Since Final Destination 5 came out today, this seemed like a fun thing to do. Everyone who posts gets a gruesome death that might also be elaborate. It might even remind you of my Random Elimination stories if you've read any of them... which brings us to the "special bonus"...
SURPRISE PLOT TWIST!
Posting will not only get you a death write up in this topic but will also sign you up for my NEXT Random Elimination story, which will be written in such a way that it won't purge and therefore will have a 100% chance of being finished, as well as a 0% chance of being abandoned!
Go!
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
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Will not remove this line of my signature until the Seahawks, Jazz or Rockies win a title (Started 5-16-09) Yes, I know I'm never getting rid of this signature
oh yeah and apparently these will end up being kinda long O_O
RayDyn: Over the course of countless concerts and years of listening to music with your favorite headphones (with the volume at ungodly levels because that's how you roll), you've ended up... well, pretty much deaf. It sucks and you really want your hearing back, but every hearing aid or other such device seems to just simply not work for you. You hear about (pun intended lol) an experimental device and you qualify to be a test subject. A week later, you're walking on sunshine! You can hear again perfectly, thanks to your experimental device which not only didn't cost you anything, but you are actually being PAID to wear it! Since it's implanted deep within your ears, it's not even visible to others! The idea gets you thinking... "What other tests/experiments can I get paid to do?" You sign up for another experiment involving a military non-lethal weapon that focuses various types of waves into intense rays to disable enemy targets. You lie on your application, saying that you have no medical conditions that might conflict with the nature of the experiment. It's testing time. You expect to feel some discomfort... but what you neglected to find out was that the weapon focuses sound and radio waves, which are amplified by your hearing aid. A calibration error has disabled your hearing device's safety feature which is supposed to act much like a surge protector. The ray is invisible, so you never see it coming, and you don't feel a thing... Those testing the weapon get to see your head explode so violently that it almost just disappears. A small chuck of brain matter lands on the weapon itself, which had been positioned fifty yards away from you...
Dante: In a season of twists and turns, with some of the most unpredictable and crazy characters yet, you emerged victorious to claim the million dollar prize and title of "sole Survivor." You even got to take souveneirs home with you! There was a hidden immunity idol you never had to play, your torch that was never snuffed, a machete that you had buried and later dug back up and smuggled off the island... even some technical equipment you had managed to steal from the crew! After Survivor, you were hated even more by your next door neighbor... The two of you had feuding for years... After you won Survivor, you became even more of a dick to him because you were rich... and he became even more of a dick to you because you were rich... You stole from him, he vandalized your property... it was an endless cycle. One night, you woke up and heard sirens, not police or ambulance, but fire department. You could smell smoke... and one look out the window made it clear that your fancy, renovated "my shed is bigger than yours" shed was on fire! Some of your stolen Survivor stuff was in there, and that bastard neighbor lit it on fire! You run outside with a fire extinguisher, but before you get close, there's a massive explosion. You fly backward and land on your back. You're stunned, but you feel like something else is wrong. You struggle to sit up, realizing only then that your stolen machete has cleanly skewered you in the abdommen, launched like a missle by the explosion in the shed. If you hadn't stolen those propane tanks from your neighbor last week, the shed might've just burned down instead of exploding... You realize that now, but it's too late...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Ganon1025: You work in construction. You're probably already thinking of all kinds of ways this could play out... Well, however it plays out, it's not your fault... Your bosses are dicks... The head of the company likes to cut as many corners as possible, because that's how money is saved... his brother-and-law, the foreman, likes to do as little work as possible, because he's a lazy douche. You're working on a job one morning, minding your own business. You see shadows creeping all over the construction site. It's creepy and ominous... not really. It's a sunny day and there are cranes high above, moving stuff around. You can hear the lazy foreman arguing with one of the crane operators about one thing or another. You just don't want to get involved so you don't. You just keep working. You try so hard to ignore the chaos around you that you fail to realize the shadow that you are in is not moving at all. The yelling continues. You hear a metallic *PING* from high above. In an instant, you see the shadow expanding. Your heart skips a beat and you look up just in time to see a massive metal girder plummetting toward you. The head of the company is too blame. He was always about using cheaper materials. The chain had failed, and its weakest Link was the end of Ganon...
