12/30/18 11:44:55 PM
#311:


My beloved wife Katarina is constantly bored and keeps talking about the new fashions she has heard about. Now she wants me to introduce it at court. My money is your money, darling.

Whew, I caught up to the guy I was at war with just in time. During the battle, my vision turned red with bloodlust and I charged ahead without any regard for my safety. My nearest companion, Circe, hurried to keep up with me as I surrendered to my berserker rage. My axe cut swaths in the enemy ranks. When the dust settles, DK stood alone over half a dozen slain foes.

Some days, Dk thinks hes going insane. Its probably all in my head, but sometimes I notices people staring. When the courier whisper it is impossible to shake the suspicion that it might be about me. Being on the The Fellowship of Hel always felt worth the risk, but I am not so sure anymore Dude, you were BORN into the Fellowship! You are the son of Loki!

Oh my god Im almost out of money. TIME TO RAID THE POPE AND VENICE

While in Rome, I dueled an adventurer for control over his regiment.

Helena came of age and will now become the leader of the Fellowship of Hel. Which means I get to see DKs adult face for the first time!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293975

My seer is a coward. My options for dealing with that are You are a disgrace and I despise you! or I will tell the whole castle about his cowardice! DK REALLY hates cowards!

Between sessions, I installed some mods and now a lot of girls are prettier. Rikissa, the mother of Helena, went from ugly hag to sexy witch.

Whoa, I got the Songs of Anguish event where you can invite a fellow Hel-worshipper to visit and you trap them in the bronze bull while insane musicians play. But in this event, it wants me to invite Helena! The Daughter of Loki! The leader of our little Fellowship! The one who DK commanded his mother to select a woman to be impregnated so she could be born into this world (this sentence makes no sense, but I can't find a way to make it work). Come on, DK, dont sabotage your own efforts like this. I told the game that dreams were meaningless nonsense. Then immediately afterwards, Helena asked me to sacrifice a powerful ruler for Hel.
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Eerieka
12/31/18 3:30:19 PM
#312:


DK says that his subjective opinions have always given him more praise than criticism. Who knew he had good opinions?

I wonder if a weaponsmith could make anything better than the Sword From Heaven that I got near the beginning of the game. I asked her to make an axe.

One of my vassals, who happens to be a child, took over the province next to Rome. Meaning I dont even need boats to loot the pope! Thanks kid!

Now DK has an event about forging a bloodline based on a claim that we descend from Alexander the Great. Someone else had this event, but died before it came to fruition. DK is still pretty young and healthy, so lets see if he can manage it!

Holy shit! Ive never seen this event before. The woman I hired to be my weaponsmith has fled my lands and went to the court of King Ailpin III, King of France (which is approximately two provinces that my vassals are fighting for). She took the weapons and gold that I gave her, too! I dont think so, bitch! Because of my high intrigue, I can kill her and take the weapon. I acquired Cleaver.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876284

Anyway, back to Alexander. Because of my high intrigue, I decided to find his remains. I will spare no expenses. Im about to go into serious debt, but Im also about to raid the pope and all these lands surrounding my new Italian province.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876298

Summoned a demon lord. Summoned Azazel. The usual.

God damn rebels popped up and now I cant toggle some of my men to be looters because you can only loot when at peace. Fuck off, Catholics.
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