Current Events > Woman arrested for training squirrels to attack her ex-boyfriend

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smoliske
04/03/17 4:30:29 PM
#1:


https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/woman-arrested-for-training-squirrels-to-attack-her-ex-boyfriend/

45-year old Janice Smith was arrested this morning by officers of the Detroit Police Department, for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack her former lover.

The victim, 51-year old James Robinson, was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions over the last month.

These attacks caused him many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers and one testicle, bitten off by his attackers.

The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former circus animal trainer, cheering the animals during one of the attacks.

Realizing that his life could be in danger, Mr Robinson filed a complaint to the police, who paid a visit to Ms. Smith.

In her residence, they found a dozen cages, holding a total of 27 squirrels. They also found two training dummies with pictures of Mr Robinson taped over their faces.

Detroit Police Chief James Craig confirmed that Janice Smith had admitted that she was responsible for the attacks and confessed her strange plot.

The 45-year old woman is now facing a variety of criminal charges linked to criminal harassment and using animals as weapons.

Janice Smith’s lawyers have demanded for her to undergo a psychological evaluation, claiming that she was unfit to stand trial.

They say that her choice of training squirrels instead of dogs or bears suggests that she might be suffering from mental problems.

If she is judged fit to stand trial, Ms Smith will be facing a maximum of 65 years in prison.
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CableZL
04/03/17 4:31:13 PM
#2:


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Scotty_Rogers
04/03/17 4:31:34 PM
#3:


I bet he SQUIRRELMED.

Get it? Squirmed. Squirrell.
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VectorChaos
04/03/17 4:32:18 PM
#5:


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Paper_Okami
04/03/17 4:32:29 PM
#6:


Squirrel girl 25 years from now.
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spudger
04/03/17 4:33:14 PM
#7:


Squirrel Girl
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moose_knuckle
04/03/17 4:35:30 PM
#8:


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megamanfreakXD
04/03/17 4:35:36 PM
#9:


I guess you could say.....


*puts on glasses*


That's nuts.


YEEEEAAAAHHHH
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monkmith
04/03/17 4:36:45 PM
#10:


well at least this fake news is funny news.
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Kekistan
04/03/17 4:37:14 PM
#11:


Haven't seen that parody news site in a long time. How does it make money?
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VectorChaos
04/03/17 4:41:05 PM
#13:


Also

ey say that her choice of training squirrels instead of dogs or bears suggests that she might be suffering from mental problems.


lol wat
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ThePrinceFish
04/03/17 4:44:23 PM
#14:


smoliske posted...
They say that her choice of training squirrels instead of dogs or bears suggests that she might be suffering from mental problems.

10/10
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eston
04/03/17 4:49:50 PM
#15:


I actually kinda wanted this to be true, because that would be amazing
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#16
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3rd_Best_Master
04/03/17 5:11:25 PM
#17:


Press her into military service. She single-handedly succeeded with squirrels where dozens of trained professionals wasted multiple man hours trying to teach to dolphins.
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Volkswagen_Bros
04/05/17 1:21:59 AM
#18:


Funny stuff.
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Mystere
04/05/17 1:27:05 AM
#19:


eston posted...
I actually kinda wanted this to be true, because that would be amazing

I'd go with ravens and crows.
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Frolex
04/05/17 1:35:10 AM
#20:


Kekistan posted...
Haven't seen that parody news site in a long time. How does it make money?


"parody"
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Touya999
04/05/17 1:37:09 AM
#21:


Makoto nanaya
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EternalDivide
04/05/17 1:41:10 AM
#22:


Well I guess you have to have something for a hobby when you live in Detroit. God knows it isn't getting excited over all those Lions wins.
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Burnt_Puke82
04/06/17 9:09:24 PM
#23:


xol7mTI
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EcchiBaka
04/06/17 9:11:42 PM
#24:


Burnt_Puke82 posted...
xol7mTI

Wow.
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