Current Events > Would you forgive your s/o in this scenario?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Let's say you're about a year into a relationship, and you feel strongly about this person.

Scenario: your s/o is on a cruise with their family. While they're away they get blackout drunk (which is uncharacteristic of them from what you've seen) and cheat on you. However, the following day they immediately send you a message confessing to it and tell you they didn't mean it, that they love you, and that they want to kill themselves they feel so bad.

Would you take them back?

A friend of mine is going through this now and I'm a bit torn on what the best answer here is, if there even is one. I think on the one hand I'd be very blinded by anger and might find it hard to trust this person again. On the other I think it is meaningful that they confessed right away, it shows genuine remorse IMO and it's probably important they almost never get drunk like this as well.
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in this scenario, you're saying her entire FAMILY cheated on you?

TheDarkCircle posted...

in this scenario, you're saying her entire FAMILY cheated on you?

Only the one you're in a relationship with is capable of cheating on you
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I'd probably flip at her for the attempted emotional abuse of putting her life in my hands like that as a ploy after already cheating on me.
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No
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I dont know. Im leaning towards what Kineth said.
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Yeah, probably.
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Nah. Break up
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Kineth posted...

I'd probably flip at her for the attempted emotional abuse of putting her life in my hands like that as a ploy after already cheating on me.

Is it a ploy if they told you immediately though? The easiest thing to do for a deceptive person/person who didn't care about you would be to not say anything
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Just dont be surprised if it happens again. Was it the woman/girlfriend who got blackout drunk (allegedly)? Because its kind of woman excuses 101 to say they were too drunk if they get caught cheating or sending flirty texts after the fact.

Her coming forward about it is beside the point here. Her family probably knew and likely semi-forced her to come clean. Doesnt take a lot to tell on a cruise if your daughter slept around. Im gonna assume her parents arent cool with their daughter lying to her long term guy.

Even if she had been alone and still confessed, she did what she wanted. And who knows if she got blackout drunk, she couldve just gotten very drunk but knew what she was doing. You literally cant tell now. Each their own though, its not like I know everything about their relationship.
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She's getting the boot. Do not deal with sluts. It's not a mistake.
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InYourWalls1 posted...

Kineth posted...

I'd probably flip at her for the attempted emotional abuse of putting her life in my hands like that as a ploy after already cheating on me.

Is it a ploy if they told you immediately though? The easiest thing to do for a deceptive person/person who didn't care about you would be to not say anything

So somehow her life is on a razor's edge after fucking a dude? Why am I dating a hysterical woman? I don't play with that shit. Your life is not a play thing to use as a bargaining chip in the ploy to make it so that, supposing I don't want to take her back, she's gonna start threatening to kill herself? You fucking kidding me? I don't date kids. That's childish. Talk it out like an adult instead of going all histrionic.
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Don't date girls that can afford to go on cruises. They will never depend on you.
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Getting drunk is not an excuse for cheating. All it does is make you more likely to do what you deep down already wanted to do anyways.

People don't cheat when they get drunk unless they had desires to cheat (whether said desires were even known by that person or not).

Booted to the curb, fair next
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PoopPotato posted...

Don't date girls that can afford to go on cruises. They will never depend on you.

I dont think that matters (since a lot of women are with guys who earn less than they do) but women who constantly travel...usually are very tied to being independent. And probably prefer the dating wheel. They think they can always do better. Or are just happier with a new flavor of the month.
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Conventional wisdom says to not take her back, but I don't know what I'd do if I were actually in that situation.
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getting drunk just lets you do what you want to do without feeling bad about it. someone who doesn't want to cheat won't cheat just cause they're drunk. I've heard enough about people being cheated on plus I've been cheated on once (and gave them a second chance, but it didn't work out in the end)
I'm so over it tbh. I really doubt I'd take em back
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To clarify, my friend in this scenario is a girl

masticatingman posted...

Her coming forward about it is beside the point here. Her family probably knew and likely semi-forced her to come clean.

Apparently his family was equally shit faced. I don't think they knew his whereabouts or cared very much from the sounds of it.

ThyCorndog posted...

getting drunk just lets you do what you want to do without feeling bad about it. someone who doesn't want to cheat won't cheat just cause they're drunk.

I agree, though I don't think it's impossible that someone can recover from this situation and commit to watching their drinking and staying faithful. If those feelings are down there though it is a risk that they'll be drawn out again in some other instance. I guess ultimately it comes down to how much she really cares about him and whether she thinks he's worth that risk
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There isnt a scenario where Id take my girl back after she cheated. It would be over for me.
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If she was black out drunk then she shouldn't have remembered having sex. She would have been raped. Either way she ain't telling the truth.
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TheDarkCircle posted...

in this scenario, you're saying her entire FAMILY cheated on you?

this made me laugh out loud very very much. (in a "genuinely funny" way)

also, cheating while drunk is not a "this is what you wanted" thing 100% of the time.
you get horny, some equally drunk girl/guy gets horny, you both do the deed.
you didnt fall in love with that person. you just wanted sex.

i would take him back IF he shows genuine regretfulness.
it was just sex anyway.
i m of those that opine that theres sex, and then theres making love.
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CE really going hard on the "Drunk words, sober thoughts" thing I see.
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The fact she got drunk is an instant dump for me.
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Kineth posted...

I'd probably flip at her for the attempted emotional abuse of putting her life in my hands like that as a ploy after already cheating on me.

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Thunder_Armor posted...

Conventional wisdom says to not take her back, but I don't know what I'd do if I were actually in that situation.

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If she was so stupid to get that drunk, not ask a family member to stay with her, or not get that drunk in her room where she would safe then she simply did not care.

Sounds like an excuse as if she were black out drunk how would she remembered the sex ?

Her confession also sounds like she just wants to be forgiven for being a cheating slut, personally I would not forgive her and dump her ass ASAP.
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no. next question
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Considering the situation, she gets one pass on that, but I will still be wary, especially of her drinking habits.

If she wasn't impaired and made that decision, we're having a talk and are probably done.
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he should break up with her

Offworlder1 posted...

If she was so stupid to get that drunk, not ask a family member to stay with her, or not get that drunk in her room where she would safe then she simply did not care.

Sounds like an excuse as if she were black out drunk how would she remembered the sex ?

Her confession also sounds like she just wants to be forgiven for being a cheating slut, personally I would not forgive her and dump her ass ASAP.

Yeah but you have a girlfriend and a mistress. TC's "friend" only has a girlfriend. He doesn't have the same luxury of dropping one as you do.
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@Returning_CEmen

I dont tolerate cheating, if either or both did what the girlfriend in this topic did either or both my women would be dumped by me.

Girlfriend 2 can get drunk easy and yet she is smart enough to know her limit in public and gets drunk in a safe environment like at home, in the hotel room if we are on vacation, or with someone she can trust not alone where bad shit can happen.
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Nah

How do you get blackout drunk and remember what you did?

tripZ504 posted...

How do you get blackout drunk and remember what you did?

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