Current Events > We applied to adopt two kids- didn't get them. Went crazy and applied for three.

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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 2:18:18 PM
#1:


80/80

A few months back, I applied to adopt two kids. Babies, pretty much, so they were sought after by many and lots of families applied for them. Unfortunately, we didn't get selected.

So this month our case worker suggests to us three kids, all little girls. Despite our limit was two (as we put on the application), she wondered if we'd consider them. We saw their pics and looked at their background and fell in love with them. So my wife and I were "what the hell" and applied for them. Now we wait to see if we're selected.

How screwed am I, CE? The girls are 0, 2, and 6 years old. All siblings.
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green butter
04/11/17 2:20:50 PM
#2:


you'll be fine, you and your wife sound like good people with a lot of love to give. im sure the kids will just be happy to be staying together and get out of the system.

good luck to you, hope your application goes through
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Weezy_Tha_Don
04/11/17 2:21:08 PM
#3:


is that what the adoption process is like? sounds like what I went through for my dog
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DelianSK
04/11/17 2:34:04 PM
#4:


Congrats man. Enjoy your new family!
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#5
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lww99
04/11/17 2:42:49 PM
#6:


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Paper_Okami
04/11/17 2:45:31 PM
#7:


Weezy_Tha_Don posted...
is that what the adoption process is like? sounds like what I went through for my dog


My older brother and I (not related) were adopted, him three years before me. My parents say it took forever.
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Senta
04/11/17 2:47:49 PM
#8:


Weezy_Tha_Don posted...
is that what the adoption process is like? sounds like what I went through for my dog


Pretty much. Most people want to adopt a baby, so its harder and a longer wait. If you go for older, its much easier and faster, because not as many people seek to adopt them; and they like to TRY to keep siblings together if possible, so if you can take them as well, you shoot up the list very fast.
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Sir Will
04/11/17 2:48:10 PM
#9:


Zanzenburger posted...
How screwed am I, CE?

Oh quite screwed I'm sure. But you'll get used to it. When times are tough just remember what a wonderful thing you're doing for them in providing a loving home and keeping them together.
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Gojak_v3
04/11/17 2:50:37 PM
#10:


So personal question so don't answer if you don't want: Do you and yer wife have issues conceiving? Is that why adopting?
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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 4:50:08 PM
#11:


green butter posted...
you'll be fine, you and your wife sound like good people with a lot of love to give. im sure the kids will just be happy to be staying together and get out of the system.

good luck to you, hope your application goes through

That's one of the reasons we did it. We knew that if we didn't take them, they would likely get split up from each other.

Weezy_Tha_Don posted...
is that what the adoption process is like? sounds like what I went through for my dog

Yes, it is. It is strangely formulaic and like adopting an animal. It sucks to have to do it that way but it's the most efficient way to match the right kid with the right parent. They even have adoption days you're invited to where you can meet with them and pick them out of the group if you want them.

DelianSK posted...
Congrats man. Enjoy your new family!

Zurkon posted...
I hope you get them, good luck guy!

lww99 posted...
Good luck!

Thanks! It takes anywhere up to a month before I hear back so I'll be waiting a while.
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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 4:53:16 PM
#12:


Paper_Okami posted...
My older brother and I (not related) were adopted, him three years before me. My parents say it took forever.

It does. The waiting is honestly the most stressful part. I got matches in February I applied for, and I still haven't heard back about them. They say if I haven't heard back by now, I didn't get them.

Senta posted...
Pretty much. Most people want to adopt a baby, so its harder and a longer wait. If you go for older, its much easier and faster, because not as many people seek to adopt them; and they like to TRY to keep siblings together if possible, so if you can take them as well, you shoot up the list very fast.

This is very true. This is why I'm more hopeful about these three. One child age 3 or less is like the holy grail for adoptive parents. 2 siblings are still very popular, but 3 and up are very hard to adopt together.

Sir Will posted...
Oh quite screwed I'm sure. But you'll get used to it. When times are tough just remember what a wonderful thing you're doing for them in providing a loving home and keeping them together.

Very true. There will be sleepless nights where I'm going to wonder if it was worth it. My hope is the the highs will overcome the lows.

Gojak_v3 posted...
So personal question so don't answer if you don't want: Do you and yer wife have issues conceiving? Is that why adopting?

