Board 8 > Sign up to be a ruler in my Crusader Kings 2: Holy Fury game (with write-ups)

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Maniac64
12/27/18 10:34:10 AM
301
Does DK have any siblings left he hasn't attacked?
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"Hope is allowed to be stupid, unwise, and naive." ~Sir Chris
Eerieka
12/27/18 3:23:32 PM
302
Maniac64 posted...
Does DK have any siblings left he hasn't attacked?


The very youngest one was still alive, but I don't remember which one she was, so it's possible she was attacked and then survived.

~~~

DONKEY KONG came of age and immediately became the leader of the Fellowship of Hel. Im okay with that! Hes a Brilliant Strategist with Siege Leader. NICE.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585146923

Also, disregard the part that calls him a member of Lucifers Own and hes a Child of Satan. PARADOX, THIS GAME IS UNPLAYABLE.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585146952

the dark magic of Hel has now made me Ugly. :(

So I captured a woman from the popes lands while raiding. Then my son DONKEY told me I should cast a spell to have her be possessed by a demon. It worked, and shes now loyal, therefore I freed her from prison. Also since shes now in my court and likes me, I asked her to convert to Germanic. She WOULD have said yes, but then one of my viceroys/lovers asked to marry her, and I said yes. Her opinion changed because I was no longer her liege, and then she said she refused to change. Welp, now I have to murder her.

I became a Ravager! I didnt know there was an upgraded version of Viking!

During a carousing party, I had the chance to eat one of my guests! Erm, lets not. Hes Strong and still has a chance to make babies.

DONKEY had a son, named him Douglas Edwards.

We found another mysterious chest owned by the pope

Id almost fallen out of love with another lover, but we rekindled our love and then he was burned at the stake! I plotted to murder his murderer.

I had to kill a nephew named Zyx because my vassals had 200% OF MY FORCES AND THEY WANTED HIM ON THE THRONE WTF.
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Eerieka
12/28/18 3:54:08 AM
303
I realized the issue was that I had too many vassals above my limit so I couldnt raise their own troops which went into the calculation. Once I transferred some fiefs over, everything worked out. But I still killed Zyx to send a message not to fuck with Empress Bicycle and her spymaster son/heir DONKEY KONG.

My brother/lover DK died of Rabies. :( I was so distraught I had to visit his grave. On the way back, I found his memento laying on the floor of my bedchamber. Ill cherish it forever!

My demon son just asked me to select a woman to bear a demon baby, but I dont have any young women in my court in the Fellowship. I spawned a few disciples. The first was male, the second was an old lady, and the third was a Genius Hedonistic 19 year old Lustful woman. PERFECT. The baby was a girl by the name of Helena. Surprisingly appropriate for a randomly generated name.

Oh Jesus, Lady Bicycle is going to have the Cthulhu event. Now, hear me out I think Ill let her die. Shes lived a long, satisfying life, I think. DK is in the prime of his life and I need to take control of him soon before he starts making bad choices and killing his own kids. Im going to let Lady Bicycle die via Cthulhu. RIP, you sexy bitch, you.

Before my demise, I got the event about emulating Pete Persnickity and she wanted to become ZEALOUS. Wtf lady, Zealous for Hel and Loki maybe

Alright, death by Cthulhu achieved.

Lady Bicycle at death:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268616

DONKEY KONG at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268636

DKs wife (named Katarina. Looks like were in for a second Empress Katarina). SHES ABOUT TO POP OUT A BABY:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268650
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/28/18 11:09:31 AM
304
@MariaTaylor
EMPEROR DONKEY KONG THE SWORD OF FREY
b. February 10th, 1217
r. July 30th, 1238 April 1st, 1304

Alright, I am supposed to play DK as a war character who wants to conquer the world. Honestly, I think DK WANTS TO DO THAT ALREADY. He has 40 FUCKING MARTIAL and he has the War focus on already.

A tiny-ass Catholic uprising started, and already the witches from Hel have appeared to help me out. I mean I was kinda hoping theyd wait until the war with Carpathia, but Ill take it!

Circe: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268659

Jezebel: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268681

Morgana: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1585268705

I took all three as concubines.

The Leper colony in my capital is overcrowded. DK doesnt care. He told a leper to fuck off before he infected someone.

While studying war, DK had the choice between Aggressive Leader, Defender, and Unyielding. I dont often take Aggressive Leader since I prefer the outrun them and be a defender approach, but it seems fitting for his personality.

DK was invited to go have fun with his Fellowship buddy Orvar. He brought his favorite garrote along the way. They went to a tavern and spiked the barrels with the blood of Jahi And hour later, the mood was getting festive. Two hours later, the crowd descended into utter madness. Then we offered up the staff to Fenrir.

I had a Great Blot to get rid of some of my prisoners. I had three left I executed one adult, and sacrificed two kids to Hel.
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Eerieka
12/28/18 8:43:24 PM
305
During the feast that followed, 56-year-old Viceroy Ivar (one of my moms lovers) was found fucking a serving girl. because DK is lustful, all he says is haha, you old dog! Nicely done! I also decided to check out Ivars inventory, and he has an Italian Crusader Spear which was give to Duchess Seca of Upper Brittany by Pope Alexander II for her participation in the Crusade for Sicily. LOL, someone went raiding!

A mini black-plague started in Somerset, but Im not worried about it. I doubt it will even escape the British Isles.

The woman who gave birth to the demon girl is now inviting me to go parading around pretending to be a preacher. We found out, kicking him in the head, took his clothes, pissed on it, and toured the countryside spread the false Word of God in Vashka.

DK just asked his Seer, the witch Morgana, how he can be a more pious man. Yeeeeeah.

The soup kitchen burned down AGAIN, so I paid for the repairs. It was cheap. Also, I built a new pharmacology laboratory.

My wife became Incapable and Bedridden just from a fucking Flu. Come on woman, youre pregnant!

DK: My cynical comments have made people look at things my way. I have created my cycnics. No way they will keep up with me.

My wife had a left-handed Strong son. Great! Hell be Douglas Edwards now, and Ill change the original DE to something else.

Now Circe is pregnant. She had a left-handed daughter, and I want to keep track of the witchs girls, so I named her after her mother.

Some jarl in ex-Byzantine lands has been conquering a LOT of land in my name. I suspect the pope is gonna want it back someday
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293772

Welp, looks like Im headed over there since Catholic zealots rose up in Lesbos and Cyprus.

Rikissa, mother of the demon child Helena, wanted to perform a ritual to summon a Jotunn Lord. A few weeks back, our brethren managed to procure an ancient clay tablet with the missing incantation. We stand ready to attain powers undreamed of b y mortal men. UNLIMITED POWER! We summoned Belial who blessed me with +3 Diplomacy.
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/29/18 6:35:53 AM
306
A 1 year old baby named Dan was then found dead the next day. Who is Dan? Why, its Helenas brother! Speaking of Helena, I should betroth her to my son Douglas Edwards.

Oh my God this fucking Catholic revolt keeps spawning dudes in the most random-ass locations. From Cyprus, to Russia to Germany. When I catch this traitor, I WILL torture him.

Map of Europe right now:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293803
Carpathia WILL be neutered by the time Im done.

Alright, got him. Then I sent him to the rack. the next day, another fucking rebel rose up. Keep the rack ready for the next one!

My vassals want to put some other schmuck on the throne and no one wants to join me in murder, so I cast a spell on him to make him sick. He got Measeles! May Jotnar dance on his grave!

Speaking of diseases, Ive been keeping a watch on the Consumption thats come awfully close to my capital, but I think my work at building hospitals is keeping it away. Yay!

Morgana just killed my steward in a duel. I mean congrats and all, but please dont kill the useful people in my court.

DK is gonna go raiding for a bit while waiting for his threat level to go down.

As the enemy draws near during the battle, an uncontrollable rage begins to stir within DK. He furiously bit down on the edges of his shield in an attempt to devour it. Trembling with anger, he raised his great ace and charged howling into the enemy ranks. Many of the cowards attempted to flee at the mere sight of im, but his axe has no mercy to spare for them. MUST KILL MORE. He became a Berserker.

While raiding, DK briefly had food poisoning, but my physician Jarl Snorri, suggested I drink jugs of human breast milk which seemed to do the trick. Im glad I hired Snorri.
