Board 8 > The Phantom Menace is somehow WORSE than I remembered.

(+) Yeah! (+)

And I remember it being pretty damn bad, but man, this was an indefensible trash heap. Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine/Sidious is the only key participant who didn't shit the bed. It's almost impressive that Lucas managed to bring forth some of the worst performances that Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, and Samuel L. Jackson have shown in their careers. All in one movie. And poor Jake Lloyd and young Natalie Portman - they were horrible, though I can't blame them given the dialogue they had to work with.

The lifeless acting and dialogue worked in tandem with every other aspect of the film - each as shockingly bad as the last - such that nothing stood out as particularly offensive because it was ALL such garbage. There was no emotion in the whole movie. Aliens spoke with exaggerated, offensive foreign accents (why did they do away with aliens speaking in alien gibberish from the OT? Did fans not like that?). The forced humor was never funny. The droid army was dumb. The gungan army was dumb. I don't think the movie showed a single civilian of Naboo before the final minute; apart from 100 gungans, it was like they didn't exist. All the fight scenes were dumb. The climactic scene where Ani blows up the space station by pure dumb luckwas dumb AND an affront to every triumphant scene in the OT. The CGI has aged terribly, and even the score was pretty bland apart from Duel of the Fates, which is kinda wasted because the final lightsaber battle - where 99.5% of lightsaber strikes were blocked but 100% of kicks and fucking backfists were effective - was kinda dumb. And last, but certainly not least, was a plot literally driven by TAXATION. WHY.

Two years ago, there seemed to emerge a newfound appreciation for the PT by fans who were disappointed that Episode VII told such a safe story. But no. FUCK no - at least not for Episode I. Episode VII is the freakin Godfather compared to Episode I. I'm not exaggerating when I say it might be one of the worst "not intentionally trying to be bad" movies I've ever seen. And from the looks of it, shit seems to get worse with age (for what it's worth, before this week, I think I had last seen it about a decade ago).
---

I honestly haven't seen the prequels since I watched them in theaters, but I've thought about trying to watch them again in preparation for Episode VIII. This topic is kind of what I feared I would feel like if I did.
---

TPM is a movie I long ago decided never to rewatch.

This is a good reason why,
---

I watched it this past weekend with my 10yo. even she was bored by it.

the thing that gets me -- it's clearly aimed at kids with jar jar and some of the slipstick stuff, but then there's all this boring stuff about trade routes and galactic congresses. pick a side, you know?
---

it really is
---

Excuse me, sir.

But THIS is pod racing.
---

I think episode I is the worst star wars movie and it's not even close

it's actually significantly worse than 2 and 3, and those are really terrible movies too

TPM is unwatchable

transience posted...

the thing that gets me -- it's clearly aimed at kids with jar jar and some of the slipstick stuff, but then there's all this boring stuff about trade routes and galactic congresses. pick a side, you know?

Yeah, that's the hardest part to believe. I can buy Lucas simply aging into a bad director who wrote a terrible script and was obsessed with computer effects. But trying to reconcile Jar Jar stepping in poo with a trade embargo due to a tax dispute... it's amazing how much power the dude had for no one to question that plot.

Almost as amazing as the fact that the movie wasn't universally panned the moment it released. Star Wars hype in 1999 made fools of us all.
---

There are few worse things than whenever an idiot tries to say the PT was better than the new movies because at least they "tried something different".
---

I'm of the opinion that every PT movie improved significantly on the previous, and yeah Episode II isn't good, soooo...

Sometimes I wonder if some it's not just curmudgeonly Star Wars fans not having as much fun with the newer movies as nostalgia-fueled older ones, but then I see a post like this and nod along, remembering all the serious problems TPM had, and feel it largely deserves its hate.

(I like RotS though.)
---

CaptainOfCrush posted...

Almost as amazing as the fact that the movie wasn't universally panned the moment it released. Star Wars hype in 1999 made fools of us all.

It really did. The hype for that movie was probably the greatest hype for any movie in my entire lifetime.

I can't remember another that even felt that close.
---

I remember liking it when I watched it in theaters at the age of 13, but a lot of it might have just been excitement that it's a new Star Wars movie. But I guess at some point I wised up because I haven't watched it again since, and I've seen the original trilogy literally dozens of times.
---

I think 2 might be worse than 1, but the ending was fun. 1 doesn't really have anything going for it.
---

I think Phantom Menace is technically the worst Star Wars trying to judge it objectively, cause yeah it has no idea what it's even trying to do, but I would still rather watch it than Attack of the Clones

RotS is watchable though. It's bad too, but in a ridiculous over the top funny way at many points at least.
---

I remember really liking the Obi-Wan scenes in Episode II when he's on that one planet where Jango and Boba Fett are. It felt really different from everything else in the prequels, in a good way.