Yeah, pretty much. I had a topic about this a few months back. It's not impossible, but she has PCOS which makes it more difficult to fertilize an egg. We figured we'd adopt for now until we can afford years down the road for medical methods of conceiving like in vitro.
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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 8:31:21 PM
#13:


I remember the last time I made a topic about this, a lot of foster and adoptive CE peeps came in posting about their stories and how their lives were made better by foster/adoptive parents. If any of you are reading this, be aware your stories helped me in taking this leap and applying to adopt those three kids.
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HesOurYou
04/11/17 8:32:58 PM
#14:


TC sounds like a great person.
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Smoke944
04/11/17 8:34:34 PM
#15:


You're a much better person than me, good job and best of luck if you are selected.
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monkmith
04/11/17 8:39:02 PM
#16:


glad to see it TC but the adoption system is broken and you'll likely wait years. i've got a cousin who ended up resorting to adoption through some russian group since the american adoption system is so damn slow, though sadly the kid she got was likely involved in the sex trade industry there and has fairly severe psychological problems.
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KogaSteelfang
04/11/17 8:40:49 PM
#17:


Good luck! You guys sound like you'd make great parents.
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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 8:41:17 PM
#18:


monkmith posted...
glad to see it TC but the adoption system is broken and you'll likely wait years. i've got a cousin who ended up resorting to adoption through some russian group since the american adoption system is so damn slow, though sadly the kid she got was likely involved in the sex trade industry there and has fairly severe psychological problems.

Wow, that's horrible.

I appreciate the heads up. It does help that I am more willing to take siblings and minorities, which adoptive parents traditionally don't want, so that does increase my chances. We will see.
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ManBeast462
04/11/17 8:43:55 PM
#19:


Glad to see someone embrace adoption for once.
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sktgamer_13dude
04/11/17 8:44:28 PM
#20:


Are they kids from like an orphanage or like from out of the country?

Either way, good on you guys trying to help out these kids! Hopefully it all goes well for you guys.
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#21
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MutantJohn
04/11/17 8:46:09 PM
#22:


I started reading up on adopted kids and the way people talk about them, it almost sounds like you're getting damaged goods no matter what. Jesus, man.
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MutantJohn
04/11/17 8:47:07 PM
#23:


randy_123r posted...
monkmith posted...
glad to see it TC but the adoption system is broken and you'll likely wait years. i've got a cousin who ended up resorting to adoption through some russian group since the american adoption system is so damn slow, though sadly the kid she got was likely involved in the sex trade industry there and has fairly severe psychological problems.

Holy shit. What kinda psychological problems? That must be horrible

Russian orphans are fucked up, dude. I was reading another article about this adopted Russian girl who was peeing/pooping everywhere. Apparently her mom had like poured boiling water on her back when she was a kid.

Basically, the girl wound up being sent to live out on a ranch somewhere.
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ThisSiteIsDying
04/11/17 8:48:02 PM
#24:


green butter posted...
you'll be fine, you and your wife sound like good people with a lot of love to give. im sure the kids will just be happy to be staying together and get out of the system.

good luck to you, hope your application goes through

Good luck, sir, and congratulations on expanding your family!
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Zanzenburger
04/11/17 8:49:15 PM
#25:


sktgamer_13dude posted...
Are they kids from like an orphanage or like from out of the country?

Either way, good on you guys trying to help out these kids! Hopefully it all goes well for you guys.

They are currently in foster homes in the US.

MutantJohn posted...
I started reading up on adopted kids and the way people talk about them, it almost sounds like you're getting damaged goods no matter what. Jesus, man.

It can be pretty bad. All adoptive parents have to go through a 27-hour training to learn to deal with any mental or emotional issues they may have. I feel we are pretty prepared for whatever we get.

Part of the reward though is taking these kids and fundamentally changing their lives and put them on a better path.
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MutantJohn
04/11/17 8:57:58 PM
#26:


Zanzenburger posted...
sktgamer_13dude posted...
Are they kids from like an orphanage or like from out of the country?

Either way, good on you guys trying to help out these kids! Hopefully it all goes well for you guys.

They are currently in foster homes in the US.

MutantJohn posted...
I started reading up on adopted kids and the way people talk about them, it almost sounds like you're getting damaged goods no matter what. Jesus, man.

It can be pretty bad. All adoptive parents have to go through a 27-hour training to learn to deal with any mental or emotional issues they may have. I feel we are pretty prepared for whatever we get.