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/29/18 3:56:54 PM
307
The game keeps telling me about sieges being lost by some random asshole. I dont care!

Snorris next trick to cure my food poisoning is to grab a toad, gut with, and place the still-twitching carcass on my chest. It worked!

A woman who I possessed with an evil spirit is now attracted to me. I went to her room and gave her a good tumble.

The pillaging and looting undertaken in DKs name has earned him a reputation as a fearsome Viking raider. All along the coasts, mothers tucking their children in for the night warn that unless they behave, the terrible DONKEY KONG, scourge of the seas, will come ashore with his undead warriors and eat them.

Rome was filled with horses and cattle. The raiders have rouded up a large flock in the main square so I can decide which ones to pick for myself and what to do with them. Ill share the cattle with my best warriors.

I got the orgy event about a midget ordering me and my friend into having gay sex. DK became brawny! And this time the friend wasn't a relative!

Snorri has become a Renowned Physician for his work in my court!

The time has come. TIME TO FIGHT CARPATHIA!!! They actually have very few troops at the moment, so Im tempted to do my usual hat trick of declaring 4 wars at once. LETS DO IT.

Or not, because my threat level is still too high and it fighting anyone other than Carpathia will get all of Europe on my ass at once.
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/30/18 4:18:45 AM
308
I got a warning about vassal levies raised too long. wtf, my vassals love their levies being raised. Im not supposed to get that alert with Warmongering. Turns out, I have a dirty Catholic in the realm! I plotted to kill him and his kids, which was easy because all the Germanics in my realm hated him too. But its a barony and has a weird inheritance law, so I basically just killed every baron as they came in.

God damn it, Consumption made it into the capital and is now infesting my daughter Circe! And Douglas Edwards!

The Fylkir Snorri (not to be confused with my Physician) has declared a Great Holy War for Germany! This isnt the greatest time dude, but sure, lets do it. I became Valhalla Bound pretty quickly because I was already in the general vicinity of German lands

Carpathia surrendered and it was kinda anticlimactic. We never had a big battle. :( I guess they were too busy with other wars.

Morgana is pregnant! Also, Jezebel has disappeared and I dont even know how to find her.

My wife/steward has been stealing coins! She will pay back what she stole. She dislikes me, and yet she became pregnant a day later anyway. Hate sex?

The voices in DKs head are telling him to do horrible things! He lost Stressed and became Lunatic instead.

I just realized I had gathered 20,000 troops on a piece of land that I wasnt at war with. :\ IT WAS THE SAME COLOR AS GERMANY

Baited with 10,000 troops to stand against his 17,000. Brought in reinforcements just waiting in nearby provinces. Works every time. :)
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293818

Damn, I went to torture a prisoner, but because Im a Lunatic, all I can do is torture him with a feather. :\

OOOH, the baby I made with Katarina after our hate sex session was a Strong Genius!!! THIS IS MY HEIR! Welcome to the world, Kycillia.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
MariaTaylor
12/30/18 9:55:32 AM
309
Eerieka posted...
All along the coasts, mothers tucking their children in for the night warn that unless they behave, the terrible DONKEY KONG, scourge of the seas, will come ashore with his undead warriors and eat them.


lol this

also snorri sounds amazing

best doctor
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I can see a better time, when all our dreams come true
https://imgur.com/XMoEx
Eerieka
12/30/18 4:00:39 PM
310
Rikissa, mother of Helena, is a jovial host. She has become famous throughout the realm for her welcoming nature as well as the exquisite food that she graces her guests with during her parties.

Jarl Snorri my Physician asked me to be his patron as he writes a book about medicine. Lets see how well he does!

WE WON! I am now known as the Sword of Frey, just like my ol ancestor Pete Persnickity. And now I have all sorts of random-ass land that the popes gonna declare his own crusade for later. BUT with this much land, the Catholics might have more trouble mounting a resistance. DK has tipped the scales in favor of the Germanics now!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293859

I gave the lands to random people in my court, including Rikissa, the jovial host who bored Lokis daughter Helena. In fact, I made her Jarl of Alemannia and Viceroy of Germany.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293890

Rikissa wants to have an orgy. DK wore his horned helmet. Afterward I became a Cannibal.

Dem stats doe
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293918

DK likes turnips, I guess.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293947

Some of my vassals are close to revolting and I kinda want them to do it so I can revoke their titles. Come at me, you motherfuckers!

Snorris book received mixed reception. It wasnt great, but at least it wasnt bad. But moreover it helped him develop his skills as a physician.

I saw Douglas Edwards emerge from the dungeons, covered in grime and with a bloody knife in his hand. Ill teach him some useful skills. He has become Cruel

OH SHIT I forgot I was at war with some random nobody on the eastern border. Hes almost won his war! Can I get my troops over there in time?
---
Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/30/18 11:44:55 PM
311
My beloved wife Katarina is constantly bored and keeps talking about the new fashions she has heard about. Now she wants me to introduce it at court. My money is your money, darling.

Whew, I caught up to the guy I was at war with just in time. During the battle, my vision turned red with bloodlust and I charged ahead without any regard for my safety. My nearest companion, Circe, hurried to keep up with me as I surrendered to my berserker rage. My axe cut swaths in the enemy ranks. When the dust settles, DK stood alone over half a dozen slain foes.

Some days, Dk thinks hes going insane. Its probably all in my head, but sometimes I notices people staring. When the courier whisper it is impossible to shake the suspicion that it might be about me. Being on the The Fellowship of Hel always felt worth the risk, but I am not so sure anymore Dude, you were BORN into the Fellowship! You are the son of Loki!

Oh my god Im almost out of money. TIME TO RAID THE POPE AND VENICE

While in Rome, I dueled an adventurer for control over his regiment.

Helena came of age and will now become the leader of the Fellowship of Hel. Which means I get to see DKs adult face for the first time!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1586293975

My seer is a coward. My options for dealing with that are You are a disgrace and I despise you! or I will tell the whole castle about his cowardice! DK REALLY hates cowards!

Between sessions, I installed some mods and now a lot of girls are prettier. Rikissa, the mother of Helena, went from ugly hag to sexy witch.

Whoa, I got the Songs of Anguish event where you can invite a fellow Hel-worshipper to visit and you trap them in the bronze bull while insane musicians play. But in this event, it wants me to invite Helena! The Daughter of Loki! The leader of our little Fellowship! The one who DK commanded his mother to select a woman to be impregnated so she could be born into this world (this sentence makes no sense, but I can't find a way to make it work). Come on, DK, dont sabotage your own efforts like this. I told the game that dreams were meaningless nonsense. Then immediately afterwards, Helena asked me to sacrifice a powerful ruler for Hel.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
12/31/18 3:30:19 PM
312
DK says that his subjective opinions have always given him more praise than criticism. Who knew he had good opinions?

I wonder if a weaponsmith could make anything better than the Sword From Heaven that I got near the beginning of the game. I asked her to make an axe.

One of my vassals, who happens to be a child, took over the province next to Rome. Meaning I dont even need boats to loot the pope! Thanks kid!

Now DK has an event about forging a bloodline based on a claim that we descend from Alexander the Great. Someone else had this event, but died before it came to fruition. DK is still pretty young and healthy, so lets see if he can manage it!

Holy shit! Ive never seen this event before. The woman I hired to be my weaponsmith has fled my lands and went to the court of King Ailpin III, King of France (which is approximately two provinces that my vassals are fighting for). She took the weapons and gold that I gave her, too! I dont think so, bitch! Because of my high intrigue, I can kill her and take the weapon. I acquired Cleaver.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876284

Anyway, back to Alexander. Because of my high intrigue, I decided to find his remains. I will spare no expenses. Im about to go into serious debt, but Im also about to raid the pope and all these lands surrounding my new Italian province.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876298

