Things men dont speak about

So there are a lot of things men don't ever talk about. I just want to know what yall think about this. For me it's rape. When I was 16 that happened to me. He hit me with a bat and then him and this other guy took turns on me. I ended up at a friend's house later that night and she took me to the hospital. Had a rape kit done and then talked to the cops who laughed right in my face and told me men can't be raped. My case ended right then and there. The kit never got tested. Turns out it's an extremely low percentage of men who report it. They don't ever talk about it. Took me years to even tell my own mom and she was sooooo angry.

Tag, if I think of anything while at work I'll post it.

Edit: sorry to hear that happened to you TC. That's horrible

For me, it was my mental health. I was severely depressed from my teens to about 28 years old, when I finally sought treatment.

It just wasn't a thing I would admit or address until it got so bad, I was basically forced to.

Lokison posted...

Tag, if I think of anything while at work I'll post it.

Edit: sorry to hear that happened to you TC. That's horrible

That's the main reason I don't trust police anymore. All the shootings just compounded the issue. I still have ptsd from it. I can't even take the bus anymore either (happend in the bus. Was late at night and end of the line)

Xatrion posted...

For me, it was my mental health. I was severely depressed from my teens to about 28 years old, when I finally sought treatment.

It just wasn't a thing I would admit or address until it got so bad, I was basically forced to.

That's a hard one for a lot of guys to admit to. Sorry you were depressed but I'm glad you managed to get some help

Also not sure why a lot of men find it hard to talk about their feelings. Like most just bottle everything up till they explode on someone.

Nirvanas_Nox posted...

Also not sure why a lot of men find it hard to talk about their feelings. Like most just bottle everything up till they explode on someone.

It's a perceived threat to the ability to provide if men admit that they have difficulty with things, particularly if it's related to emotions, stress, depression, etc. The "expectation" is that men are supposed to endure everything while being the indefatigable pillar of their social unit (family, workplace, community, etc) and being unable to do so is seen as a failure of their masculinity.

While I think that's an incredibly ineffective way to exist, that's still a very prevalent social norm and a lot of guys aren't willing to admit their struggles and stresses because of that fear that they'll be viewed as lesser or inadequate by their social unit.

The taboo of men attending psychological counseling has lessened a fair bit over the last 50 odd years (the oft reviled "Boomers" were the generation where gender roles and social norms began to shift more prominently) but I feel that it's still largely pervasive.

Tl;Dr ideas of what is acceptably "masculine" dog many men, to the degree that they might avoid seeking very necessary help for the sake of preserving their perceived "manhood"

El_Marsh posted...

It's a perceived threat to the ability to provide if men admit that they have difficulty with things, particularly if it's related to emotions, stress, depression, etc. The "expectation" is that men are supposed to endure everything while being the indefatigable pillar of their social unit (family, workplace, community, etc) and being unable to do so is seen as a failure of their masculinity.

While I think that's an incredibly ineffective way to exist, that's still a very prevalent social norm and a lot of guys aren't willing to admit their struggles and stresses because of that fear that they'll be viewed as lesser or inadequate by their social unit.

The taboo of men attending psychological counseling has lessened a fair bit over the last 50 odd years (the oft reviled "Boomers" were the generation where gender roles and social norms began to shift more prominently) but I feel that it's still largely pervasive.

Tl;Dr ideas of what is acceptably "masculine" dog many men, to the degree that they might avoid seeking very necessary help for the sake of preserving their perceived "manhood"

Isn't that also how the down low got started was because of that manhood bs?

Nirvanas_Nox posted...

Isn't that also how the down low got started was because of that manhood bs?

Indeed

El_Marsh posted...

It's a perceived threat to the ability to provide if men admit that they have difficulty with things, particularly if it's related to emotions, stress, depression, etc. The "expectation" is that men are supposed to endure everything while being the indefatigable pillar of their social unit (family, workplace, community, etc) and being unable to do so is seen as a failure of their masculinity.

While I think that's an incredibly ineffective way to exist, that's still a very prevalent social norm and a lot of guys aren't willing to admit their struggles and stresses because of that fear that they'll be viewed as lesser or inadequate by their social unit.

The taboo of men attending psychological counseling has lessened a fair bit over the last 50 odd years (the oft reviled "Boomers" were the generation where gender roles and social norms began to shift more prominently) but I feel that it's still largely pervasive.

Tl;Dr ideas of what is acceptably "masculine" dog many men, to the degree that they might avoid seeking very necessary help for the sake of preserving their perceived "manhood"

Yeah, our city one time had a record high of men committing suicide that during our city council meeting someone proposed a center specifically designed to help with Men's mental health. It was unanimously approved, until it came into practice. Unfortunately the first two years they struggled with to keep the center afloat because 1. there wasn't a lot of participants, about 20% visited the center from all those that got "prescribed" to go 2. very low retention rate 3. a lot of hostility and violence from the men who visited the center. Eventually people concluded it was a waste of money, and now after a year later when the program was taken down it's a mental health facility for all genders, primarily of them being women who go there now... Unfotunately, you can't throw money at a problem and expect to fix it.

Support thru forms of humiliation and pressure i.e- "tough love"

I'm sorry, TC; that's really fucked up...

Gladius_ posted...

Sorry to hear about that TC :/ rape is vile and should never happen to anyone and men absolutely experience rape and not just at the hands of other men either. Likewise men do struggle to open up and are constantly told that opening up is a weakness. These are facets of society that ultimately and absolutely need changing.

Nobody should be ignored and those hurt by predators deserve justice.

It really is. I tried to start a group for men about it after and only 1 other guy showed up. We still talked and stuff. He went on a date with a girl and she roofed him. She ended up taking him to some shady hotel and he woke up to being tied up her riding him with no condom. She finished and just left him there. The manager of the hotel found him and called the cops. Later on she sued him because she got pregnant.