Poll of the Day > My cousin came out as a lesbian a few years back. Now, she's dating a dude.

(+) Yeah! (+)

To be perfectly clear, I don't really care. As long as she's happy and her partner, whatever gender her partner may be, treats her well, then great. Go forth and be merry.

Just find it a bit curious, because when she came out as a lesbian, she came out with both barrels blasting the door off of the closet. She was so in-your-face with letting everyone know she is gay and proud, posting all the time about how she was going to gay bars and what female celebrity she was crushing on at the moment.

In hindsight, it all looks like a cry for attention. Haven't spoken to her about it. I'm unsure if that was just a phase she went through, or if perhaps she's bisexual. But man alive was she ever vocal about being gay. She still posts stuff supporting equal rights and gay pride, alongside posts fawning over her new boyfriend.

tl;dr - see topic title
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Probably is bisexual and spent so long hiding it for fear of repression that she lashed out hardcore. This is pretty common for gay or bisexual people who come out a little later in life, or really anyone who has to come out at all. The very nature of that means they hid because they expected to not be accepted. It's understandable that you'd want to push back after that.

All girls are bi / 10
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Far-Queue posted...

Haven't spoken to her about it. I'm unsure if that was just a phase she went through, or if perhaps she's bisexual.

Well it's one or the other I'd imagine. The cynical part of me says she was jumping on the bandwagon trying to be hip because everyone is bi these days. The logical side of me though says she's experimenting. Either way it amounts to the same thing I guess.
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Sounds like she found out she was interested in women and started dating one, but then realized she was also still attracted to dudes -- I think it was just a false start.
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Far-Queue posted...

Just find it a bit curious, because when she came out as a lesbian, she came out with both barrels blasting the door off of the closet. She was so in-your-face with letting everyone know she is gay and proud, posting all the time about how she was going to gay bars and what female celebrity she was crushing on at the moment.

Makes me think she was attention-whoring.
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Far-Queue posted...

She still posts stuff supporting equal rights and gay pride

Well, you don't have to be gay, or have ever felt you might be gay, to do that. At least she hasn't turned around 180 degrees -- some people zealously take up a cause and then abandon it, and become zealously against whatever it was they supported earlier. Sometimes that can be a good thing (I've known people who became believers in Holocaust denial, then later returned to planet Earth); and sometimes it can be a bad thing.
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Pics
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FellWolf posted...

All girls are bi / 10

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gee, I wonder why people don't come out as bisexual. Couldn't have anything to do with the insulting assumption and discussion that your sexuality is for attention.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

gee, I wonder why people don't come out as bisexual. Couldn't have anything to do with the insulting assumption and discussion that your sexuality is for attention.

Yeah I'm a little bothered by that in this topic. To be fair, some people are acting out to get attention. That doesn't mean they don't actually feel those attractions.

It sounds like the topic creator's friend acted as gung-ho as she did for attention. That doesn't mean she isn't still attracted to women. It just means she wanted to rebel against societal expectations. I think we can all empathize with that in at least some way. Calling someone's sexuality a phase is pretty disrespectful.

SushiSquid posted...

Yeah I'm a little bothered by that in this topic. To be fair, some people are acting out to get attention. That doesn't mean they don't actually feel those attractions.

If only it was just this topic. It's an unfortunately commonly aired sentiment. People try for attention in many things--sexuality is a deeply personal matter and typically people do not want any attention for it, especially not from the kinds of people that think another's sexuality exists for their own entertainment. Asking for acknowledgement is different from seeking attention.

SushiSquid posted...

It sounds like the topic creator's friend acted as gung-ho as she did for attention. That doesn't mean she isn't still attracted to women. It just means she wanted to rebel against societal expectations. I think we can all empathize with that in at least some way. Calling someone's sexuality a phase is pretty disrespectful.

Or she came out and called herself gay because wanted to avoid being called an attention whore for being bisexual and then still gets called an attention whore for being true to her attraction.

Who someone else dates and has sex with is not about you

(and not you you, but TC and people like him that have come out of the woodwork here)
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Doctor Foxx posted...

gee, I wonder why people don't come out as bisexual. Couldn't have anything to do with the insulting assumption and discussion that your sexuality is for attention.

I don't think I'll ever announce it to my family. Partly because of the potential reactions, but also because I don't think it's their business.
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Can we just stop with the biphobia all around, I'm pretty sure like 90% of the population is at least partially bi.
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Everyone already making conclusions without the most important piece of information:

How old was she?
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Sorry, I'm at work and there's a lot to address but I'll try to.

She was in her late 20s when she came out (she's in her early-mid 30s now). It was after our very religious, very anti-gay grandmother passed away. We've spoken about that, and she said she didn't come out because she didn't want to upset or disappoint our grandmother. She was a wonderful woman, just from an era and a religious background that looked at homosexuality as a sin, end of story.