who knows maybe it's bad and I didn't realize it
---

I've long said that if there was a fan edit of Episode II that basically cut every scene without Obi Wan in it I bet it would be a half decent movie. There's a lot more cringe/snooze Padme/Anakin stuff than Obi Wan stuff in it though.
---

Like all Star Wars it pretty much is some of the worst things our pop culture has caused.
---

transience posted...

the thing that gets me -- it's clearly aimed at kids with jar jar and some of the slipstick stuff, but then there's all this boring stuff about trade routes and galactic congresses. pick a side, you know?

tfw when you're trying to continue lawrence of arabia in space but u gotta honor that lego contract

The thing that's really amazing is that 1 is not only completely terrible, but utterly unnecessary. It doesn't develop any of the characters that are in it or their relationships with one another in any substantial way that we either didn't already know and/or can't be summed by the mere fact they met each other. The most significance it ever has is the last five minutes of 3 where Yoda brings up Qui Gon the fuck out of nowhere so Obi Wan has someone to talk to off screen for the next 20 years.
---

LeonhartFour posted...

I remember really liking the Obi-Wan scenes in Episode II when he's on that one planet where Jango and Boba Fett are. It felt really different from everything else in the prequels, in a good way.

who knows maybe it's bad and I didn't realize it

I 100% agree with this, those scenes are like something that's almost out of a good movie

Lopen posted...

I've long said that if there was a fan edit of Episode II that basically cut every scene without Obi Wan in it I bet it would be a half decent movie. There's a lot more cringe/snooze Padme/Anakin stuff than Obi Wan stuff in it though.

The IMAX cut of Episode 2 was kind of like this. Back then IMAX had a hard 2 hour limit so they had to trim like 23 minutes from the film, and most of it was the Anakin/Padme stuff. They only left in the bare minimum to move the story along. I remember it being much better that way.
---

I like it when closely following the whole JarJar is the evil mastermind plot.
Outside of that it's bad. And that can be found condensed in youtube videos.
---

LeonhartFour posted...

I remember liking it when I watched it in theaters at the age of 13, but a lot of it might have just been excitement that it's a new Star Wars movie. But I guess at some point I wised up because I haven't watched it again since, and I've seen the original trilogy literally dozens of times.

This is almost verbatim my experience - even down to the age! I was so swept up in Episode I hype that I watched it in theaters four times. I guess that I reevaluated its quality during the next three years, however, as I never bothered watching Eps II or III in theaters.

And yeah, I'm probably powering through II and III this week, and those Obi-Wan scenes are the only ones I'm really looking forward to. I remember Ewan McGregor doing a good job taking ownership of that character despite Lucas's directing.

kevwaffles posted...

The thing that's really amazing is that 1 is not only completely terrible, but utterly unnecessary. It doesn't develop any of the characters that are in it or their relationships with one another in any substantial way that we either didn't already know and/or can't be summed by the mere fact they met each other. The most significance it ever has is the last five minutes of 3 where Yoda brings up Qui Gon the fuck out of nowhere so Obi Wan has someone to talk to off screen for the next 20 years.

That's totally true. The plot develops around Anakin (he gets to know Padme, he gets to train under Obi-Wan), but the dialogue between them is either bland (Obi) or horribly awkward (Padme). The relationships aren't really developed at all. The only other major goings-on is Palpatine's plotting, which I thought was really weirdly done. For all this movie's lack of subtlety, it was actually TOO subtle in hinting that Sidious and Palpatine are the same guy. It didn't hint it at all! I might actually like that, now that I think about it.
---

The Phantom Menace was the most disappointing thing since my son.
---

Every so often I watch a movie I remembered hating to see if its as bad as I remember. Sometimes it wasnt.

Ive tried this with the PT like six times. Each time I regret it.
---

I'll try spinning that's a good trick
---

Paratroopa1 posted...

I think episode I is the worst star wars movie and it's not even close

i still think AotC is worse.

even if you disagree with that, the star wars holiday special is inarguably worse.
---

The Holiday Special doesn't count and also I thought we all agreed as a people never to discuss it.
---

Darth Mauls character design carried the movie
---

bryans7 posted...

The Holiday Special doesn't count and also I thought we all agreed as a people never to discuss it.

http://redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst-the-star-wars-holiday-special/
---

CaptainOfCrush posted...

because the final lightsaber battle - where 99.5% of lightsaber strikes were blocked

Required watching

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0mUVY9fLlw

Jakyl25 posted...

