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|Topic||My mother sent me this text weeks ago, and since then, I've been losing it.|
11/08/19 4:16:43 AM
I'd been telling her for weeks and weeks that I wanted to go home by myself while riding the bus. It's one of the only two periods of alone time I have on the weekdays, which is why I had told her repeatedly not to pick me up from work. If she picks me up, she's just going to talk. And all she's going to talk about is how my father is uncaring, how he yells at her, how he will not cooperate with her, and how he is selfish. She's also going to complain about how my sister is irresponsible and spends too much money and how my brother is selfish, as well.
Anyway, she sent me this text a few weeks ago. As I've said before, I don't have any time to myself on the weekdays. When she sent me this text, I feel like I don't really have a choice but to let her drive me home. I feel like she's going to be distraught if I tell her that I don't want to listen to her anymore, which sucks for her, since I'm the only one whom she can talk to about all this familial nonsense. She doesn't like discussing familial troubles with her sisters because they'll look down on her and think her a failure as a wife and a mother. She doesn't want to see a psychologist because she has this stupid fear that the psychologist will gossip around. She cannot discuss this with my siblings because she seems to think they hate her and she cannot discuss these matters with my father because they've been unhappily married for about a decade and a half, now. She doesn't have any friends she can discuss this with, either.
When I think about how emotionally dependent she seems on me, I start to lose it. I need my space. She won't leave me alone. I screamed twice today because of how I kept thinking of how I barely have any time to myself, except on the weekends when I can go to the library and not care about any of this nonsense. She keeps saying that she wants to get a house away from my father, and hopes that I will live with her, when I really don't want to. I just don't feel like talking to her about any of this because I'm afraid of how she'll take it. I've already told her many times before that I don't enjoy being picked up because I want time by myself.
Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.
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