cjsdowg posted...
I've often been criticized on this very site for my dislike of the term "toxic masculinity." Even among those who support its use, there isn't a clear consensus on what it means. Language matters and using a term like this can be counterproductive. For example, one person argued that toxic masculinity includes behaviors like being controlling or abusive toward women. However, men are just as likely to be victims of domestic violence, with female aggressors, as women are with male aggressors. Yet somehow, these behaviors are labeled as masculine traits. As I've said before, language is important, and categorizing nearly any harmful action as an offshoot of masculinity is problematic.
Some people argue that toxic masculinity refers to objectifying women, but this behavior also happens frequently to men. However, because it's often framed as something that primarily affects women, it doesn't receive as much attention or discussion. Even when looking at sexual assault cases, the statistics show that the number of male and female victims is surprisingly close, challenging common assumptions. In many instances, women are the aggressors, which runs counter to the usual narrative. Look at how many middle-aged women openly obsessed over characters like Jacob and Edward from Twilight, or how Justin Bieber was repeatedly objectified, even when he was just a child. People were vocal and unapologetic about it, demonstrating that objectification is not limited to one gender.
Male Victims DV: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0038999
The dictionary definition is "behaviours typically associated with masculinity that have a socially destructive impact. The subjectivity mainly comes from what is and isn't considered a masculine behaviour. Women absolutely are harmed by this, but so are men.
From your post, DV is obviously not exclusively perpetrated by men and there's a wide range of motivations. "Merely" being controlling or abusive isn't toxic masculinity. Trying to control a woman because it's her "place" to be subservient to a man would absolutely fall under the umbrella though. The idea that there are certain roles or activities that only men can do would also count.
It's not just women that are hurt by this though. Your source says that DV is fairly evenly split between men and women, but one of them is taken
far
more seriously than others. Men being sexually assaulted is vastly underreported and not taken seriously because "What are you, gay? Be glad a woman is giving you attention!" which even leads to shame. Men commit s
uicide
far more often than women even though women attempt it far more often. This is a mixture of men choosing far more extreme methods but also men refusing to go to therapy or actually work through their feelings. A woman crying is "normal" while a man doing so is a pussy and should be mocked. Hell, there was a story I just read about a father getting convicted of beating his 2 year old son for playing with Barbies, because he was "concerned" that it would make him gay.
The
vast
majority of these aren't innate properties of being a man, they're to do with how we're socialised. Men must be strong and stoic, which means we can't show weakness or vulnerability and asking for help is right out. We're supposed to be assertive and take charge, so we're not allowed to admit when we don't know what we're talking about,
especially
if a woman is speaking authoritatively. We also can't be outmanned, so we do stupid shit to try and prove how manly we are even though the only people who care are insecure men and these displays are often really dangerous.
Just to be clear, there's nothing inherently wrong with being manly or traditionally masculine. However, when specific masculine behaviours are actively harming us, as well as others, we should reconsider whether those behaviours are at all desirable.