The fact that I'll never be a father is tearing me up right now.

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Current Events » The fact that I'll never be a father is tearing me up right now.
KogaSteelfang posted...
I wish you guys the best.

Thanks, hope you're doing well.
Doing worse than ever but I appreciate it anyway
I wish you could get away from your shitty family man that would be such a good step for you but i understand its hard
Kanaya413 posted...
Doing worse than ever but I appreciate it anyway
I wish you could get away from your shitty family man that would be such a good step for you but i understand its hard
I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve better.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
I know, I feel like I had two potential soulmates in college, but I turned down one of them because she was too boyish-looking and the other because I was intimidated by her intelligence. Of course, I didn't admit those reasons to myself at the time.

I've never consciously wished I had kids, though.
I'm happy with dogs.
But deep down, all the homeless animals make me incredibly depressed, I can really barely afford to take care of 2.
I am considering volunteering at an animal shelter a mile from me, but at work 5 days a week, so there goes a day off. Once it warms up, maybe going there once a week will be slightly more realistic.
"While you were wasting your time castrating a priceless antique, I was systematically feeding babies to hungry mutated puppies!" -The Monarch
Ok, I'm done griping. Guess I got it all out of my system yesterday. Thanks for putting up with me everyone, and sorry that I let my issues get the better of me and bring it here.

I didn't sleep well last night either. Once I put everything down to settle down for bed it was just me and my thoughts. They weren't good, and it kept me up half the night.

But I'm going to try and focus on other things instead. Gonna try to focus on business and work stuff so I've got less time for personal stuff.

Then... I'd just need to temper myself for being blindsided by YouTube people.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
KogaSteelfang posted...
That stinks, but still better than me.

I would be a great dad.

Happy for you.

is it? I'm still a virgin.
Holy Diver.
Dio posted...
is it? I'm still a virgin.
It's still not great, and we are in similar situations then. But you said you had a partner once.

I have to assume that at least means you were dating them. Sorry if I assumed too much in thinking partner meant relationship, and thus normal relationship stuff going on.

Still, you've had 1 partner and I've had none. It's not much better, if any at all, but I'd think that experience you had with them was probably at least enjoyable for a time.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
I found posts on dating advice forums and gfaqs from 2008 I made. It does get way worse.
Holy Diver.
Dio posted...
I found posts on dating advice forums and gfaqs from 2008 I made. It does get way worse.
I apologize then, I didn't mean to seem dismissive or anything with my response to you. Sorry that you're dealing with the same issues as I am.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
Payzmaykr posted...
Its not always that easy. The older I get, the more it hits me. Then I have days where Im super glad that I dont have kids. Its crazy. Knowing that I will probably live my whole life without building my own family unit is tough, but even though I feel old (36), a lot of people say Ive still got tons of time. So who knows?

Hey man, I feel the same way. I'm 37 and I feel like I'm too old to start a family as well. I too get the same feeling you do when I see a family. It's a sad feeling for sure.
Asus E-gaming z490 | 10700k | DDR4 32gb 3200mhz | Asus TUF 3080ti | 1000 watt | Corsair H100i 240 | G7 Odyssey 32" | Orion Spark | Proteus Core
If you ever want to vent to my pms are open
KogaSteelfang posted...
I apologize then, I didn't mean to seem dismissive or anything with my response to you. Sorry that you're dealing with the same issues as I am.

at least you dont live with your mother like i do. I probably have it worse. You probably have a job, friends, etc, right? I have none.
Holy Diver.
Hypnospace posted...
Kim shut the fuck up

No. Thanks for playing.

@KogaSteelFang no you wouldn't.
Live to train. Train to fight. Fight to live.
Take me away, I don't mind, but you better promise I'll be back in time!
You're a kind person Koga and have never deserved any of the crap you've gotten from your family and community. As I've told you over the years, you need to put your foot down and stop giving your family money. Save it up and get out of that garbage town of yours. There's nothing but negativity and judgement in a small town like that.

Go into the world and the Billy Zane of someone's dreams.
http://i.imgur.com/R15aJJ3.png http://i.imgur.com/NJqp6LS.png
BlazinBlue88 posted...
You're a kind person Koga and have never deserved any of the crap you've gotten from your family and community. As I've told you over the years, you need to put your foot down and stop giving your family money. Save it up and get out of that garbage town of yours. There's nothing but negativity and judgement in a small town like that.
100% agree
Currently playing - Stellar Blade
Dio posted...
at least you dont live with your mother like i do. I probably have it worse. You probably have a job, friends, etc, right? I have none.
I do live with my parents. I do have a part time job, but I don't like it, and literally every dime I make goes straight to supporting a family business I started, so I guess that counts as a type of success despite me actually losing a ton a money so far.

BlazinBlue88 posted...
You're a kind person Koga and have never deserved any of the crap you've gotten from your family and community. As I've told you over the years, you need to put your foot down and stop giving your family money. Save it up and get out of that garbage town of yours. There's nothing but negativity and judgement in a small town like that.

