Looking to get back into the dating scene and need help

My fianc and I called it splitsville two months ago after being together for 14 years. The last two years was pretty much hell but Im not going into details about it. I came to peace with the relationship ending months ago and ready to move ahead.

I would ask this on CE but Im banned from there so figured Id ask here. All my dating has been via the internet but after such a long time I dont know of many sites. I know about tinder and plentyofish but thats about it.

Tinder, hinge, bumble. I have had success with all three. I have my profile set to looking for long term, but nothing has stuck yet. But Im out there meeting people and thats good for now.

best of luck to you friend

As somebody who was in a similar position a couple of years back, I just want to assure you that dating today is not the hellscape that many people online would lead you to believe.

I'd probably chill on dating more a bit longer than two months, but that's what I feel personally.

MICHALECOLE posted...

Im out there meeting people and thats good for now.

this is a good thing to try tc

meeting more people = bigger chances of finding someone you can genuinely connect with

good luck!

Glob posted...

As somebody who was in a similar position a couple of years back, I just want to assure you that dating today is not the hellscape that many people online would lead you to believe.

To be fair, it probably depends on your level of standards and desperation.

Someone who is willing to pretty much accept anyone and ignore all of their flaws out of crippling lonliness and a desire to "not die alone" is probably going to be willing to put up with a lot more in any relationship than someone who is fairly antisocial, narcissistic, and has ridiculously high expectations.

Most people are going to fall somewhere between those two extremes, but where you fall and which end of the spectrum you're closer to is probably going to influence whether or not you think the "dating scene" is an apocalyptic nightmare.

A lot of it is also going to depend on how much you personally bring to the table (an ugly guy earning minimum wage and still living with his parents is going to have a way harder time than a handsome charming dude making 7+ figures a year), and how comfortable/uncomfortable you are trying to date online versus trying to meet/socialize with people in the real world.

And then you've got other factors, like how old you are (dating in your 20s is pretty different from dating in your 50s, for instance), whether you've got social anxiety or other mental/behavioral issues that are going to impede you, and so on.

For some people, the dating scene probably is a hellscape. For some people it might be even worse than that. But for other people, it might be super-easy, barely an inconvenience.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

To be fair, it probably depends on your level of standards and desperation.

Someone who is willing to pretty much accept anyone and ignore all of their flaws out of crippling lonliness and a desire to "not die alone" is probably going to be willing to put up with a lot more in any relationship than someone who is fairly antisocial, narcissistic, and has ridiculously high expectations.

Most people are going to fall somewhere between those two extremes, but where you fall and which end of the spectrum you're closer to is probably going to influence whether or not you think the "dating scene" is an apocalyptic nightmare.

A lot of it is also going to depend on how much you personally bring to the table (an ugly guy earning minimum wage and still living with his parents is going to have a way harder time than a handsome charming dude making 7+ figures a year), and how comfortable/uncomfortable you are trying to date online versus trying to meet/socialize with people in the real world.

And then you've got other factors, like how old you are (dating in your 20s is pretty different from dating in your 50s, for instance), whether you've got social anxiety or other mental/behavioral issues that are going to impede you, and so on.

For some people, the dating scene probably is a hellscape. For some people it might be even worse than that. But for other people, it might be super-easy, barely an inconvenience.

Well, given the length of TCs relationship and their presence on this site, its fair to assume that theyre in their mid-thirties or thereabouts and that theyve not been dating since their early twenties. That was my situation. And dating was much easier this time around.

He also is unlikely be crippingly ugly or socially inept if he maintained a relationship like that.

I never struggled to get with women when I was younger but I had to put the work in. Now, its completely effortless.

Its not that dating is a hellscape. Its that some people arent very good at it. That might seem like pedantry but its an important distinction.

EvilResident posted...

what happened

To much. She didnt want to go out on dates anymore claiming we rarely talked to each other and spent most of our times on our cell phones when we were at a restaurant (that part is true) Got super b***y because I wasnt doing chores fast enough for her. Started to claim I was taking money from her savings account but never showed me any proof to support it

Last but not least, her best friend who she used to work with constantly stuck her nose into our relationship. Shes a miserable person who has a history of getting involved in others relationships.

Hardest part is actually finding where the single women are.
The easy part is talking to them, you already know how.

the best advice i can give is to find yourself a rich cougar milf

Occupy_This posted...

Got super b***y because I wasnt doing chores fast enough for her.

Interesting way to word that

Clench281 posted...

Interesting way to word that

No need to delve into that, lets just be supportive

I was married for 7 years got a divorce. You gotta spend the first year or 2 solo. Go through the healing process. The holidays birthdays etc on your own to find out who you are as an individual.

You probably will hook up with a few people just to test the waters and forget about your ex but you won't find a quality relationship while you're still in the rebuilding stages.

Clench281 posted...

Interesting way to word that

XD

LaggnFragnLarry posted...

the best advice i can give is to find yourself a rich cougar milf

Is there a website for that?

teddy241 posted...

I was married for 7 years got a divorce. You gotta spend the first year or 2 solo. Go through the healing process. The holidays birthdays etc on your own to find out who you are as an individual.

You probably will hook up with a few people just to test the waters and forget about your ex but you won't find a quality relationship while you're still in the rebuilding stages.

I dont agree with this at all. My previous relationship was 11 years. When it ended, I spent 3 months having casual sex then got into a new relationship and am now married to that person.