Poll of the Day > Is it wrong for a parent to regret having children?

(+) Yeah! (+)

There's, like, this unspoken rule in society where parents are expected to say that their child is the best thing to ever happen to them, and that if you express any regret about that, or later find out that you hate being a parent, you're considered a monster.

"How could you even think about saying such a thing?"

But is that something bad? Maybe some people find out that they're just not cut out for the job. Just some thoughts I've been noticing on some online parenting forums.

But what do you think?

Not at all.
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I mean, there is a kind of callousness in saying, "Son, I regret that you ever existed."
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I think it's honest, however it's definitely wrong to drop responsibility because of that.
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No. I wish I would have had the option of waiting until I was older.

The past five years have definitely been harder than they could have been.
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SmokeMassTree posted...

No. I wish my children hadn't existed.

The past five years have definitely been harder than they could have been.

Ice cold.
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Not at all.

Having a child and raising them requires time, energy, money, and sacrifices that you may or may not have.

Having one and then realizing this is, as bad as I feel for thinking this, sort of the same as buyers remorse. Yeah, it's a human life and not a material object, but maybe you should've thought about this choice before you had sex. Or at least, if you're unsure, use protection or take preventative measures.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

I think it's honest, however it's definitely wrong to drop responsibility because of that.

If giving up a child for adoption means the chance of them having a better quality of life, wouldn't that be a better option?

No, children suck.
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WastelandCowboy posted...

Not at all.

Having a child and raising them requires time, energy, money, and sacrifices that you may or may not have.

Having one and then realizing this is, as bad as I feel for thinking this, sort of the same as buyers remorse. Yeah, it's a human life and not a material object, but maybe you should've thought about this choice before you had sex. Or at least, if you're unsure, use protection or take preventative measures.

Right, because when a girl says she's on the pill and traps you it's definitely your fault.
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Having children is a fickle thing.

Everyday is a mix of emotions from pure regret and hatred to unconditional love.
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Stupid Pirate Guy posted...

Having children is a fickle thing.

Everyday is a mix of emotions from pure regret and hatred to unconditional love.

That what u feel?

IAmNowGone posted...

Stupid Pirate Guy posted...

Having children is a fickle thing.

Everyday is a mix of emotions from pure regret and hatred to unconditional love.

That what u feel?

The latter much more so, but there are definitely some bad days.
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Metro2 posted...

Kyuubi4269 posted...

I think it's honest, however it's definitely wrong to drop responsibility because of that.

If giving up a child for adoption means the chance of them having a better quality of life, wouldn't that be a better option?

As long as you don't actively abuse them, they won't be better off being adopted. You should take responsibility for your mistakes and give them the childhood they deserve, regardless of what you have to give up.

If you choose to screw over somebody else to avoid responsibility, the world doesn't need you.
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No, children are terrible

What were they thinking
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Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

If a regret stays just that, then it's okay... I guess.

If you do however have children, mom or pop you need to step the F up and take care of business. You made your decision long ago and you need to step up to the plate.

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Yh, but thos preorder cost tho.
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IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Straight people can do that too, they just have to use their brain
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Kyuubi4269 posted...

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Yh, but thos preorder cost tho.

He only buys used.
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Everybody regrets having children at one point after having them. Doesn't mean they can't not regret it later.

Sometimes emotions change

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Straight couples can do the same thing
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Jen0125 posted...

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Straight couples can do the same thing

I meant it in the sense that there can be no accidents

Mead posted...

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Straight people can do that too, they just have to use their brain

Yee but no accidental pregnancy yip.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

IAmNowGone posted...

Im glad im a homosex so i can carefully plan if/when i want kids

Yh, but thos preorder cost tho.

U rite

i also don't think it's wrong to regret having kids.

a lot of people have kids and don't realize how much responsibility it actually it is

it really just matters how well you treat your kid even if you realize because a parent maybe wasn't the right choice for you
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I don't think it's wrong per se for parents to have feelings of regret of having children. Raising children isn't just providing for them physically. They require care and guidance emotionally and spiritually.

To be a good parent usually means you need to lead by example. That means being the best version of yourself; striving everyday to be that person your children would look up to and aspire to be. And that's easier said that done.

