Shaq says to never open up to a woman

I know people are getting angry about this but I understand what Shaq is saying. Hell my own mother has done this to me many times in my life. My parents and friends wonder why it feels like pulling teeth to get me to talk about my feelings. It takes many years of building trust with someone for me to open up a little bit about something and even that has been used against me before.

I guess the only thing that would be different for me compared to what Shaq said is that I dont open up to anyone without many many years of trust being built. Is that bad? Maybe for the person trying to get that information out of me but its good for me. It is my decision to protect myself and its a learned strategy.

Shaq a cheater lol. His whole stance is stupid because he sexist and terrible in relationships from the onset. Protecting your feelings is something you should do from everyone, not just women.

You open up only to those who proven they care about you.

I have to laugh at the irony of people saying "not all women" and then blaming "toxic masculinity."

Real talk? A lot of people you could date are just shit, and you need to be mindful of who you tell things.

Those are apples and oranges. One's a bigoted generalization of an identity of people while the other is a criticism of a system of propped up roles in society that affects and applies to anyone.

Might as well not be in a relationship at all if you are never going to talk with the other person and how weak do you have to be to be afraid of her saying something to you?

Both are bigoted here. Toxic masculinity has nothing to do with someone getting burnt in relationship for being honest and then saying don't be honest. This is a presumably straight man talking about relationships. Why would he say "don't open up to men?"

Turning around and saying "toxic masculinity" is specifically blaming men for having the attitude for not being open with women.

This is not criticism of a societal issue. It's using that as a crutch to blame men for a sweeping statement one dude made.

Men should bottle up emotions is one of the most known aspects of toxic masculinity.
As said, toxic masculinity isn't just the result of men, women and others who push those ideals also contribute to it. This is like saying criticizing light-skinned favoritism is criticizing people with light skin.
The fact that the term being used here is masculinity and not men so it's inherently different. If you equate masculinity with men then that's a personal problem that you need to look inside to solve.

majin_nemesis posted...

Might as well not be in a relationship at all if you are never going to talk with the other person and how weak do you have to be to be afraid of her saying something to you?

This is a prime example why people dont want to open up.

You so didn't watch the video. There's no way you could watch that and think "toxic masculinity for men bottling up emotions." Specifically when he said "don't open up to women." He said nothing about bottling up his emotions in general. Just don't open up to women.

Your comparison to light skinned people is nonsense. Because it doesn't even address anything halfway close to what was said in the video.

The phrase "toxic masculinity" in this instance IS being brought up to blame men. As it's a dumb statement made by Shaq and literally has nothing to do with toxic masculinity.

You so didn't watch the video. There's no way you could watch that and think "toxic masculinity for men bottling up emotions." Specifically when he said "don't open up to women." He said nothing about bottling up his emotions in general. Just don't open up to women.

Your comparison to light skinned people is nonsense. Because it doesn't even address anything halfway close to what was said in the video.

The phrase "toxic masculinity" in this instance IS being brought up to blame men. As it's a dumb statement made by Shaq and literally has nothing to do with toxic masculinity.

why? people need to be more emotionally mature and be less afraid of stuff, it's okay to open up to people, not opening up is what leads to people killing themselves

what can she say that you are so afraid to listen?

not opening up to women is bottling up your emotions, why wouldn't you open up to your significant other? unless you aren't straight your significant other is very likely to be a woman, why wouldn't you open up with her? imagine being in a relationship where both people know nothing about each other's feelings that just isn't healthy in many ways

Now you're just splitting hairs. Putting a misogynistic spin on it doesn't stop it still being about the notion that bottling up emotions is better for men. Misogyny itself is part of toxic masculinity anyway.
The comparison is not about the video, the comparison is to point out that criticizing toxic masculinity isn't criticizing men as a group/identity.
If it is you should direct it to those users individually. I think it applies perfectly about the societal issue of masculinity encouraging men to be islands for various reasons, including to not be hurt by their partners. Although even if they were using it as a generalization for men, you said in the fat tiktok star topic that it's fair to "bodyshame" someone for their flaws if they're the ones that shame others first, so by your own logic it's fair to clap back at Shaq being misogynistic.

