there are so many red flags there idk what to say other than i hope your effort on yourself makes your fate the grandest and more brilliant of all.i dont think id call anything red flags. yellow flags sure. we're together a year and a half at this point and normally i dont dwell on things like this, but work has been really rough lately and ive got no real relationship support structure due to the distance and distaste for dating others, so im just sort of weathering the storm on my own
Yeah I don't have any advice for open relationships. I've never seen them work.ive seen plenty work. my real problem is the distance. its very difficult. i have all of the investment of a relationship but only get my needs met every couple of months. im not upset at the fact he has other partners, im upset that its not something im able to do myself, because if i was then id be able to get my short term needs met and.more easily wait out the time til we move in together
im very invested in my relationship, i can still easily picture a life together. the waiting is just hard
cuz i didnt miss him during his trip, i asked him not to message me while he was on itTo me, this says you are not invested
To me, this says you are not investednoted
*hug*i do talk to my therapist about this. i appreciate the sentiment since i kno its genuine coming from u
i think you need to talk to a professional about this if you cant do that for wtv reason just find some one you can talk to
im very invested in my relationship, i can still easily picture a life together. the waiting is just hardSo, what was the goal in meeting someone on tinder? Just to see if you could manage it? She probably ghosted because she expected some kind of hookup out of a tinder match. Nothing wrong with it, just... expect that kind of reaction again if you meet someone else on there. There's quite a few "I'm not looking for a hookup" people that end up hooking up.
i turned her down because i dont wanna get physical with other ppl. i had a feeling she was gonna want that (we met on tinder after all) but i was upfront to start with that its not something thats for me. unfortunately shes just in a place where thats what shes looking for
and when i say its a bummer, thats all it is. we were only talking for a few weeks, but we clicked really well and i was really happy to have someone as autistically into fromsoft as i am lol
Who we are is an ever evolving thing, so there are times one can need to break the norm and reevaluate things as change is how we grow as a person.i appreciate u posting anytime, dont beat yourself up. you gave me something to think about, that makes your post worth it
Sadly (and not saying this is you btw), but sadly many people these days seem to like to label themselves and think that is who they are, and have always been, and will always be, but in truth who they are, and were has always been so many different things that simple labels cant define in whole. And who they will be is still yet to be determined as we are not all simple stagnant beings, we are complex creatures, with complex emotions whose lives and outlooks on it can change from moment to moment.
Sure some labels can stick for life, but they still dont define the whole individual just parts of a vast amalgamation that makes up the whole know as oneself, or in this case you, so dont feel bad about this, and take some time to find yourself again, and remember the journey of self discovery or finding oneself is a never ending one.
Hopefully in my probably inane rambling my message is understandable, and I didnt lose focus on the topic, and I hope I said something of value instead of just insane babbling about tacos or something. I apologize either way just Incase, and viva la tacos!!!
i appreciate u posting anytime, dont beat yourself up. you gave me something to think about , that makes your post worth it
we met on tinder after all
So, what was the goal in meeting someone on tinder? Just to see if you could manage it? She probably ghosted because she expected some kind of hookup out of a tinder match. Nothing wrong with it, just... expect that kind of reaction again if you meet someone else on there. There's quite a few "I'm not looking for a hookup" people that end up hooking up.tinder is really the only place i know how to make friends, but yes i run into the problem you outlined here. i used to not have a problem casually sleeping around (years ago, plus i was single) and made a lot of friends that started as hookups
But yeah, it sounds like you should try and take some time off from work like your therapist is suggesting. Would they let you do that right now, while you're on a break from your partner?
Your partner doesnt give you the support you need while work is tanking your mental health or you need the kind of support a long distance partner cant provide?more the latter. and on his end, he can supplement the LDR with actual irl people, so it doesnt hit him as hard (still hard though)
Could it be that you don't actually want to be poly? That could be why you don't want physicality with someone else and also could be why you there is a roadblock with your partner. I could see that you want to be the kind of person who is poly based on your overall lifestyle and worldview but maybe you aren't actually built that way.im not polyam, i consider myself monogamous
im not polyam, i consider myself monogamousThis sounds like a one sided open relationship with a clear imbalance then. If you consider yourself monogamous but your partner is clearly poly and engaging in it, i dont see how its going to workout for the long term without continually causing harm to the relationship.
the extent to which i engage with the polyam community is reading books and asking questions, trying to gain insight and be supportive. i have no desire to practice it myself
regarding my partner having other partners and relationships, i feel no jealousy. i dont feel that it comes at the expense of our own relationship. i just do this thing where i compare myself with him, and i think "man it would be so easy for me right now if i was capable of doing that too"
its not even that i want to be able to date other people. its more like "man, i can turn on easy mode anytime but i just dont. because its not for me"
its difficult to explain
we do talk about it, and its only started bothering me a year and a half in when the long distance has become so hard due to other stressors in my life, namely workSorry, that's rough. But that sounds like you may be changing, which can be good, as long as you change your life and relationships to match.
we talk about it a lot actually. generally speaking, this has been the most communicative relationship of my life
the difficulty is due in part to the fact that i never considered myself to have physical needs. i never ever got lonely. i never ever craved companionship. but as our relationship progresses, as we visit each other more, as we plan our next steps more
i have found that for the first time in my life i am capable of feeling loneliness. and wanting a hug. its really hard to deal with since ive never had these feelings before. and theres no real way to address it in a long distance relationship
argh
Just needing hugs from a partner you love is such a fucking moodyeaaaaa
Also, if you feel like you just need a hug, or to be held, have you looked into platonic cuddling? There's sites for both professional cuddlers (that charge money) and amateur cuddlers. I tried it once a few years ago. I felt like I just needed physical contact with someone and it was very relaxing for me.its unfortunately not something im capable of
its not so much *any* touch i need. its my partners touchAh okay. I misunderstood that part then. Wish I had a better suggestion for you