Summoned a demon lord. Summoned Azazel. The usual.

God damn rebels popped up and now I cant toggle some of my men to be looters because you can only loot when at peace. Fuck off, Catholics.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/01/19 2:55:48 AM
313
The valiant members of my expedition have finally returned to Scania! They found a mummified corpse, covered in ancient jewels that they claim to belong to my distinguished ancestor. Send out every messenger! Inform every crier!

One of the mods I recently installed let me build some new things in my castle and it comes with new events. I just got one of the events from having built a secret passage into my castle. I gained an extra intrigue!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT IT
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876308
Can use Invasion once per lifetime.
Oh, you cant IMAGINE my girl-boner right now. Or is it a regular boner because it's on DK? An ape boner? Look, SOMEONE has a boner right now!

Fuck yeah, Alexander the Great, I swear I will never call you Alexander the Mediocre ever again.

Also, I havent talked about it much, but Ive been breeding a lot of my kids with the descendants of Genghis Khan so I can get his bloodline in here, too. However, Im not sure its working. It might not pass through their descendants since Im marrying them into my family.

Helena, the leader of the Fellowship, wants to kill Morgana. Wtf are you doing, shes one of the servants of Hel just like you!

Welp, she just died of the fucking Plague, which doesnt exist anywhere on the map. So Im guessing Helena cast a spell on her. Fuck you, Helena.

Well, Helena is also the best spymaster, and Morgana was raising her own daughter to be a spymaster so now Helena gets the job! Congrats! You killed a woman, now you get to raise her kid!

The Country of Perm wants to be Germanic! Since I already have a title, I can do it without being burdened by the Legendary so I agreed. Perm is pretty big. I wouldnt mind having them as a friend.

And then the Pope declares his Crusade. I actually have faith we can beat him. But first I need to transfer some vassal titles so I dont have so many too many vassal penalties.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
handsomeboy2012
01/01/19 4:08:15 AM
314
Eerieka posted...
EMPEROR DONKEY KONG THE SWORD OF FREY
b. February 10th, 1217
r. July 30th, 1238 April 1st, 1304

Just caught up. Wow this is a really long life/reign,
Eerieka
01/01/19 6:57:33 AM
315
handsomeboy2012 posted...
Eerieka posted...
EMPEROR DONKEY KONG THE SWORD OF FREY
b. February 10th, 1217
r. July 30th, 1238 April 1st, 1304

Just caught up. Wow this is a really long life/reign,


I was wondering if anyone would ever notice the dates lol. After age 70 or so, I started going nuts over how long he was living. I think he was my oldest CK2 character ever
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/01/19 3:42:30 PM
316
During a minor battle on the border (not related to the Crusade) my vassal Kolbjorn the Plaguebearer, an Insane Possessed Disfigured man with Gout, defended me as I was about to duel the enemy commander, a pregnant woman. DK was mad that he stole his kill. I mean, it was the 2-for-1 special!

After squashing the millionth Catholic revolt, and in preparation of the next Crusade were holding a Great Blot! Time to sacrifice all those Catholics rotting in my prison!

During the feast, Kolbjorn the Plaguebearer suddenly screamed and tore his clothes off! Stark naked, he ran across the table waving his arms and yelling that he was on fire! I groan and bury my face in my hands, only to realize wait IM ON FIRE TOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(He wasnt actually on fire. Hes just a Lunatic as well, so he joined in)

Viceroy Budil the Evil of Lithuania (a man who wears a wolf on his head) was found passionately making out with Jarl Sverker of Vestlandet! I had no idea they were both into men!

(this is the point where I would eventually return to after fucking up everything. Everything from here until shits fucked is a false history. A wrong timeline. Fiction within fiction. But I put too much effort into writing this to delete it.)

Kycillia has become Just! Good girl!

Also, Ive been ignoring the Measles around my castle because Id rather worry about the Crusade, and I think I just got Measles! :\ Its fine! The Son of Loki, the Sword of Frey, wont die to any measley measles!

Oh damn, I was just talking out my ass just then, but apparently this is literally a thing Paradox thought about!
Loki gifted me with this disease to strengthen my resolve now, my will is like a sharpened blade and I wish this blight gone from my body! I cured myself of Measles!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876319

Also, I think the Crusade got called off? Uhh the icon for it went away. Welp, time for me to prepare to invade Carpathia instead!

In other news, the pope is a malnourished dwarf.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876324
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Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/02/19 4:06:01 AM
317
Circe died under suspicious circumstances, but they werent too suspicious since I had received several offers from another Hel member about wanting to join the plot to murder her.

FUCK CARPATHIA! TIME FOR CONQUEST!

One of the men who I outed as a homosexual (dude, I dont mind) has challenged me to a duel. Sure thing, fucker. Ill take you on at 12 PC with my 151. Before the duel, DK yelled My axe will carve you a new smile!

And then Donkey Kong, a demon in human form, named after an ape named after a donkey became a werewolf. I guess he IS the Son of Fenrir. He spent hours howling at the moon.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876336

The lovely Rikissa, mother of the Daughter of Loki, was found out by the Duchess of Iceland who burned her at the stake. Helena is now the Duchess of Alemannia and soon Viceroy of Germany! Im going to appoint her as my spymaster, and hopefully not regret this.

Ive gotten the event about going on a Berserker rage and killing a dozen men twice now.

HAHAHAHHAHAHA DIE CARPATHIA DIE DIE DIE
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876348
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876360

And I realized that I had the Empress of Carpathia in my dungeon (as in she was married to the ruler, not a ruler in her own right). I killed her.

The Emperor of Carpathia then immediately declared war on me again to reclaim a small bit of his land. Motherfucker, you fucking LOST. HARD. What makes you think this time will be any different?

Now I found Kycillia coming out of the dungeon with a knife in her hand. I taught her some useful skills. She has become Cruel.

My daughter, the first Kycillia, has died. :( All from the flu.
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Eerieka
01/02/19 3:28:23 PM
318
Im going to hand Kycillia-the-heir to Helena to raise her into an Intrigue gal before she grows up. Well, she became a Skilled Tactician anyway, so fuck me, I guess.

Ugh, Ive got myself caught in a loop. My troops cost so much money that I go into debt having them raised. But because Im in debt, I have a zillion rebels. the only way to get out is to raid with warriors who cost money. And I also have FEWER warriors than Id like because I am WAY over my vassal limit after killing Carpathia. Oh, and it costs money to create new titles so I cant do that until I am out of debt also.

Welp, vassal revolted as I was moving troops down. its fine because Ive been wanting to revoke this assholes title for a long time.

Sooo many rebels

I became a werewolf and got more martial skill. Not sure if I need this much tbh.

Took a pic of me at 50 before I lose my Berserker status
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876371

Im so far in debt Im not even sure raiding the pope can save me now

Well Helena just died without a trace meaning someone else got the event to put her in a bronze bull and cook her. RIP, Helena, you were a good spymaster. Also means I am once again the leader of the Fellowship of Hel, so I put my skull mask on.

Oh my god I finally killed the fucker who was in charge of that RIDICULOUS rebellion. This is what I do to traitors.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1588876381

I turned my troops into raiders knowing that my vassals wanted to rebel. Not a day too late, since they rebelled pretty soon.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/02/19 10:41:31 PM
319
Well, thats one way to kill a rebellion. They wanted to put some dude on the throne, so I plotted to kill him, but I was just- out of the 100% reach. A spymaster with over 100 plot power would have joined if I could bribe him, but I have no monies. Well, I have a ceremonial axe that I plundered from Carpathia, so I gave it to him and that was enough to bribe him to my side and kill this asshole, thus ending the revolt.

Augh, I got on a boat to go to Ireland where the last of the rebels live and I got Scurvy and then I became Infirm. FUCK. I did a Dark Healing and became un-Infirm. Then my physician cured scurvy. Whew.

DIE REBELS DIE

I got them finally, and Im 6000 ducats in debt. TIME TO FUCKING RAID