To be a good parent means never giving up on your child despite his/her faults and misdeeds.

That requires constant vigilance, determination and never-ending sacrifice.

And people are just people. We all make mistakes and have doubts. And it's all okay. It's okay to feel scared of have feelings of regret or inadequacy. But what is not ok IMHO is actually giving up the child because the parents just can't cope. We need to be accountable for our choices in life; no matter how hard it is. After all, the children didn't ask to be born. No one can choose their family.
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Alexandra_Trent posted...

To be a good parent means never giving up on your child despite his/her faults and misdeeds.

i totally disagree with this lol
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Alexandra_Trent posted...

I don't think it's wrong per se for parents to have feelings of regret of having children. Raising children isn't just providing for them physically. They require care and guidance emotionally and spiritually.

To be a good parent usually means you need to lead by example. That means being the best version of yourself; striving everyday to be that person your children would look up to and aspire to be. And that's easier said that done.

To be a good parent means never giving up on your child despite his/her faults and misdeeds.

That requires constant vigilance, determination and never-ending sacrifice.

And people are just people. We all make mistakes and have doubts. And it's all okay. It's okay to feel scared of have feelings of regret or inadequacy. But what is not ok IMHO is actually giving up the child because the parents just can't cope. We need to be accountable for our choices in life; no matter how hard it is. After all, the children didn't ask to be born. No one can choose their family.

As the parent of a 13 and 10 year old boy, this post is really spot on. The only thing I can add on a personal level is, I don't ever regret having my boys; I regret being an inadequate parent is some ways. After all, as a human, your own faults don't disappear because you have children.
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Jen0125 posted...

Alexandra_Trent posted...

To be a good parent means never giving up on your child despite his/her faults and misdeeds.

i totally disagree with this lol

Not giving up on them doesn't always mean supporting whatever they do. Sometimes it might me letting the consequences of their decisions play out. Letting them run the path they choose (obviously outside of something that might bring immediate harm to them) and letting them deal with where it takes them. Not giving up on your children, is not the equivalent to coddling or sheltering. Which is not a good thing either. I'm living proof of that.
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thanosibe posted...

Not giving up on them doesn't always mean supporting whatever they do. Sometimes it might me letting the consequences of their decisions play out. Letting them run the path they choose (obviously outside of something that might bring immediate harm to them) and letting them deal with where it takes them. Not giving up on your children, is not the equivalent to coddling or sheltering. Which is not a good thing either. I'm living proof of that.

look if i have a kid and he turns out to be a murderer or someone who bombs the boston marathon i'm washing my hands of that kid and moving on with my life
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Jen0125 posted...

thanosibe posted...

Not giving up on them doesn't always mean supporting whatever they do. Sometimes it might me letting the consequences of their decisions play out. Letting them run the path they choose (obviously outside of something that might bring immediate harm to them) and letting them deal with where it takes them. Not giving up on your children, is not the equivalent to coddling or sheltering. Which is not a good thing either. I'm living proof of that.

look if i have a kid and he turns out to be a murderer or someone who bombs the boston marathon i'm washing my hands of that kid and moving on with my life

When I say, not giving up on them, that means you keep trying to steer them towards the right path; no matter your parental feelings of pain and disappointment. You keep trying.

When your child becomes a murderer, you don't coddle them. You urge them to do the right thing and redeem themselves the rest of their lives. Everything, every action has consequences. Having misdeeds doesn't mean parents should stop loving their children.
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Alexandra_Trent posted...

When your child becomes a murderer, you don't coddle them. You urge them to do the right thing and redeem themselves the rest of their lives. Everything, every action has consequences. Having misdeeds doesn't mean parents should stop loving their children.

i'm not supporting a murderer.

i wouldn't do it if they were just a friend. i'm not doing it just because they came out of my body.
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Jen0125 posted...

Alexandra_Trent posted...

When your child becomes a murderer, you don't coddle them. You urge them to do the right thing and redeem themselves the rest of their lives. Everything, every action has consequences. Having misdeeds doesn't mean parents should stop loving their children.

i'm not supporting a murderer.

i wouldn't do it if they were just a friend. i'm not doing it just because they came out of my body.

