Has anyone lived and came out of something like this in their life?

Since the end of April been having chronic insomnia, normally with insomnia I'd feel tired and miserable, since then been in what I call a state of hyper arousal or fight or flight, despite how no or little sleep I get I am always like this and getting panic attacks constantly, its like my mind or nervous system is afraid of feeling how tired I'm suppose to feel, there are random points of the day where I get tired, but if I close my eyes I go back into the wide awake state and get a jolt of panic through my body.

Been through many psychiatrists, am on a bunch of meds and find no relief. This is all the short version there's much more too it but its the biggest nightmare of my life, and can't go more than 2-20 seconds without ruminating my OCD Idk if the stress of OCD could cause all this. No drinking, no drugs, they sometimes think it is but been tested numerous times.

It is almost like a drunk kind of feeling not in a good way because I am constantly disoriented, my body switches from one or a couple feelings at a time like head aches and dizziness to chest pain and bodily movements the next like my ligaments forcibly jolt. Bad stomach pains that lead to burning in my lower area, where tests can't find nothing but I'm feeling all this but it feels like my mind is trying to protect me from feeling everything at once.

Like when I mention my mind it won't let me feel as tired as I'm suppose to feel, there's bouts I do but my body reacts in a jolt of panic and back to wide awake. Like in the shower I'm concerned about passing out or any other time I feel that tired feeling, when I try to sleep or go back to sleep I get a feeling like I could but I get bad anxiety then wide awake again, I'm concerned if this gets fixed if it'll be something I always have coming back in my life its like I can't accept relaxation.

There's a lot more but I feel at a loss when they can't seem to figure it out and my emotional state switches a ton, from feeling elated to depressed and anxious, all mixed together, crying, to numb, and lately some anger out bursts.

I just wish I knew what I'm living with.

Yes

Are you American? I swear in America they half ass all medical testing because insurance won't approve jack shit and you end up spending months upon months trying to find out what something is. I say that from personal experience, maybe it's like that in other countries too and I'm just viewing the grass as greener.

I would've said this is a question you should be seeking medical help on, but yeah, sounds like you already did and it wasn't that helpful. Do you have a reddit account? You're way more likely to find subreddits that have people that can relate more to this specific problem.

I do have occasional bouts of insomnia and feel like I never sleep as easily as I used to. Like I couldn't tell you the last time I fell asleep watching a movie or just started dozing off when sitting on the couch, it's like my brain never really shuts off. It's hard to pinpoint what it could be cause I see three big changes that happened when I hit adulthood: eating more poorly, experiencing loneliness more and more stimulation from screens. To some degree they probably all contribute. But I don't thing those things would cause it to the severity you're talking about.

Didn't you used to be an alcoholic and/or drug abuser, or am I thinking of someone else? I wonder if those might have caused damage so to speak, to the point it's still affecting you even when you're not actively using. But I don't really know about that stuff too much

You're in an anxiety loop. You're not sleeping, when you know you should be sleeping, is adding more anxiety, which keeps you from sleeping.

bachewychomp posted...

Are you American? I swear in America they half ass all medical testing because insurance won't approve jack shit and you end up spending months upon months trying to find out what something is. I say that from personal experience, maybe it's like that in other countries too and I'm just viewing the grass as greener.

I would've said this is a question you should be seeking medical help on, but yeah, sounds like you already did and it wasn't that helpful. Do you have a reddit account? You're way more likely to find subreddits that have people that can relate more to this specific problem.

I do have occasional bouts of insomnia and feel like I never sleep as easily as I used to. Like I couldn't tell you the last time I fell asleep watching a movie or just started dozing off when sitting on the couch, it's like my brain never really shuts off. It's hard to pinpoint what it could be cause I see three big changes that happened when I hit adulthood: eating more poorly, experiencing loneliness more and more stimulation from screens. To some degree they probably all contribute. But I don't thing those things would cause it to the severity you're talking about.

Didn't you used to be an alcoholic and/or drug abuser, or am I thinking of someone else? I wonder if those might have caused damage so to speak, to the point it's still affecting you even when you're not actively using. But I don't really know about that stuff too much

I have been concerned with that if the alcohol has caused permanent damage, It's been since last year since I drank but did on and off for years, and hard. Many black outs, even resorting to mouth wash and rubbing alcohol, but when situations got bad enough I cold turkey'd. I have been concerned if this is something related and damage is happening now, if so hope it isn't something permanent.

I have severe OCD as mentioned so internet searching is a problem of mine something I'm not engaging in looking up this matter. Also yes I'm in the U.S. I've even been in a psyche ward for 4 days the first time and 7 times the second time in the past two months and my mom and I agree it made everything worse as I'm the kind of person use to living in my room alone with my devices and not engaging in the outside world. It almost happened a 3rd time where I was in the ER a couple of days ago, but my mom and me thought it wouldn't be worth it again, the doctors I worked with didn't find it a good fit either as it emotionally and physically made me much worse off.

