LogFAQs > #953271016

papercup posted...

o8s BLU cleared \o/

Huzzah! I'm happy for you.

Anyways, there's something that's been bothering me for some time. I understand it's difficult to read tone online, but people sure love to read anger in a lot of what I say when there is only one person in FLAME--not even the people who have left--who has ever seen me actually get angry at other people. That one person talked me down from doing anything with said anger.

I might be terse at times, a pain to some folks at times, and a bother with my jests and pranks, but I usually mean well. Even with my stupid mistake with that one guy, my original intent was to invite him back, even pay for the fc room if he had one, but then all seven hells broke loose. I recognize my mistake, but I recognize that it didn't need to escalate like it did. It didn't need to even get to that point. When I asked them about what had happened to me joining on Discord, my client crashed. When someone else asked in the LS, I replied in a smartass manner, because smartass banter is my thing. Somehow, all of a sudden, that banter is toxic and cruel, despite having gotten laughs over the years? That doesn't seem right.

Of course the one person I've had trouble with since I joined the fc helps drive the "Aster is terrible" narrative. Also the "Auric is bad" because he has spent the past few years not getting what he wants. I tried to make clear with him my comments toward him have been out of friendly banter, but no. It wasn't meant to be. The thing is, my problem with him has always been his holier than thou, praise me and all I love (or else), attitude, his need to shut down people who don't praise him all the while doing the same things he criticizes them for (probably part of why Purp and Leo decided to try out another server/fc).

I knew it was a matter of time before he left, and a matter of time before the head girl of the lot decided to leave and power-play it by taking as many people of the fc with her as she could. I'd have loved to have done things differently, and I'd love to apologize to those actually hurt. But reading the chat log now available on Google doc for anyone to see that asks for the link? Now that I know one girl ignored my private message trying to make a case to her about possible forgiveness? Now that all I see is an angry mob sniping FLAME, our home, for members just because the lead and I are in it? Who even do I apologize to anymore?

And then a friend of mine, someone I have known for years and respected, advocated that I leave the fc or get kicked. All because I made a rash decision that was clearly the wrong one, and will be working to redeem myself over for the remainder of my time in the game, regardless of the intentions of several members of that LS. Yes, I made a mistake, and I'm sorry for it. But I don't see a crowd receptive to my good will, nor even the consequences they think they want. That is angry mobs for you, and I can only hope things calm down soon so I can at least seek forgiveness from some of them.

Sorry, I needed to rant.

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