When you have your own baby, I'm sure you'd change your mind. We grow and evolve as we get older after all. :)
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Alexandra_Trent posted...

When you have your own baby, I'm sure you'd change your mind. We grow and evolve as we get older after all. :)

you make an assumption that everyone wants children.
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Jen0125 posted...

thanosibe posted...

Not giving up on them doesn't always mean supporting whatever they do. Sometimes it might me letting the consequences of their decisions play out. Letting them run the path they choose (obviously outside of something that might bring immediate harm to them) and letting them deal with where it takes them. Not giving up on your children, is not the equivalent to coddling or sheltering. Which is not a good thing either. I'm living proof of that.

look if i have a kid and he turns out to be a murderer or someone who bombs the boston marathon i'm washing my hands of that kid and moving on with my life

Well, I would imagine no. But then I haven't yet and hopefully won't have to deal with something that extreme. Everyone reacts differently, so I am not going to pretend to know how I would, or fault others for how they do. The worst I've know is a deadbeat druggie uncle of mine. And most of my dad's brothers and sisters have left him to his own vices. But, that being the case, dad said he was and still up to when my grandma died, her favorite child. So I dunno Jen.
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Jen0125 posted...

Alexandra_Trent posted...

When you have your own baby, I'm sure you'd change your mind. We grow and evolve as we get older after all. :)

you make an assumption that everyone wants children.

You make an assumption that you know what you will be in the future.
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Alexandra_Trent posted...

You make an assumption that you know what you will be in the future.

you're one of those people huh?

those type of people who can't accept some people know they don't want kids?

i'm not saying i'm one of those people for sure but it's a pretty astoundingly condescending position to take that you know more about someone's preferences than they do.
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Jen0125 posted...

Alexandra_Trent posted...

You make an assumption that you know what you will be in the future.

you're one of those people huh?

those type of people who can't accept some people know they don't want kids?

i'm not saying i'm one of those people for sure but it's a pretty astoundingly condescending position to take that you know more about someone's preferences than they do.

Hehe....I'm not pushing you into anything nor am I defining what your preferences should be. There's no matter of acceptance or lack thereof as it's about you and not me. Assuming something would be definitive means the opposite assumption would be valid too.

We can agree to disagree. :)
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i don't see where i said you were pushing anyone to do anything. you don't have that kind of power over people.

i said you're making assumptions about people's preferences and choices even though you aren't them.
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Jen0125 posted...

i don't see where i said you were pushing anyone to do anything. you don't have that kind of power over people.

i said you're making assumptions about people's preferences and choices even though you aren't them.

I know what you said. And I don't mean any harm. Really. I don't want to "assume" things. Merely, I have faith in you and your choices one day. I'm sure you'll be great mum one day if you CHOOSE to.

And yes. No one has power over anyone.

:)
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please stop talking.
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thanosibe posted...

Alexandra_Trent posted...

I don't think it's wrong per se for parents to have feelings of regret of having children. Raising children isn't just providing for them physically. They require care and guidance emotionally and spiritually.

To be a good parent usually means you need to lead by example. That means being the best version of yourself; striving everyday to be that person your children would look up to and aspire to be. And that's easier said that done.

To be a good parent means never giving up on your child despite his/her faults and misdeeds.

That requires constant vigilance, determination and never-ending sacrifice.

And people are just people. We all make mistakes and have doubts. And it's all okay. It's okay to feel scared of have feelings of regret or inadequacy. But what is not ok IMHO is actually giving up the child because the parents just can't cope. We need to be accountable for our choices in life; no matter how hard it is. After all, the children didn't ask to be born. No one can choose their family.

As the parent of a 13 and 10 year old boy, this post is really spot on. The only thing I can add on a personal level is, I don't ever regret having my boys; I regret being an inadequate parent is some ways. After all, as a human, your own faults don't disappear because you have children.

Yes. Absolutely. I know of this because my parents and I are quite close as we are only 20 yrs apart. I do know how insecure and scared young parents can be. They get scared and feel self doubt at times of trouble.....but because they loved us, they press on. Like you, I'm living proof of parents being just human but at the same time, seeing that their love is endless.
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Jen0125 posted...

please stop talking.

Hehe...
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It's wrong to express that regret to the child.
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