My older brother hates LGBT's and I'm honestly so heartbroken.

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Current Events » My older brother hates LGBT's and I'm honestly so heartbroken.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/592ea7f7.jpg

It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. He doesn't even know his little brother, my twin, is bisexual. Or in a long term relationship with a trans woman.

Is it worth it to de-radicalize someone you care about? I honestly don't even want to keep talking to him.
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Post #2 was unavailable or deleted.
Is it worth it? Yes.

Is it easy? Almost never.
Look, I can name a few instances in MY life where I tried to reach mutual understanding
and i can TELL you, always faster and easier to just kill em. Just is!


"Family don't let family watch The Big Bang Theory"
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What the fuck is he even talking about?
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she/her
Sorry your brother is so awful. I know how painful it can be to have family that has hateful views. You want to help them see that their views are harmful and bigoted, but that's so difficult. Most people don't want to change.
Many Bothans died to bring you this post.
Cemith posted...
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/592ea7f7.jpg

It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. He doesn't even know his little brother, my twin, is bisexual. Or in a long term relationship with a trans woman.

Is it worth it to de-radicalize someone you care about? I honestly don't even want to keep talking to him.
Are you both identical or fraternal twins, TC?
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Post #8 was unavailable or deleted.
People believe that LGBT+ are calling for the deaths of non-LGBT?
.
Humble_Novice posted...
Are you both identical or fraternal twins, TC?

We're fraternal twins.

Bass posted...
Sorry your brother is so awful. I know how painful it can be to have family that has hateful views. You want to help them see that their views are harmful and bigoted, but that's so difficult. Most people don't want to change.

There's so much, I didn't know he was in so deep. He's talked a little Peterson and Shapiro here and there but I didn't know he felt so much disdain for them. It hurts my heart.

hockeybabe89 posted...
What the fuck is he even talking about?

Just bullshit.
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
"But I wouldn't call for their death."

There is a little Maury Povich on my shoulder telling me your bro is lying when he says this.

I suspect it's because his very next sentence is demonizing every LGBTQ person on the planet by saying we'd gladly call for your death.
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes, 'cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose. - Everlast
TheAwesomeMatt posted...
People believe that LGBT+ are calling for the deaths of non-LGBT?

Some places are culturally isolated and raised on Newsmax. Not sure if that's the case here.
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Guide posted...
Some places are culturally isolated and raised on Newsmax. Not sure if that's the case here.

He's a born and raised Texan, no surprise given his step dad (my father) and probably his father are both die hard conservatives.

I'm just so fucking sad man.
https://i.ibb.co/2vRbyC0/Rosa-6.png
"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
TC, are you afraid of coming out to your brother for fear of having to disown him for his bigotry?
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https://i.ibb.co/2vRbyC0/Rosa-6.png
"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Crono99 posted...
"They would gladly call for yours"

wat
Yeah what's this all about TC? What did you do?!
My maid will hear about this.
Just to be clear, can you survive independently without your family's support? Because some people are unable to come out due to familial dependency or financial insecurity.
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Humble_Novice posted...
TC, are you afraid of coming out to your brother for fear of having to disown him for his bigotry?

No. That's the craziest part. I'm a 100% cishet white dude. But my fraternal twin brother is bi, his girlfriend of 8 years is trans, and at least half a dozen of my best friends represent some group in the LGBT. I cried in the arms of my bisexual friend the night my apartment burnt down. I was the best man at a wedding where one of the best men I know got married to a bisexual woman.

I'm honestly trying not to cry.
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Cemith posted...
No. That's the craziest part. I'm a 100% cishet white dude. But my fraternal twin brother is bi, his girlfriend of 8 years is trans, and at least half a dozen of my best friends represent some group in the LGBT. I cried in the arms of my bisexual friend the night my apartment burnt down. I was the best man at a wedding where one of the best men I know got married to a bisexual woman.

I'm honestly trying not to cry.
Are you planning to confront him about your twin being bisexual at some point? Because he is going to have to make a choice whether his bigotry matters more over family.
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BloodMoon7 posted...
Yeah what's this all about TC? What did you do?!

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/0/06cb0ee4.pnghttps://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/e/e8179670.png

The onus for this whole conversation was he sent me a piece Carlson did this morning and I said "Ew Tucker, Barf" and then this is the end point of that.
https://i.ibb.co/2vRbyC0/Rosa-6.png
"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Dat conversation just keeps getting weirder. Who is this she and why is she gonna eat her husband? Is one of your friends a praying mantis? What's going on!
My maid will hear about this.
Humble_Novice posted...
Are you planning to confront him about your twin being bisexual at some point? Because he is going to have to make a choice whether his bigotry matters more over family.

No. I'm honestly so afraid of what may happen. Ideally the worst of his is that he doesn't talk to him anymore, but I want to be a family. That's why I put up with this bullshit is because, despite everything, I want my family to mean something to me. To each other.

