Current Events > At what point do I just accept that my friend is an asshole and cut ties?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm a little bit pissed off right now, not gonna lie.

So, backstory: This friend has a long history of flaking on plans. I genuinely can't begin to estimate how many times he's backed out of plans over the years, or even just made plans but ghosted entirely on the day we were supposed to do something, but it's been dozens of times at least. I usually just kind of roll my eyes and move on. However, this time, I'm genuinely mad about it.

Last week, he texted me while I was working asking to hang out. I told him that I was working, and he said that he was off the following Thursday (as in, today), and he asked me to take the day off so we could do something. I reluctantly said yes and took today off. Fast forward to yesterday, and he again texts to ask if we're hanging out, and I say yes.

Well, today, I got woken up a decent bit earlier than usual, but I decided to stay up since it was only an hour or so until when we were planning to hang out. Wait around for a while until the appointed time and then I text him, and he says that he might just do some stuff around his house today instead.

I was already pretty annoyed, since the dude asked me to take off work and reaffirmed the plans but then canceled, but a bit after that, I happened to check Discord and saw that he was playing League of Legends. He didn't cancel to get anything done, he just backed out to play League.

I'm kind of at the point where I'm ready to just cut him the fuck off. It's annoying enough that this happens a lot, but this time really, really pissed me off.

Am I wrong for wanting to cut ties with him over this, or should I just shrug it off?

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once or twice, eh shit happens, life happens.

repeated offenses? Yeah that's an asshole, and you're not wrong.

dotsdfe posted...

Am I wrong for wanting to cut ties with him over this, or should I just shrug it off?

Have you tried talking to him first.

Taking off work during an economic pandemic just to hang with him already sounds stupid tbh. But to let him off sounds even dumber.

Please tell me you expressed how upset it made you to him.

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Fuck him to show dominance.

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kayoticdreamz posted...

once or twice, eh shit happens, life happens.

repeated offenses? Yeah that's an asshole, and you're not wrong.

Yeah, that's kind of the thing, I usually just sort of shrug it off, but goddamn, it just keeps happening, and the way it played out this time was especially annoying.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Have you tried talking to him first.

Taking off work during an economic pandemic just to hang with him already sounds stupid tbh. But to let him off sounds even dumber.

Please tell me you expressed how upset it made you to him.

I haven't, mostly because we had already kind of finished texting well before I saw that he was playing League and got mad about it. I've been thinking of confronting him about it, but I'm also pretty bad about confronting people.

As far as taking time off, my schedule is flexible enough that it wasn't the end of the world, but it's still a day that I otherwise would have been working and where I had to move my hours around to compensate for it. It's enough of a headache that it's frustrating that he canceled to play League, at least.

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You should've cut ties with him years ago. It's obvious he doesn't respect you or your time. That's very selfish behavior and it seems like he doesn't care about anyone but himself

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FightingJester posted...

Fuck him to show dominance.

I am gay, but honestly, he's fairly unattractive. I say that not out of anger, but just as an objective fact, I've never once found much about him attractive....So nah.

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this is a person you ghost after telling them you're busy two or three times tops.

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Tell him how messed up that is if you haven't.

I've had a few flakey "friends" over the years. I just dropped them. It's rough at first, but you'll be glad you did.

I'm sort of dealing with one now as well, but not as bad. Us and my best friend all had plans to play online Friday night and/or over the weekend. He flaked each time. I know it's probably going to start with more serious stuff eventually. It's the early warning signs I've seen before.

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I'd not even bother confronting him, but I'd stop expending any effort on his behalf
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dotsdfe posted...

I haven't, mostly because we had already kind of finished texting well before I saw that he was playing League and got mad about it

This doesnt matter. His original reason was doing stuff around the house. You said he does this repeatedly.

Have more self-respect and express to him that hes an asshole. Stop being a doormat.

Any relationship is founded on communication. Without it, you end up asking Gamefaq about stuff when they dont have the same context you have.