GenesisSaga: As in the book of Genesis, you lived a very long life... Nine hundred and Seventy years to be exact... 1 year longer than the oldest person in that boring Bible chapter where so-and-so begat some other dude and that dude begat this-and-that for a whole bunch of pages... 970. That's how old you were when you died... Sort of. You were the first human being to be successfully cryogenically frozen and preserved with life remaining in you. Others before you had perished, but you fought through and after remaining in cryostasis for 945 years, you were thawed at the ripe old age of technically 25, but since it was 945 years later... 970? Unfortunately, the first human being to be successfully frozen in this manner would NOT be the first person successfully thawed out. A slow thaw would've restarted your vital signs too early and led to hypothermia, and in the future (this is all in the future by the way), rapid-thawing has been perfected... but hadn't been attempted on a living person before. It was a disaster, and your existence was erased as science went back to the drawing board. A popsicle of internal organs surrounded by charred-black, crispy tissue was not the expected result...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
From: ImTheMacheteGuy | #001 Posting will not only get you a death write up in this topic but will also sign you up for my NEXT Random Elimination story, which will be written in such a way that it won't purge and therefore will have a 100% chance of being finished, as well as a 0% chance of being abandoned!
RappinHobo: Hobos get no respect! You were sick it! Even those braindead teenagers working at the local fast food places got more respect than a troubled veteran of a war that had mental issues and an inability to communicate in a way that anyone else could understand! Those fast food punks really pissed you off... but on the other hand, their food was cheap, and when you had a couple bucks, they'd be your go-to guys, but your carreer in "rap" (which just involved you screaming gibberish in public untli the cops dragged you away) was getting stale. You needed a meal ticket... You decided you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone... break into the fast food place on friday night (those losers turn off the security cameras anyway so they can steal) and feast to your stomach's content! The employees will be blamed, since you know they're not doing their jobs right anyway. Free food, f*** over the dips***ts who work there? What's the catch? A few cockroaches of course... but you're used to that! You turn on the fryolator to fry some fries (lol redundency) and chicken nuggets, but you spill some oil in the process. As you turn to head back to the freezer, you slip and fall head-first toward the boiling oil! Luckily you catch yourself. (lol you expected that?) You cook a bunch of food, hide the evidence that you were ever here and decide to sleep for a few hours. It's only 2. The morning shift won't be in until 6. You nod off... The morning shift never came at 6, but you weren't aware of that. The place was closed all weekend for fumigation. When the exterminators showed up an hour after you passed out, they never bothered to check for breaking and entering. On Monday, the crew were expecting the dead cockroaches, but not the dead hobo.
TheCodeIsBosco: You were always known for your strange, unorthodox and often bad opinions... One such opinion was that airbags were overrated and nearly useless, and that seat belts killed more people than they saved. You also were a firm believer in fossil fuels and hated "green" movements. Since your talk show first aired, Prius sales have decreased 15%. You take all the credit for it, but in truth, you're only responsible for about 13%. In any case, whether you're British or not, you're what the British call a "Petrol head." In fact, you're scheduled to guest star on Top Gear! On your way there, as you're rehearsing your "Boscopinions," you hit a patch of oil leaked by another car whilst (British for "while") travelling at a speed that was ridiculous, regardless of whether it was measured in miles per hour or kilometers per hour. "Airbags are overrated and nearly useless, and seat belts kill more people than they save"... your words. Tell it to the tree you're currently mashed/crumpled against...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Ryo8889: Your identity was a mystery (sorry man I don't know who you are >_>) and your death was a mystery as well... It was the 1980s, and martial arts action movies were on the rise. You were a rising star, making your way up to the top of the martial arts movie world under the name Ryo Eighteighteightnine, which obviously wasn't your real name. Outside of the movie business, you were an '80s man, but that was a rare side of you, as you were almost always IN the movie business, and you were always the martial arts master... until one day... In a shooting of the movie "Bone Breaker," in which you starred as a martial arts hero who broke bones of his enemies, you collapsed. After screaming in agony, writhing in pain and ending up looking more twisted, bent and grotesque than if you had literally been bent into a pretzel, you died. The autopsy concluded that you died of boneitis, a rare disease that affected only 2 people ever... you and a character that was in 1 episode of Futurama...
Lord Bob Bree: Died from AIDS. Sorry man. No idea who you are and your username gives me nothing...
