Lately, I feel like I've been taking work for granted lately.

It started around the time a co-worker brought the corona-fever to the office two weeks ago. As mentioned previously in a topic that is no longer there, many people were coughing. My corona-phobia was acting up. I was getting even more anxious than usual. Each time someone coughed or seized, I would be triggered. The company for which I work allowed corona-positive employees to attend work and allow others to incur the risk of contracting the coronavirus. I was constantly fearing for my health over there. My possible OCD was exacerbated so much, that I cleaned and sanitized everything that had been in contact with work. I hesitated way more often before touching a surface. I sanitized myself and my things more than usual. Donning headphones was not enough to put my worries to rest. Only when I asked my manager directly about the health of the co-workers who were known to be corona-positive did I learn that upon further testing, they had received negative test results. This restored my calm somewhat; the thought of being around employees who were at less risk of infecting others let me breathe a bit. Still, in my distress, the damage was done: I had shirked my duties. I had made a blunder in a unit of my workload. The damage was done. I was reprimanded informally by the supervisor of the team. I may have also yelled a bit out of panic; it had been just too much, constantly worrying about germs and the like.

When I was younger, my family didn't really help me get over my OCD problems. They just pretended that they didn't exist; soon I learnt to as well. I became less problematic to keep them from shouting at me for 'acting'. It was just horrible. In any case, now my possible OCD has resurfaced, and now I have no one with whom I can speak about it. I had considered therapy once or twice --- but historically, treatment had never worked out well for me. Mostly, my family is to blame, since they kept telling lies that therapists would only eat up figuratively, since they were mostly skeptical about the person I presented myself as. I can't really blame them either; I had become too protective of myself to let any detail about myself slip to anyone. Too often people had twisted it and conveyed it without my permission to parties I would rather leave in the dark.

Anyway, back to my rants about work. Recently, I have been on the cusp of finishing a writing project. During that cusp, so to speak, I had been very anxious to return home to return to my project. The problem was, that work usually left me too emotionally depleted for me to do any work on my project. I could only get any real work done on the weekends, you see. I came to blame work for getting in the way of my personal pursuits, which I am glad to say I have acquired and now own proudly.

My childhood, you see, did not permit me to own any hobbies or interests; I never actually had a private room, and my family would too often try to ruin anything that gave me any semblance of joy at home. I had soon learnt to give up pursuing anything at all.

Anyway, I started to blame work for getting in the way of my personal projects. Though work does provide me the security to not need to worry overmuch about rent and the bills, I still can't help but dislike it. Were I to be asked if I enjoyed work, I would reply that I enjoy being able to afford rent. I really can't lose this job. And I admit that I take it for granted often. I don't exactly enjoy the job, not necessarily because of its duties, but because I'm just surrounded by people who cannot be arsed to write properly. The job at which I work isn't exactly high-class, which justifies the abundance of under-educated co-workers I have to be around. I sort of wish I could work at a job where I didn't have to be surrounded by people like this, honestly. I mean, that doesn't exactly give much, if any, direction with respect to pursuing an actual career.

Anyway, suppose you had been working on a coding project for months, only to abandon it once a task of greater priority begged your attention. The work you had done on the coding project is not much, but it is definitely something that you would regret erasing. More than once, you would have to refer to your old code in order to generate your new code, if you were to work on that new code. Would you try to decipher where you were in the development process (not that you had any flowcharts or concrete plans to begin with), and continue from where you left off? Or would you recreate the project for scratch while referring to the notes from your 'trashed' draft? I imagine the latter would be more costly with respect to time investments. Overall, it would be less of a hassle to just try to read and document the old draft. What do you think, board?

I must have these answers.

Go see a fucking therapist.

Go fuck a seeing therapist.

EclairReturns posted...

recreate the project for scratch while referring to the notes from your 'trashed' draft

that one. It's easier to write code than to read it; even your own work. Especially when it's been abandoned for some time.

TC was the one who called it the Wuhan fever right?

It occurs to me that I put 'lately' twice in the topic title. <<';

Clench281 posted...

easier to write code than to read it;

Thanks for the input. The affirmation is much appreciated.

rexcrk posted...

the one who called it the [...] fever

Yes, that was me.

Any particular reason why you don't just call it Covid like a normal person?

EclairReturns posted...

It occurs to me that I put 'lately' twice in the topic title. <<';

Thanks for the input. The affirmation is much appreciated.

Yes, that was me.

Yeesh

adjl posted...

reason

For the fun of it, I suppose. That being said, I had no racist intentions; I had had no idea that it had any such implications, for that matter.