Kycillia the heir had a daughter. Named her Jayne Cobb. Shes Quick, but also Delicate (a trait in this mod thats similar to weak, but rather than give any martial maluses, it goes straight to a health and personal combat malus. Not ideal, but liveable.

DK has cancer. The physician gave me a mixture of cows dung and herbs which helped a little. (disclaimer: please dont ever use CK2 cures in real life. I guarantee you if cow shit treated cancer, big pharma would purchase more cows than McDonalds and Burger King combined).

Now Loki Loki outright cured cancer! Thanks Tom Hiddleston!

Im just clicking through events. Im so fucking desperate to get money. its happening. Im at -5000 now. Anyway, one of the events was about burning down a trade post somewhere, but I was bribed to not do it.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/03/19 3:06:56 PM
320
Apparently the pope wants to declare another crusade on me, but I literally cant click the button to see what its for or how strong the Catholics are. Either way, Im now 5000 in debt due to stopping raiding to kill more rebels. I think Ive hit a loop where I cant make money, therefore I cant make titles, and I have too many vassals which means they hate me I cant raise their levies and etc etc and its all fucked. Theres no hope.

Then more rebels popped up wanting Independence, and I just cant do it. So yeah. I think I may go back in time to before the war with Carpathia and try not to let my money spiral out of control. Raid first, then kill Carpathia, THEN purchase titles.

DK CREATED A TIME MACHINE AND WENT BACK TO BEFORE HE FUCKED UP EVERYTHING.

We return to January 17th, 1261. Before the war with Capathia. The pope still claims hes gonna have a crusade. Lets see if he actually does it this time.

As I was about to send my guys raiding, I had a moment of oh shit get DK off the boat or else hell get Scurvy. AND THEN I GOT SCURVY. FUCK YOU GAME. Well, I was cured of it pretty quick.

Helena and Douglas Edwards had a daughter together who was Bright (part of a mod. Not as good as Quick), Strong, and Giant. What an awesome kid! Shes not my heir or anything since Ive already deemed Kycillia will be, but shes pretty cool.

Once again, the crusade was just not declared. the icon vanished and no war happened, but the pope didnt say anything about it. I mean, I AM raiding him at the moment.

Acquired a Golden Sword and a Crown of Pearls from the pope.

Like before, Rikissa died and I made Helena the Vicerine of Germany.

Although its not ideal, I made Circe the spymaster and Helena the marshal this time so Circe might force Helena into staying loyal.

This exact event happened again, pretty much just as it says, except this time I have 165 PC:
One of the men who I outed as a homosexual (dude, I dont mind) has challenged me to a duel. Sure thing, fucker. Ill take you on at 12 PC with my 151. Before the duel, DK yelled My axe will carve you a new smile!

I handed Kycillia off to Helena to get an Intrigue education, only to realize that Helena has a martial education despite being the best intrigue gal. Which is also probably what happened last time and I was just an idiot.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/04/19 3:48:43 AM
321
I think I have discovered a new pro strat. I only lose money when Im paying for my own troops. I can use my vassals troops for free. Of course, I have to make sure I can use vassal troops, meaning I cant have too many vassals. Also, under normal circumstances you cant use their troops forever, but because were Warmongering, I can use them forever. :)

Okay, NOW ITS TIME TO FUCK CARPATHIA. My vassals are happy, I dont have too many, and I have a zillion dollars to pay my troops and buy titles when I win.

Helena, daughter of Loki, just declared her own holy war lol.

Carpathia has been neutered just like before. Well, not like before because this time I have 8000 cashmonies to play with. But I like before, I have a fuckton of land to hand out. I dug through family trees to see if any of my relatives were good candidates, and in doing so, I learned that I am related to my wife! Turns out Katarina got her name from her mother who got her name from Katarina the Monster! Emperor Rakas wife! My wifes grandfather was the firstborn Zyx who turned traitor and died in the dungeons.

Oh my god its beautiful! I conquered Carpathia and didnt throw my country into a spiral of shit, debt, and despair.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1589626253

The new Viceroy of Poland, my son Mana (I started giving my kids the various other names people suggested that didnt get made into rulers), is already on his way to conquering more of Carpathias shit. Hes fighting a one-province minor that split off when Carpathia was neutered.

Haha, DK got the same event that Pete Persnickity got eons ago where he bites down on the table while his courtier is droning on about something. Only this time, its my seer

Ooh, Helena wants me to go cause some devilish mayhem. Lets do it! DK said he would bring his Pear of Anguish. Kinky.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/04/19 4:26:49 PM
322
Oh shit! I found Jezebel again! She become 29 again, and shes a chancellor in Ostrobothnia. Im not sure how she got in that court, unless the 5 year old jarl there is a demon spawn.

Maaan, I have a ton of women in my prison who I cant execute without accruing tyranny. :\

Helena seduced another member of my dynasty (not her husband) and had a bastard but still a bastard of my dynasty. Doesnt matter, she sacrificed that baby for its lifeforce.

DK may have lost his Berserker status, but hes as vicious as ever! He dueled a Catholic man and as the man died, DK asked why he didnt beg for mercy.

As part of the mod, I had an option to build a library, and so I did. One of the things you can do if you have this library and if youre insane is to throw a book at someone lol. But no, DK may be Viking stronk, but hes still a genius with 14 learning, so he sat down and read a god damn book. Almost as if to taunt me for this decision, the game then gave me the poetry or falcon event, and I tried to get falconer since that seems more like DKs wheelhouse, but it wasnt meant for him so now hes a poet!

Then I got an event about scholars wanting to use my library. This includes Circe the succubus, my heir-daughter, my wife, some random descendant of Genghis Khan, a mayor, my seer, and Helena the daughter of Loki. Now THAT is a fun library. Someone make a slice of life anime about that one.

Im not sure wtf just happened. I got a notice that a war ended inconclusively because my daughter Morgana died, except she didnt. She just moved to a foreign court. For no reason. She wasnt married or anything. Anyway, it meant some Catholic took her land. I revoked it, invited Morgana back, and gave her back her land and jarldom.

Kycillia-the-heir had a Strong son with her husband, the grandson of Genghis Khan. Douglas Edwards now has three bloodlines!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1589626272
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/05/19 5:42:38 PM
323
My son Douglas Edwards has carved a path to the Caspian Sea. Meanwhile my vassal has conquered the Hellespont and Bosphorus.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1589626284

I had a Great Blot and I had the lunatic runs around on the table pretending they are on fire event. Except this time it was Helena! Haha!

My wife wants to have hot, passionate sex. Ive never died from this event, but I feel like Ive never seen it at 20% either. Will I die? Whew, I did not die! In fact, I became lustful again!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1589626299

My threat has somehow become 85. Everyone knows to fear DK!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1589626291

Helena slew someone in a duel and is now known as the Ruthless.

DK is spending the summer of 1273 building a garden in his castle.

Wtf Kycillia my heir wants to join the VARANGIAN GUARD. I saved because I wasnt sure if this would disinherit her. Usually when people join holy orders, they are disinherited, but the Varangian Guard is far from holy. It has different rules, I think. Anyway, the weird thing is that uhh we sorta own Miklagard? The Byzantine Empire is two provinces, Karvuna and Paphlagonia, on the border of my country which will probably be demolished someday. Hell, the Viceroy of Thrace is CURRENTLY conquering Karvuna. Well, Ill let her do it unless this disinherits her, and then one day when shes queen, she can conquer the Byzantine empire for herself.

Everything seems to be the same. And in fact, despite being in the Varangian Guard, Kycillia is able to become my chancellor.

I created some more titles to help keep vassals manageable. I finally created Kingdom of Denmark for myself and handed out the Viceroyalty of Norway.

DK now has 70 kills! Ive taken to executing everyone I capture in battle, since moneys not really an issue anymore.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
MariaTaylor
01/05/19 6:16:21 PM
324
the idea of eddv being donkey kong's son is a pretty great image on its own
---
I can see a better time, when all our dreams come true
https://imgur.com/XMoEx
Eerieka
01/06/19 3:54:48 AM
325
MariaTaylor posted...
the idea of eddv being donkey kong's son is a pretty great image on its own


At this point, I think Eddv has been everyone's son and/or brother lol.