Plus, it doesn't really feel like my call to make. If my twin wants to, he should. It wouldn't be my decision to out him to our half brother
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
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shockthemonkey posted...
Yeah definitely dont out your brother

Right. I figured it was the right call. The thing is, he's mostly out. He was with his girlfriend for years before she transitioned. Me, my Sister (the three of us are all a lot closer than we are to him) have all known about it for a long time.

I still remember the day that my brother came out to me, because I acknowledge the guts that takes. I know for sure that that was one of the hardest decisions he's ever had to make. We were still in high school, and I think he was just afraid of us having a fractured relationship because we were so close. I obviously have always been on his side.

I don't know how many of you have twins here but there's just something different about it.
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Cemith posted...
No. I'm honestly so afraid of what may happen. Ideally the worst of his is that he doesn't talk to him anymore, but I want to be a family. That's why I put up with this bullshit is because, despite everything, I want my family to mean something to me. To each other.

Plus, it doesn't really feel like my call to make. If my twin wants to, he should. It wouldn't be my decision to out him to our half brother
Does he have a history of violence? Because there's a risk he might potentially target your twin's partner or force him into conversion therapy against his will. As for coming out, I think your twin should steer clear from your older brother just to be on the safe side.
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Were you very close before this? Do you think there's a reasonable chance to sway his mind?

I'd say unless the answers to both of these are yes and you're ready to put in tons of work for a chance you're better off cutting him loose. Don't feel like you owe him anything special because you're related. Too many family members prey on that fact to be even worse than they'd be to strangers.
THE FIGHT WILL CONTINUE, AS LONG AS THE AMERICA INSIDE MY HEART IS STILL ALIVE
Turducken posted...
Were you very close before this? Do you think there's a reasonable chance to sway his mind?

I'd say unless the answers to both of these are yes and you're ready to put in tons of work for a chance you're better off cutting him loose. Don't feel like you owe him anything special because you're related. Too many family members prey on that fact to be even worse than they'd be to strangers.
Yeah, there are even cases of conservatives trying to guilt-trip or sweet-talk LGBTQ+ family members into suppressing their true selves.
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Humble_Novice posted...
Does he have a history of violence? Because there's a risk he might potentially target your twin's partner or force him into conversion therapy against his will. As for coming out, I think your twin should steer clear from your older brother just to be on the safe side.

No. He's obviously not very smart but he doesn't have a history of violence. That said I also didn't know he was so repulsed and consumed by this.

Fortunately, a long time ago my brother moved out of state to be with his girlfriend. A good choice too because Texas blows ass. Granted where he ended up isn't much better than TX but he can be himself and that's worth so much.

Turducken posted...
Were you very close before this? Do you think there's a reasonable chance to sway his mind?

I'd say unless the answers to both of these are yes and you're ready to put in tons of work for a chance you're better off cutting him loose. Don't feel like you owe him anything special because you're related. Too many family members prey on that fact to be even worse than they'd be to strangers.

I'm certainly the only sibling that's gone out of there way to maintain our relationship. Of our siblings I'm definitely the one that he's closest to.

I definitely use think that I could sway his mind, and that I could just feed him the right stuff little by little over time and I could make a difference. But after tonight I'm not so sure. He's in so much deeper than I thought.
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
Some people say you never abandon family. Those people are wrong. Sometimes family members are toxic and are not willing to change. The best option is to cut them out of your life and forget they exist. If they're not willing to understand and support you or the people you care about, why should you be forced to understand and support them? Why should you put in the time and effort for them when they would never even consider doing the same for you?

Sure, it's not easy to just drop a family member like that. It's going to be painful. Just remember that they are actively causing you pain right now , and they've made it clear that's not going to stop. He literally said it himself. He's unreasonable, and he's not interested in being reasonable, he just wants to hate. It'll be less painful in the long run to cut them out like a cancer and deal with the hurt for a short time now than to keep struggling against constant hurt forever.
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......Jeez.

Yeah, I don't think there's much that you can realistically do for someone like that.
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TC it's not your job to try to set him right.

If it was anyone but your brother you'd know that you're tilting at windmills. And you can decide to do that if you want, god knows I do from time to time, but when it doesn't work just know you can leave it.

Sorry for your loss, man.
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Unless there is some urgent need you shouldn't do anything other than let your twin know he's very likely not going to like him, if he doesn't already know that. Otherwise, don't stir the pot.

Personally I think you ought to have your brother make the choice to cut anyone out or change rather than force him into that kind of situation.
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The hatred drives people apart. If you can stay to your brother, then you are fighting the hatred.
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While it would be nice if you could find another way....
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The hatred drives people apart. If you can stay to your brother, then you are fighting the hatred.
A person can cut ties with a toxic friend/family without being consumed by hatred though.

