Current Events > what are your favorite copypastas?

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andel
04/11/17 2:03:30 PM
#1:


What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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I am thinking about just walking into the river now that Megaupload is gone and condoms are in porn.-Fubonis
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Monkhood
04/11/17 2:04:11 PM
#2:


Awesome pics. Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.
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I won't have to live in this false, sinful, lying, dying body.
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PrinceDBF
04/11/17 2:06:57 PM
#3:


My mom called my doctor and said to him "What's the most accurate measurement for weighing?"
The doctor said "An underwater weighing test"
And just like that, my mom said "Yes. When can my son and my daughter can take it?" and the doc said "Today at 2pm."

So, I didn't bother taking a shower and so did my sister too, so I had to get into a special swimming suit(tight pants...Ugh).

My sister said "Can I pull my hair down to a ponytail?" The doctor said "No."
So my sister with her long, blonde hair went underwater with 8 seconds and had she must enjoyed it..but I didn't.
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that's just wrong, princedbf.
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snesmaster40
04/11/17 2:07:27 PM
#4:


In 1991 during the filming for 'Point Break' Keanu Reeves (whose role involved playing rookie FBI agent 'Johnny Utah') was surfing with co-stars when a small child was dragged under the waves and began to struggle to stay above surface. As his co-stars rushed to help, Reeves held out an arm infront of them, stopping them and was reported saying by Lori Petty (who played the character Tyler Endicott in the film) "The waves have claimed her, let her fight for her own life". The crew, dumbfounded, proceeded to watch her struggle until her body disappeared beneath the waves, lifeless. He was later spotted outside the child's house, making drowning gestures and thanking the family for their child's sacrifice to the great ocean.
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Vinesauce Joel's reaction to "7 GRAND DAD"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF-xdiL7Nr0
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Monkhood
04/11/17 2:11:12 PM
#5:


In October 2001, Keanu Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.
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I won't have to live in this false, sinful, lying, dying body.
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Sami1000
04/11/17 2:31:37 PM
#6:


Monkhood posted...
In October 2001, Keanu Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.


Lmao
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What's cooler than werewolf? Wereman!
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Anarchy_Juiblex
04/11/17 2:38:15 PM
#7:


Wasn't TCs "used" on one of those feminist girls and she went on "how the internet ruined my life" or some shit?
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"Tolerance of intolerance is cowardice." ~ Ayaan Hirsi Ali
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Sami1000
04/11/17 2:40:18 PM
#8:


walk into Gamestop

ask for a copy of Atelier Totori

"What?"

spaghetti slowly drips from my pockets

oh fuck not again

face gets red

"Please give me a copy of Atelier Totori right now."

"I don't know what that is. What platform is it on?"

struggling to contain my embarrassment

clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit

voice reduced to a mumble

"have money please alterlier torti give money please game"

"Are you okay?"

shit breaches through my asscheeks

propelled forward at 60mph

crash through the Gamestop employee's counter

he's holding onto me for dear life

all the while spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets like fumes

crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face

yelling "ATELIER TOTORI PLEASE MONEY ATELIER GAMESTOP TOTORI"

Gamestop employee is covered in shit and spaghetti

my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping

he tilts me backwards

the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards

the spaghetti and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious yellow and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere

children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus

the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale

spaghetti and shit blowing through the air on the planet below

3 miles upwards now

Gamestop employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit

my transformation is almost complete

as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder

steer myself across the cosmos with my gleaming shit and spaghetti trail
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What's cooler than werewolf? Wereman!
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DevsBro
04/11/17 2:46:28 PM
#9:


I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
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fire_bolt
04/11/17 3:16:15 PM
#10:


Tag
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If her hips don't break, you didn't "carry" hard enough" -SpunkySix
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GOATSLAYER
04/11/17 3:20:10 PM
#11:


Your eyes are too far apart. Nose is definitely crooked. The shape of your face is not aesthetically pleasing at all. You look like a 3/10 with make up in this photo. I don't even want to imagine what you look like without make up. I actually just threw up in my mouth, just thinking about it.

Your head is too big (although that may be, because of your giraffe neck posture). As for your hair, lol. Seriously, do something. You look like a horse.

Stare at your face for more than 5 seconds, and you will see how ugly you are. The eyes which are too far apart is what ruins/damages an already ugly face even further. Unfortunately for you, that can't be surgically fixed, lol.

You arms are way too long. lol at how they hang by your sides. Kind of reminds me of lurch. As for your tits, we all know there is extra padding there. Don't even let me start on your pale complexion. It only works if you look hot. Unfortunately, you do not look hot. Its hard to sum up a creature like you in one word. 'UGLY' would be unfair, since it doesn't reflect how repulsive you look. GROTESQUE is stretching it. But somewhere in between, is where you would be, on the scale of an average man.

I'm sorry if my words seem a little harsh. Just so you know, I sugar coated this post as much as possible.

Have a nice day.
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Hide your kids, hide your goats
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Delta_F14
04/11/17 3:24:45 PM
#12:


Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create...life. He had such a knowledge of the Dark Side, he could even keep the ones he cared about...from dying. He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power...which, eventually of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death...but not himself.
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"You see that you and I are of a different stripe, don't you? We don't have to dream that we're important. We are." Robert House
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