KingInBlack posted...

You're in an anxiety loop. You're not sleeping, when you know you should be sleeping, is adding more anxiety, which keeps you from sleeping.

I feel and think this too, I can't even nap during the day as I'm so wide awake, keep telling myself how sleep is safe, billions of people and animals do it. Try even living through my anxiety without being judgmental but not sure if I'm doing that right as its really intense.

coyot posted...

Tc gone nuclear this time? No

:,c
Also no joke, its the biggest nightmare I've ever known and wouldn't wish it on anyone as I never knew something so horrible could exist.

If this is all an anxiety loop how do I get out? Been trying everything I feel.

RJP_X posted...

Since the end of April been having chronic insomnia, normally with insomnia I'd feel tired and miserable, since then been in what I call a state of hyper arousal or fight or flight, despite how no or little sleep I get I am always like this and getting panic attacks constantly, its like my mind or nervous system is afraid of feeling how tired I'm suppose to feel, there are random points of the day where I get tired, but if I close my eyes I go back into the wide awake state and get a jolt of panic through my body.

Been through many psychiatrists, am on a bunch of meds and find no relief. This is all the short version there's much more too it but its the biggest nightmare of my life, and can't go more than 2-20 seconds without ruminating my OCD Idk if the stress of OCD could cause all this. No drinking, no drugs, they sometimes think it is but been tested numerous times.

It is almost like a drunk kind of feeling not in a good way because I am constantly disoriented, my body switches from one or a couple feelings at a time like head aches and dizziness to chest pain and bodily movements the next like my ligaments forcibly jolt. Bad stomach pains that lead to burning in my lower area, where tests can't find nothing but I'm feeling all this but it feels like my mind is trying to protect me from feeling everything at once.

Like when I mention my mind it won't let me feel as tired as I'm suppose to feel, there's bouts I do but my body reacts in a jolt of panic and back to wide awake. Like in the shower I'm concerned about passing out or any other time I feel that tired feeling, when I try to sleep or go back to sleep I get a feeling like I could but I get bad anxiety then wide awake again, I'm concerned if this gets fixed if it'll be something I always have coming back in my life its like I can't accept relaxation.

There's a lot more but I feel at a loss when they can't seem to figure it out and my emotional state switches a ton, from feeling elated to depressed and anxious, all mixed together, crying, to numb, and lately some anger out bursts.

I just wish I knew what I'm living with.

Yes, also gets worse.
Next up is heart failure. Insomnia is a bitch.

If you don't have one, get a fitbit to track your sleep and your oxygen level and your heart.

SinisterSlay posted...

Yes, also gets worse.
Next up is heart failure. Insomnia is a bitch.

If you don't have one, get a fitbit to track your sleep and your oxygen level and your heart.

So what is it exactly? How do you correct it?

Can't tell me things about heart failure and oxygen because of my OCD I will be looking this stuff up which is a big deal in all this, health anxiety. Had my heart checked a bunch already.

Like that topic I mentioned where I passed out with no memory with my Switch on the floor which isn't like me, been having a lot of nights like that lately, but with my mental health I'm on a lot of meds. two being blood thinners. One I can take up to 3 times a day, another at night. I'm hoping its the lack of sleep that's contributing to my lack of memory before sleeping.

Based on my very limited experiences with people who went through some kind of bodily or mental trauma from non-violent situations and who were prescribed a cocktail assortment of drugs, and also NOT as a medical professional and NOT giving medical advice...

It sounds like maybe you're having some adverse interactions between all the different drugs in your system. Again, I can't actually offer any advice but that may be a conversation to have with your doctor.

This next part is actual advice: I would also check your diet and make sure you're getting all the nutrition that you need, having a deficit in anything vital for your system can lead to some pretty bad brain fog. There's a book called "How Not to Die" that I cannot recommend enough to people about the benefits of a well maintained diet.

And to loop back around to your doctors, remember that they work for you. If you feel like crap and aren't doing well and you think they're no longer helping, go find that second opinion. Best of luck, TC.

RJP_X posted...

So what is it exactly? How do you correct it?

Can't tell me things about heart failure and oxygen because of my OCD I will be looking this stuff up which is a big deal in all this, health anxiety. Had my heart checked a bunch already.

Like that topic I mentioned where I passed out with no memory with my Switch on the floor which isn't like me, been having a lot of nights like that lately, but with my mental health I'm on a lot of meds. two being blood thinners. One I can take up to 3 times a day, another at night. I'm hoping its the lack of sleep that's contributing to my lack of memory before sleeping.