Taking abuse and such isn't enlightening and healthy.
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Aristoph posted...
Some people say you never abandon family.
I'd say that somebody who irrationally hates family for immutable characteristics isn't family anymore.

Unfortunately, that's not my call to make about this situation and I'm very sorry that some of TC's blood would be so hateful to their own.
Just because I have 99% of a heart doesn't mean it can't kill me. It's tried. Twice.
My body has a dongle and my heart doesn't care. The one thing we agree on.
Yeah sometimes I wonder if ideals like blood is thicker than water was coined by a person who was themselves toxic/controlling.
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I'm kind of confused as to how you're acting like this came completely out of no where. I mean, surely this isn't the first time in your lives the topic of sexual orientation came up with your brother.
Down with the Signess.
Cemith posted...
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/592ea7f7.jpg

It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. He doesn't even know his little brother, my twin, is bisexual. Or in a long term relationship with a trans woman.

Is it worth it to de-radicalize someone you care about? I honestly don't even want to keep talking to him.

I seriously wonder how people get to that level of hate. It's just so warped. It's not even like a "stay in your lane" level of hatred, it's "they are out to get me" kind. That's... ugh... that's what conservatives do. They radicalize
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Aristoph posted...
e's unreasonable, and he's not interested in being reasonable, he just wants to hate. It'll be less painful in the long run to cut them out like a cancer and deal with the hurt for a short time now than to keep struggling against constant hurt forever.

I know this is the smart thing to do, at least, it feels like it is. If I was an outsider reading this thread I would assume a post course of action would be to drop him, but I've loved my brother for over 20 years, I want him to be present at my wedding. But I have many friends in the LGBT circle and I'm scared of what he'd say. (To them, I wouldn't want any of my friends to feel uncomfortable because of what he would say to them, just to clarify)

ArchNemo posted...
I'm kind of confused as to how you're acting like this came completely out of no where. I mean, surely this isn't the first time in your lives the topic of sexual orientation came up with your brother.

I know it sounds unbelievable, but it is. We've talked a little bit before, and he's shared his proclivity for some conservative ideas. But, I tried to come at them with an air of open-mindedness because I didn't want him to think that I was completely shutting him down. I thought maybe if I treated his ideas with some level of kid gloves, he would be more inclined to see things my way. I would purposefully never bring up trans people in the like because I didn't think we were at that point yet.

After last night it's clear he's so much more far right than I thought
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"Friends don't let friends watch The Big Bang Theory" - mogar002
I have literally never encountered any LGBTQ person who called for the death of anyone, let alone straight people.

Have I encountered any that simply want to exist peacefully, sure. But apparently for far too many people, that's too much to ask.
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Ignorance, prejudice, and fear walk hand in hand.
Cemith posted...
Is it worth it to de-radicalize someone you care about?
Nope. Too much time has been wasted trying to change peoples' minds thinking it will actually happen. It won't. Just move on, unless you prefer to make your life as miserable as possible.
Antiyonder posted...
Yeah sometimes I wonder if ideals like blood is thicker than water was coined by a person who was themselves toxic/controlling.

"Blood is thicker than water" is one of the most misunderstood phrases. The full quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." meaning the bonds you make can be stronger than the bond of someone you just happen to be related to.

Which is what TC should keep in mind. I get it, you love your brother and want to keep a relationship with him but ask yourself, if you were gay, would he accept you? If his hatred is that deep that he would cut you off if you were (or actually would cut off your twin who is), then he might not be worth it.
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Ivynn posted...
"Blood is thicker than water" is one of the most misunderstood phrases. The full quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." meaning the bonds you make can be stronger than the bond of someone you just happen to be related to.
I was thinking we've bastardized it.
Just because I have 99% of a heart doesn't mean it can't kill me. It's tried. Twice.
My body has a dongle and my heart doesn't care. The one thing we agree on.
It's a decision that's ultimately up to you, as it would take a herculean amount of effort from you.

A personal tangent, but I feel like I lost three years of my life putting out nonsensical fires when significant parts of my extended family were falling into the QAnon rabbit hole. Thousands of hours into research, posting responses, lengthy phone calls, what have you, all while neglecting my own deteriorating mental health. I tell myself that it was worth it, since I was able to keep most at least Fox News adjacent, but some days I just really question that.

The little advice I feel qualified to give is, regardless of how you ultimately decide to approach the situation with your brother, do your best to not let it consume you.
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Your brother sounds like he slicks his hair back and eats sloppy steaks.
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I like how he admits his homophobia and transphobia are irrational, and then he goes on to justify and defend it anyway.

Honestly he needs to stop hanging on to every fucking word these dipshit garbage tier human being TV hosts say. But since they're so good at parroting what they know their viewers want to hear, which is non-stop confirmation bias, that won't be an easy sell.
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Current Events » My older brother hates LGBT's and I'm honestly so heartbroken.
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