~~~

Imma raid the pope just cuz I can. Fuck that guy.

The Dancing Plague broke out again! This time in Brno.

I got the opportunity to build a new spot for a holding in Scania. Fuck yeah, I want a new holding spot!

The worst thing about being in the Fellowship of Hel is that EVERY GOD DAMN DAY you get a fucking message about one of your people being found and burned at the stake. I DONT CARE. And Im pretty sure you cant disable these messages either, since its an event and not just a message.

As part of the personal castle mod, I built a mead cellar.

DK got the Cthulhu event, but this one starts with flavors of The Rats in the Walls. Ill become a Godslayer!

Fucking hell, I just Glitterhoofd my own daughter Kycillia. :\

My seer converted a province, and then as I paused the game to move him he died. I like to think he was SO devoted to converting the province that he died in a blaze of glory.

I became a Sea King. Fuck yeah, Seaking!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257152

Smallpox came into my capital, so I shut the gates.

DK got REALLY mad at a training dummy! (This event is from the personal castle mod)
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257177

Kycillia returned from her stint with the Varangian Guard! The game doesnt know how to handle female characters joining, as it implies she has been a man this whole time. Lets just pretend that Greek love is a reference to the Island of Lesbos, which I DO own, so it makes sense! She learned how to be a lesbian while there!
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257202
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/06/19 3:57:47 PM
326
Smallpox, Measles, and Slow Fever are waging a three-way war to see who can kill DONKEY KONG.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257219

Fylkir dont give a FUCK that Im at 80 threat. He wants France and he wants it NOW! Fuck yeah, lets TAKE FRANCE
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257234

Unfortunately I cant blitzkrieg anymore since I cant storm many of these forts that are at level 6. :(

My officers want to make my army EVEN BIGGER. How the fuck else is DK gonna conquer the world? The price is about 1 month of raiding popeland, so I dont care.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590257251

WE WON. And got some land which is completely cut off from the rest of our land! Fucking Fylkir.

