So one of the annoying things about my depression, is I've done enough therapy and what not to know It's coming. It being a hard one. I've known it's been coming. It's been there in mid-hard waves... Which means the real wave was coming. I knew it was coming.
It's, I think here. I say think, because come tomorrow when I get to work, I'll be totally super super 'fine'
I'm not fine. I'm upset. I'm hurting. I'm hurting badly, all the time. I'm really trying to keep it together. I feel, and more importantly hear myself... Not doing great at keeping it together.
Ooh neat. I just realized I'm actually masking in a way I did before
anyone
knew I was never okay - it was only when I was 20, and drastic, that it became known I'm not OK.
It's kind of wild how good I am at masking. I'm outrageously charismatic, I'm incredibly (outwardly) positive and optimistic - the thing is, it isn't a lie. I want so much for people to just be better to eachother. I truly, with all of me, belive that the small things are the biggest of things. I don't compliment someone hoping for a tip... One of my best skills is seeing a small thing that someone put effort into, like a woman with cute nails...and just simply putting it out there. Saying out loud their nails are cute. I do this legitimately hoping that their day has been made better... So maybe they'll then go out of their way to make the next person's day that tiny bit better
Pau it forward struck me, and changed me to my core
Cookin like a chef, I'm a 5 Star Michelin