I had quite a bit saved up from when covid hit and I ended up being extremely overworked. But, I spent that on opening our business, hoping to be able to replace my job.

BlazinBlue88 posted...
Go into the world and the Billy Zane of someone's dreams.
I really do wish I could travel and see the world. At least a little. But I'm never going to be anything to anyone, especially nothing of their dreams.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
So you have a family business you support? Already ahead of me. I dont have anything. You at least have it better then I do.
Holy Diver.


This is why its so important to learn how to live for yourself. Smartest effing thing I ever taught myself. Do the best you can with the circumstances youre given.

I learned as far back as high school that I wasnt meant to be with anyone romantically. And its not that I havent tried since then, of course. Sure, there were a lot of times where it really bummed me out, but accepting that I needed to live my own life and not how society thinks I should live has made it soooo much better.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich
Choose life
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PgsfVJMWL0E&pp=ygUZY2hvb3NlIGxpZmUgdHJhaW5zcG90dGluZw%3D%3D
Less is more. Everything you want, isn't everything you need.
KogaSteelfang posted...
II really do wish I could travel and see the world. At least a little. But I'm never going to be anything to anyone, especially nothing of their dreams.
I didn't say travel the world. I said go into the world. Your tiny mountain town is all you've ever known. You're isolated. Surrounded by the same couple thousand no nothing people you've been around your entire life that treat you like dirt. You don't know anything about the world outside of it so you don't realize all the great things the world has to offer. I was the same way before moving out of my tiny country ass hometown.

There are several small cities within an hour and half from your town. Go visit them and explore on your days off. Find one you like, get a job there, and move. Leave your town and your family behind. Your dad sucks, your brother sucks, and your mom sucks(even if to a lesser degree)
http://i.imgur.com/R15aJJ3.png http://i.imgur.com/NJqp6LS.png
Koga, your worst enemy is yourself. You hold yourself back with these thoughts.

One way or another, something has got to change. Do you choose to live with this painful mindset of self sabotage and regret after, or do you choose to face the generational trauma and make something out of your own life?

You can absolutely be a father, and an amazing one.

I'm in my late 30s and got out of a relationship. I don't mind being a father with the right person. You just have to get out there. Maybe try the dating app, Boo? Works well for introverts.
Less is more. Everything you want, isn't everything you need.
Dio posted...
So you have a family business you support? Already ahead of me. I dont have anything. You at least have it better then I do.
Sure.

rexcrk posted...
This is why its so important to learn how to live for yourself. Smartest effing thing I ever taught myself. Do the best you can with the circumstances youre given.

I learned as far back as high school that I wasnt meant to be with anyone romantically. And its not that I havent tried since then, of course. Sure, there were a lot of times where it really bummed me out, but accepting that I needed to live my own life and not how society thinks I should live has made it soooo much better.
It doesn't really matter what society thinks. It's what I want out of life, and I'm unable to get it.

BlazinBlue88 posted...
I didn't say travel the world. I said go into the world. Your tiny mountain town is all you've ever known. You're isolated. Surrounded by the same couple thousand no nothing people you've been around your entire life that treat you like dirt. You don't know anything about the world outside of it so you don't realize all the great things the world has to offer. I was the same way before moving out of my tiny country ass hometown.

There are several small cities within an hour and half from your town. Go visit them and explore on your days off. Find one you like, get a job there, and move. Leave your town and your family behind. Your dad sucks, your brother sucks, and your mom sucks(even if to a lesser degree)
I don't know why it's so difficult. Even when we go on a trip to the beach,vans I want to go out and check things out, I can't bring myself to do it.

Arcanine2009 posted...
Koga, your worst enemy is yourself. You hold yourself back with these thoughts.
Yeah.

Arcanine2009 posted...
choose to face the generational trauma and make something out of your own life?
I'm trying.

Arcanine2009 posted...
Maybe try the dating app, Boo? Works well for introverts.
I've considered it. I'll reconsider once I'm in a better state mentally.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
I wish I could help you get away from your abusive household but I cant even drive
you deserve so much better
Kanaya413 posted...
I wish I could help you get away from your abusive household but I cant even drive
you deserve so much better
You do too.
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@steelfang8806
My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/steelfangkoga
Without reading everything (as my ADD brain tends to do), I can assume there are reasons you can't have kids. Maybe its lack of relationship, maybe its more personal. Let me just say this. Life has a funny way of changing when you least expect it. It may be a chance encounter, or through constant practice, but things can change if you give a chance for things to change.

If for some reason you cannot have kids, but you find someone you love, you can always adopt. Some of the best parents out there are ones that don't have blood relations to the child. Sometimes water is thicker than blood. What I mean by that is that the people you surround yourself can become your family if they are the ones that lead you to your safe haven. Family isn't always the ones that are blood connected. They are the ones that support you in your darkest hour.
Current Events » The fact that I'll never be a father is tearing me up right now.
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