Burned down a trade post. Douglas Edwards became Brave. Handed out viceroyalties. All in a days work.

My daughter, Circe the Mutilator, daughter of my concubine Circe the witch, was caught and burned at the stake RIP, daughter. I shall avenge you by plotting the death of the vicerine who killed you.

Oh, the vicerine was also my chancellor worse than getting Glitterhoofd.

And then my son Mana died in the dungeons of some khagan. I didnt even know hed been captured!

DK got a PTSD event about a battle in Dublin. When did I fight in Dublin? Probably some Catholic revolt. Anyway, one of the options for DK is I need to feel ALIVE again. Come here, servant! which will make me Drunkard and Lustful. Yikes! (I took it).

DK took a break from conquest to write a book. But he wrote about war, because its all he can think about.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/07/19 7:12:11 PM
327
Marshal Helena wants to protect peope for once in her god damned life. She suggests a series of outposts along the roads of Bornholm.

My daughter Morgana died of gout. ALL MY KIDS ARE DYING. HELP

Helena and DK are gonna cause some chaos in town! We fucked up a peasant family so bad a riot broke out, which was quickly squashed.

The pope wants to call a counter-crusade for France. NOT IF I RAID YOU FIRST, MOTHERFUCKER.

I married Douglas Edwards II to a Bastard Dwarf girl who happens to also be his niece or cousin or something.

DK just accused his wife Katarina of trying to poison hims with cookies. All because she offered him a cookie for being in his way. Rude.

And then she died a few months later. RIP. Well, she was 75

Since his PTSD event, DK has been a drunken slob. Jayne Cobb has had enough, and she grabbed the bottle as I reached for it, and tossed it against the wall. Youre killing yourself! she shouted, tears in her eyes. Stop drinking, for your familys sake! For her, my precious daughter, I shall try

I woke up today craving a drink more than anything. I feel absolutely terrible, but I wont give up. Jayne Cobb would never forgive me. This was supposed to help! I lost Drunkard and gained Temperate. And then the withdrawals kicked in I got a killer headache, but my physician Sigurdr thought my problems were from too much laughing, so he forbade me from having fun.

I think I figured out the secret to making the pope call off the crusade have raiders on Rome lol.

I have received word that people are trying to kill me. Again, just like with Waynnescott a million years ago IM A 70 YEAR OLD MAN. IT CANT BE THAT HARD. To my credit, I do have 173 personal combat still.

While raiding, I found a key to my strange chest, but it was just documents that turned to dust in my hands.
---
Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/09/19 2:40:52 AM
328
Im raising my grandson Beelzebub the Ender of Days. if hes nowhere to be seen, hes usually in the courtyard, playing wit hhis swords and practicing swordfighting with the older men. He will be a great knight one day!

My granddaughter Rikissa, also my steward, was stealing money! As much as Id love to jail and kill someone for that, she IS my granddaughter.

Holy shit, I just had rebels pop up that were actual bullshit. These motherfuckers kept reinforcing from the most assholish places, including counties I didnt know I had! WHO THE HELL CONQUERED BARCELONA? Im fucking torturing the guy responsible for this one. DK used the rack.

DONKEY KONG more like DONKEY STRONG.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374313

In his old age, DK has become lazy and lost Diligent. But he can still kill a man! He has 105 kills!

Helena wants to summon a demon. We did this just a few years ago and got Mammon. Who will we get this time? Its Avnas!

DK is probably done for. Hes 76 and the magical corruption is kicking in.

A small spear-throwing competition could be entertaining, and its also a great way to enlived your battle technique. Ill arrange a contest at court! My throwing arm will amaze everyone. The winner of the contest was my spymaster, Jarl Bjorn who has a martial stat of 10 and a PC of 14 lol.

My vassals are taking over steppe land belonging to the hoards that will be lost unless I build a castle or city on them before succession. IM FUCKING 78. Ill throw 2000 ducats into this only to have it disappear because Ill die tomorrow.

I got an exotic plant from a foreign dignitary. I gave it to my master gardener (mod related thing)

Im 80 god damn years old. I think Ive only lived to 80 like twice in all of CK2. Fucking hell, my HEIR, my YOUNGEST CHILD, is almost 50! Shell have her old woman face on!
---
Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/09/19 11:50:00 PM
329
And the Pope wants another crusade. TIME TO GO SIT ON ROME.

80 years old, and I got cured? of my lunacy? I got therapy? Haha, well okay.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374335

BURN IT ALL TO THE FUCKING GROUND.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374358

I lived long enough to see those buildings get built. :\ Or rather one of them, because the other two got raided or something. I dont fucking know, I wasnt paying attention.

Im not sure how she managed it, but Helena went from being Helena the Ruthless to Helena the Holy. Maybe she won a holy war? Ironic considering shes the daughter of Loki. Also her husband Douglas Edwards (my son) was the Cruel, but now hes known as The Sword of Tyr. Those two must have a really fucking good PR manager.

Welp, the therapy worked for a while, but Im back to being insane. Can someone please just kill me? I then chased a gopher dressed as a maid.

Marco Polo is out doing his thing and Im the oldest motherfucker in the world. Forget Solomon or Methusela or whoever, people will speak of the longevity of DK for eons!

Ive lived so long that I built the holdings again! With troops on them the whole time in case fuckers tried to burn them down!

I got injured training with my sword. Yes, this 84 year old man is fucking training.

Some adventurer has waged war on me for Ulster. Hes putting up a decent fight, all things considered when I only use 1/5th of my vassals levies. Nevertheless, I boiled him alive.

Helena asked me to select a mother to become the next wife of Loki. I had to spawn a few devil worshippers before a good one showed up. We got Katarina of the Wilds, an Attractive Lustful Homosexual. Well I hope that actually means bisexual, but Im sure Loki would be willing to accommodate!
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Maniac64
01/10/19 12:28:04 PM
330
It Ok. Loki can change his gender.
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"Hope is allowed to be stupid, unwise, and naive." ~Sir Chris
Eerieka
01/10/19 2:04:30 PM
331
Maniac64 posted...
It Ok. Loki can change his gender.