Why are you on blood thinners?
I'm on blood thinners, but only because my heart likes to stop working randomly and it's to lower the chance of me having a stroke when my heart decides to work again.
But why are you?

And the fitbit helps with the OCD. You finally get numbers to put to those feelings.

As you actually sleeping, well sleeping pills works, but get the stuff your doctor will prescribe.
Otherwise it all depends on why you can't sleep? Are you worrying about something? Do you have a song stuck in your head?

SinisterSlay posted...

Why are you on blood thinners?
I'm on blood thinners, but only because my heart likes to stop working randomly and it's to lower the chance of me having a stroke when my heart decides to work again.
But why are you?

And the fitbit helps with the OCD. You finally get numbers to put to those feelings.

As you actually sleeping, well sleeping pills works, but get the stuff your doctor will prescribe.
Otherwise it all depends on why you can't sleep? Are you worrying about something? Do you have a song stuck in your head?

I'm on an alpha and beta blocker which are suppose to bring down this hyper arousal/fight or flight mode state but aren't. Guanfacine at night which is the alpha also a blood thinner, and Proponal(sp?) the beta one also a blood thinner.

This all started on a medication increase back in the end of April that gave me bad chest burning then was very sick the next day, ever since I've been stuck in this anxiety loop. Its like my mind is afraid of feeling tired even though I keep telling myself that I know I'm actually that tired, how safe it is and billions of people and animals in the world do it. It's like I'm afraid that I'll pass out because I close my eyes the times I feel tired like showering or randomly then jolt back into that wide awake state, if I knew how to get out of this I would and medications haven't been helping this.

Nope, never been on an actual sleeping pill, which all the psychiatrists I've talked to are against, can't stand this one she wants to decrease rather than increase or change nothing because shes unsure. Well can't keep going like this either, my mom has bad insomnia and she takes Ambien. I don't have an actual primary though, all my health checks have been through the hospital and its only the basic checks.

I'm sorry to hear that about your heart, I keep trying to think how I shouldn't be concerned if this is all anxiety related as my mom should be the concerned one as she now has the same cancer as my grand mother that took her quickly and my mom is all I have, never go out or made connections in life. I might just be so stressed due to that situation and how really bad my anxiety/OCD actually is, all this thinking somethings going to happen to me, internet searches of what all this is has been going down one rabbit hole after another I probably scared myself to death.

If I knew the solution I'd be well on my way, I hope you do well, and sorry about your situation.

RJP_X posted...

I'm hoping its the lack of sleep that's contributing to my lack of memory before sleeping.

Sleep deprivation can indeed result in memory gaps and passing out with no warning. While not a guarantee (medicine rarely is), I'd be inclined to blame that for what you're experiencing rather than suspecting more serious brain/heart damage. Occam's Razor and whatnot.

SinisterSlay posted...

And the fitbit helps with the OCD. You finally get numbers to put to those feelings.

That varies from case to case. For some people, yeah, having concrete numbers that say "there's no problem" helps with the anxiety. For others, that can turn into obsessively checking them, worrying that something might have gone wrong with the sensors that means they aren't detecting the heart attack they might be having right now (given TC's history of freaking out whenever electronics behave unexpectedly, this is likely a considerable risk for him), or reading too far into normal variations that show up in the data. OCD is tricky to deal with because it often involves what's called "ego-dystonic anxiety," which means that the person knows that their anxiety doesn't make sense, but still can't help feeling it (which itself can worsen the anxiety because they get into a spiral of worrying that they're worrying too much).

OCD therapy also often involves encouraging patients to pointedly not do anything to alleviate their anxiety, instead training them to become comfortable letting it sit and fester and eventually quiet down on its own. The classic "did I lock the door/turn off the stove"? Therapy will encourage them to accept "I probably did" and go on with their life feeling anxious about it instead of going back home to check. Checking may provide temporary relief, but it does nothing to help them cope with the anxiety in cases where they can't get that confirmation and can actually end up effectively becoming an addiction. This isn't necessarily the approach in every case (blanket statements are rare in psychology), but it does mean that "this might help you stop worrying about thing" may not actually be as helpful as it seems to somebody whose anxieties are more on the ego-syntonic side (they know/believe that they do make sense).

As for Fitbit vs. not Fitbit, I'd say that'd be a question for your doctor/therapist, TC. I'm inclined to guess that it wouldn't directly help with your anxiety/hypochondria, but the sleep monitoring in particular may help figure out the nature of your insomnia and how best to approach that (your insomnia being probably the most important thing to treat right now because it sounds like it's making everything worse). That, however, is something you'll need to confirm with a medical professional. I'm a lot more medically knowledgeable than most laypeople, but I'm not a doctor and I'm just spitballing based on my limited knowledge.

You could also get a sleep test done. Although from experience those are stressful.