Commodore: It has been a f***ing long night for you, my rich and drunken buddy... and the s***tiest part is your memory of it. You look at the cuts on your hands and you struggle to remember... It was the cab driver. A girl you barely knew had screamed racial slurs at him for no reason and he had responded by saying "ma'am, I truly do not appreciate such comments." That was the last straw. You beat the ever-living f*** out of that guy. He was almost dead when the cops arrived, but you hadn't waited that long. You just saw that on the local news, which you were now watching from a local bar that was mostly empty. You drank and drank and drank. I was there. When it comes to drinking a lot, I'm always there. I couldn't save you though. (am I narrating or putting myself in the story?. What the f*** am I doing? I don't know, but it does not matter). Finally you're done and you stumble out. You have already forgotten the cab incident because you're too drunk. You see a cab approaching, but in your drunken state, don't realize he's going way too fast... Suddenly, a massive impact sends you sprawling. Within a second or two, you realize you've been struck. "YOU MOTHER F***ER!!!" Screams a voice, laughing maniacally. It's the same cab driver as before. You're battered and broken, but the adrenaline begins to pulse through you like the blood of God himself laced with cocaine! The cab driver has his heart set on ripping you to pieces, but you end up doing that to him. When the cops pull you away, you've got delicious salty-iron-flavored blood trickling down your throat and you're spitting flesh from your mouth. Commo - round 1. Cab driver - round 2, Commo - round 3. It was over, and you had won... However, several days later, the cab driver managed to achieve a posthumous round 4. You were screaming, flailing, foaming at the mouth and laughing harder than a dumb blonde college b**** at a Dane Cook show (is that joke still relevent? I just saw the Louis episode with Dane Cook). Your fallen adversary's blood that you had ingested gave you the gift of rabies. You died alone, with no heir to inherit your fortune... however, you did "offer" a lovely parting gift (in the form of contamination) to the attending physician who happened to be the nephew of the cab driver... In the end, he had the last laugh... but with rabies, to laugh is to be dead soon enough, and by then, it can't be cured...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
ImTheMacheteGuy posted... TheCodeIsBosco: You were always known for your strange, unorthodox and often bad opinions... One such opinion was that airbags were overrated and nearly useless, and that seat belts killed more people than they saved. You also were a firm believer in fossil fuels and hated "green" movements. Since your talk show first aired, Prius sales have decreased 15%. You take all the credit for it, but in truth, you're only responsible for about 13%. In any case, whether you're British or not, you're what the British call a "Petrol head." In fact, you're scheduled to guest star on Top Gear! On your way there, as you're rehearsing your "Boscopinions," you hit a patch of oil leaked by another car whilst (British for "while") travelling at a speed that was ridiculous, regardless of whether it was measured in miles per hour or kilometers per hour. "Airbags are overrated and nearly useless, and seat belts kill more people than they save"... your words. Tell it to the tree you're currently mashed/crumpled against...
LMAO
You rock, dude.
-- Unlimited juice? This party's gonna be off the hook!
Coffee Ninja: It is quite clear that you have two main passions in life... a fascination with the ninja, from lifestyle to outlook, from maritial arts to weaponry... and caffeine. Did I spell it right? I'm not sure. Unlike you, I'm not much of a coffee person... You simply can't make it through the day without cup after cup, from elaborate expensive blends to cheap convenience store 64-oz. "T-Rex Gulps," you my friend are hooked... but you have to be. You own a dojo that is losing money and although your pupils are also ninja enthusiasts and are not only loyal and dedicated, but skilled, just as you've taught them to be... they aren't enough to pay the rent... The coffee house downstairs also belongs to you, and it supplements your income enough to keep the ninjitsu school afloat. People tell you have too much stress in your life, but you do what needs to be done to keep both businesses afloat... besides, you're living the dream, well, you're living both dreams, as ninjas and coffee are both your dreams! One day, some ignorant criminal f****head decides that it would be a good idea to rob your coffeehouse at knifepoint. Since you're sitting right there, enjoying a cup of your signature coffee drink (I don't know what it's called. I couldn't give half a flying donkey s*** about coffee >_>), there will be no robbery. There will be a robber... and there will be an idiot being transported to the emergency room... because you're there. You've got the skills to deal with the situation, and after downing your 4th espresso (that's spelled fight isn't it?) shot, you spring into action. You manage to use your skills to beat, hurt and humiliate the idiot robber in front of your loyal customers. Amped up, you cheer. "F*** YEAH!" You shout. A booming cheer erupts from the patrons. "GET THE F*** OUTTA HERE AND DON'T COME BACK!!" You scream as the bloody criminal stumbles to his feet and heads for the door. "ALK GLOOOOOOORRRRR!" You shout... Your support suddenly quiets down. "ZREEEP blerrrleb gaaaahhh" As you try to address the crowd, you begin to lose touch with reality. Your world shifts into an obscure dream in which you can't speak. It's a stroke. You don't feel yourself falling forward, but you do... bumping into a waitress. Shattering sounds echo in the room as you feel yourself falling. You land hard, and you feel yourself slipping away even further. You've landed on numerous shards of glass, and the hot liquid flooding the floor happens to be your blood. You had a stroke and it didn't kill you, but the shards of glass in your neck did...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