Part of the reward though is taking these kids and fundamentally changing their lives and put them on a better path.

Of course. I actually wanna adopt too. They don't have to love me. But I do wish to spare them.

It's just... Idk, man, the way they describe these kids. It seems like they rob them of their individuality and don't emphasize the trauma from their past.

Some kids are severely sexually abused or just plain ol' physically abused. I don't think they're fit for adoption so much as they are for a rehabilitation program. No parents are equipped to handle such a damaged psyche.

But I'm hoping that my wife and I, we go and meet the right child/children. I'd love to wind up adopting. Fuck having biological kids, there's too many people anyway :P
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monkmith
04/11/17 9:07:24 PM
#27:


MutantJohn posted...
randy_123r posted...
monkmith posted...
glad to see it TC but the adoption system is broken and you'll likely wait years. i've got a cousin who ended up resorting to adoption through some russian group since the american adoption system is so damn slow, though sadly the kid she got was likely involved in the sex trade industry there and has fairly severe psychological problems.

Holy shit. What kinda psychological problems? That must be horrible

Russian orphans are fucked up, dude. I was reading another article about this adopted Russian girl who was peeing/pooping everywhere. Apparently her mom had like poured boiling water on her back when she was a kid.

Basically, the girl wound up being sent to live out on a ranch somewhere.

keep in mind she was 12 (maybe 11, not sure). apparently she was sleeping around with kids at school, and they finally ended up having to get rid of her when she snuck into their bedroom and tried to proposition my cousins husband. she was also very violent.
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Darmik
04/11/17 9:11:41 PM
#28:


Good luck! I hope it works out well for you and you're selected! If you're selected what's the next step? Do you have like a trial period or something?
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JScriv
04/11/17 9:38:05 PM
#29:


Nah, you're not screwed, TC. It will be a huge adjustment though, going from no kids to 3. Sounds like you're ready though :) Hopefully you're lucky and their issues, if any, are minimal. They're pretty young so hopefully they're okay. And also it's kinda nice one's older, in a couple years they'll be able to help out a lot with the little ones.

And yeah, adopting can be hard. My sister-in-law and her husband have adopted one child and trying to adopt another, and have basically been the child's parents since he was 2 weeks old, but the father has been trying to get parental rights back. He's a deadbeat, pretty sure he assaulted the mother, like the kid was conceived out of rape, he didn't want anything to do with the kid, until my sister and brother-in-law were almost through the adoption process and decided to try and turn his life around. He's probably not going to get him but this was supposed to be a straight adoption and now the boy is almost 2 now and they're still just foster parents, and it's been a fight to get there, even though the guy's a rapist.
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Zanzenburger
04/12/17 12:36:03 AM
#30:


Darmik posted...
Good luck! I hope it works out well for you and you're selected! If you're selected what's the next step? Do you have like a trial period or something?

Sort of. If we accept, we get to know them as "friends" of the foster family (at least that is how we are introduced). We hang out with them and after a while we have unsupervised visits to see how the kids do with us. Slowly, they transition them i to our home until the paperwork is completed. We can cancel at any time if we feel that they are not the right fit.


JScriv posted...
They're pretty young so hopefully they're okay. And also it's kinda nice one's older, in a couple years they'll be able to help out a lot with the little ones.

Definitely!
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LiqiudusSnake
04/12/17 12:37:22 AM
#31:


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legendarylemur
04/12/17 12:41:03 AM
#32:


The practice of adopting is great and totally necessary for the world. Personally I am pulled to the idea of a little me, so I can't say I'm gonna look towards adopting, but I guess you never know what'll happen
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Shotgunnova
04/12/17 12:57:33 AM
#33:


Hope it all goes well!
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Zeeak4444
04/12/17 12:58:55 AM
#34:


green butter posted...
you'll be fine, you and your wife sound like good people with a lot of love to give. im sure the kids will just be happy to be staying together and get out of the system.

good luck to you, hope your application goes through

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Sir Will
04/12/17 12:59:12 AM
#35:


Being gay, if I had kids they could only be half me or my partner. And then surrogacy issues and.... I think if I have kids someday I'll adopt. The idea of a newborn is appealing but so is the thought of providing a loving home for children already here who don't have one.
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Zanzenburger
04/12/17 4:45:16 PM
#36:


Thanks for your support, everyone! This is very encouraging.
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