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TopicEight Board-Eighters Rank Star Trek Characters
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02/13/20 11:07:04 AM
#215:


3. James Tiberius Kirk
The only question I ever thought was hard, was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard? Picard.

Ive made four Star Trek character lists before, and Kirk was at the top of three of them. But the truth is, Ive grown to like Data and Picard more over the years, whereas my love for Kirk has remained relatively static. Sorry!

Its interesting what pop culture knows, isnt it? Everyone knows Spock as the weird logic guy with pointy ears, and thats basically correct. But everyone also knows Kirk as the guy who flies around space having sex with alien women, and that happens three times in eighty episodes and 10 movies (counting the Abramsverse), and one of those times was a reference to the other times. Point is, my sister (who once described Han Solo as a space guy) told me that Kirk is a symbol of sexism because all he does it have sex with alien women, and when I told her that he has sex with all of two (because this was pre-09), she was like I dont believe you because pop culture told her that was what Kirk is, as if she could possibly know more about Star Trek than I do. I honestly have no idea where Im going with this.

So Kirk is wonderful. Hes the ultimate mans man of the 1960s: smart, moral, handsome, adventurous, and larger-than-life. If Star Trek was set in 1960, hed be wearing a trench coat and a fedora and solve crimes or something, but thankfully its not. Im not even sure if there is an image of the mans man in 2020. Its easiest to describe Kirk by comparing him to Picard, so instead Im just going to talk about great Kirk moments.

Remember all the times he has an enemy at his mercy and is like Nah, bro, lets do this another way? because there are four. He should be known for that more than boning alien women. Remember how he constantly solves problems by lying his ass off and acting nonchalant? Remember when he put the moves on a Romulan chick, who completely blows him off and goes after Spock? Remember when he got turned into a girl well not that one.

God, can you believe the series finale of TOS was Kirk being turned into a girl? That was the last Star Trek media until the late 70s.

Now I love show Kirk, but Ill admit hes not really the deepest of characters. Hes an ass-kicking adventurer, and thats fine, but its the movies where he gets most of his actual, shall we say, development and characterization.

In TMP, Kirks like **** I hate being an admiral, oh look an excuse to kick the new guy out of the captains seat and go on an adventure, yes, and gets schooled because he almost gets the ship blown up. He doesnt learn much, though, because we need time for the ship to fly into a space vagina and talk to a being that wants to be reborn. And dont even argue with me, theres a shot where Vger just looks like a ****ing vagina.

In WoK, Kirks like man Im getting old, but Shatner is like I look great compared to the rest of the cast, especially Nichelle Nichols. Kirk has to deal with themes like being out of date, finally losing, the death of his friends, decisions made in his youth coming back to destroy him, and why Scotty would bring an injured crewman to the bridge instead of the medical bay. Everything in WoK is so good, its everyones favorite Trek movie except Jeffs.

In SfS, Christopher Lloyd says Im going to kill your son, and the movie completely ruins the moment Except for Kirk, who does this thing and falls backward in disbelief. People call Shatner a bad actor, but he actually can do stuff when he needs to, its just his character is written to be absurd. I wish wed had more on this, but the movie needed more time for Saavik to have sex with a teenager. Thats canon, by the way.

Hell, even in TFF, the movie everyone hates, Kirk is the only person in the movie who gets anything. He gets to say people need pain, you cant just delete it with psychic powers, and really, isnt that something weve all battled with at some point?

In TUC, of course, Kirks so good. I hate Klingons for a variety of valid reasons, but they need help and theres an opportunity to make amends with them, so I guess Ill go along with this and he learns the error of his way as he goes along. Let them die! So good.

So if youre seriously asking what Star Trek character has the most development over time, its Kirk. He goes from ass-kicking adventurer to an old man who still does the same things he did in his youth, but has a completely different perspective about it. The Undiscovered Country wraps up his character in the perfect way, and thats why they never brought Kirk back ever.

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Started: July 6, 2005
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