LogFAQs > #899285752

Wrestlemania XXXIV

Pre-Show:

We start the match with the cruiserweight title finals, Cedric Alexander Wins (40)

Shane and Kurt are backstage arguing about which title match should main event. Kurt says they're both main events-- Shane says one is placed in the middle of the show, let's be real. They agree to a wager-- whichever's side show wins the Andre Memorial will main event (83)

Andre Memorial has 30 guys. A bunch of joke buffoonery as most of the entries are silly in one way or another. All the "big" names are out early, and we're left with Heath Slater, Breezango, Konnor, Primo Colon... and Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler looks around in a "what am I doing with my life" kind of way as the jokes brawl it out-- Ziggler tosses everyone out in short order, shoulders the Andre statue and walks out, visibly underwhelmed by the thing. (55)

John Cena cuts a short promo, saying he hasn't seen Taker, but he's sure he'll do the right thing (100)

The women's battle royal is next. This one is only 20, and we need literally every woman on staff as well as surprise entrants Gail Kim, Kairi Sane, Billy Kay and Jillian Hall to fill it out. Final five are Kairi Sane, Ruby Riott, Liv Morgan, Sasha, and Bayley. Bayley dumps out Sasha. Sasha takes it well, and offers Bayley a handshake out of respect from the outside. Dumb Bayley accepts it-- Sasha goes Hogan 1992 on her and tries to yank her out. Liv Morgan opportunistically helps Bayley out of the ring-- then runs over to Ruby Riott and Kairi Sane who are tied up in the ropes and dumps Kairi out of the ring, accidentally(?) getting Ruby in the process. Liv Morgan wins! (51)

Main Show:

We open with the US Title 4 Way. Rusev comes out victorious, much Rusev Day chants being had. Aiden English celebrates like they both won and they both hold the title up. (74)

The Usos vs New Day (Kofi + Woods) vs Bludgeon Brothers. Bludgeons dominate most of the match, but The Usos exploit the triangle match rules to capitalize on them demolishing Woods just long enough for Jimmy Uso to steal the pin on Woods to retain. (59)

Charlotte Flair vs Asuka. Charlotte provides THE STRONGEST CHALLENGE TO ASUKA TO DATE(?) but uhh she loses because no one is ready for Asuka or somethin. (63) Asuka is visibly tired after the grueling match... just then... F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. Carmella runs to the ring with her MitB! But... Asuka is on her feet recovered by the time she reaches it. Carmella drops her briefcase, goes into the ring, and shakes Asuka's hand shouting "I knew you could do it! I never liked Charlotte!" She raises Asuka's hand in victory, as Asuka has a laugh and plays along. (76)

Backstage John Cena is moping... Curt Hawkins, still wearing his "pick me Braun" shirt, says Cena needs to FACE THE FACTS, and accept that neither of them are going to have a match tonight! John Cena laughs a bit, then his face turns serious, and he throws Curt Hawkins through a wall. We cut to the ring for the Bar's entrance we cut backstage to a Braun Strowman who still has no partner... he passes by Curt Hawkins's fallen body. Picks him up and carries him to the ring.(83)

Braun places Curt's unconscious body on the ring apron, and says "ring the bell!" Braun holds the initial advantage, but the Bar slowly takes control as not even Braun can take them 1v2. Meanwhile, Curt Hawkins is slowly recovering the entire match. He eventually gets well enough to tag, makes a blind tag on Braun, and hits Sheamus who is fully focused on Braun with an inside cradle. 1. 2. 3! Hawkins and Strowman win! Hawkins, overjoyed, celebrates big! He hands Strowman his title and shouts "THE STREAK IS OVER!" pissed off Strowman powerslams him, but carries him and the belts back.(79)
---

No problem!
This is a cute and pop genocide of love!