XIII: It's the roman numeral for 13... 13 is cool... No it's not. Your tenant seemed to think it was. He often threw parties for middle school/high school aged kids. He lured them into his apartment under the premise that the age of 13 was the coolest age ever, because he was SantaRPG or Albion or GuiGar or whoever the f*** is into that s*** around here... well, you're not and I'm not and the rest of the decent folk on board 8 are not. You can imagine how pissed off you would be if some pervert like that lived in your building. Clearly, he lied on his application...One day, you hear a commotion downstairs. It seems like the worthless local police department got their act together. You race downstairs to confront the pervert who is about to be taking a lifelong trip to the upstate Happyrape Penetentiary and congratulate/reassure the other tennants. A boom echoes through the stairwell. You reach the bottom less than a second later. You realize by distant sirens that the police have not yet arrived, and that the commotion was an argument between the pedophile and other tenants, to whom you'd giiven "unwritten" permission to bring firearms into the building. It was a simple misfire, which wasn't a big deal, under normal circumstances, but as your strength began to fade and the lower half of your shirt began to turn red, it became clear that the circumstances were NOT normal. The shotgun blast had torn open your liver as well as a kidney. You died in the ambulance....
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Blairville: Your death was plain and simple. You were convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to lethal injection. You had been part of an unauthorized movie called "The Blair Witch 3." The first was... what it was... as was the 2nd... but you felt the need to go investigated the same woods with a new camera crew. Long story short, f***ed up s*** happened, your crew all died, mushrooms >_>, your crew all died but you didn't... However, you were on trial for the murders and your case sucked. All kinds of evidence you couldn't remember was presented and your lawyers all quit. You were convicted, you were sentenced to death. On this particular night, the guards have come to collect you after your last meal, to bring you to the last room you've ever see... but fate took a shortcut. Your final meal is untouched. You sit in front of it, looking away from the delicious steak and mashed potatoes or whatever death row inmates crave. The expression on your face is horrifying and horrified, but why would you have been facing the wall? Perhaps something was there at some point. In any case, justice had served itself...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Emperor_Kazbar: This is going to be a bit of a stretch, I must warn you... You see, Emperor_Kazbar, you're favorite place to be is in a bar and your favorite drink is called the Emperor Kaz >_>. It's something I just made up now off the top of my head, containing red wine, non-spiced rum and various fruity liqueurs, served in a large wine glass. It's basically wine on steroids. On this particular night, you're at your local bar and you're on your 4th. Everything is going fine until your drinking buddy Dante decides to leave. <Insert Dante's write up>. Needless to say, after that incident, you are quite pissed off. You had gone outside and witnessed what happened, but were unable to intervene... but when you re-entered the bar, your half-finished Emperor Kaz was three-quarters finished. Drunk and furious, you yelled at the bartender, demanding a new drinking and accusing her of being the one who sipped from it while you were outside. She gets flustered and clearly didn't see who drank from your drink. In your outburst, one of your flailing arms comes down elbow-first on the quarter-full wine glass, smashing a good chunk off of it and cutting your arm. You scream angrily and try to dive over the bar, litterally trying to attack the horrified bartender, but as you try to hoist yourself over, your hand slips on the spilled drink and your barstool tips and falls. Your body falls toward the floor as your head falls straight down toward the bar. As all of this is happening, a bouncer had been rushing toward you from behind, intending to grab you and pull you away. Restraining a disorderly patron attempting to attack the bartender was well within his job description. It all happened within a second. You started to fall as he lunged toward you. As the bouncer plowed into you, your bodywas pushed foward underneath the bar while your head was still at bar level. This story started with "This is going to be a bit of a stretch." In the end, your neck took more than just a bit of a stretch, and was wrenched at an awkward angle as well. Motor functions ceased immediately as your spinal cord was severed. You felt nothing...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)