No. I'm not. This entire topic can be summed up as "Shaq said something stupid. He is wrong." That has nothing to do with toxic masculinity. You are still saying nonsensical garbage.

Because you can open up to men? Even if you're straight. Like what the actual fuck?

why wouldn't you open up to your significant other?

why? people need to be more emotionally mature and be less afraid of stuff, it's okay to open up to people, not opening up is what leads to people killing themselves

For all the reasons already outlined in this thread. People you are not extremely close with will not care.

This is dumb misogynist men's rights crap isn't it?

Let's take a common relationship pitfall, and then accuse all women of it... and the men's rights guys will agree because they are straight men that have only had romantic interest or relationships with women, right?

So any toxic relationship behaviors they can relate to or have experienced are going to flow from women to men, and it plays into their existing biases and this culture of blaming women for acting in ways our patriarchal capitalist culture has socialized them.

how are you not close to your significant other?

and what reasons? all i see is weak men being afraid of having feelings

she opens up to you too

That's a reductive strawman. The fact that you want to reduce it like that says a lot about you.

do you know what the term significant other means? are you having romantic relationships with men if you aren't gay? i think not so you partner in a romantic relationship is going to have to be a woman are you not going to talk about her at all about your feelings?

Spot on.

For all the reasons already outlined in this thread. People you are not extremely close with will not care.

Because that's how relationships work. You get closer over time, not right away.

You should have feelings. You shouldn't spill them onto relative randoms. The reason is the reason I pointed out right there in the reply you quoted without reading.

I'd advise women to do the same. Don't open up to people you aren't extremely close to. Completely gender neutral statement.

Alternatively, don't be made to feel bad about the things you open up about.

Say 'yes, that was my choice to talk about it and I'm not ashamed of doing so. If you want to use it against me, then perhaps that says something about you'.

This is not a straw man. You are saying something wildly irrelevant.

One can absolutely note the overall societal issues that's a root cause of the message he's saying. And you yourself have claimed it's valid to shame someone else for their flaws who's shaming others first.
Sounds like there's something very personal with you here.

This train of logic literally makes no sense. You're trying to dig deep and ultimately making no sense.

Your logic would be like shaming transgender people for one transgender woman having a dumb opinion.

You're just going "nuh-uh" because you lost the argument.
More like noting the ignorant cisgender viewpoint of cis people believing "cis" to be a slur towards them. Although I already showed the comparison of light-skinned favoritism.
Again, the fact that you equate toxic masculinity with shaming all of men says a lot about you.

This is batshite insane. This isn't me going "nuh uh." This is me saying "what in the fuck is this incoherent bullshit?"

No seriously, what in the hell are you on?

To game FAQs: when people make dumb opinions it doesn't have to escalate to a huge topic about men vs women or these magical differences between them. What can be just summed up as "(s)he's wrong."

Feigning incredulity because you don't understand something is typical chud behavior.
That tiktok influencer topic also can just be summed up as "she's wrong" yet you were explicitly fine with people calling her out on her traits. Calling this out as toxic masculinity is perfectly valid and not bigoted. Definitely seems like you either have a persecution complex for being a man or have issues with women yourself, perhaps both.

Pfft lmao.

It's not toxic masculinity. It's "a guy said something stupid." That's why I'm laughing because people are like "don't make sweeping statements." And then make sweeping statements.

I'm happily in a relationship so I don't need an armchair psychologist that doesn't know anything.

As said in my original post, difference between a sweeping statement about a group of people and sweeping statements about an encompassing societal issue. It is toxic masculinity regardless of your personal persecution complex.
Shaq was also in supposedly happy relationships as have been many bigots so that means nothing. I am curious though, is your partner a man or a woman?