Darth Mauls character design carried the movie

Play Star Control 2
---

i loved the lightsaber duel and dgaf what you say about it
---

The thing I still hate most about the prequels is the idea that Anakin created C3PO and that it ultimately has no relevance to 4-6
---

Saw the prequel trilogy last weekend for the first time
TPC hate is...exaggerated
It was pretty much boring the whole way, it has Jar Jar, felt too childish and it has some weird pacing issues (We saw the intro, Obi Wan boarded a ship, they got ambushed, they killed them all, they landed in a planet, they met Jar Jar, they got into the underwater city, they faced giant water beasts, they got into a city and met the queen)

But it wasn't offensively bad
The visual were astounding even by today standards, not to mentioned 20? years ago
The fight against Darth Maul was good and I guess some people might enjoy the racing too

The climactic scene where Ani blows up the space station by pure dumb luckwas dumb

OK yeah this I can't defend I wanted to punch the screen by how idiotic it was. No way to defend it I have no idea who thought it was a good idea

But you want a bad movie? try Return of the Jedi
That was such a horrible boring fucking piece of shit, I wanted to stop watching during the middle and not watch the other Star Wars because it was one of the worst movies I have ever seen (no it isn't Assassin's Creed levels of bad but it was close)
This is the trilogy finale, they had an established universe already, an interesting main story, and they wasted 80% of the movie on filler
40 minutes to rescue Han Solo? really? then 40 more minutes of Ewoks? they are far worse than Jar Jar oh my god kill them with fire
They played such a major role in the film and were able to defeat the storm troopers so easily how can I take them seriously? the Empire fucking sucks

Han Solo character was botched here- no longer a "player" but rather a boring, plain character that is envious of everyone
The "Leia is Luke sister" proved to be a pointless plot twist, it might have some importance in the lore expanded by other media (like books or I don't know) but in the movie itself it was so pointless

But the worst offender? the WORST?
For 30 years I didn't see Star Wars. I only saw Episode VII two years ago and Rogue One, but I knew about Darth Vader
He is one of the most popular movie-originated characters ever created, it's impossible to not hear about Darth Vader
He is hyped, he is liked, he is feared. I expected him to be some kind of "ultimate villain" and he kicked ass in the ending of Rogue One so I looked forward to seeing him in the next few movies
He was pretty whatever in IV and V, and it was ok.
But I did not expect the one I thought would be "the ultimate villain" to be a fucking pathetic wimp and go all "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" with lame son-issues "I want to see your face" COME ON you poor piss fuck
---

oh Nanis
---

Vader doesnt say Nooo in the original cut, by the way. Lucas added that in a few years ago.
---

Nanis23 posted...

COME ON you poor piss fuck

this killed me
---

SeabassDebeste posted...

i loved the lightsaber duel and dgaf what you say about it

same.

it's extremely unrealistic but who cares, it's fucking star wars. like someone in the comments section of that video blocksby posted said, a realistic lightsaber duel would end in less than 5 seconds.
---

Anagram posted...

Vader doesnt say Nooo in the original cut, by the way. Lucas added that in a few years ago.

Interesting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhDtFnpNOfE
Like here, right?

It's better, the "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" was awkward
It still feels lame and anti-climatic, but much better
---

Lucas apparently thought everyone loved the NOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the end of Episode III because it was the most talked about part of the movie but he didn't realize it was for the wrong reasons
---

Im 100% sure Lucas thought it was totes symbolic to have both the first and last words said by Darth Vader to be Noooo
---

You guys are killing me with this No business.

And I pissed on the fight choreography because it was crapping me up, but the REAL problem with that duel has already been touched on a million times - zero emotion or investment into the combatants. We don't care about Qui-Gon. We don't care about Maul (apart from his look). We only care about Obi-Wan because we're armed with knowledge of who he becomes, and not because of anything he says/does/experiences in Ep1.
---

I still dont buy that anyone would be able to master the art of the dual lightsaber without killing themselves in the process
---

Jakyl25 posted...

I still dont buy that anyone would be able to master the art of the dual lightsaber without killing themselves in the process

I mean they do have the Force to assisst the..
---

redrocket_pub posted...

Jakyl25 posted...

I still dont buy that anyone would be able to master the art of the dual lightsaber without killing themselves in the process

I mean they do have the Force to assisst them.

Yeah if anything go question Finn duel with Kylo
I loved episode 7 but god that was dumb
---

Then why even use their hands at all! Control the sabers from afar with the power of the Force!

Tell me you wouldnt watch two floating lightsabers fighting
---

Nanis23 posted...

Yeah if anything go question Finn duel with Kylo
I loved episode 7 but god that was dumb

She has too many midichlorians to lose
---

Jakyl25 posted...

Then why even use their hands at all! Control the sabers from afar with the power of the Force!

Tell me you wouldnt watch two floating lightsabers fighting

This is how the force ghosts of all the main Jedi from the previous films will come back to assist in the final epic battle vs Snoke in Ep IX.
---

Jakyl25 posted...

Nanis23 posted...

Yeah if anything go question Finn duel with Kylo
I loved episode 7 but god that was dumb

She has too many midichlorians to lose

I was talking about Finn
A random stormtrooper

Can fight on equal footing with a Sith trained by Luke
lmao
---