Confront him first. See what he does. Dont just ghost him. Talk to him. Real life isnt Twitter where you just block people if they do things you dont like.

And please dont be petty and do it back to him. He may be oblivious it bothers you, believe it or not.

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You don't have to cut ties, just flip his game. Whenever you guys make plans, put those plans on very low priority and if something else comes up, do that instead. If he actually hits you back for the plans, just tell him you're doing something else.

I have a cousin that will ask me if I want to do something, then just stop replying the rest of the day when I say Im down. So now I just make plans over top of his plans.

He might be dealing with social anxiety or something, but that's for him to figure out.

Edit: Your friend. My cousin definitely doesn't have social anxiety like that


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Id cut lies w him just bc he plays league

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

This doesnt matter. His original reason was doing stuff around the house. You said he does this repeatedly.

Have more self-respect and express to him that hes an asshole. Stop being a doormat.

Any relationship is founded on communication. Without it, you end up asking Gamefaq about stuff when they dont have the same context you have.

Confront him first. See what he does. Dont just ghost him. Talk to him. Real life isnt Twitter where you just block people if they do things you dont like.

And please dont be petty and do it back to him. He may be oblivious it bothers you, believe it or not.

That's fair really.

Honestly, it's just good to know that I'm not overreacting here. I try to just roll with it and accept that shit comes up a lot of the time, but it just keeps happening, and today in particular really set me off.

I'll talk to him about it.

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A buddy from hs basically grew up to be full blown incel and alt right. Couldn't deal with him anymore.

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dotsdfe posted...

Yeah, that's kind of the thing, I usually just sort of shrug it off, but goddamn, it just keeps happening, and the way it played out this time was especially annoying.

it's probably just finally hitting a boiling for you so you're mad, not at this one instance of it but rather each time and now it's just bubbling up to the surface. One can only get served a shit sandwich for so long before one gets pissed off.

Jabodie posted...

A buddy from hs basically grew up to be full blown incel and alt right. Couldn't deal with him anymore.

A good friend would of busted some nuts with him and cured his Incelibacy

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Friendship isnt a court of law. If you dont want to be friends or stay in contact, then you dont have to. I would explain the reason, though, since youve been friends for years. Ghosting isnt good.

That said, do you know if hes introverted or has social anxiety? Either of those things could cause him to cancel plans like that. It may not be about respect. But still, if you dont want to be friends, then you have every right to cut ties.

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I think it's reasonable to not put much effort into making plans with him since he bails, but I wouldn't intentionally bail on him or anything like that.

Also...why are you hanging out right now

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You're not overreacting at all, that is incredibly disrespectful behavior.

The guy is definitely a dick. I would hate to imagine a situation where you had to cancel one plan to hang out with this guy only to have canceled at.

The only thing I think that can resolve this is simply find a better friend.

Also the next time he texts you to get a day off work, say yes but don't actually do it. Just go to work and flake on him instead. Let him know how it feels.

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Cheese_Crackers posted...

Friendship isnt a court of law. If you dont want to be friends or stay in contact, then you dont have to. I would explain the reason, though, since youve been friends for years. Ghosting isnt good.

That said, do you know if hes introverted or has social anxiety? Either of those things could cause him to cancel plans like that. It may not be about respect. But still, if you dont want to be friends, then you have every right to cut ties.

To be blunt, I severely doubt it. He's always been very talkative to most people and seems way more extroverted than anything. Unless he's really, really good at hiding it, I sincerely doubt it.

Anteaterking posted...

Also...why are you hanging out right now

I wasn't thrilled about the idea, but kind of relented. It was definitely his idea overall, he texted me about it first and followed up this week. But yeah, not exactly a great time to make social plans for sure.

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if i took a day off to hang out with someone and they did that, id be a little upset

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Harpie posted...

You should've cut ties with him years ago. It's obvious he doesn't respect you or your time. That's very selfish behavior and it seems like he doesn't care about anyone but himself

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A b a n d o n that loser. Fuck that shit dude.

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