He will come up with weird and nonsensical murders and tricks but he's too lazy to write the actual write-ups. No need for prior knowledge of Umineko. And, uhh, he'd be very thankful and all that.
I could sorta, maybe, kinda try my hand at it if nobody else will step up, but it would probably be terrible. Consider me a last resort, but if everybody else is too chicken to step up to the plate gimme a call.
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Currently playing: League of Legends, Chrono Cross. Current Projects: Fool's Overture, CYOA: http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/59835001