Hell, he can change his species.

~~~

Am I fucking immortal? DK refuses to die. The wound healed, and now he has a cool scar.

The Daughter of Loki has been born! And her name is Linda.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkY_kdUdpcA" data-time="


I have over 200 Personal Combat now as an 85 year old man.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374379

I got the event about emulating Pete Persnickity (is it just me, or does it always pop up just before a character dies?) Anyway, Ive become Diligent.

I asked for a blacksmith kinda on accident. Whoops. But I have a bunch of money, so I figured Id make a mace and see what happens. The blacksmith taught my young grandson Douglas Edwards how to blacksmith! Not that he needs it, since hell be Emperor one day, but it made him stronger and brawnier.

Oooh, and the weaponsmith then discovered that very precious metals and special tools have been located in a nearby province. If we send an expedition, it could increase the quality. Send someone to the end of the world, if need be!

I acquired the Twilights Hammer! A legendary mace infused with the very essence of night.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374390

My grandson Douglas Edwards came of age, and just as I was selecting his bride I died!

RIP, Donks

DONKEY KONG at death: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374397

Kycillia at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374409

Helena without her mask (beautified by a mod): https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1590374427
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/11/19 1:53:39 PM
332
@Eddv
EMPRESS KYCILLIA THE DAUGHTER OF JRMUNGANDR
b. August 5th, 1248
r. April 1st, 1304 December 25th, 1334

Im taking control of her when shes 55 years old, so I might not have much time left with her! I WOULD like to do the same as what I did with Douglas Edwards and say Ill play her a second time, but CK2 ends in 14something, so who knows if well get to a second Kycillia/Casval. I may try it if I think I can pull it off. Anyway, time to select Douglas Edwards wife. I selected a princess of Perm, the country that tried so hard to become Germanic. Maybe I can claim it as my own later.

Kycillia acquired all of dads old things, including alchemical items hed plundered. She had no idea wtf she was going to do with this crap, but shell keep it around. You never know when you need a human heart.

Alright, I took a break from playing so I could play Kycillia with a fresh mindset and I don't know I am doing. My empire is so big and my vassals dont like me because I have a short reign penalty.

Alright, Eddv wanted me to play her as a devil worshipper, and since I havent played in a while, Im not burnt out of that anymore. So lets go worship Loki and Hel! She's old enough now, that I wouldn't be surprised if the AI tried to get her to join and she declined. It might be a while before I get the invitation after I click the button to "express interest in joining."

Ugh, and I lost Diligent. :( Of all the virtuous traits to lose, I really wish I hadnt lost the best of them

Kycillia is insane and passed the Hole in the Wall act.

I was almost cornered in a battle against some peasant rebels, but a Tall Genius woman named Thora saved me. My, how chivalrous!

Alright, popes calling for a crusade. Lets see if the pro strat of siege his capital right away really works!
---
Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/12/19 3:53:19 PM
333
I got a Lovecraft/Cthulhu event which starts An old cottar and his wife who were known for their cruelty to cats were found dead in their home this morning, their bones picked clean of meat. My steward tells me that the local townspeople had their cats of missing the day before, but all the missing cats returned today looking fat and happy. Welp, lets become a Godslayer. Also, the flavor text says I passed a law banning the killing of cats lol.

My 6 year old grandson has a pet dog. How? I thought you only got dogs from the Hunting event which you have to be an adult to do. I wonder if one of my mods did that.

Im raiding the pope in preparation of him declaring his crusade. Kycillia has become a Viking!

My Mongolian husband was killed by a wild beast! Dang dude, thats hardcore.

I assassinated some fucker who the other vassals wanted to put on the throne. Well, unfortunately he was my relative and the assassin blabbed my name under torture so now the world knows I killed him. Oh well.

DEUS VULT. Alright, lets see how this goes. I already had looters on Rome when it started!

Working out well so far. I did have to merge all my troops together when a big Austrasian army came for me. After the battle, Kycillia became a Siege Leader! I need those more than ever now that some of the castles Im sieging are level 6 and I cant storm them.

Kycillia doesnt take prisoners. She executes enemy nobles and soldiers as soon as they are captured.

Nope, not possible. By the time Ive sieged the popes land, a gazillion Catholics have sieged my land in France and I cant fight them all or siege it all back because, again, theyre level whatever forts that cant be stormed. Fuck this game sometimes.

And then it crashed on me anyway. Well, you know what, game, two can play at that. When I reload, Im going to prepare an invasion on some stupid fucking Catholic country and and gain more ground than your stupid crusade ever will.

Well, it must be a sign, because when I quit and went back to Steam, it says Ive played 777 hours of CK2. Cool.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/13/19 3:05:06 PM
334
My heirs first son was born. He probably wont be THE Jayne Cobb, but hell be A Jayne Cobb. Hes Bright! (an even wearer version of Quick in this mod)

Bleh, I fucking hate this game right now. Theres no reason I should have lost to the god damn catholics for the 20th fucking time when I had the popes shit sieged. They installed a Harelip Dwarf as King of France and Im gonna fucking Invade that shit head. Or Austrasia. Both sound good.

And then the Fylkir called a counter Holy War for France. :) Gooood Fylkir But you COULD have waited for me to finish Austrasia.

My own son Jayne Cobb just declared a war on me for my titles what the fuck. Son, I will execute you. Im already a kinslayer. (I probably wont have the option to execute, but Ill torture/humiliate him if I can)

Some rival of mine died and I didnt even know he was my rival. Uhh well, I had the option to dig up his skull and put it on the mantelpiece, so I did it.

I finished the war with Austrasia and then as I was on my way to kill France, someone else won by capturing the Harelip Dwarf king. It was my revolting son Jayne Cobb!!! So now hes the king of France, but hes fighting me. Uhh. Well, Im going to finish spanking him now and see what happens.

I finished the war with my son, Jayne Cobb, King of France, who is now in my prison I decided not to kill him, since that would make me a really really bad kinslayer. I did humiliate him though, by putting him in the town stocks. Thatll teach you to rebel against your mother! Now some random granddaughter of mine is set to inherit France, but like I guess Ill let her?

As the godi slowly pulled me out of the holy spring, the water started boiling and frothing, paint running off the arcane runes smeared on my naked body. Filled with wonder, I realized that the gibbering voices in my head had finally fallen silent! I am no longer possessed.

I also realized that I must have accidentally clicked a wrong button for the devil worshipper initiation thing because Im not a devil worshipper. >_>
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
handsomeboy2012
01/14/19 4:15:38 AM
335
What is with these really long living rulers you got
Eerieka
01/14/19 4:32:14 PM
336
Yeah, Kycillia lived a long time, too. It just didn't feel like it since I got control of her so late. But at least she got some decent time on the throne.

~~~

God fucking damn it I just Glitterhoofd by Chancellor. I rehired him, but he hates me by -50 now. Also, his nickname is the cuckoo lol maybe he Glitterhoofs his own chancellors.

After murdering all the rebels, my vassals decided to do their own wars. I swear to God I almost had a coronary when I saw a million Austrasia flags pop up. Oh yeah, Austrasia belongs to me now lol.