Didn't mean to be insulting insinuating she was solely seeking attention, as if her coming out was any less valid. But I don't completely shy away from that insinuation. If you find that insulting, I apologize, but without going through her history and patterns of behavior and her personality, which would take a lot of time, I couldn't properly frame what it is that I meant. Suffice to say, you'd have to know my cousin to understand.
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Far-Queue posted...

Sorry, I'm at work and there's a lot to address but I'll try to.

She was in her late 20s when she came out (she's in her early-mid 30s now). It was after our very religious, very anti-gay grandmother passed away. We've spoken about that, and she said she didn't come out because she didn't want to upset or disappoint our grandmother. She was a wonderful woman, just from an era and a religious background that looked at homosexuality as a sin, end of story.

Didn't mean to be insulting insinuating she was solely seeking attention, as if her coming out was any less valid. But I don't completely shy away from that insinuation. If you find that insulting, I apologize, but without going through her history and patterns of behavior and her personality, which would take a lot of time, I couldn't properly frame what it is that I meant. Suffice to say, you'd have to know my cousin to understand.

Thanks for the explanation. That's pretty common to stay quiet about sexuality with religious family members. Plenty of people post about gay rights even if they're cis/het, clearly your cousin isn't straight. Whether she's fully lesbian or not she is still part of the LGBT spectrum. I don't see why that is surprising or confusing that she would support those things publicly now even dating a man.

Though some of these other posters have no excuse for piling on rude assumptions about bisexuality and sexual attraction.
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that's ok, I have a cousin who used to be a lesbian and now she's not
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Yeah, and I want to make clear that my cousin and I have a healthy relationship and I mean to discuss with her at some point. I only just found out she was dating a guy from her postings this past weekend/holiday. I was just trying to suss some things out and looking for other people's input. Just kinda threw it out there. Wasn't the most well-thought out post.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

Though some of these other posters have no excuse for piling on rude assumptions about bisexuality and sexual attraction.

Save for the OP sure. That's all we've all had to go on though until the TC elaborated.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Save for the OP sure. That's all we've all had to go on though until the TC elaborated.

Oh but this from you is pretty damn rude both independent and in conjunction with the op

The cynical part of me says she was jumping on the bandwagon trying to be hip because everyone is bi these days.

Equating sexuality to a fad. Really.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

Oh but this from you is pretty damn rude both independent and in conjunction with the op

I'll say it how I see it. I really can't be bothered to pussyfoot around sensitive folk.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Equating sexuality to a fad. Really.

Some folk have a tendency to follow like sheep. The OP gave that impression but perhaps that isn't the way it is. As I said it really doesn't matter her reasons. It seems she's Bisexual regardless. No need to get hot and bothered by a opinion.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

Oh but this from you is pretty damn rude both independent and in conjunction with the op

I'll say it how I see it. I really can't be bothered to pussyfoot around sensitive folk.

Doctor Foxx posted...

Equating sexuality to a fad. Really.

Some folk have a tendency to follow like sheep. The OP gave that impression but perhaps that isn't the way it is. As I said it really doesn't matter her reasons. It seems she's Bisexual regardless. No need to get hot and bothered by a opinion.

I love how someone directly replying to your claims means they're "sensitive" or "hot and bothered". Maybe she's calling you out as she sees it?
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RCtheWSBC posted...

I love how someone directly replying to your claims means they're "sensitive" or "hot and bothered". Maybe she's calling you out as she sees it?

Sure that works too. *shrugs*
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I'm confused... if she comes out as a lesbian and then starts dating guys she is certainly bisexual...

Sexuality shouldn't matter and it isn't your business unless somebody is acting upon their sexuality on YOU. In that event you can be polite and move on. Nobody is bothering you with their sexuality

I don't think there is some desperate need for attention but I'm not going to lie there are people who make coming out seem like some grand gesture to the general public

Praying for the next generation to focus on shit that actually matters. It's great we got this far but things are getting a little out of hand now
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mastermix3000 posted...

Praying for the next generation to focus on shit that actually matters. It's great we got this far but things are getting a little out of hand now

Agreed. When we reach the stage where someone can say, "I'm gay!" and the response is, "Uh-huh. Look, can you help me with this pivot table in Excel or not?", maybe we can move on.
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Zareth posted...

Can we just stop with the biphobia all around, I'm pretty sure like 90% of the population is at least partially bi.

What a heterophobic remark.

Veedrock- posted...

Everyone already making conclusions without the most important piece of information:

How old was she?

More importantly, is she hot?

mastermix3000 posted...

Sexuality shouldn't matter and it isn't your business unless somebody is acting upon their sexuality on YOU. In that event you can be polite and move on. Nobody is bothering you with their sexuality

You can say that, but a lot of sexualities are currently illegal and people seem to morally object to.

mastermix3000 posted...

I'm not going to lie there are people who make coming out seem like some grand gesture to the general public

tbh, it makes it hard to tell the real from the parody. It's very Poe's Law.
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ITT: People who empower attention seeking trenders because they also want to be validated for their attention seeking virtue signaling.
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