How much should you spend on an engagement ring?

Its probably about time.

However much the ring she wants is within your financial means? I mean if she wants a $200 ring buy it for her. If she wants a 200k behemoth maybe say no. It's all about your own finances and the partners preference.

This. My wife ended up picking out her ring while we were wandering through a store on vacation. No diamond, not gold, and only a couple hundred bucks but it was the ring she wanted. The whole concept that there is some appropriate amount of money to spend for an engagement ring was conceived by the people trying to sell you engagement rings and my general take is any person shallow enough to *demand* a ring over a certain cost is probably someone you shouldn't be marrying.

2 months salary.

The traditional "three months' salary" thing has some merit in that your ability to spend that much money on something frivolous is a barometer for your financial stability, and you should aim to be financially stable before committing to spending your life with somebody (whether you'll be the primary breadwinner or not). At the same time, though, actually spending three months' salary on a piece of jewellery is pretty dumb and mostly comes across as trying to demonstrate your financial stability to convince somebody to be your mate. Buy something she'll like, and only consider cost insofar as you need to for your own financial comfort. If you've been living together and sharing finances for years, you've got nothing to prove, financially speaking, so there's no point spending more money than is needed to make her happy.

I'm not really sure how well that holds up today. In the past it probably made sense since you would be taking on supporting your wife and would generally end up having kids shortly after, but now most couples are both working and already living together before they get married so it doesn't really make any major change in finances.

I'm not really sure how well that holds up today. In the past it probably made sense since you would be taking on supporting your wife and would generally end up having kids shortly after, but now most couples are both working and already living together before they get married so it doesn't really make any major change in finances.

2 months salary.

I don't think it really ever made sense to drop three months of salary on a ring unless you were still living with parents or something.

I'm reasonably well off but three months of salary would definitely take me over a year to put away. It would be a devastating expense to spend that on something like a ring when it inevitably should be used to pay for the expensive infrequent things in life, like a new furnace, a new roof, or a new vehicle.

I guess its easier to just bring her so she could select what she wants. So is the way it works for most people is to bring your girlfriend shopping, pick something out, then propose and she isnt necessarily surprised?

Rings are a fucking scam. You can make a synthetic diamond that looks even better than a real one for next to nothing, but nooooo, you gotta pay thousands upon thousands and support slave labor in the process.

Who said you had to? The jewlers I spoke to said in their stores more people get synthetic than real.

to be fair, society as a whole. we're still pretty weird about worshipping ""natural"" gems as being better

OK, I'll chalk it down to cultural differences. You don't get that here in Australia, at least in my circles.

OK, I'll chalk it down to cultural differences. You don't get that here in Australia, at least in my circles.

Isn't the origin story of marriage basically ownership of a woman anyway?

Kind of, it was more about the combining/transferring of wealth from one generation to the next. Problem was the best bargaining chip that a lot of people had was "Here, impregnate my daughter and force her into indentured servitude!" Combine that with the fact that being gay 5000 years ago was a foreign concept and you have marriage as we know it today.

So yea, it still surprises me that an outdated, sexist, homophobic practice not only still exists today, but that the LGBT community has actively fought to participate in it rather than abolish it altogether.

Ive been with my girlfriend over six years now. Its probably about time.

At the same time, though, actually spending three months' salary on a piece of jewellery is pretty dumb and mostly comes across as trying to demonstrate your financial stability to convince somebody to be your mate.

Bear in mind that that tradition dates from a time when an entire house only cost 1-2 years' household income, so it was considerably more attainable.

to be fair, society as a whole. we're still pretty weird about worshipping ""natural"" gems as being better

I can see immediate family being weird about it if they ever found out

So it's entirely possible that people 100 years in the future will have a much different view of what is and isn't appropriate for marriage (just like people 100 years ago had a much different view than we do now).

i think it's entirely possible in 100 years marriage won't be the majority choice for relationships

I still just dont get the three month thing.

Surely if youre a low earner than its not feasible because it would take you years to save it and if youre a high earner its crazy because who wants to spend such an insane amount on a ring?

But the diamond industry pushed really had to have laws passed that said they couldn't be used for jewelry

I still just dont get the three month thing.

Surely if youre a low earner than its not feasible because it would take you years to save it and if youre a high earner its crazy because who wants to spend such an insane amount on a ring?

it's not like the exact amount is set in stone, but typically if you ask women what ring they want, they will select an amount that makes you uncomfortable but is not so high that it's financially infeasible. basically it's a test of commitment.

and are you sure nobody wants to spend that much on a ring? even a mall ring you could easily spend 10-20k, then you start looking at brand name stuff like Tiffany which is not all that rare.

Whatever looks good and within possibility, and can be paid off within a year. I could have gone a little wild with my wife's ring but I didn't want to risk being stupid.
Remember to try to make payments after normal scheduled payments, especially if you got interest, so it'll come off the principal

Wait, youd borrow money to do it?

You don't have to. If you're talking about credit then yes I borrowed money. But I paid it off after 5 or 6 months and I didn't pay interest

Not trying to pass judgement. Obviously do whatever works for you. But I cant imagine doing that.

How the fuck is this happening.