Kycillia got her PTSD event. Ill take the Celibate option this time, not that it matters since shes 70 years old.

Im about to start the god damn Norse Spanish Inquisition. For the THIRD time, Ive had Catholic rebels pop up in Empiues, in Spain.

AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN

Meanwhile, Ive been playing with falcons and became a falconer!

My spymaster for a while now has been Linda, who I, the player, know is the devil child, but Kycillia doesnt.

The GOOD Jayne Cobb asks will I rule one day. If you deserve it, you shall! And since hes a Patient Genius, I bet he will!

Oh lawdy, my old Viceroy of Austrasia died (RIP, he did well) and the new one, Thora a genius, just declared her own Invasion of Burgundy. YEEEESSS

Man, Kycillia made it to 76, but after DKs reign, that doesnt seem like much.

For some reason, when I loaded the game, a bunch of my vassals declared war on outside enemies. Most of them can handle this, but I noticed my Chancellor, a single-county countess, went to war against a duke to gain his duchy. I gave her some money to help her out, since she has been a good chancellor.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/15/19 5:11:16 PM
337
Out of Kycillias 4 children, 2 are dead, one is imprisoned for betraying me, and the other is the heir Douglas Edwards who is waiting patiently for his turn to be emperor. Good boy. Speaking of which, I married his children to good breeding stock.

My imprisoned son just joined the Defensive Pact against me. LOL. Im gonna humiliate him again for that.

Jayne Cobb (the one who will be emperor one day) likes to tell lies. I almost sent an innocent servant to the stocks because of him! (Ironically, this event triggered about a month after I sent the imprisoned Jayne Cobb to the stocks lol.

Jayne Cobb the King of France died in my dungeons, and his daughter (my granddaughter) Aslaug took over. She hates me by a lot because I humiliated her dad twice. She asked to marry my grandson Yngvar who is 1 year old. Yngvar was the son of the heir Douglas Edwards and I almost named him Jayne Cobb to be the heir since he was younger, but he had no special traits. And yes, I did reject that marriage. Im not sending off my 1 year old grandson to marry a 28 year old woman. (She found some other relative who was willing to betroth their 5 year old son to her).

Huh, interesting. I have a random relative named Pete. Not Pete Persnickity. Just Pete. Hes Norse and a descendant of ol PP. Strange. I wonder if the game decided to name him after Pete Persnickity, but only wanted to take the first part of his name.

My vassals conquered enough land to connect Melgueil to the rest of my land. Ive owned this province for a long time and its somehow never gotten away from me. Now maybe they can connect the lands in Barcelona.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1620217872

Some nasty rumors were floating around about me. With some effort, I traced them back to Jarl Hakon of Capua. He has a harelip and is zealous, so I called him a narrow-minded Harelip! Wow

As I raised my troops to raid the pope, more catholic rebels popped up. :\
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/16/19 6:15:28 PM
338
The Day the Earth Shook
The earth shook, the people screamed and buildings cracked. A could of foul-smelling air swept over the village, making torched and fires burn bright green for several hours. It took a couple of days repairing the cracked buildings and salvaging items from the few older houses that had collapsed. Luckily everyone escaped unharmed. I slowly walked through the city, examining the buildings and noting what remained to be repaired when an excited peasant approached me. Without bothering with formalities, he told me about a giant crack in the ground just outside his farm. He wanted me to come and inspect it, and perhaps determined what to do about it.
Of course! Show the way, peasant!

Gate of Hell
The foul smell that has swept over the city the day the earth shook slowly crept up on us and I retched involuntarily. The wound that has burst open in the farmers field spewed fire and brimstones and we stopped, aghast at the sight. The flames and fiery stones threatened the bare ground around the gao, the farmer was lucky his fields lay fallow.
I must take a look at this.

The Tormented Souls of Hell
Wailing, screams, and cries for help seemed to emit from the burning gap. The farmer frew pale and refused to take one step further. I walked as close to the hell hole as I dared and tricked to peek down. Apart from the occasional fiery stone and eyebrow-licking flame, I could see nothing. The wailings and screamed seemed to increase until it felt as if my head would explode. I stumbled backward, felt the ground shifting beneath my feet and would have fallen into the pit if the farmer hadnt grabbed my arm and pulled me away from it.
I need this gap closed. Now!

Close the Gate to Hell
I gave the wisest men and women of my court three days to come up with a solution on how to close this gap that seemed to open the whole way to hell. Within three days, they had all thought up different solutions to the problem.
Feed it cattle

Feed it Cattle
The cows baled in front of the gap and refused to take any step further. They had to be pushed into the gap and their miserable mooing mixed with the wailings of the tortured souls trapped in the pit until they hit the bottom.
I really hope this works

It worked!
The gap finally closed! No more fiery stones and flames, no more wailing voices from the underground!
The Gates of Hell closed after we fed it cattle.

Ironically, I got the looted cattle event from raiding right after this lol.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/17/19 6:25:47 PM
339
bump. I, uhh... I caught up to my notes. >_> I'll have to play some more CK2 this weekend!
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/18/19 6:50:01 PM
340
bump #2. Will play today hopefully
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Maniac64
01/18/19 10:56:29 PM
341
My that was quite the event
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"Hope is allowed to be stupid, unwise, and naive." ~Sir Chris
Eerieka
01/19/19 10:04:38 PM
342
Yeah, the Gate to Hell event has a pretty low chance of occurring, but I think I've seen it about 5 times in all my games. I feel like it's a little anticlimactic. You just choose how you want to stuff the hole until it closes. I feel like there's a lot more you could have happen with it.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/20/19 6:50:44 PM
343
bump. I played more, but I'm still not ready!
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/21/19 6:34:01 PM
344
still not ready >.<
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/22/19 7:01:11 PM
345
bump. Busy with work, no time for games recently
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/23/19 7:20:49 PM
346
I swear to god I will play this game all weekend if I must
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/24/19 7:49:41 PM
347
Almost at the end of Douglas Edwards II's reign.
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/25/19 7:53:29 PM
348
bump, and plan to play tomorrow!
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/26/19 10:24:07 PM
349
Playing tonight
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
Eerieka
01/27/19 8:49:55 PM
350
My devil-girl Linda was stressed. I talked to her out in the garden and we had a nice stress-free time.

My men have come across the burial site of some sort of holy person. This could be a chance to show them how we treat their weak holy people. Take everything of value, and leave nothing behind! (This event got me 363 gold)

Kycillia has passed away on a cold Christmas Day (lets just pretend its a Norse holiday). She lived a long fucking life, too! What happened, did we beat the medieval times?

Kycillia at death:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1620256779

Douglass Edwards II at succession:
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1620256809
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Account created-9/10/04. Just a normal GameFAQs user/leprechaun
Ramza: rofl. Rofel: You say my name? -Eise
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